Retail Hell. Customers Suck. You get the point.
HOLY SHIT today was horrible.
I mean horrible. 4 fucking parties or something. 3 scheduled, 1 impromptu. I was there for 1.5 scheduled ones and the impromptu. Sweet MERCIFUL everything. The Impromptu wasn't so bad. They were nice and didn't mind playing a bit or waiting a bit as we got slammed like a cheap hooker at Mardi Gras. They also didn't make a huge goddamned mess. Except for the single dad jackass who decided to play 52 pickup with his stroller-bound infants. Fucker. As for the .5 party that was wrapping up as I was coming in: Huge mess, screaming kids and weird requests. Fine. Coworkers cleaned up the room while I took orders. Fine again. Then the last party came in. Late. Holy GAH. They were bitchy about everything, had 20-30 kids that were the most misbehaved little shits I have EVER come into contact with and thrashed the place. Seriously thrashed. The fucking children! they were constantly poking me and following me around. I'm sorry little waste of space, my name is not "Uhm Uhm Uhm Uhm" or "CANNIHAVQWARTER?!" And the little girl who followed me halfway across the store (while I was delivering pizza to another customer, no less) shaking her condiment cup at me and saying "Carrots" almost got a punch in the face. She kept shaking her cup at me and saying carrots. Now, I thought the salad bar was out so I went to check. Nope full of carrots. She said it again, I pointed to the carrots. This bitch was fully capable of getting her own damn carrots, but no. I had to grab the tongs and do it for her. (Now it's not like she was some small kid. She did speak in full sentences. I heard them. Most of them were foul.)This fucking cunt who was in charge of the party treated us like shit and basically acted like we were doing HER wrong by continuing to take orders from other people. Holy... She griped about the price of the food even though my manager gave her the biggest damn discount... and a fuckton of free food on top of that. She griped that we didn't provide balloons, candles and god knows what else. Like it was MY fault that these things weren't provided for her. Then, as thanks, she had her little bastards throw chicken wing parts EVERYWHERE. They were tucked into corners, under the video game cabinets, all over the dining room floor.... THEY LEFT SOME IN THE BATHROOMS! Chicken wings! On the sinks! On the Floors! They ground cake into every surface imaginable.... We provide games for kids/families to play and they thrashed the lot of them. I found a damn chicken wing in the checkers tin! Of course, while the party was going on the parents got pitcher after pitcher of beer.. not to mention the countless individual mugs the other adults purchased... Good, drive home drunk. Try not to hit any non-assholes, 'kay? Telephone poles, the levy and brick walls, though? They're made of sponge! Your car will totally bounce right off. Give it a go! It's like a carnival ride!
I got to deal with all of this while answering phones, fending off idiots, doing dishes, bussing tables and running food out to people. Yes, drunk guy, I have a name tag. No you do not get points for reading it, using my name repeatedly and hitting on me. No, it's not flattering. No I will not give you the nice lady's beer who was waiting patiently next to you. Go away. And I'm sorry to the nice med student who had to wait in line behind the two ladies who went to the wrong counter, but I had to serve them first. I know, I know, you can read and went to the *correct* counter. Seriously, good karma points to you, promise. And assholes who think it's funny to order a pizza 3 times in a row to go to an address that doesn't exist? Yeah, I hope you all get forcibly sodomized with a rusty bottle opener. Frat Guys? FIGURE OUT YOUR GODDAMNED ORDER BEFORE CALLING SO I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU YELL AT YOUR DRUNK-ASS BUDDIES IF THE CRUST CHOICE IS OKAY WITH EVERYONE! Holy SHIT people! It is not like you're landing at NORMANDY! It's FUCKING PIZZA! JESUS!
Best part of the day? Hands down? Jackhole calls. Orders 70+ dollars worth of pizza. Fine. I tell him it'll be ready in about 30 minutes. He calls back and says he doesn't want one of his pizzas. Normally okay, except he calls when he should be here picking this shit up! So it's already made. 1 wasted pizza. So now a guy shows up to pick up the rest of the order. I get the manager to take off the not wanted pizza so I can tell him the total. This takes a bit of time. A considerable bit of time. The guy is standing there listening to us the whole time. After my manager finally gets it off his bill and tells the guy what his total is the guy's all "So, did you already make the pizza?" and my manager goes "yeah, but I just took it off your bill so you don't have to pay for it."
"Oh, but it's already made and stuff? I think I might just take it anyway."
"I already took it off your bill, sir, your total is *total*"
"Hmm. Let me call my wife and see if she still wants it." (as he's leaving the store)
*manager is totally pissed*
Okay, time totally passes, and my manager goes into the lot to see where the guy is. The guy... Wait for it... totally bailed! Shock, I know. So now the whole order, which is sitting in the warmer, is wasted. My manager comes back in and asks if there is any customers in the store. There aren't and I tell him so. He the proceeds to spend about 5 minutes ranting, using every swear word in existence about what just happened. At the top of his voice. In the middle of the Lobby. It was fucking beautiful.
