Thursday, introspection and revelation.
I spent far too long last night on introspection, never a good thing on the whole. You end up, or at least I end up noticing all my rather unpleasant failings and then magnifying them in my own perception. Associated with moderate amounts of taxable depressants commonly available to the general public creates a potent cocktail of self-aware pseudo-paranoia, loquacity and eventual gibberish. However amongst these generic ramblings there also the occasional nuggets of possibly important things.
So for your delectation and my own catharsis I present to you the findings of the inner gently_snoozing. I view this LJ as an useful tool and as my analyst has said that I should work on lost causes I intend to meander on for a bit longer. Hence a quick view of my work list from Monday.
Neverwhere DT, done and sent off. SUCCESS
Amber players chased for DT, none FAIL
Amber plot finalised, not so much PARTIAL SUCCESS
Not be stressed come Friday, not Friday yet… NOT APPLICABLE
Not looking that impressive really, one and a half out of four. Hmmm, may have to take drastic measures.
Anyway and suitably tangentially it is true I am indeed an extraordinarily shy person. Yes I can hear the vast array of guffaws coming from the cheaper seats out there. You don’t believe me? Think back to when you had the misfortune to first meet me. I have to say that the words commonly used are “arrogant” and often in close proximity “pillock”. One of which is true and the other well quite frankly it’s not so much arrogance as hubris.
This, affliction and I can guarantee to all of you out there who don’t suffer it is really quite unpleasant. Normal conversations I have with people I know or have spoken to on several occasions in the past - no problem - I’m urbane, witty, clever, inspiring (Okay none of the above but still capable of not looking a total prat). Someone new, erm, well on the whole I don’t say a damn thing. Indeed I do my best to get the hell away and not talk at all. I do the equivalent of some Klingon Battlecruiser cloaking and scuttling off to oppress small low technology worlds. Then, and this is the worst bit, when I get cornered by someone I’ve never met before I end up saying absolute shite. Followed generally by going slightly wild around the eyes and hope that Her Welshness is feeling like rescuing me from social oblivion by turning up. I have absolutely no idea how she does it but she seems immune from this malady. Complete stranger, 30 seconds later she’s swapping personal anecdotes. Me, at 30 seconds in to meeting someone I’m sizing them up for both distance and velocity and generally trying to distract them long enough to disappear. I just can’t do it most days and some days are really bad.
This I hasten to add is for me rather like watching a crash in slow motion. I can and have spoken to audiences in excess of 200 for over an hour at a time, not a problem. I deal with generic morons, aka the General Public every day, not a problem. Being stood at a party with no pressure and someone I think will be quite interesting to talk to - gibberish.
Which is rather my round about way of saying just how bad I felt on Saturday. Neverwhere, great game lots of fun, complete inability to talk to anyone new. Argh!
So that’s my revelation for the day. And on a high note, IT’S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!