oneshot : exploration, declaration
title: Exploration, Declaration
author: Sharmel
pairing: Billie/Tre
rating: R
summary: "With a convincing smile imprinted on my face, I nodded supportively while I swallowed the poisonous disease called envy crawling out from the pit of my stomach when he told us about his new girl."
A/N:
So, I finally decided to write another oneshot. I'm rather fond of this to, to be honest. I was thinking about how Billie wrote songs, and one thought led to another, and bam, it somehow involved slash. Because we all know how Green Day thrives RL slash. And since I adore Billie/Tre, I decided to write this ficlet about them. The timeline of this oneshot could either be during the making of American Idiot or 21st Century Breakdown. It's up to you and your imaginations, haha. Anyway, enjoy!
------
Complex drumbeats raucously filled my ears as I sat several feet perpendicular from him. My sickly green eyes watched him attentively as his arms, ripped with muscles from years of playing the drums dedicatedly, move gracefully and forcefully. The way his lips slowly pressed tightly together and how the tip of his tongue poked through made my heart skip a beat. Beads of sweat dribbled on his creased forehead from his immense concentration. His hair that was once carefully chiselled into a crazy fauxhawk was now drenched with sweat and was now soft and lank. I fought all urge to walk up and run my small, slender fingers through his beautiful copper hair.
His oceanic blue eyes caught my gaze and instantly, my eyes fell down as if unworthy. I brought all the focus and concentration I could muster onto the blank page of my worn out leather notebook and attempted to fill the page with my messy scrawl. But I failed miserably. Today was one of those rare days where I just couldn’t align the different channels in my head and weed out the words dawdling aimless around waiting to be written down.
My clamp hands met my face as a massive sigh of frustration and exasperation escaped my chapped lips. My head fell backwards onto the leather sofa and lowered my sight to my lap while my pen tapped along with the beat that played in the background. The steady beating of the rhythmic drums - his drums - had finally silenced which left the room overwhelmingly quiet. A few moments later, I felt something invitingly warm that rested lightly on my shoulder, his tender hand. I looked up and his eyes pierced right through me as if reading my every thought and every secret that I held deep within me. The look on his perfectly sculpted face petrified me like he knew how I was staring intently at him and that I couldn’t keep my thoughts and eyes off of him.
A peculiar smile formed his face that suggested he knew something I didn’t, and it sent a shiver down my spine. I prayed to any god up there that he didn’t see. But even if he did feel the godawful shiver, his face showed no indication. Instead, with his free hand, he held out two beers.
I swallowed the nervous lump that was growing steadily in my throat and accepted his offering. Within a few seconds, my mouth latched onto the icy cold bottle and drank half of its contents. Alcohol entered my bloodstream and waited for the slight buzzed sensation to take place. As I drank my thoughts away, my eyes closed tightly. I didn’t want to bear false witness under his electrifying gaze, I didn’t want to have regretful thoughts to penetrate my mine, and I didn’t want to succumb to his breathtaking lopsided smile that made all the butterflies in my stomach flutter madly.
No, I wasn’t allowed to have these thoughts and feelings for him. I wasn’t supposed to melt each time his fingers lightly brushed against mine. I wasn’t allowed to have unbearably hot thoughts about him shirtless, chest slicked with sweat and moaning my name. And ultimately, he was off-limits, just like I was. We were just band mates and best friends, and it had always been like that for more than 20 years and counting. I was married and he was dating a terrific blonde girl that remained nameless to Mike and I. He made it clear that he needed to make sure she was the real deal before we could meet her. With a convincing smile imprinted on my face, I nodded supportively while I swallowed the poisonous disease called envy crawling out from the pit of my stomach when he told us about his new girl.
The vacant spot beside me sunk and I felt him shift his weight to a comfortable position. His warm, sweaty, bare legs skimmed my skin-tight jeans. I could feel the heat that radiated from his leg and his arm, and whatever miscellaneous body part that came into contact with mine and it was burning each nerve and control I was desperately holding on to. He was so close, so damn close, yet so fucking far away.
Silence engulfed the empty studio room. Everyone left for the day expect for the two of. I insisted to stay here until I wrote another song. It usually came easy to me, words. But as of the late, he clogged the pathway between the endless stream of meaningful words locked inside my mind and my capability of expressing them out coherently. Part of me wanted him to go home with Mike and the rest of the techies, yet there was a miniscule part of me that wanted him to stay here, to explore more of my in depth connection with him.
“Bill, why are you so tense?” His voice cut my train of thought so suddenly that it left me silent for a moment too long. And before I could even comprehend his question, I felt him lift me between his legs with such ease.
