Intro
Hi, I'm Red... 27 year old pre everything t-doubtful-girl-maybe-androgyne. And this would be my intro post, I guess.
I'm mostly withdrawn from people and I find it difficult to fit in either gender groups socially yet I identify mostly with female roles and attitudes. I've long felt at odds with being biologically male, while wanting to bond emotionally rather than physically with people of either gender. I also feel attracted and identified with the female body.
My own gender confusion took me to seek some help and info in all places, the net amongst them. While I've dodged the issue a looong time I can no longer let it rest. It's difficult, I've been lonely all my life, never had anything but friends, and the few close female friends I tried to start a relationship with (sex being the least important thing) I've just drawn away. If that wasn't enough I've got a history of self agression and a life long severe depression due to growing up in a messed up family.
So today my therapist says, when I insist to talk on my gender identity issues, that my depression and my upbringing could be the reason why I feel at odds with my born gender. Yes, I've been too afraid to outright say "I want to transition" yet in all her third world mindset she is certain I am heterosexual because I am attracted to females. I might just need to seek a 'sex only' stand to reassert my masculinity. What?!
Somebody should tell her there is more than just hetero-homo-bi. I still largely identify with being female, I love roleplaying as such and while breaking that wall of depression might ease my gender pains, I'm not going to close my eyes and shut these feelings out of fear.
I was eager at first to accept my theraphist's offer to go to another specialst so she can evaluate my antidepressant needs to help me break away from the severe depression I've been through all my adult life.
My therapist is a general focus one, not really specialized on gender issues and so far (about a month into therapy) she has been understanding but quite shortsighted about what I have confided to her of my gender doubts. I haven't (yet) told her I've considered transitioning yet she remains in the gender _orientation_ and not in the _identity_ part.
What worries me now about taking medication is that this could adversely make me repress my gender doubts, only to hurt much more in the long term. I don't know, it's all so confusing.
~crosspost'd~
I'm mostly withdrawn from people and I find it difficult to fit in either gender groups socially yet I identify mostly with female roles and attitudes. I've long felt at odds with being biologically male, while wanting to bond emotionally rather than physically with people of either gender. I also feel attracted and identified with the female body.
My own gender confusion took me to seek some help and info in all places, the net amongst them. While I've dodged the issue a looong time I can no longer let it rest. It's difficult, I've been lonely all my life, never had anything but friends, and the few close female friends I tried to start a relationship with (sex being the least important thing) I've just drawn away. If that wasn't enough I've got a history of self agression and a life long severe depression due to growing up in a messed up family.
So today my therapist says, when I insist to talk on my gender identity issues, that my depression and my upbringing could be the reason why I feel at odds with my born gender. Yes, I've been too afraid to outright say "I want to transition" yet in all her third world mindset she is certain I am heterosexual because I am attracted to females. I might just need to seek a 'sex only' stand to reassert my masculinity. What?!
Somebody should tell her there is more than just hetero-homo-bi. I still largely identify with being female, I love roleplaying as such and while breaking that wall of depression might ease my gender pains, I'm not going to close my eyes and shut these feelings out of fear.
I was eager at first to accept my theraphist's offer to go to another specialst so she can evaluate my antidepressant needs to help me break away from the severe depression I've been through all my adult life.
My therapist is a general focus one, not really specialized on gender issues and so far (about a month into therapy) she has been understanding but quite shortsighted about what I have confided to her of my gender doubts. I haven't (yet) told her I've considered transitioning yet she remains in the gender _orientation_ and not in the _identity_ part.
What worries me now about taking medication is that this could adversely make me repress my gender doubts, only to hurt much more in the long term. I don't know, it's all so confusing.
~crosspost'd~