[ FIC : FIVE PLUS ONE - BURN MY DREAD ]
A bit more archiving from the 5 + 1 meme. Prompt from Ruri this time: 5 times Date knew what to do and the 1 time he didn't. Abusing headcanon here, with a tie-in at the end back to the samurai drama that Date had a while back.
burn my dread.
1503 words oneshot.
one. reaching out for the stars
He remembers the first time he saw his mother - unnaturally graceful, strangely beautiful and carrying herself with a sort of perfection that Bontenmaru knows he'll never be able to have himself. He remembers when she looks at him, and he remembers when the expression on her face turns to one of utter disgust as she looks down on him with nothing but contempt in her eyes and speaks to him with poison in her tongue.
He is not my son, she had said, I did not give birth to such an abomination.
Though all he could do was to glance down and feel ashamed, deep inside a new passion burned - and it was that passion Bontenmaru would live with for the next good part of his life as he dedicated himself to proving his mother wrong the best he could. If he could prove that he was of use to his family and his clan, then his mother would accept him. He knew what he had to do, and Bontenmaru knew he had to do it no matter what.
two. way of life
He was eight, and it had been over two years now since Koujurou was first introduced to him and started serving him as his retainer. Thought Bontenmaru couldn't voice it out (he was afraid to), he was grateful for his father for passing Koujurou to him; the man was the pillar of support he had never asked for, serving him and helping him and aiding him whenever he needed it and wanted it. By now Koujurou had long since become somebody important to him, and Bontenmaru didn't know what would happen if Koujurou ever left. He didn't want to think about it.
But would Koujurou even agree to this? Bontenmaru knew that Koujurou served him without question, but even this decision was making the boy uncertain of himself. It had taken a long time for him to reach this decision - and this decision wasn't easy to make at all - but he knew he had to do it, in order to achieve his dream. To prove to his mother that he could be of use, and to prove to the world that Bontenmaru was not a weakling fated to die in the shadows of the Date mansion.
So it was like this did the boy steel himself, fire burning in his lone eye as he faced Koujurou that night and gave him that order which would change his life.
I want you to remove my right eye.
three. shaking the earth
They call him the dokuganryu, the One-Eyed Dragon of Oshu. A force on the battlefield unlike anything, a young beast who knew no restraint and only carved the ground with the blood of his enemies. He was a warrior like no other, a reckless youth who charged forth and fought until the ground had long turned red with blood of the people he was fighting against. To his enemies he was a monster, and to his own allies he was a beast. To the Date clan he was the greatest warrior they ever had, and to his father a worthy heir.
To his mother however he was still a being who should have never existed, and so Masamune (for he was now no longer Bontenmaru) continued to strive forth, showing the world all that he could do and all that he could accomplish, showing that he was no longer the sick child who had to hide under the sheets but a warrior whose strength shook the battlefield.
He wanted to show his mother that he was one worthy for her approval, and he would continue to strive for that no matter what. It was what he had to do. Even if the rest of the world loathed his existence as long as his mother finally accepted him all would be well.
That was what Date Masamune believed.
four. inheritance
Date stood at the forefront, his men anxiously awaiting behind him as the newly-appointed head of the clan stared at his father across the battlefield, looking at the blade pressed against his father's throat and the men who were snarling out demands to him.
But the words wash over his ears, hardly sinking into his mind at all as Date continues to look at his father and seeing the unspoken orders that lay within those eyes. He wants to refuse, wants to say no - but he know he can't because this is the only way out and there's no other way across it. Date hates this, hates everything about this because he knows that he's the reason why this is happening in the first place, because he didn't listen and wasn't cautious and now he has to sacrifice his father to reach greater heights.
He hates this, but he knows he needs to do it - because his father told him, and because he had to in order to continue on the path he chose to walk. He hates the fact that even though all of this is happening, his father is still forgiving him; he appreciates his father's understanding, but he knows the same will not apply for Yoshihime, his mother. She will hate him even more after this, and curse his existence further.
