(no subject)
Serge went ahead and just complied with Lynx. I was shocked to find that out, I didn't think he'd be so easy to manipulate...at least, not again, and in the same manner. Though, things seem to have changed a lot since we travelled together. I suppose finding out that one's existance was supposed to have ended as a young child would be enough to shake one's sense of self.
Sense of self. Isn't that what I'm supposed to be here, at Ergheiz, to find? I suppose I hadn't expected to also 'find' so many of my old companions, and the addition of Marcy to the student roster makes me feel as though it is impossible to physically separate myself from the past, and the atmosphere I was raised in.
Why does everything remind me of who I am not, what I have not become? Dario became everything father, and everyone else, expected from him, and more. No one expected anything from me, but I never took that and decided to just sit in the background. I need to have my own life, too.
My own life. But I'm always worried that Dario may not be proud of who I am, or what I've become. I never told him how much I really looked up to him and Karsh, but considering I followed him around constantly and even took up a sword to be just like him, I had assumed it would have been obvious. I am certain that Riddel knows. She's always been a kind of big sister to me.
Now, if only I could love her in a more platonic fashion.
My inner self seems to be a darker place than I'd ever expected. I should let Serge know that I'll continue to support him in whatever way that I can. I want to figure out who I am, but part of that is acknowledging the friends I've made already.
At the same time, perhaps I should begin to seek out new friends, who see me only as Glenn and not as Dario's shadow. I wonder that it is too late to apply for full-time studies? As it is winter in El Nido, and training all but stops during the rainy season, Lord Viper probably wouldn't mind if I stayed here. There are a number of younger students engaged in swords training. My skills aren't quite high enough to teach anything other than the militaristic styles, but I'm sure I could volunteer to help with sparring practices and correction of basic form.
I just may ask the Headmaster about that.
Sense of self. Isn't that what I'm supposed to be here, at Ergheiz, to find? I suppose I hadn't expected to also 'find' so many of my old companions, and the addition of Marcy to the student roster makes me feel as though it is impossible to physically separate myself from the past, and the atmosphere I was raised in.
Why does everything remind me of who I am not, what I have not become? Dario became everything father, and everyone else, expected from him, and more. No one expected anything from me, but I never took that and decided to just sit in the background. I need to have my own life, too.
My own life. But I'm always worried that Dario may not be proud of who I am, or what I've become. I never told him how much I really looked up to him and Karsh, but considering I followed him around constantly and even took up a sword to be just like him, I had assumed it would have been obvious. I am certain that Riddel knows. She's always been a kind of big sister to me.
Now, if only I could love her in a more platonic fashion.
My inner self seems to be a darker place than I'd ever expected. I should let Serge know that I'll continue to support him in whatever way that I can. I want to figure out who I am, but part of that is acknowledging the friends I've made already.
At the same time, perhaps I should begin to seek out new friends, who see me only as Glenn and not as Dario's shadow. I wonder that it is too late to apply for full-time studies? As it is winter in El Nido, and training all but stops during the rainy season, Lord Viper probably wouldn't mind if I stayed here. There are a number of younger students engaged in swords training. My skills aren't quite high enough to teach anything other than the militaristic styles, but I'm sure I could volunteer to help with sparring practices and correction of basic form.
I just may ask the Headmaster about that.