(Untitled)

Nov 25, 2007 22:03

I wrote this while listening to Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know, which had been on repeat. The story isn't happy nor fluffy like most of my other pieces I've written recently ( Read more... )

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Comments 14

_ofuda_ November 26 2007, 06:27:56 UTC
Holy crap girl, that one stings. Well done!

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yuzora November 26 2007, 06:44:50 UTC
It was suppose to. I'm glad that it delivered the punch I was trying to get out. The song, You Oughta Know, is mean and violent and not a happy song. Not all relationships end happy. Mistakes can kill one and that's what I wanted to convey.

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scorch66 November 26 2007, 06:56:08 UTC
Ouch! Poor Genma. Why did Raidou do that?! Are you going to continue with this? I hate to see them seperated :(

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yuzora November 26 2007, 07:15:41 UTC
Anger is a powerful emotion. Quick back story info: they had a fight, Raidou accused Genma of not loving him and Genma told him if he believed that he should leave. Raidou got drunk and had sex with a woman. XD; Genma found him.

Well it was suppose to be an one-shot but I can always be tempted into making it longer. Or adding a second chapter. But that's going to have to wait. I have three one-shots to finish along with three chapters for multi-chaptered fics. PLUS I have a few holiday gift stories to write.

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chibinecco November 27 2007, 00:15:52 UTC
wow... *deep breath* that's... i think, maybe THE best after math of a break up fic i've ever read...

I like the shortness. It enhances the bitterness... that there's so much in so few lines. I don't think i've ever seen any Genma and Raidou break up fics either... plenty in other pairings... but none here. This was good.

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yuzora November 27 2007, 01:08:56 UTC
Thank you. I decided to take a different approach towards a break-up story; for not everything is peaches and roses after losing your lover. So many stories show both recovering instantly from a break-up. It's hard to lose the person whom you love, especially when you've been together for a long time.

I'm very happy with how it came out. I might write a parallel story as a companion piece eventually but make Shambles longer? Probably not, in the long run. It was to be longer but I read over it and decided that short and to the point was better. The briefness of the story forced me to put as much emotion as possible in it without carrying on aimlessly. Felt that was the best ending possible.

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chibinecco November 27 2007, 01:11:44 UTC
I think it ends well there. to continue to a happy ending or a time of reckoning would be superfluous.

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yuzora November 27 2007, 01:27:22 UTC
Naw, no happy ending or time of reckoning fics. It would ruin Shambles if I added a second chapter with a Happily Ever After theme.

Considering writing one set after this showing them trying to move but that's still mostly up in the air. I have ten or eleven stories to work on with four to be finished by the end of December.

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polka_dot3 November 27 2007, 01:42:26 UTC
Well that's the way most romances end, so I think it's appropriate. Go Genma!

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yuzora November 27 2007, 01:52:17 UTC
Exactly. Few manage to last but there's a trend where people seem to view breakups as these wonderful events. At least in fanfiction land. It's one thing if it's a mutual break-up or you're getting out of a bad relationship. But to suddenly lose your partner of ten, fifteen, twenty years over a bad decision? That's not easy to get over.

My muses were oddly quiet while writing this.

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vernajast November 27 2007, 04:09:10 UTC
You definitely captured the feeling of the song. Excellent, tight prose. Strong emotional kick to it. Love to hate it. ;)

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yuzora November 27 2007, 04:49:22 UTC
Thank you.

They seemed like the perfect pairing to use in this kind of story. Genma doesn't strike me as the very forgiving type. And I'm glad that it delivered the emotional kick I wanted it to. ^_-

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vernajast November 27 2007, 05:45:57 UTC
Yes, they do seem like the perfect pairing for this. I think Genma would be hard to convince, but once he really fell for someone [read:Raidou, haha], it would be for keeps. Again, an excellent story. ^_^

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yuzora November 27 2007, 05:58:30 UTC
Genma, at least my muse Genma, is a jealous, possessive bastard. Raidou committed the only thing sin he would never forgive. And he'd shove what they had in Raidou's face every chance he gets. Cause he's a bastard and is hurting and yet loves the idiot still.

Yea, Genma wouldn't enter a relationship if he didn't love that person completely. And what *wasn't* mentioned was who the woman was. She was someone both Genma and Raidou knew and considered a friend. That doubled the betrayal right there.

Again, thank you. I'm thrilled that so many people enjoyed Shambles. ^_^

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