I have a lot of words this morning
The things I contemplate the most these days (apart from Mass Effect, money, and how long I can put off my homework) have to do with sexism, feminism, and communication.
Over the summer I realized that sexism isn't just something that pisses me off once in awhile, it's a huge contributor to the kind of person I've become. I think the only things that contributed more are probably my parents. [Sad, but true.] Maybe it's a testament to how much I read into things without even knowing what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I've been basing my life decisions off of principles which I didn't even know I had. That seems bad. Kind of like trying to find water in a desert with a map and a compass that you THINK points north but actually points east. [HINT: It's not a short trip.] Reading about it and into it and finding out that there are actually people who feel the same way has been enlightening but has also made me hyper-aware, super-sensitive, and very vigilant when it comes to spotting sexism. So much that I'm probably a little out of whack. So I try to second guess myself...a lot. Just in case. To try and keep myself from becoming even more caustic, bitter, and disillusioned. Learning about all this though has brought my thinking to a whole new level of mindfuckery. I thought I had a lot to think about before but oooh no. Our implications have implications which also have implications which have subtexts....which I apparently knew about...but somehow didn't really know I knew about them. I'd like to be constantly and consciously aware of all this so I can make sure I don't keep shooting myself in the foot...or going in circles in the desert.
Communication is something I suck at. It's something most people I know have always sucked at. I've mentioned this before but that's why I guess I drew the conclusion that communication somehow just doesn't really happen all that much unless it's forced to. I think my main experiences with it have to do with my sister and they always involved a lot of screaming and throwing things and in the end we only ended up getting along because we got tired of being angry at each other. It was exhausting, and horrible. And that was a long time ago. We're more mature about things now at least. We had an argument a few weeks ago which was resolved completely without bloodshed and with minimum pain. [SO PROUD.] Maybe I've gotten too used to arguing with her. She is an efficient arguer now. No personal attacks or explosions, just questions, answers, and resolutions. It's almost the complete opposite of the conversation I had last night, which was like trying to herd very angry and freaked out cats. Bleeergh. At least the cats are now herded.
Over the summer I realized that sexism isn't just something that pisses me off once in awhile, it's a huge contributor to the kind of person I've become. I think the only things that contributed more are probably my parents. [Sad, but true.] Maybe it's a testament to how much I read into things without even knowing what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I've been basing my life decisions off of principles which I didn't even know I had. That seems bad. Kind of like trying to find water in a desert with a map and a compass that you THINK points north but actually points east. [HINT: It's not a short trip.] Reading about it and into it and finding out that there are actually people who feel the same way has been enlightening but has also made me hyper-aware, super-sensitive, and very vigilant when it comes to spotting sexism. So much that I'm probably a little out of whack. So I try to second guess myself...a lot. Just in case. To try and keep myself from becoming even more caustic, bitter, and disillusioned. Learning about all this though has brought my thinking to a whole new level of mindfuckery. I thought I had a lot to think about before but oooh no. Our implications have implications which also have implications which have subtexts....which I apparently knew about...but somehow didn't really know I knew about them. I'd like to be constantly and consciously aware of all this so I can make sure I don't keep shooting myself in the foot...or going in circles in the desert.
Communication is something I suck at. It's something most people I know have always sucked at. I've mentioned this before but that's why I guess I drew the conclusion that communication somehow just doesn't really happen all that much unless it's forced to. I think my main experiences with it have to do with my sister and they always involved a lot of screaming and throwing things and in the end we only ended up getting along because we got tired of being angry at each other. It was exhausting, and horrible. And that was a long time ago. We're more mature about things now at least. We had an argument a few weeks ago which was resolved completely without bloodshed and with minimum pain. [SO PROUD.] Maybe I've gotten too used to arguing with her. She is an efficient arguer now. No personal attacks or explosions, just questions, answers, and resolutions. It's almost the complete opposite of the conversation I had last night, which was like trying to herd very angry and freaked out cats. Bleeergh. At least the cats are now herded.