The Rebooting has a cost.
I'm about to embark on my own real journey. I'm about to test my real mettle, & see if my loony theories can be applied to a fully realized mortgage company. Every indication is that they can be, and the other issue is that I believe that there's gotta be a way to make this work. I'm enthusiastic about working with my partner/current owner. He has energy and he has a lot of skills that I don't have, and I believe it to be that I can do things that he cannot do. I'm most frustrated that I'm in my third "holding period." as the DFI reviews my credentials, and I await their issuance of my license.
I'm here now, at a reasonably sound office, and I like the guys I'm working with--in a real way. I feel a little bit like I'm betraying them, but I've also seen them act with a spectacular ruthlessness when it comes to routine stuff, so they've got to expect it. I'm also not saying ruthlessness is bad per se, I'm saying that it merely incurs a certain debt of Karma that allows stuff like this to happen. The path ahead, then is that by January, we will determine if I'm going to own 1/2 of the company, all of the company, renew the deal for 6 months, or start my own place. The deal that I've worked out is good for me that way, but bad that it's no more stable than I've been. Still, I'm afforded a modicum of control that I've never had, and latitude to set comp plans, to do what I need to do as if I were an owner.
Still for now, I've let my production dip again (third time this year) and am at about 1/5th my income as of this point last year. The cash situation is bad, and it's as bad as it's been--this is a Valley Forge moment, we could be squished without much notice and without much ceremony. I've not relied on my parents for anything in 10 years--I think that that behavior is disgusting--and I think I'll be able to avoid it this time.[1] The upside is tremendous, and that's the focus, just the next 14-15 days are going to be a large challenge. I'm tapped out due to the IRS, our misadventures with Ghetto Property, and the constant transience that I've experienced this year.
If it were truly easy, everyone would do it, right? I just don't want to relearn this lesson again anytime soon--get liquid, stay liquid. Our expenses--the necessary ones--are a little under 3,000 a month. So, we need to have 36k in the hopper at all times so we don't have to sweat this. That's more likely now than it's been--I want to earn about that a month--and keep the expenses about where they are today. I'm guessing also that our payments are a little more than they have to be in some areas, but we are what we are.
Basically, I have the following expenses:
1.) House- $1100 bucks (PITI) +270 bucks (Condo FeeS) + 150 bucks 2nd Mortgage = 1520. This could be reduced dramatically, potentially, down to 800+270. I will consider this in the future, but for now, I'm where I am on purpose.
2.) Insurance (Car) 100 bucks a month (business ins. is more expensive) = 100 /1620
3.) Insurance (Health) 300 bucks a month = 300/1920
4.) Food Heather and Chris = 450/month/2370.
5.) Gas/maintenance (cars) 450 month/ 2820.
6.) Clothing (Both) 400 month / 3220.
7.) Debt Service (Student Loan/Other= $160/3380.
8.) Misc/cushion: 400 = 3780.
I was off by a little bit in my earlier projection. Still, this serves as a decent estimate of where I'm at--what I need to *clear* to earn this, and this is before I deal with the IRS. I'm using an exaggerated withholdings method of dealing with them right now, and withholding a bunch of money, and using procedural delays to ensure that we can put off the final reckoning till the first part of next year--when my filing will take out the bulk of the problem. Currently, I have 20 days to respond to their current inquiry, and I will use that to refile. When I refile, they will get more complete information from me, and that will initiate another 60 day clock, and I'll be putting off having my stuff garnished or harmed more directly. Unlike my other creditors, calling individual representatives at their homes and using barbaric tactics does't scare off the IRS.
We are in good shape. For the first time, Heather and I voluntarily, and whole heartedly, created an agreement that will run our marriage, and household. A constitution, complete with rules of engagement, and with standards of living--spiritually, financially, environmentally, health/wise, service to others, personally. It took the better part of this past Sunday, and we've still got to work out some details, but I'm very encouraged in a real way that I've not been in years. I think that we'll be able to get through this rough spot and emerge tough as hell.
Still, I think that in the future, I'll develop a balance sheet that gives me the latitude to move freely without putting my family in a risky situation again. I'm too close to the wire, and I've got a wife and kid depending on me. It's laughable that I'm 30 and probably still have a negative net worth, and low liquid assets, but still carry a high opinion of myself.
I evaluate myself based on past earnings, and those binges of earning power that I've had where I earn 35,000 in a month, or 25,000 in two weeks by simply exerting myself. I see myself as that guy, and not as the guy that spends months without earning because I believe my own press. I've gotta have a more grounded assessment of what I am and can do. Well, not what I can do, but what I will do because I think that I have confused the two ideas, much to my detriment.
In any case, I'm enthusiastic about working, the future, and the sacred trust that is the new business that I'm working in. I am going to be the best person that I can be, the most continuously improving company that always finds better ways to do things so I can have a great place to work at and a great place to do business with.
More on HOW that will work will follow, probably tonight....I'm truly excited about the opportunity and the sacred trust that life has delivered me.
[1] The behavior is disgusting in my case, because my parents are almost explicit in their trade offs--they are buying influence, and it's something that, if they are lending/giving resources they have an unequivocal moral right to have. I can tell them to soak their heads when I don't take/borrow anything from them, yet when I'm dependent upon them, I'm yoked to their wishes. MY FL is rife with people that chaff under the yoke of their parents, and yet continue to be on some type of lend lease agreement. For me, it's fiction to claim to be soverign and yet take resources from someone--sort of like Germany/Palestine wagging their fingers at us while still basically on our dole.