Tree Rat on the menu?
Well as a start to a perfectly good Friday I discover that a member of the House of Lords has suggested that celebrity chefs get children to eat grey squirrels.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4835690.stm
At this point in the paragraph I have to double check my blood alcohol level to confirm that I am not actually hallucinating or just dribbling randomly. Nope indeed a fine upstanding member of the Lords has come out and suggested that kids should start eating tree rats, as part of an effort to protect the indigenous red tree rat population. I can now see hoards of deranged cub scouts heading out camping, armed with their advanced tree rat killing badge, their tree rat cooking badge and of course some method of taking aforementioned tree rat out.
Having on occasion over the years had to “deal” with tree rats I can give the children the following pieces of advice:
do not attempt a ranged attack against a tree rat within 2 foot of windows, because firstly you will miss and secondly adults get slightly less impressed when you start making holes in windows regardless of intent;
when engaging in anti-tree rat work make sure you have the correct variety in your sights, in this case grey good, red bad;
tree rats have a nasty habit of lodging near species with far more legal protection than they do. This is due to their furtive genetic link with both estate agents (who give them the wide eyed innocent yet slightly malevolent facial features) and of course barristers (who donate a sense of pseudo - intelligencia and dubious grabbing front paws) so for gods sake make sure you do not disturb the bats who are currently nesting in the attic;
at approximately 50 yards a .177 air pellet will drop them almost instantly with a faint splatter, however a 0.22 air pellet gives you pate over several feet - this can be difficult to clean up/ explain;
do not use any form of flammable substances when attempting to deal with tree rats - they are actually smarter than you think you are, 3rd degree burns and of course flammable domestic residences are a probable risk.
So weekend ho for all you happy people, enjoy and don’t do too much.