Perhaps there and then Date realizes that there's no hope for him and his mother, but still he tries to think otherwise as he steels himself and gives the order to attack. After the battle is over, Masamune makes sure that the perpetrators are given the cruellest punishment they can get, because they deserve it.
five. forward
His father, his mother, and now his brother - he's lost it all now, lost them all in his bid for power and acceptance. His mother all but hates him now, and Date is sure that his brother will put two and two together just before he meets his fate at the hands of his foes. Koujurou might have done all the work, but he's still the one who pulled the trigger and that's more than enough for him to feel the guilt crushing in him.
To be where he is now he's lost everything - everything except Koujurou, and Date resolves not to lose his Right Eye anytime soon. Because nobody else can be his Right Eye, and nobody else can ever serve him in the way Koujurou does. There is nobody who knows him better than Koujurou, and Date needs that understanding because he would be lost otherwise and being lost is the last thing he has to be right now. He can only move forward, because there's nothing else to turn back to now after everything.
He's lost everything and so much more, but still Date continues to move forward because there's nothing more for him to do, and dying isn't an option because he's the head of Oshu now, and without him the land will fall and crumble and Date does not want the land of his father to be lost. He will make it bigger, bring it higher and make sure that it will be remembered for all of history to come.
plus one. endgame
It's unusually quiet in the apartment, but the silence only serves to remind Date of all the fuck-ups he's done. All the screw-ups and all the wrongs he's committed again and again to the point where now he's even lost Koujurou. His retainer had long since moved out, going back the Communal and leaving Date all alone. Dante is gone to who knows where, and Date only could muster the effort to bring all the thrown-out things back into the apartment. They're all littered around the floor now, but Date doesn't even care for that as he sinks his head deeper into his arms and stares blankly at the slip of paper in his hand.
You are not alone, read the note in Kanji and signed in English, scrawled by his own hand. His own hand in a future, ten years from now. But now Date doesn't even want to think about ten years when he can't even imagine what tomorrow would be like. Dante's gone, and now Koujurou too - and for the first time in a very long while he feels alone and lost, not sure at all what tomorrow would bring or if he even wants to see what tomorrow would bring.
He's lost everything by his own hand, and perhaps he does deserve it. But the words of that note only make him feel even more guilty than ever, and its only due to his own lack of strength does he stop himself from tearing the note in half and instead just crunches it up and throws it away before curling back up on the bed.
Alone now, he's so very alone and not sure of what to do at all. All he feels is the hurt and the pain and the tears which want to come out, but his tears have long since dried up and he can't even make himself cry any more.
burn my dread.
1503 words oneshot.
one. reaching out for the stars
He remembers the first time he saw his mother - unnaturally graceful, strangely beautiful and carrying herself with a sort of perfection that Bontenmaru knows he'll never be able to have himself. He remembers when she looks at him, and he remembers when the expression on her face turns to one of utter disgust as she looks down on him with nothing but contempt in her eyes and speaks to him with poison in her tongue.
He is not my son, she had said, I did not give birth to such an abomination.
Though all he could do was to glance down and feel ashamed, deep inside a new passion burned - and it was that passion Bontenmaru would live with for the next good part of his life as he dedicated himself to proving his mother wrong the best he could. If he could prove that he was of use to his family and his clan, then his mother would accept him. He knew what he had to do, and Bontenmaru knew he had to do it no matter what.
two. way of life
He was eight, and it had been over two years now since Koujurou was first introduced to him and started serving him as his retainer. Thought Bontenmaru couldn't voice it out (he was afraid to), he was grateful for his father for passing Koujurou to him; the man was the pillar of support he had never asked for, serving him and helping him and aiding him whenever he needed it and wanted it. By now Koujurou had long since become somebody important to him, and Bontenmaru didn't know what would happen if Koujurou ever left. He didn't want to think about it.
But would Koujurou even agree to this? Bontenmaru knew that Koujurou served him without question, but even this decision was making the boy uncertain of himself. It had taken a long time for him to reach this decision - and this decision wasn't easy to make at all - but he knew he had to do it, in order to achieve his dream. To prove to his mother that he could be of use, and to prove to the world that Bontenmaru was not a weakling fated to die in the shadows of the Date mansion.
So it was like this did the boy steel himself, fire burning in his lone eye as he faced Koujurou that night and gave him that order which would change his life.
