Do You Wanna Know a Secret? pt2

[gerolyn7]

THEN
The Padalecki’s spent the new years of Jared’s senior year in Chicago. They traveled to the windy city to shop and eat. They also caught a play that Megan swore she would die if she didn’t see. New Year’s Eve came and went too soon. Before he knew it, Jared’s family was pulling into the driveway of their home. Jared ran to his room, throwing his bags on his bed in a flurry of arms and legs. He flew out the front door and sprinted to Jensen’s house hoping they could grab a burger before he had to finish his history report.
The knock on the door was harder then he intended and his knuckles stung for a moment as he waited for the door to open. Donna answered with a sad smile on her face. “Hello, did you enjoy your trip?”
“Yes, thanks. Is Jensen home?” Jared peaked over her shoulder into the living room.
Donna’s shoulder’s fell. She threw a sad smile at the boy on her porch. “No, he’s not here.”
Jared’s pouted, trying to hide his disappointment. “Oh, will he be home soon? Is he at the shop cuz I could just. . . “
Donna shook her head before he finished his thoughts. “He went to New York Jared. He’s staying up there for a while.”
“What? He’s gone?” Jared scoffed in shock. “Why?”
Donna hesitated, her finger pulling a stray hair out of her face nervously. “Chris went too. Maybe they’ll catch a break with that band thing.” A tear trickled down her cheek as Jared backed down the stairs trying to fight his own tears.
Back at his house, Jared avoided his family, holing himself up in his room to call Katie. “So he just left. He didn’t say a word.”
“Jared, maybe this is good for him. I mean, his band wasn’t going to go anywhere here.” Katie offered.
“But, it’s my senior year. What about graduation, what about . . . . . . . .” Jared stopped himself from finishing his sentence.
“What? Did you think he was gonna wear a pretty dress and take you to prom?” Katie snickered until she heard the soft whimper of response.
“No.”
“Oh Jared.” Her voice quieted, pain filling her own chest. “Were you gonna wear the dress?”
Jared snickered, the tension broken. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you. I just. . . no one else knows about me. Not even Jensen. I just. . . . . I wanted to tell him when we got back.”
“Be careful Jared.” Katie sighed. “Just please, be careful.

NOW

Jared Padalecki lived up to the nickname that Jensen gave him when he was young. Every Monday through Friday, the boy who passed all his honors classes and got an engineering degree from a prestigious college, went to work. He’d gotten a great position as a civil engineer and was even able to use his specialty degree to go into hydrostatics. He was currently heading a project for a new shopping mall. He gathered his schematics of the sewer system routes that he had put together and headed into his office. His day would be mostly meeting with boring stuffed shirts in the morning and meetings with colorful plumbers in the afternoon. Jared flew through these days with ease. He flashed his charming boyish grin, complete with a set of dimples, at everyone who crossed his path. Since he finally stopped his growth spurt at a whopping 6’5”, he demanded respect in any room and a fair share of swooning at times too. Secretaries loved the tall Texan who never forgot to bring along his manners. Jared was on the fast track to success simply because he was likeable and he knew his stuff.
He crammed another bite of roast beef into his mouth at lunch right before his phone vibrated. He stared at the display screen and tapped the button when he recognized Jensen’s name.
“Hey, Shit Master.” Jen’s voice blared in Jared’s ear as the taller man swallowed his food.
“Dude, I design sewer systems.”
“Right. You tell the shit where to go.”
“Did you call for a reason?” Jared stirred his green beans thoughtfully.
“I haven’t been to bed yet. I think I have the lyrics.” Jensen slurred even more then he had that morning.
“Great. Go to bed.” Jared took another bite of lunch.
“Okay, I’ll see you when you get home?” Jensen’s voice sounded hopeful.
Jared smiled, enjoying the softness of his friend’s voice. “Yes, I’ll bring dinner.”
“Good night, Shit Master.”
“Later.”
Jared came home that evening to find a spiky haired mess asleep on the mattress.
Jared fiddled in the kitchen, baking the chicken he had brought home and whipping up mashed potatoes and a salad.
The lemon pepper marinade drifted through the apartment, waking the pile of denim and cotton. “Food?” It murmured.
Jared giggled. “It’s alive.” He yanked the blanket off of Jensen. “Come on sleeping beauty. Time to eat.”
Jensen toddled to the table, wiping sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand like a sleepy two year old as he fell into his chair at the tiny bistro table. “You’re too good to me.” He grinned, a sleepy dreamy haze still coating his features and his voice.
“You’re right.” Jared slid a beer toward his friend.
Jensen’s lashes fluttered. “Sorry about the cracks earlier. I was. . . “
“Tired?” Jared offered.
“Drunk. And tired. And flying high on endorphins from the song.” Jensen nodded apologetically.
“It’s alright. I’ve met asshole Jensen before.” Jared dug into his chicken thoughtfully. “So, what’s it about?”
Jensen looked up from his plate. “What?” He stood, trading his beer bottle for a water out of the fridge.
“Your chart topping new hit.” Dimples broke free over his fork.
Jensen smirked, peering down at his bare feet. “You’ll just have to hear it Friday. It’s a whole new sound for us.”
Jared nodded, knowing this spew quite well. Every so many years, Jensen reinvented himself through his music. He’d done country and rock. He was in a gothic punk phase when he’d run off to New York Jared’s senior year. But no matter what kind of music he played, the guitar freed emotions that Jensen himself was too guarded to share. “Is it better then ‘Last Night I Screwed Your Sister’? Cuz I’m still shocked that one never got any airplay.”
Jensen rolled his mossy green eyes. “I was barely twenty when I wrote that shit. Year you graduated.”
“Yes, your summer of screwing.” Jared smirked at his friend.
“You came out then.” Jensen ate thoughtfully. “I don’t think I ever told you how much I admired you for that.”
Jared shook his head, surprised to see the sincerity light up his friends face. “Thanks. I mean, eventually people were gonna notice that I dated really ugly hairy girls.” He winked.
“It was just. . . . you did it so perfect. Just like you do everything. School. Work.” Jensen gestured down to his plate. “Even this chicken, which I normally hate chicken, but it’s amazing.”
“It wasn’t perfect. I’m not perfect.” Jared squirmed in his chair. “But the chicken is awesome.” He tried to break the uncomfortable air in the room.
“I think you’re awesome.” Jensen picked at his potatoes.
“I think you’re still drunk.” Jared shot back, fighting the rise of panic and excitement in his throat. The both snickered softly, left to their own thoughts as they finished dinner.
After dinner, Jensen grabbed a gaming controller and settled into his recliner in front of the television.
Jared leaned back in his own chair, still thinking about coming out and how everything that summer seemed like it was gone over in techno-color.

