I'm Not Too Sure How It Feels...To Handle Everyday
After doing some thinking, I realized just how lucky I am to BE where I am. Coming from where I came from, and going through what I went through, I am lucky that I haven't been sent to rehab, or juvy, or six feet under. I'm guessing I would have gone through all three had it not been for a few choice people in my life.
This year has been one of the most important and influential in my life thanks to the people I have met and grown close to.
I view Kaxtie as one of my closest friends at this point. She says that I have helped her learn to accept herself, but I don't think that she understands just how much she helped me as well. Kaxtie and I have made our own little corners in the world that I (at least) did not have before. It's comforting to know that there are certian places that you can compeltely belong. Whether it be the park, Hot Topic, or more recently the Mamoth on Maumoth.
I have never had a problem being by myself, everyone who has ever met me knows that. I'm not egotistical, but I can go just about anywhere and make a few accuatnices (yes, I know I cannot spell), or have a good time...But when Kaxtie and I hang out, we can just sit in the corner and trade seemingly random phrases (Me:"do you have a delicious saltine?" her:"No, but I can tickle your back..." us:"TOOOOOTAL LEZ!" her: "awww key.." me: "BIG GAY VAN!") but yet they make total sense to us.
I guess basiclly what I'm saying is that for the first time in my life I actually feel like I have someone to completely relate to and when we are together we are unstoppable hug-fiends... And I completely realize that in one year she will be eighteen: an adult.
I know it sounds selfish...but I'm not ready for her to be an adult, I'm not ready for her to be eighteen....It's not fair.
*^T