So yeah. Then Phyx picked me up (way ahead of my estimated return time, which was cool) and as we are walking up the stairs to the apartment, I spy a little calico kitten sitting on the 3 step from the landing. For now she's ours, but we'll ask around tomorrow. It's raining hellbeans out there, so she's happy to be snuggled up on the couch. And strangely, she looks like she was born of Sass. Same kind of tortoise shell. Very cool. And now to finish my manicure and apply an LJ-Cut to this bad boy because the language is somewhat colourful. (Hehe... Phyx: "change in altitude")
I mean horrible. 4 fucking parties or something. 3 scheduled, 1 impromptu. I was there for 1.5 scheduled ones and the impromptu. Sweet MERCIFUL everything. The Impromptu wasn't so bad. They were nice and didn't mind playing a bit or waiting a bit as we got slammed like a cheap hooker at Mardi Gras. They also didn't make a huge goddamned mess. Except for the single dad jackass who decided to play 52 pickup with his stroller-bound infants. Fucker. As for the .5 party that was wrapping up as I was coming in: Huge mess, screaming kids and weird requests. Fine. Coworkers cleaned up the room while I took orders. Fine again. Then the last party came in. Late. Holy GAH. They were bitchy about everything, had 20-30 kids that were the most misbehaved little shits I have EVER come into contact with and thrashed the place. Seriously thrashed. The fucking children! they were constantly poking me and following me around. I'm sorry little waste of space, my name is not "Uhm Uhm Uhm Uhm" or "CANNIHAVQWARTER?!" And the little girl who followed me halfway across the store (while I was delivering pizza to another customer, no less) shaking her condiment cup at me and saying "Carrots" almost got a punch in the face. She kept shaking her cup at me and saying carrots. Now, I thought the salad bar was out so I went to check. Nope full of carrots. She said it again, I pointed to the carrots. This bitch was fully capable of getting her own damn carrots, but no. I had to grab the tongs and do it for her. (Now it's not like she was some small kid. She did speak in full sentences. I heard them. Most of them were foul.)This fucking cunt who was in charge of the party treated us like shit and basically acted like we were doing HER wrong by continuing to take orders from other people. Holy... She griped about the price of the food even though my manager gave her the biggest damn discount... and a fuckton of free food on top of that. She griped that we didn't provide balloons, candles and god knows what else. Like it was MY fault that these things weren't provided for her. Then, as thanks, she had her little bastards throw chicken wing parts EVERYWHERE. They were tucked into corners, under the video game cabinets, all over the dining room floor.... THEY LEFT SOME IN THE BATHROOMS! Chicken wings! On the sinks! On the Floors! They ground cake into every surface imaginable.... We provide games for kids/families to play and they thrashed the lot of them. I found a damn chicken wing in the checkers tin! Of course, while the party was going on the parents got pitcher after pitcher of beer.. not to mention the countless individual mugs the other adults purchased... Good, drive home drunk. Try not to hit any non-assholes, 'kay? Telephone poles, the levy and brick walls, though? They're made of sponge! Your car will totally bounce right off. Give it a go! It's like a carnival ride!
I got to deal with all of this while answering phones, fending off idiots, doing dishes, bussing tables and running food out to people. Yes, drunk guy, I have a name tag. No you do not get points for reading it, using my name repeatedly and hitting on me. No, it's not flattering. No I will not give you the nice lady's beer who was waiting patiently next to you. Go away. And I'm sorry to the nice med student who had to wait in line behind the two ladies who went to the wrong counter, but I had to serve them first. I know, I know, you can read and went to the *correct* counter. Seriously, good karma points to you, promise. And assholes who think it's funny to order a pizza 3 times in a row to go to an address that doesn't exist? Yeah, I hope you all get forcibly sodomized with a rusty bottle opener. Frat Guys? FIGURE OUT YOUR GODDAMNED ORDER BEFORE CALLING SO I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU YELL AT YOUR DRUNK-ASS BUDDIES IF THE CRUST CHOICE IS OKAY WITH EVERYONE! Holy SHIT people! It is not like you're landing at NORMANDY! It's FUCKING PIZZA! JESUS!
Best part of the day? Hands down? Jackhole calls. Orders 70+ dollars worth of pizza. Fine. I tell him it'll be ready in about 30 minutes. He calls back and says he doesn't want one of his pizzas. Normally okay, except he calls when he should be here picking this shit up! So it's already made. 1 wasted pizza. So now a guy shows up to pick up the rest of the order. I get the manager to take off the not wanted pizza so I can tell him the total. This takes a bit of time. A considerable bit of time. The guy is standing there listening to us the whole time. After my manager finally gets it off his bill and tells the guy what his total is the guy's all "So, did you already make the pizza?" and my manager goes "yeah, but I just took it off your bill so you don't have to pay for it."
"Oh, but it's already made and stuff? I think I might just take it anyway."
"I already took it off your bill, sir, your total is *total*"
"Hmm. Let me call my wife and see if she still wants it." (as he's leaving the store)
*manager is totally pissed*
Okay, time totally passes, and my manager goes into the lot to see where the guy is. The guy... Wait for it... totally bailed! Shock, I know. So now the whole order, which is sitting in the warmer, is wasted. My manager comes back in and asks if there is any customers in the store. There aren't and I tell him so. He the proceeds to spend about 5 minutes ranting, using every swear word in existence about what just happened. At the top of his voice. In the middle of the Lobby. It was fucking beautiful.
So yeah. Then Phyx picked me up (way ahead of my estimated return time, which was cool) and as we are walking up the stairs to the apartment, I spy a little calico kitten sitting on the 3 step from the landing. For now she's ours, but we'll ask around tomorrow. It's raining hellbeans out there, so she's happy to be snuggled up on the couch. And strangely, she looks like she was born of Sass. Same kind of tortoise shell. Very cool. And now to finish my manicure and apply an LJ-Cut to this bad boy because the language is somewhat colourful. (Hehe... Phyx: "change in altitude")