THEN

Jared was salutatorian of his high school graduating class, only beat out by Barton Conner, who everyone was pretty sure had been genetically enhanced by his sci fi crazy parents. Jared gave a short speech, his voice breaking when he spotted Jensen, hair still dyed black, in the back of the auditorium.
The ceremony seemed to take days. Jared never broke his eye contact with Jensen. As soon as the class had thrown their caps, Jared made a mad dash down the center aisle, lifting the shorter man over his head and letting out a loud whooping noise.
“Put me down King Kong!” Jensen rumbled through his own elated smile.
Jared complied, sliding Jensen down his body slowly to savor the contact. “How did you get here?”
“Your dad must have been some sort of secret agent in another life.” Jensen rubbed Jared’s shoulder, not wanting to let go. “I open my mail last week and there’s a train ticket and an invite to this shindig.”
Jared’s parents joined them, Sherri hugging both boys. “Sorry we couldn’t meet you at the train station.”
Jensen kissed her on the cheek. “Pastor Frank was a suitable chauffeur.” Jared noticed his smile was a bit forced but ignored it.
“We have to admit Jensen, you’re doing us a favor. “ Mr. Padalecki grinned. “Our twenty- fifth anniversary is this weekend and we are going out of town tonight. I hated the thought of Jared by himself.”
“Where’s Megan?” Jensen asked, lugging the old worn out bag over his shoulder as he made his way to the car with the family.
“She ditched me for a trip with her best friend.” Jared whined, pulling the bag out of Jensen’s hand and slinging it over his own shoulder.
“She’ll be home for your party next week. Plus, we gave her ticket to Jensen.” Sherri turned to her son’s friend. “You’ll stay till the party right?”
Jensen snorted uncomfortably, peering over at Mr. Padalecki for a split second. “I might just stay.” He gave a sad smile. “New York wasn’t exactly what I expected.”
That night, after they’d been left to their own devices, beer bottles littered the floor of Jared’s bedroom. Jared had been surprised at how much Jensen had started drinking. Jensen lounged across Jared’s lap, both laughing at a forgotten joke. Jensen looked up and his face softened, head cradled by the crook of Jared’s knee. “I sure missed you.” He said, eyes looking glassier than usual.
“Yeah.” Jared leaned down, his voice a puff of air in Jensen’s face.
“That tiny house in the big city and I was so lonely. Now you and me. . . . I feel like I’m. . . .I don’t know.” Jensen blushed.
“Loved?” Jared ventured, feeling like he was watching a movie as his lips grazed Jensen. He felt a spark ignite between them.
Jensen fumbled to pull himself up into Jared’s lap, mouth searching for warmth again. His hands explored Jared’s long thin body, finding silky skin and dustings of soft hair.
“Jensen!“ Jared moaned, fingers threading through the mess of spikes of the back of Jensen’s head.
“I know. “ Jensen pulled himself away, trying to shake away the haze. “I know, your girlfriend Kerri or Kathy.”
“Katie.” Jared corrected with a grin. “And we broke up.
“Before Valentine’s day right?” Jensen squinted his eyes. “You didn’t get stuck buying her a gift did ya?”
“She caught me kissing Donnie Benson.” Jared flinched.
“Dude, gross.” Jensen rolled on his back, eyes glued to the ceiling fan. “Aim higher. That guy is a total douche.”
Jared coughed through a laugh as Jensen winked at him. “So. . . . . . you too I guess?”
“Naw.” Jensen curled over into a pillow, his lids starting to droop. “I like girls. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I just. . . . you’re my best friend. It’s just. . . . don’t think about it. Go to bed.”
Jensen acted different now that he had been out on his own in the city. He stayed out way too late, coming home smelling like a brewery. His taste in girls actually scared Jared on the few occasions he’d ran into one of Jensen’s overly painted and barely conscious dates. Jared smiled politely, but secretly wondered why Jensen spent time with these girls. A few times Jensen took Jared along to watch him play guitar at a few local bars. The women were plenty, throwing themselves at Jensen like he was actually famous. But that didn’t stop Jensen from badgering his best friend about his recent coming out. Jared found Jensen’s interest in his newfound gayness to be overwhelming. He insisted Jared needed to tell his parents. Jensen seemed almost offended that Jared had waited this long to tell them.
After much coaxing from Jensen, Jared was sitting at his parent’s kitchen table staring at them early one morning. His mom and dad sipped at their coffee just like every other morning. They couldn’t hear the pounding of Jared’s heart as he took a bite of omelet.
Jared jumped at the sound of the back screen door slamming and Jensen’s feet pounding in from the family room. “Did I miss it?”
“I can make you an omelet, honey.” Sherri stared quizzically at the panting boy in the doorway.
“Good,” Jensen pulled up a chair and straddled it, watching Jared’s chewing mouth intently. “Go ahead. I’m here for ya dude.”
“I see that.” Jared rolled his eyes as he swallowed down the egg mixture. “Mom. Dad. I need to tell you something.”
“You can tell us anything.” Sherri turned from the stove. “You know that Jared.”
“I know you were disappointed when Katie and I decided to be just friends.” Jared plowed on, regurgitating the speech he had practiced in his head. “And I wanted to explain it then, but I didn’t.” He faltered, then caught Jensen’s thumbs up from across the table and snickered. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”
“Is something wrong with Katie?” Sherri handed Jensen a plate of toast.
“No, Katie wasn’t the problem. I didn’t have feelings like that for Katie cuz, cuz I don’t feel that way about girls. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything, but, I like guys. And I hope that’s okay with you, cuz, I love you so much and you’re such great parents that I’d hate to disappoint you.”
Sherri left the eggs cooking in the pan to hug her youngest son. “You could never disappoint us. We just want you to be happy.”
Jensen ran over to the stove, flipping his omelet onto a plate and shutting off the burner.
Mr. Padalecki stayed quiet, arms folded across his chest. Jared met his gaze, fear painting the hazel in his eyes.
“I can’t say it’s what I’ve always wanted for you, cause it’s not.” Jared’s dad finally spoke. “Because it’s not gonna be easy. And a lot of people are stupid. But you’re a strong person. And smart. And you obviously have some support in this knucklehead over her.” He gestured affectionately at Jensen. “So, you’ve got me too. I’ll always be proud to call you son.”
Jared sniffed back the hot sting of tears. “Thank you sir.” He grinned.
Jensen pulled Mrs. Padalecki and Jared into a group hug his goofy grin as big as Jared’s.

