(no subject)
I'm in a very truthful mood right now, and graduation has gotten me thinking, so here's some random thoughts:
1. Throughout high school, I think I've gotten into more snippy-fights with Courtney than anyone else (she knows how it is :D ), but I've always been able to count on her and she's like a sister to me.
2. Likewise, Kim can drive me crazy but her and Court together are the two who I would consider almost like sisters and who I know will always be there.
3. It still hurts what happened to my friendship with Katie. I still miss it. I still keep trying to reconnect but something's just missing now. And I hate it.
4. I don't know if I'm tired of people being moody or of never knowing what's going on with anyone and WHY these people are upset. I think it's both.
5. I kinda miss being friends with Lauren Rosetti and Trudy McGowan.
6. I really missed, early in high school, being friends with Becky. I'm really glad we were able to become close again.
7. I'm going to miss Ryan Rants. I'm going to miss Ryan. Because I always knew what was up with Ryan--why she was happy or why she was sad. So yeah, I guess it's not people being upset, it's always been out of the loop. Because Ryan being upset never annoys me.
8. Courtney's yearbook entry was the only one to make me cry.
9. So there's definitely a group of us who always do stuff together, and I always try to include everyone in big activities like parties or whatever because I don't want anyone to feel left out. Not everyone returns the favor and I'm really close to leaving a message that just says "Fuck you." Because seriously? Fuck you. Just fuck you.
10. I act differently when I'm hanging with one crowd than when I'm hanging with another. I don't do it on purpose. It just kind of happens.
11. I feel better about myself when I'm hanging with one crowd than another. More included. More interesting. I don't know.
12. I have an image of being loud and outspoken and kinda outgoing but really I'm kind of shy and I usually don't say what I'm thinking. (See entry #9--fuck you!)
13. It really hurts that although Kim would always come to at least one football game to see us perform even though she doesn't like guard and would ALWAYS remember to ask how our competitions went even though she probably could care less, and although Miss Jay and Diz both came down to see us in Wildwood Championships and paid 25 bucks EACH to get into the Convention Center, Mrs. Rowland could never, in four years and countless asking, even stop by a fucking pep rally to see me. Yeah, I know you don't really like it. But it's important to me. And others who don't like it (like Kim) have always made an effort to show "yes, I don't really care for this but it's important to YOU and YOU are important to ME so I'll come." I think that's one of the reasons that I'm not really close to Mrs. Rowland anymore.
14. Speaking of which, freshman year I asked Kim (a few times) to come see us at Chapter Championships for indoor, which were at Highland. She said she would try but she didn't know if she could. I still remember how much it meant to me to see her there when we walked onto the floor.
15. I'm really, really going to miss Katie Hunt next year. She always says I was her moral support, but really she was mine--I don't know how I would have gotten through doing indoor and the musical without her. She is such a wonderful person.
16. Since my friendship with Katie Holloway kinda died, I've felt like I've kind of been floating, not really belonging with any group, but now I feel like I'm reconnecting with Courtney and Kim and that makes me really happy.
17. I think it's funny that in middle school, everyone told me everything and I would listen and not tell anyone else and try to give good advice or just shut up and listen if that was what they needed. In high school, I think I've been just the same and yet I never know what the fuck is going on.
18. Except for the guard girls. They tell me EVERYTHING. :-P
19. Sometimes I think that I really don't want to leave high school and all my old friends behind, sometimes I can't wait for a fresh start. I do wonder who, at the ten year reunion, I'll still be friends with.
20. I usually don't like myself. I want to work on that. I don't know how to work on that.
I think twenty is a good number to stop at, so I'm going to stop here.
1. Throughout high school, I think I've gotten into more snippy-fights with Courtney than anyone else (she knows how it is :D ), but I've always been able to count on her and she's like a sister to me.
2. Likewise, Kim can drive me crazy but her and Court together are the two who I would consider almost like sisters and who I know will always be there.
3. It still hurts what happened to my friendship with Katie. I still miss it. I still keep trying to reconnect but something's just missing now. And I hate it.
4. I don't know if I'm tired of people being moody or of never knowing what's going on with anyone and WHY these people are upset. I think it's both.
5. I kinda miss being friends with Lauren Rosetti and Trudy McGowan.
6. I really missed, early in high school, being friends with Becky. I'm really glad we were able to become close again.
7. I'm going to miss Ryan Rants. I'm going to miss Ryan. Because I always knew what was up with Ryan--why she was happy or why she was sad. So yeah, I guess it's not people being upset, it's always been out of the loop. Because Ryan being upset never annoys me.
8. Courtney's yearbook entry was the only one to make me cry.
9. So there's definitely a group of us who always do stuff together, and I always try to include everyone in big activities like parties or whatever because I don't want anyone to feel left out. Not everyone returns the favor and I'm really close to leaving a message that just says "Fuck you." Because seriously? Fuck you. Just fuck you.
10. I act differently when I'm hanging with one crowd than when I'm hanging with another. I don't do it on purpose. It just kind of happens.
11. I feel better about myself when I'm hanging with one crowd than another. More included. More interesting. I don't know.
12. I have an image of being loud and outspoken and kinda outgoing but really I'm kind of shy and I usually don't say what I'm thinking. (See entry #9--fuck you!)
13. It really hurts that although Kim would always come to at least one football game to see us perform even though she doesn't like guard and would ALWAYS remember to ask how our competitions went even though she probably could care less, and although Miss Jay and Diz both came down to see us in Wildwood Championships and paid 25 bucks EACH to get into the Convention Center, Mrs. Rowland could never, in four years and countless asking, even stop by a fucking pep rally to see me. Yeah, I know you don't really like it. But it's important to me. And others who don't like it (like Kim) have always made an effort to show "yes, I don't really care for this but it's important to YOU and YOU are important to ME so I'll come." I think that's one of the reasons that I'm not really close to Mrs. Rowland anymore.
14. Speaking of which, freshman year I asked Kim (a few times) to come see us at Chapter Championships for indoor, which were at Highland. She said she would try but she didn't know if she could. I still remember how much it meant to me to see her there when we walked onto the floor.
15. I'm really, really going to miss Katie Hunt next year. She always says I was her moral support, but really she was mine--I don't know how I would have gotten through doing indoor and the musical without her. She is such a wonderful person.
16. Since my friendship with Katie Holloway kinda died, I've felt like I've kind of been floating, not really belonging with any group, but now I feel like I'm reconnecting with Courtney and Kim and that makes me really happy.
17. I think it's funny that in middle school, everyone told me everything and I would listen and not tell anyone else and try to give good advice or just shut up and listen if that was what they needed. In high school, I think I've been just the same and yet I never know what the fuck is going on.
18. Except for the guard girls. They tell me EVERYTHING. :-P
19. Sometimes I think that I really don't want to leave high school and all my old friends behind, sometimes I can't wait for a fresh start. I do wonder who, at the ten year reunion, I'll still be friends with.
20. I usually don't like myself. I want to work on that. I don't know how to work on that.
I think twenty is a good number to stop at, so I'm going to stop here.