Another shiver ran through my body, and it left me quivering ever so slightly. If he noticed, again, he didn’t bother pointing it out. Instead, I felt his calloused hands press against my shoulders and began to give me the best message I’ve ever gotten in my life. The way his skilful hands worked their way through my stiff back felt like a whole new paradise. And believe me; I tried to reason with myself. I shouted in the back of my mind that I was married, I had a perfectly capable wife who also did wonders with her magical fingers. But no matter how much I feebly argued with myself, it was no use. I was nothing but a puddle of mess melting under his fingertips. And parts of me was convinced that he knew.
An uninvited moan lightly slipped through my unprepared lips and judging by the way his hands applied pressure against my spine - the way his fingers trailed along my spinal cord and onto the waistline of my boxers - he knew my heart desires. And he wanted a much more apparent reaction from me.
His muscular arms suddenly snaked around me and pulled me even closer to him. And with such a low, husky voice, he whispered, “God Bill, do you know how long I’ve been meaning to do this?” He paused for a moment as his lips began to graze the piece of flesh behind my ear. I felt myself losing control out of my body and any reasoning I once had complete grasp of. “Do you know how much I’ve suffered each time we play shows and watch your back as you please all those faces in the crowd? Do you know how it makes my heart writhe each time you place a kiss on your wife’s lips? Do you know disgusted I am with myself when I allow myself to have thoughts like these; thoughts that involve you?”
I swallowed back the urge to whip my head around and capture his fine lips. But I didn’t know how long I could hang onto the self-control I had and any rational thoughts that flashed alarmingly in my brain. But I felt myself at lost once more as one of his ambidextrous hands began to linger dangerously low of my abdomen. “You know me, Bill. I’m not usually a selfish guy. But tonight, right now, something’s telling me to be bold and do something I want.” He stopped for a second as his other hand snaked its way under my white Misfits shirt. My breathing hitched sharply. “Do you know what I want, Bill?”
I bit my lip. I bit it so hard that I was afraid it would start bleeding. I knew that this was it. This was my last chance to pull away. He was giving me one last chance to deny him, to deny any attraction and connection we shared, to turn down my hidden desires. Rational alarms buzzed loudly through my mind that warned me to leave, to push him away, and to reject his alluring touch. But I couldn’t. Deep down inside, I knew this was exactly what I wanted. I was only human; I couldn’t say no and walk away. And when he didn’t utter another word, I shook my head in response with my eyes even more scrunched tightly together.
The hand that was once resting on my belt buckle reached up and cupped my frozen cheek. My head was brought to his pounding chest and his unique scent, the scent of strong after-shave, mints, and alcohol, filled my nostrils. I could feel his hot breath tickling the bridge of my nose; and I just knew his eyes were locked deadly onto me, but I refused to open my eyes. I was afraid if I did, I would lose any sensibility I had.
“You.”
Before I had the chance to react, he latched his lips onto mine. And holyfuckingshit, I literally felt fireworks going off in my head. It seemed as if all the reasoning that was raging in my mind dissipated along with any control I had over my body because the next thing I knew my hands were tangled through his damp cooper hair. And his tongue, his skillful tongue, thrust slowly but surely into my mouth and swirled it around my unguarded tongue. His hand that was once pressed against my naked skin began to slip my shirt off me.
For a split second our lips detached and crashed back together which sent a throaty moan to arise from me. I felt him smirk into our kiss, that bastard. His half-swollen lips departed from mine and began to make a wet trail from my neck and onto my bony chest. I groaned loudly in response. His fingers traced every scare and ever ridge my upper body had to offer, and all I could do was lie there helplessly and openly.
But as his mouth reached the waistline of my jeans, my eyes finally snapped open. Adrienne. “Wait!”
And god, his eyes, his eyes glanced up at me and they were filled with so much lust, love, power, and longing, and I had never seen that combination of emotions in those blue eyes of his. His eyes widen and his flushed cheeks redden even more. “Shit. Shitshitshit,” he cursed. He messed up. I messed up. We both messed up.
His body began to shake and I knew that his reaction resembled a panic attack. So without another thought, I placed a swift kiss on his lips to calm him down. It worked. He calmed almost instantly. Our lips parted so slowly that it almost seemed as if they were attached when I began to talk. “We can’t. You…and I, and we -”
“Can’t, we can’t. But I want -”
“To be selfish and I do, too -”
“But we can’t.”
Our foreheads rested against each other as silence rang loudly in our ears. Only the sound of our pounding heartbeats and haggard breathing filled the large room. And as I drove back home into the sunset, back to my wife and kids, a tiny smile lingered on my face. The expressive words trapped in my clustered mind were aligned with my train of thought once more, and I couldn’t wait to explore it again.
