While staring at a blank LJ screen:
"I would like to say something."
"Well, what would you like to say?"
"I don't know."
A pause.
"You can say anything you'd like."
A different pause.
"I would like to say...I would like to say I love you, but they won't know what I mean."
"I think they might."
Another pause.
"I would like to say that I wish I could go back and...I don't know. I feel like I should say something."
"You have no one to answer to."
Disgruntled pausing.
"I would like to say that I will take good care of you--that my goal is to make you happy, and that hasn't changed."
"I think that's an admirable thing."
"I don't know, Bill. I feel like I should say something."
"Baby, there is nothing to say. Saying you love me? That says it all. You're the first man who's ever meant it. And that is what I would like to say. You are the most unselfish, giving, incredible man I've ever met."
"It's not enough."
"It's more than enough."
"No. There should be more." A look. "I would like to say, when you can't--when you can't anymore, I will...be your voice. I would like to tell them that." The pause again. "Do you think that's okay?"
"I think that's beautiful."
The trouble with brain tumors is that you have these awful headaches, which often make you nauseous, tired, and partially blind. It's like having a migraine, I suppose, but times a hundred. And there's not much relief, to be honest, but it could always be worse.
Tuesday was my last official day at work. I've spent the last six weeks or so training and hiring and replacing, and I've left them with an excellent team made up of excellent human beings who are damn good at what they do. I'll miss the work, but with my physical health under question on a daily, or sometimes hourly, basis, it's impossible to work with deadlines. That, and I can no longer speak French or Portuguese to proficiency, which certainly puts a damper on things.
I have been doing a lot of sitting. It's amazing how peaceful life can be when you take a second or two to sit outside and absorb a moment. I feel very happy, though. Or, rather--content. I am content. It's a good feeling. The other day we droveto Killarney, and I bought lace curtains; I'm not sure why, but it felt like the right thing to do. They really are gorgeous.
I'm going to stay home for another week or so and then, depending on how I feel, we might take a trip to New Zealand. I think that would be wonderful, don't you?
"Well, what would you like to say?"
"I don't know."
A pause.
"You can say anything you'd like."
A different pause.
"I would like to say...I would like to say I love you, but they won't know what I mean."
"I think they might."
Another pause.
"I would like to say that I wish I could go back and...I don't know. I feel like I should say something."
"You have no one to answer to."
Disgruntled pausing.
"I would like to say that I will take good care of you--that my goal is to make you happy, and that hasn't changed."
"I think that's an admirable thing."
"I don't know, Bill. I feel like I should say something."
"Baby, there is nothing to say. Saying you love me? That says it all. You're the first man who's ever meant it. And that is what I would like to say. You are the most unselfish, giving, incredible man I've ever met."
"It's not enough."
"It's more than enough."
"No. There should be more." A look. "I would like to say, when you can't--when you can't anymore, I will...be your voice. I would like to tell them that." The pause again. "Do you think that's okay?"
"I think that's beautiful."
The trouble with brain tumors is that you have these awful headaches, which often make you nauseous, tired, and partially blind. It's like having a migraine, I suppose, but times a hundred. And there's not much relief, to be honest, but it could always be worse.
Tuesday was my last official day at work. I've spent the last six weeks or so training and hiring and replacing, and I've left them with an excellent team made up of excellent human beings who are damn good at what they do. I'll miss the work, but with my physical health under question on a daily, or sometimes hourly, basis, it's impossible to work with deadlines. That, and I can no longer speak French or Portuguese to proficiency, which certainly puts a damper on things.
I have been doing a lot of sitting. It's amazing how peaceful life can be when you take a second or two to sit outside and absorb a moment. I feel very happy, though. Or, rather--content. I am content. It's a good feeling. The other day we droveto Killarney, and I bought lace curtains; I'm not sure why, but it felt like the right thing to do. They really are gorgeous.
I'm going to stay home for another week or so and then, depending on how I feel, we might take a trip to New Zealand. I think that would be wonderful, don't you?