(no subject)
I wrote this in an email to a friend the other day:
"I feel for so long people got an "edited" version of me because I wanted them to love me, when really they were loving this projection I was consciously giving to them all polished up on a silver platter. Which is in a very real way, an illusion. And scary."
How's that coming from a girl with Neptune in her first house?
And it's also true. I'm tired of being politically correct and adhering to the role that I feel people expect of me, or what I deem will gain the best, more nurturing support. Truthfully, it's tiring and I am growing antsy and rebellious against it. I have such little tolerance for dreamlike relationships, and it's sad in a way because I feel like the cynical prick at the party rolling her eyes at those eating crackers amidst a strawberry shortcake feast - or perhaps it's quite vice versa. *chuckles* It's just funny. Could be that current still flowing... ("Just keep swimming...")
I think it's funny that today we got a delivery at the office for my boss - a flatpanel screen identical to mine. This normally wouldn't be odd if she hadn't seemed so adimate against the idea when time came for the new team and I to decide between a regular or flatpanel monitor for my new setup, courtesy of the new boss. Obviously if you've read my LJ lately or seen my office we went with the flat, despite the $3G price increase. I found out later that someone said something to her like "You're the art director, why does Nina have a flat panel and you don't?" ... this is really curious to me as I wasn't aware the kind of monitor you had determined stature or rank in the workplace. At any rate... Here I am rolling my eyes again. I swear my face is bound to get stuck like this lately. I guess it is rather odd for her (old boss), seeing as how I've kind of leapfrogged over here and will now be performing *her* reviews... and know what? Yeah, it's satisfying in the way that I had been waiting 2 years for her to promote me and it never materializing despite my deserving it and roles being created (which were subsequently filled with friends from outside the company, lovely eh? This of course is because I was just "too good" at the present job.). So yeah, I'm gloating a little at the present situation. It's nice to feel valued, and it's going well. With the responsibility comes a lot more freedom to run our clients' programs, make decisions, make my own hours, work at home if I need to, leave early if I need to, etc. I don't think it sat well with the formers that I left at 4 yesterday - when my current team deemed a good time to head out - amidst the snowstorm but hey, membership has its privileges. *snort*
I begin voice lessons Monday to prepare for the audition - heh. We'll see what kind of magic we can come up with. It's something I've always been interested in trying anyway, so it works. Just hoping I can get over my self-consciousness/nervousness because it only makes my voice crack. I think I may be using "The Scotsman" as my fast presentation - it's easy to sing, and fun, and quite fitting... now just to seek out a ballad. I refuse to sing "Danny Boy". *sticks tongue out at Nate*
Heading to Babies R Us and TJ's tonight after the gym for some gifts for the fam we're visiting this weekend. It's lovely having Nate at my gym now - had a great time shooting baskets with him yesterday. I was never meant to even hold a basketball let alone try to throw one. I think I'll stick with volleyball and leave Bball to Nate - besides, he looks quite sexy when he plays... lol
"I feel for so long people got an "edited" version of me because I wanted them to love me, when really they were loving this projection I was consciously giving to them all polished up on a silver platter. Which is in a very real way, an illusion. And scary."
How's that coming from a girl with Neptune in her first house?
And it's also true. I'm tired of being politically correct and adhering to the role that I feel people expect of me, or what I deem will gain the best, more nurturing support. Truthfully, it's tiring and I am growing antsy and rebellious against it. I have such little tolerance for dreamlike relationships, and it's sad in a way because I feel like the cynical prick at the party rolling her eyes at those eating crackers amidst a strawberry shortcake feast - or perhaps it's quite vice versa. *chuckles* It's just funny. Could be that current still flowing... ("Just keep swimming...")
I think it's funny that today we got a delivery at the office for my boss - a flatpanel screen identical to mine. This normally wouldn't be odd if she hadn't seemed so adimate against the idea when time came for the new team and I to decide between a regular or flatpanel monitor for my new setup, courtesy of the new boss. Obviously if you've read my LJ lately or seen my office we went with the flat, despite the $3G price increase. I found out later that someone said something to her like "You're the art director, why does Nina have a flat panel and you don't?" ... this is really curious to me as I wasn't aware the kind of monitor you had determined stature or rank in the workplace. At any rate... Here I am rolling my eyes again. I swear my face is bound to get stuck like this lately. I guess it is rather odd for her (old boss), seeing as how I've kind of leapfrogged over here and will now be performing *her* reviews... and know what? Yeah, it's satisfying in the way that I had been waiting 2 years for her to promote me and it never materializing despite my deserving it and roles being created (which were subsequently filled with friends from outside the company, lovely eh? This of course is because I was just "too good" at the present job.). So yeah, I'm gloating a little at the present situation. It's nice to feel valued, and it's going well. With the responsibility comes a lot more freedom to run our clients' programs, make decisions, make my own hours, work at home if I need to, leave early if I need to, etc. I don't think it sat well with the formers that I left at 4 yesterday - when my current team deemed a good time to head out - amidst the snowstorm but hey, membership has its privileges. *snort*
I begin voice lessons Monday to prepare for the audition - heh. We'll see what kind of magic we can come up with. It's something I've always been interested in trying anyway, so it works. Just hoping I can get over my self-consciousness/nervousness because it only makes my voice crack. I think I may be using "The Scotsman" as my fast presentation - it's easy to sing, and fun, and quite fitting... now just to seek out a ballad. I refuse to sing "Danny Boy". *sticks tongue out at Nate*
Heading to Babies R Us and TJ's tonight after the gym for some gifts for the fam we're visiting this weekend. It's lovely having Nate at my gym now - had a great time shooting baskets with him yesterday. I was never meant to even hold a basketball let alone try to throw one. I think I'll stick with volleyball and leave Bball to Nate - besides, he looks quite sexy when he plays... lol