(no subject)
On today's kids.woot.com, they're selling a play table with 4 chairs. The description for this one is extra funny, especially if you're a parent or teacher!
Sir Thomas Malory’s Le Enfantes d’Arthur
Now, children, as your new nanny, it’s my job to see that you… good heavens, are those marmalade handprints? Who’s been trying to pull this sword from the stone?
Come now, children, take your place at the Samsonite Play Table. There are four chairs, that’s plenty, you can… well, Lancelot, it’s very nice of you to let Guinevere go first, I must say. You’re such a gentleman. I predict that you’ll do great things when you… Arthur! What are you doing? Get off that cabinet at once! You’re what? You’re an owl? Well, I don’t care what you’re pretending to be, get down from there! And don’t you keep encouraging him, Merlin. Honestly, at your age, too.
Now, Morgan, I know that the molded seat and back of the easy-to-stack chairs make them very strong, but you will still have to sit in a more ladylike fashon. No, you’re too old to sit on Arthur’s lap. Come on, let’s get you your own chair. Well, Lancelot, that’s very nice of you to give up your chair again, thank you. Arthur, honestly, why are you hiding in the cupboard? Oh, Merlin told you that you were a bear, and you’re trying to hibernate? Well, I’m telling you there are no bears in this classroom, thank you very much, and I’m telling Merlin he has to stop disrupting snack time or he’ll go to see Principal Nimue in her office. Now Morgan, I said you can’t sit in Arthur’s lap, remember? Please go back to your own seat now.
Lancelot, what are you doing? That’s Arthur’s snack! You put that back on the vinyl covered table top and tell Arthur you’re sorry right away. That’s better. Now, you need to… what are you doing? Why are you taking off your clothes? Sackcloth? Penance? Where did you learn about… standing in the snow until you are forgiven by your Lord and King? Lancelot, it was just a snack, I don’t think Arthur even noticed that you took it. See? He’s over there by the… Arthur, didn’t I tell you to stop pretending to be a bird? Oh, you’re a bat now, are you? Let me just guess who it was that told you that you were a bat. Honestly, why can’t everybody just sit down at this nice square Samsonite Play Table with 4 Chairs and… oh, my! Arthur! Well, don’t worry, I know you didn’t mean to break that lovely sword-in-the-stone sculpture. And it seems to be a very clean break, just like it was meant to come apart that way. We’ll just get some glue from the cabinet and let it sit over night, and then in the morning, it’ll be as good as new.
Children, whose hand is that suddenly coming out of the sink? The one with the fancy rings? Does anyone know? We’re not going to recess until someone tells me why there’s an enchanted hand in the sink…
Sir Thomas Malory’s Le Enfantes d’Arthur
Now, children, as your new nanny, it’s my job to see that you… good heavens, are those marmalade handprints? Who’s been trying to pull this sword from the stone?
Come now, children, take your place at the Samsonite Play Table. There are four chairs, that’s plenty, you can… well, Lancelot, it’s very nice of you to let Guinevere go first, I must say. You’re such a gentleman. I predict that you’ll do great things when you… Arthur! What are you doing? Get off that cabinet at once! You’re what? You’re an owl? Well, I don’t care what you’re pretending to be, get down from there! And don’t you keep encouraging him, Merlin. Honestly, at your age, too.
Now, Morgan, I know that the molded seat and back of the easy-to-stack chairs make them very strong, but you will still have to sit in a more ladylike fashon. No, you’re too old to sit on Arthur’s lap. Come on, let’s get you your own chair. Well, Lancelot, that’s very nice of you to give up your chair again, thank you. Arthur, honestly, why are you hiding in the cupboard? Oh, Merlin told you that you were a bear, and you’re trying to hibernate? Well, I’m telling you there are no bears in this classroom, thank you very much, and I’m telling Merlin he has to stop disrupting snack time or he’ll go to see Principal Nimue in her office. Now Morgan, I said you can’t sit in Arthur’s lap, remember? Please go back to your own seat now.
Lancelot, what are you doing? That’s Arthur’s snack! You put that back on the vinyl covered table top and tell Arthur you’re sorry right away. That’s better. Now, you need to… what are you doing? Why are you taking off your clothes? Sackcloth? Penance? Where did you learn about… standing in the snow until you are forgiven by your Lord and King? Lancelot, it was just a snack, I don’t think Arthur even noticed that you took it. See? He’s over there by the… Arthur, didn’t I tell you to stop pretending to be a bird? Oh, you’re a bat now, are you? Let me just guess who it was that told you that you were a bat. Honestly, why can’t everybody just sit down at this nice square Samsonite Play Table with 4 Chairs and… oh, my! Arthur! Well, don’t worry, I know you didn’t mean to break that lovely sword-in-the-stone sculpture. And it seems to be a very clean break, just like it was meant to come apart that way. We’ll just get some glue from the cabinet and let it sit over night, and then in the morning, it’ll be as good as new.
Children, whose hand is that suddenly coming out of the sink? The one with the fancy rings? Does anyone know? We’re not going to recess until someone tells me why there’s an enchanted hand in the sink…