NOW

Jensen was still playing games when Jared finally rolled onto the bed and fell asleep. He wondered if the news he was going to break to Jensen was going to go as well as that day in his parent’s kitchen.
Jared lived by an unspoken motto of ‘If it’s not broke don’t fix it.’ Much like his friendship with Jensen, Jared’s apartment was everything he needed, but deep down he wished for so much more.
Jared and Jensen had moved to Los Angeles right after Jared’s college graduation. A year later a new job brought Jared’s friend Chad to the city with Katie in toe. During the last five years the four of them had become a social circle. New friends joined now and again. Jensen’s band mates Chris, Steve and Mark made an occasional appearance. But most Sunday’s brought the four of them together to Chad and Katie’s apartment for dinner. Cindy and Aldis were a new addition. Cindy was a fellow teacher at the elementary school Katie taught at and her and her husband quickly gained favor in their small clique.
Jared felt his hand shake as he pulled into the realtor’s office. He’d cleared his morning so he could take care of this without Jensen’s help. He wanted it to be finished before he shared the news.
Jim Beaver smiled through his full beard at Jared when he entered the office. “Mornin’ boy. Glad you could come in. Offers been accepted. Get your keys in thirty days. Still a few things to finish up being a new construction and all.”
Jared nodded numbly, silently explaining to his flipping stomach that this was only a meeting to dot the I’s and cross the T’s.
“There are a few things that are optional in the house. Hoping we could just drive over there and take a peek. Make sure everything is looking good to ya.” Jim grabbed a ball cap from a nearby coat rack. “Don’t get old. Hair falls out and your head burns redder then a baboon’s ass.”
Jared grinned at the colorful image, following Jim to his beat up blue truck. They drove over to Jared’s new house.
The beautiful brick two story was forty five minutes outside the city, closer to the small up and coming area Jared worked in. But knowing Jensen, who lived for the night life, his new suburban house might as well be on Mars.
Jared took a deep breath as Jim opened the lock box and then unlocked the wooden double doors. He stepped over the threshold and took in the beautiful blond wood of the spiral staircase and the long hall that led to the open living room and kitchen. Upstairs held three large bedrooms. The main level had a den which Jared could already picture filled with Jensen’s guitar collection.
“What do you plan on doing with all this space?” Jim led him to the kitchen and pulled papers out of his briefcase to spread across the center island.
“Dinners? Football game gatherings? I kinda think that corner bedroom upstairs would make a great office. Who knows?” Jared gazed down at the beautiful muted tile floor and suddenly felt the empty echo all around him.
“It’s a great family home. There’ll be feet pitter pattering before you know it.” Jim gestured toward a few paragraphs for Jared to initial.
“I don’t know about that. “ Jared shrugged.
“You’ll see, it happens all too fast.” Jim packed the papers back into a brown leather satchel. “Come on. Let’s get you back.”
At work Jared’s mind wandered to how he was going to tell Jensen that he’d finally taken the jump to buy a house. Jensen knew Jared had been saving for a while, hoping to settle down with a nice guy and find their dream home.
Jared sighed. He’d dated so many nice guys, but none of them made him smile like Jensen. He tried, Lord did he try. He’d gotten past those awkward days of whispering Jensen’s name at the most inappropriate times. But he couldn’t erase that face, the dorky smirk or the annoying eye roll from his mind.
Jared’s cell phone vibrated like he had been caught daydreaming. Seeing Jensen’s number, he decided now was as a good a time as any. “Hey, Jen.”