------------------------
See, I'm not dead. xD
Anyway, comments? Thoughts? I've love to know what you think of this little ficlet.
author: Sharmel
pairing: Billie/Tre
rating: R
summary: "With a convincing smile imprinted on my face, I nodded supportively while I swallowed the poisonous disease called envy crawling out from the pit of my stomach when he told us about his new girl."
A/N:
So, I finally decided to write another oneshot. I'm rather fond of this to, to be honest. I was thinking about how Billie wrote songs, and one thought led to another, and bam, it somehow involved slash. Because we all know how Green Day thrives RL slash. And since I adore Billie/Tre, I decided to write this ficlet about them. The timeline of this oneshot could either be during the making of American Idiot or 21st Century Breakdown. It's up to you and your imaginations, haha. Anyway, enjoy!
------
Complex drumbeats raucously filled my ears as I sat several feet perpendicular from him. My sickly green eyes watched him attentively as his arms, ripped with muscles from years of playing the drums dedicatedly, move gracefully and forcefully. The way his lips slowly pressed tightly together and how the tip of his tongue poked through made my heart skip a beat. Beads of sweat dribbled on his creased forehead from his immense concentration. His hair that was once carefully chiselled into a crazy fauxhawk was now drenched with sweat and was now soft and lank. I fought all urge to walk up and run my small, slender fingers through his beautiful copper hair.
His oceanic blue eyes caught my gaze and instantly, my eyes fell down as if unworthy. I brought all the focus and concentration I could muster onto the blank page of my worn out leather notebook and attempted to fill the page with my messy scrawl. But I failed miserably. Today was one of those rare days where I just couldn’t align the different channels in my head and weed out the words dawdling aimless around waiting to be written down.
My clamp hands met my face as a massive sigh of frustration and exasperation escaped my chapped lips. My head fell backwards onto the leather sofa and lowered my sight to my lap while my pen tapped along with the beat that played in the background. The steady beating of the rhythmic drums - his drums - had finally silenced which left the room overwhelmingly quiet. A few moments later, I felt something invitingly warm that rested lightly on my shoulder, his tender hand. I looked up and his eyes pierced right through me as if reading my every thought and every secret that I held deep within me. The look on his perfectly sculpted face petrified me like he knew how I was staring intently at him and that I couldn’t keep my thoughts and eyes off of him.
A peculiar smile formed his face that suggested he knew something I didn’t, and it sent a shiver down my spine. I prayed to any god up there that he didn’t see. But even if he did feel the godawful shiver, his face showed no indication. Instead, with his free hand, he held out two beers.
I swallowed the nervous lump that was growing steadily in my throat and accepted his offering. Within a few seconds, my mouth latched onto the icy cold bottle and drank half of its contents. Alcohol entered my bloodstream and waited for the slight buzzed sensation to take place. As I drank my thoughts away, my eyes closed tightly. I didn’t want to bear false witness under his electrifying gaze, I didn’t want to have regretful thoughts to penetrate my mine, and I didn’t want to succumb to his breathtaking lopsided smile that made all the butterflies in my stomach flutter madly.
No, I wasn’t allowed to have these thoughts and feelings for him. I wasn’t supposed to melt each time his fingers lightly brushed against mine. I wasn’t allowed to have unbearably hot thoughts about him shirtless, chest slicked with sweat and moaning my name. And ultimately, he was off-limits, just like I was. We were just band mates and best friends, and it had always been like that for more than 20 years and counting. I was married and he was dating a terrific blonde girl that remained nameless to Mike and I. He made it clear that he needed to make sure she was the real deal before we could meet her. With a convincing smile imprinted on my face, I nodded supportively while I swallowed the poisonous disease called envy crawling out from the pit of my stomach when he told us about his new girl.
The vacant spot beside me sunk and I felt him shift his weight to a comfortable position. His warm, sweaty, bare legs skimmed my skin-tight jeans. I could feel the heat that radiated from his leg and his arm, and whatever miscellaneous body part that came into contact with mine and it was burning each nerve and control I was desperately holding on to. He was so close, so damn close, yet so fucking far away.
Silence engulfed the empty studio room. Everyone left for the day expect for the two of. I insisted to stay here until I wrote another song. It usually came easy to me, words. But as of the late, he clogged the pathway between the endless stream of meaningful words locked inside my mind and my capability of expressing them out coherently. Part of me wanted him to go home with Mike and the rest of the techies, yet there was a miniscule part of me that wanted him to stay here, to explore more of my in depth connection with him.
“Bill, why are you so tense?” His voice cut my train of thought so suddenly that it left me silent for a moment too long. And before I could even comprehend his question, I felt him lift me between his legs with such ease.
