(no subject)
1. there are parts of my past that i have forced myself to forget, in a way - unless a certain word is mentioned then i wont remember them at all. and most of the words are names or places that people here dont know.
2. i feel best when making other people happy.
3. i always act towards others in the way they act towards me, but i put a lot more emphasis on it; i.e. if you treat me like shit once, i will let it go, but if you do it twice, i will ignore you or if you still piss me off, i will humiliate you, but if you give me a dime when i need one, and i later find you need $10, congratulations.
4. unless i feel i have done an excessively good job at something requiring at least a modest amount of skill, i do not like receiving attention for it - i.e. if i scored three goals in a soccer game, it would be ok to say way to go or whatever, but if i just defended my half of the field successfully, then i dont want people saying way to go unless we are playing the number one team.
5. i used to be discouraged by everything. i used to be a pussy unless someone called me out.
6. i believe that almost any difference can be solved between two or more parties if they are willing to sit down and work things out through compromise.
7. i didnt start talking til i was 4 yrs old.
8. i love to read.
9. i can understand anything. and i can help others to understand what they don't almost every time.
10. i'm good, win or lose, but i do have a problem with cocky winners and sore losers.
11. while true happiness is found in one's heart, i believe wholly that sometimes that happiness has to be unlocked by someone or something, and if people are not prepared to trust, they will miss their chance to get unlocked.
12. i dont think opportunity knocks. i think im the motherfucker knockin on opportunity's door, and if he says won't meet me i will put all of my talent and effort into concocting a plan to get his pussy ass outside. if you think about it, people portray opportunity as cocky or a pussy - cuz he only comes around once, and if you dont let him in hes gone...
13. in other words, i think the only fate is the one we make. every decision has more than one outcome. other peoples decision can affect what path we take, but it is our decision alone to take the first step down that path.
14. i think that some things are meant only to be enjoyed for a certain period of time. one of my best relationships was two months long, but i enjoyed the hell out of it. if i had just let go afterwards, it would have made life a helluva lot easier. that taught me a lot, and now i see that some relationships are going to end one way or another, so i should just be thankful and move on. i still have a life to live, and i have other friends and other people i can fall in love with.
15. i never ever ever make only one try for something. if at first i fail, i back off and figure out something else to try. if i realize im not getting anywhere, i eventually call it quits. but even then, sometimes i come back after a LONG time just to see if i have improved enough to get that thing... but i dont spend much time trying to get it.
16. i firmly believe that the only way this world is going to keep turning is if people stop living only for themselves and start living for the betterment of others.
17. i believe there is a god, a son, and a holy ghost, and they all play an intimate role in everyone's life, and i believe that christ opened the door to heaven. but i do not force my beliefs on others - i do not even bring it up for discussion usually - however, if the topic of faith is broached, and someone has different beliefs than me (nobody even knows what i really believe except john, and thats cuz he helped me to come to the conclusions i have... even though he doesnt necessarily believe in them) i will learn their point of view and share mine if it is asked for. but i do not tell them theirs is wrong. i believe that many people worship the same god differently, and if they dont believe in god, that is their own business. but i make sure to point out some of the things that i think indicate the existence of god, if for nothing else than to keep the convo going.
18. i love to learn - about things, history, stories, ideas, but most importantly, i like to learn about people. people are the ultimate book - the character (if a solid one) always grows, the plot can unexpectedly twist for better or worse at any point, and there are always a lot of critical reviews about them. (i never read reviews, but its nice to know that people are critical of others).
19. i think that if you dont want people to speak badly of you, you should not speak badly.
20. me and death are on good terms. i have known her for years, she has touched my life many times and she has kissed me more than once...
i almost killed myself twice. i have been in three car accidents where if one more thing had happened i would have been dead. i have had a few friends die, i have had friends experience death. i have come to accept it as a blessing of sorts. sure, i might not get to do all the things i want to, and i might leave things undone, but i have lived a good life. i have had some of the best friends (shain, justin, dani, chris, houston, bonehead, berquist, freed, tassia, chris leak (yeah the football player)) and i have done some amazing things in my time. i have affected more than three people in a positive, lasting way, and i am glad to have had the opportunity to meet and know every person i have met. even the ones i didnt/don't like are not, in retrospect, so terrible.
21. when i look at a lump of coal, i see it for the diamond it could be if put in the right conditions.
22. if anyone came to me with a problem, and i mean anyone, i would not be able to resist helping them to the best of my abilities.
23. i enjoy playing chess and any other strategy game
24. giving everyone a chance = rule of thumb for me. giving everyone a second chance, that too is a rule i live by.
25. i will forgive anyone who has wronged me one time if i am convinced their apology is serious. not many people get forgiven the second time. nobody gets forgiven the third time.
26. while most say i am unoriginal, the truth of the matter is i am just shy about saying things i come up with because i am by no means a person who is an expert at being funny. sometimes, many times, i realize that i am the only one who can find humor in things i say.
27. i am insanely creative and imaginative. i can create worlds using nothing but words, and actually make someone feel like they are there when i describe a situation.
28. whenever i say uh, you should assume that i am processing a thought, and if i say uhhhhh that is kinda like a computer when it lags from having too much info passing through the processor at once.
29. i always have at least 3 things on my mind at any given time - i.e. while i am cutting wood i am thinking about how best to cut it, i am thinking about a poem that i want to write, and somewhere in my head someone is always on my mind. three is the minimum number of thought threads i have going at one time anyway. the most i ever had was 7 threads. that was when i was with john trying to figure out what god was.
30. i use symbolism a LOT in every day life. i have items that have specific memories or thoughts attached to them - for example, the black bracelet on my wrist i use to remind me that no matter how far away from the surface i get, things can always get better. it also has the memory of the last morning i saw tassia before she left last year. just looking at it reminds me of the gorilla outside of cosmos, the tears in her eyes, the way her mom kept saying hurry up, the way i kept thinking, son of a bitch why does this have to happen? dani doesnt deserve this... and then i thought how bad it would be if tassia hadn't been able to call dani i would have to be the first one to tell her... and then talking to carter in the morning about it... and then walking by her and dani sitting in the hallway outside of lynch's room and wanting so badly to say something to her but knowing nothing i could say would even get to her, much less give her hope. im not going into the rest of the story (it ended happily), but suffice to say two months worth of my life memories are locked in that bracelet. some symbolic things in my life are strange - whenever i hear of or see lemonjuice, or a crater, or the term lovehandle i think of gary, whenever i smoke anything i am reminded of shain, whenever i play final fantasy i am reminded of houston, etc. different things have different memories, and i have things like that even for people i barely know. its my way of remembering.
31. luck is nothing more than opportunity combined with preparation. if some guy is offering to give you a 79 camaro for 500 bucks, thats opportunity. but if you dont have 500 bucks, you werent prepared.