“Jay, prepare to be amazed.” Jensen’s voice boomed over the phone.
“What?”
“I ran to Chris’s after you left for work and we uploaded the new song to YouTube. And in the last five hours we’ve gotten over fifty thousand hits. We could be going viral baby.”
“How did that happen?”
“Sent it to a few friends a friend tells a friend. We’ve even gotten a few music people commenting on it.” Jensen’s voice sounded shaky. “Jared, this could be our big break.”
Jared held his breath for a moment before he spoke. “Wow Jen. That’s amazing. This could lead to . . . . a record deal and touring. It’s everything you’ve always wanted.”
“Yeah.” A soft whisper answered back. “Everything.”
“Well, I have news too.” Jared blurted, suddenly feeling the chicken salad from lunch rumble heavy in his gut. “I’m moving to the suburbs. I bought a house.”
“A house? Wow, a house.” Jensen repeated. “Well then, Friday is for celebrating. Let’s call Chad and Katie and get them up to Fido’s too. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.” Jared fiddled with his name plaque on his desk. “It closes in thirty days. But. . . . . there’s plenty of room for your stuff. I mean, more room than the apartment actually. You can have your own room.”
“Yeah, man, I’m sure I can crash at Chris’s too. We’ll see.” Jensen cleared his throat. “I gotta go. Chris’s got an agent on the phone we’ve been trying to get to sign us for months. Later, dude.”
“Yeah, later.”
By Friday night, Jared couldn’t stand the secrecy of Jensen’s new song. Some agent named Danny had already signed them, saying they had finally developed a sound that was marketable. The songs live debut was hopefully going to lead to a record demo and maybe some better gigs.
Jared showed up to Fido’s Doghouse at about nine, knowing the boys always started their set fifteen minutes later than scheduled. He made his way past quiet corner tables full of blond beauties and buff body builders. Chad and Katie had saved him a seat near the front where the fans of the band sat. He stopped at the bar to grab a bucket of beers before settling down in his chair.
“Jensen told us you bought a house!” Katie squealed before his butt had touched the seat. “I’m so proud of you.”
Jared smiled, not quite unleashing the dimples. “You’ll have to help me decorate. It’s about forty five minutes south. Quiet little neighborhood.” He started to feel the well of excitement. “It’s got a big fenced in backyard. Might get a dog or two.”
A screech of feedback pulled their attention to the stage. “Hello.” Jensen shielded his eyes from the glare of lights.
Chris pulled up his stool and situated his guitar. “Shit load of you fuckers out there tonight.”
The audience rumbled with laughter. Jensen flashed a smile at Jared then shifted on his stool. “We are the Winchester Brothers. We’ve been working on some new stuff lately. Changing our sound a little.” Steve wandered out on stage, he and Chris flanking Jensen, all three tuning guitars. “I hope you like it.”
Chris played a soft melody. He sang a sweet song about forgotten love while Jensen picked up a perfect third to complement.
They were three songs in, all just softer renditions of their older tunes, when the lights narrowed down to just Jensen in the middle. Jared could see the rise of color hit Jensen’s cheeks as all eyes were on him. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but something we put on YouTube earlier this week has gotten quite a stir.” He leaned into the microphone, eyes fluttering shyly. “I wrote this little number about. . . . well, about someone very special to me. And so tonight, I’m gonna sing it for that person.” He winked slyly at the crowd. “Ya’ll can listen if ya want though.”
The soft chords floated through the almost silent bar. Jensen stared down intently at his guitar as he fingered through the opening. Jared knew Steve and Chris were carrying the melody but he couldn’t help focusing on Jensen and his vulnerably open face.