I want you to remove my right eye.
three. shaking the earth
They call him the dokuganryu, the One-Eyed Dragon of Oshu. A force on the battlefield unlike anything, a young beast who knew no restraint and only carved the ground with the blood of his enemies. He was a warrior like no other, a reckless youth who charged forth and fought until the ground had long turned red with blood of the people he was fighting against. To his enemies he was a monster, and to his own allies he was a beast. To the Date clan he was the greatest warrior they ever had, and to his father a worthy heir.
To his mother however he was still a being who should have never existed, and so Masamune (for he was now no longer Bontenmaru) continued to strive forth, showing the world all that he could do and all that he could accomplish, showing that he was no longer the sick child who had to hide under the sheets but a warrior whose strength shook the battlefield.
He wanted to show his mother that he was one worthy for her approval, and he would continue to strive for that no matter what. It was what he had to do. Even if the rest of the world loathed his existence as long as his mother finally accepted him all would be well.
That was what Date Masamune believed.
four. inheritance
Date stood at the forefront, his men anxiously awaiting behind him as the newly-appointed head of the clan stared at his father across the battlefield, looking at the blade pressed against his father's throat and the men who were snarling out demands to him.
But the words wash over his ears, hardly sinking into his mind at all as Date continues to look at his father and seeing the unspoken orders that lay within those eyes. He wants to refuse, wants to say no - but he know he can't because this is the only way out and there's no other way across it. Date hates this, hates everything about this because he knows that he's the reason why this is happening in the first place, because he didn't listen and wasn't cautious and now he has to sacrifice his father to reach greater heights.
He hates this, but he knows he needs to do it - because his father told him, and because he had to in order to continue on the path he chose to walk. He hates the fact that even though all of this is happening, his father is still forgiving him; he appreciates his father's understanding, but he knows the same will not apply for Yoshihime, his mother. She will hate him even more after this, and curse his existence further.
Perhaps there and then Date realizes that there's no hope for him and his mother, but still he tries to think otherwise as he steels himself and gives the order to attack. After the battle is over, Masamune makes sure that the perpetrators are given the cruellest punishment they can get, because they deserve it.
five. forward
His father, his mother, and now his brother - he's lost it all now, lost them all in his bid for power and acceptance. His mother all but hates him now, and Date is sure that his brother will put two and two together just before he meets his fate at the hands of his foes. Koujurou might have done all the work, but he's still the one who pulled the trigger and that's more than enough for him to feel the guilt crushing in him.
To be where he is now he's lost everything - everything except Koujurou, and Date resolves not to lose his Right Eye anytime soon. Because nobody else can be his Right Eye, and nobody else can ever serve him in the way Koujurou does. There is nobody who knows him better than Koujurou, and Date needs that understanding because he would be lost otherwise and being lost is the last thing he has to be right now. He can only move forward, because there's nothing else to turn back to now after everything.
He's lost everything and so much more, but still Date continues to move forward because there's nothing more for him to do, and dying isn't an option because he's the head of Oshu now, and without him the land will fall and crumble and Date does not want the land of his father to be lost. He will make it bigger, bring it higher and make sure that it will be remembered for all of history to come.
plus one. endgame
It's unusually quiet in the apartment, but the silence only serves to remind Date of all the fuck-ups he's done. All the screw-ups and all the wrongs he's committed again and again to the point where now he's even lost Koujurou. His retainer had long since moved out, going back the Communal and leaving Date all alone. Dante is gone to who knows where, and Date only could muster the effort to bring all the thrown-out things back into the apartment. They're all littered around the floor now, but Date doesn't even care for that as he sinks his head deeper into his arms and stares blankly at the slip of paper in his hand.
You are not alone, read the note in Kanji and signed in English, scrawled by his own hand. His own hand in a future, ten years from now. But now Date doesn't even want to think about ten years when he can't even imagine what tomorrow would be like. Dante's gone, and now Koujurou too - and for the first time in a very long while he feels alone and lost, not sure at all what tomorrow would bring or if he even wants to see what tomorrow would bring.
He's lost everything by his own hand, and perhaps he does deserve it. But the words of that note only make him feel even more guilty than ever, and its only due to his own lack of strength does he stop himself from tearing the note in half and instead just crunches it up and throws it away before curling back up on the bed.
Alone now, he's so very alone and not sure of what to do at all. All he feels is the hurt and the pain and the tears which want to come out, but his tears have long since dried up and he can't even make himself cry any more.