Another shiver ran through my body, and it left me quivering ever so slightly. If he noticed, again, he didn’t bother pointing it out. Instead, I felt his calloused hands press against my shoulders and began to give me the best message I’ve ever gotten in my life. The way his skilful hands worked their way through my stiff back felt like a whole new paradise. And believe me; I tried to reason with myself. I shouted in the back of my mind that I was married, I had a perfectly capable wife who also did wonders with her magical fingers. But no matter how much I feebly argued with myself, it was no use. I was nothing but a puddle of mess melting under his fingertips. And parts of me was convinced that he knew.
An uninvited moan lightly slipped through my unprepared lips and judging by the way his hands applied pressure against my spine - the way his fingers trailed along my spinal cord and onto the waistline of my boxers - he knew my heart desires. And he wanted a much more apparent reaction from me.
His muscular arms suddenly snaked around me and pulled me even closer to him. And with such a low, husky voice, he whispered, “God Bill, do you know how long I’ve been meaning to do this?” He paused for a moment as his lips began to graze the piece of flesh behind my ear. I felt myself losing control out of my body and any reasoning I once had complete grasp of. “Do you know how much I’ve suffered each time we play shows and watch your back as you please all those faces in the crowd? Do you know how it makes my heart writhe each time you place a kiss on your wife’s lips? Do you know disgusted I am with myself when I allow myself to have thoughts like these; thoughts that involve you?”
I swallowed back the urge to whip my head around and capture his fine lips. But I didn’t know how long I could hang onto the self-control I had and any rational thoughts that flashed alarmingly in my brain. But I felt myself at lost once more as one of his ambidextrous hands began to linger dangerously low of my abdomen. “You know me, Bill. I’m not usually a selfish guy. But tonight, right now, something’s telling me to be bold and do something I want.” He stopped for a second as his other hand snaked its way under my white Misfits shirt. My breathing hitched sharply. “Do you know what I want, Bill?”
I bit my lip. I bit it so hard that I was afraid it would start bleeding. I knew that this was it. This was my last chance to pull away. He was giving me one last chance to deny him, to deny any attraction and connection we shared, to turn down my hidden desires. Rational alarms buzzed loudly through my mind that warned me to leave, to push him away, and to reject his alluring touch. But I couldn’t. Deep down inside, I knew this was exactly what I wanted. I was only human; I couldn’t say no and walk away. And when he didn’t utter another word, I shook my head in response with my eyes even more scrunched tightly together.
The hand that was once resting on my belt buckle reached up and cupped my frozen cheek. My head was brought to his pounding chest and his unique scent, the scent of strong after-shave, mints, and alcohol, filled my nostrils. I could feel his hot breath tickling the bridge of my nose; and I just knew his eyes were locked deadly onto me, but I refused to open my eyes. I was afraid if I did, I would lose any sensibility I had.
“You.”
Before I had the chance to react, he latched his lips onto mine. And holyfuckingshit, I literally felt fireworks going off in my head. It seemed as if all the reasoning that was raging in my mind dissipated along with any control I had over my body because the next thing I knew my hands were tangled through his damp cooper hair. And his tongue, his skillful tongue, thrust slowly but surely into my mouth and swirled it around my unguarded tongue. His hand that was once pressed against my naked skin began to slip my shirt off me.
For a split second our lips detached and crashed back together which sent a throaty moan to arise from me. I felt him smirk into our kiss, that bastard. His half-swollen lips departed from mine and began to make a wet trail from my neck and onto my bony chest. I groaned loudly in response. His fingers traced every scare and ever ridge my upper body had to offer, and all I could do was lie there helplessly and openly.
But as his mouth reached the waistline of my jeans, my eyes finally snapped open. Adrienne. “Wait!”
And god, his eyes, his eyes glanced up at me and they were filled with so much lust, love, power, and longing, and I had never seen that combination of emotions in those blue eyes of his. His eyes widen and his flushed cheeks redden even more. “Shit. Shitshitshit,” he cursed. He messed up. I messed up. We both messed up.
His body began to shake and I knew that his reaction resembled a panic attack. So without another thought, I placed a swift kiss on his lips to calm him down. It worked. He calmed almost instantly. Our lips parted so slowly that it almost seemed as if they were attached when I began to talk. “We can’t. You…and I, and we -”
“Can’t, we can’t. But I want -”
“To be selfish and I do, too -”
“But we can’t.”
Our foreheads rested against each other as silence rang loudly in our ears. Only the sound of our pounding heartbeats and haggard breathing filled the large room. And as I drove back home into the sunset, back to my wife and kids, a tiny smile lingered on my face. The expressive words trapped in my clustered mind were aligned with my train of thought once more, and I couldn’t wait to explore it again.
------------------------
See, I'm not dead. xD
Anyway, comments? Thoughts? I've love to know what you think of this little ficlet.