http://youtu.be/2w_PSMKgBGU

Do you ever hear
The things I don’t say And have you ever wondered
Why they make you feel that way
Did you ever see
The look upon your face
Did you ever wonder
If I put it in its place

Jensen’s green gaze locked with Jared. Jared’s face felt hot and the room around him seemed to close in. Jared wondered who could possibly have gotten this much emotion out of his party boy buddy. His throat felt tight as Jensen began the chorus.

I know a secret
It’s about us
I know something about you and me
I know a secret we don’t even tell ourselves
It’s about who we are
And happily ever after

Jensen’s eyes met Jared’s again, intently staring as the music floated over the crowd. Jared’s throat went dry, a kind of dry the beer wasn’t going to help. He fidgeted in his chair, wondering if Jensen could tell how much he wished this song was about them. He cursed Jensen’s wicked wink as he jumped into the next verse.

Have you ever listened
When I’m not there
Have you ever heard
Loneliness
Have you ever noticed
I make it go away
And have you ever wondered
Why you want me to stay

Jared jumped when Katie patted his shoulder, a sad smile crossing her face. She gestured toward a very intent woman at the bar. Jared’s stomach dropped as the slender brunette winked up at Jensen. He should have known. The woman swayed into the bar causing the light to cast a beautiful red to her shoulder length hair. Her eyes focused on Jensen with a soft ghost of pleasure in them.
Jared looked back at Jensen, who sang the chorus with a sweet honesty he’d missed in him all these years. Then with more intensity then Jared expected, Jensen jumped into the hook.

I don’t want to walk away
Wish you’d ask me to stay
Guess you always made it clear
Thought I’d get passed my fear
Thought we’d always make it to happily ever after.

Jensen smiled at the beautiful woman at the bar and Jared lost it. He jumped up, slamming his chair on its side and did everything but run for the exit. To Steve and Chris’s credit, he could still hear them out in the parking lot. The music laid heavy on his heart and the repeat of ‘I know a secret’ and ‘happily ever after’ lulled him to sleep that night after he’d sobbed his last sob.

Part 1  /   Part 3