30 HS reunion and apologies
Wow. I did not expect that.
It was very low-key - some people in town for homecoming met up at a music festival downtown. This was the second attempt at a 30 year reunion. I didn't go to the first attempt because I wasn't sure anyone there would want to see me, and it was at someone's condo clubhouse. This time I figured it's a big public area, I could come and go without anyone knowing (like they wouldn't recognize me if they weren't looking). The guy instigating it was one I always liked, he was never mean to me.
I was recognized as soon as I walked up, which was a surprise (30 years, 2 kids, and a desk job have had their impact). The first thing the guy 'hosting' said when we met up was that he was sorry for not defending me or stopping the teasing when he could have. He's very tall, and no one messed with him because of it. But he felt badly that he watched me get teased and did nothing. And another person said that she was too shy to say anything about it either. The third person got teased as well and said he thought I didn't deserve the treatment I got. Really, there were a crowd of guys that got teased, and then me. I don't remember seeing any girl get teased like I did.
I'm quite surprised. Pleasantly, although now I'm thinking of all the crap I went through. We were all just stupid kids. I wound up spending a lot of time by myself, and I'm okay with that. I'm at peace with it now (and have been for years). But this was a nice cap on that.
Some history:
When I moved to Yorkville, in the middle of 3rd grade, I had come from a Catholic school (St. Gregory in Chicago, back when it had a grade school). I had been pretty well-liked. We went from the top floor of a two-flat to a whole house. I had a new daddy. I thought life was good.
When I got to Yorkville grade school, I had braces (at 8, yes. the first time - I had braces twice). I was behind in several areas - no cursive, etc., although I caught up very quickly. I had no filters either (which is something that came out when talking to the guy who had been the instigator for the meet-up). I wasn't interested in the usual girl things - I wanted to play "kill the carrier" and got myself a marble collection to play with the boys. I liked to climb trees. So, quickly, I was the opposite of popular.
One teacher in 4th grade would have me give the spelling test on Fridays, because I always aced them the first time on Tuesdays.
In middle school, I played Trombone. It was the only instrument I could get since it was my Uncle's when he went to West Point and we couldn't afford a new one. In music class, I wanted to sing the low parts, which put me with boys sometimes. I liked comic books - when we took family vacations (7 of us in a station wagon), I would get horror comic books to read in the back so I could lay down and sleep when I got carsick. I wouldn't share any of this with anyone at school. I was quite lonely. But I was the person chosen to help take care of the science class pets (tarantula, iguana, rodents). I got to be in the classroom by myself with just the critters and took care of them, so that was cool.
I got my last name changed during this time too. I wanted to start using my dad's name on my school papers, but one teacher objected. So we went to court and got adopted.
That same teacher also called me out for not knowing what 'elbow grease' was. And for not reading in class like I was supposed to. I would be just doodling or something after finishing the passage (I read very quickly). She would make me read it again. BORING. One time I told her I had already read it, and I could ace the quiz if she gave it to me right then. She didn't believe me, so she gave me the quiz and then I aced it. She never bothered me about it again, or gave me extra stuff to do while everyone else was reading.
Several boys would nickname me Doggy. They even went so far as to make up a whole song about me using a popular tune (Lady from Styx), and sung it to me in music class when the teacher was out, until I cried. I still remember the words. ("Doggy, when you're with me, I'm dying, touch me and I disintegrate!"). I no longer remember who the boys were who did this. After this, I just tried to be invisible.
In junior high, I tried to avoid notice. But, I wore hand-me downs from my dad's adult cousins that were out of style (bell-bottoms, anyone?). I wore clothes that my mom had made, or had added to. I played Trombone. I was in AP classes. I got braces again in 8th grade, including having to wear a nightbrace (the kind that wrapped back around your head and stuck out of your mouth) 24 hours a day for a few months. There was another girl with the same first and last names as me, so that stood out. I had to ride a bus and the bus stop was where I would stand by myself just existing. I started riding my bike to school so I wouldn't have to take the bus. I was quite athletic looking - long and lean (this, I miss most).
We had an opportunity to take mini-classes on various topics. I took the class on Bass fishing. I was the only girl. When time came to vote on who would get a participation prize, I was stunned to find that I got it by almost unanimous (anonymous) vote.
When we had the spring field trip for 8th grade at a state park, I took fishing stuff and went fishing. A few other boys did too. I went fishing by myself the whole day. I caught a lot of panfish and brought them home on the bus. Everyone was so tired on the bus home that I don't remember anyone really talking to me. It was a good day for me.
In HS, I tried to avoid notice, but also wanted to do something where I could be out of the house. I was in french club. I was still in band. I ran cross-country in the fall (of course, another sport with mostly boys, but at least these were not the mean ones). I was in girls basketball in the winter, and track in the spring. I wasn't very good at basketball, but I tried.
My freshman year, a senior showed interest in me, but it didn't last. He got too much crap from everyone else for paying attention to me. We did go to homecoming, my first dance date.
At some point, someone left notes in my locker about being a secret admirer, with the name of a girl in band as someone who was a 'go-between'. I found those letters recently when I had to go through what came out of our attic after the raccoons got evicted. I still don't know if any of that was real, or just more teasing.
I ran cross country the first two years, and met someone from Sycamore at a meet. We sorta dated - he wasn't exposed to the crap I got in HS so he liked me for me. He did take me to a prom, and I wore a dress my mom made. Unfortunately, he moved away to Hoffman Estates and we broke up.
In Junior year, I got asked to a dance by someone who had just moved into the area, and then he called it off a few days before. I don't know why, he said he was sick, but I suspect he got crap for asking me. He had a name that was prone for teasing (Pat Ferry). I never wound up really dating anyone at my high school after that - no one wanted to (or at least, showed any interest).
I went out for the school plays every year, and worked sets/props/tech for all of them with one guy who graduated a few years before, and another guy in my class. In Junior year, apparently my audition was killer (I had to use a southern accent and flirt and the people watching were rolling with laughter), but someone with a natural southern accent got the part. Everyone else in the play knew her lines better than she did. I did get a bit part my senior year, as the butt of a joke in the play (the sequel to cheaper by the dozen, don't remember the name, I was the plumber's wife who actually did all the work so I was in baggy clothes with a toolbox, while my 'husband' was in seersucker with a hat).
I remember sitting at a desk for some event collecting money, and singing along with the music (I think I was trying for harmony). Some girl came up and told me to stop because my singing was horrible. So I thought (until pretty recently) that I couldn't sing well, and just would sing in the car when I was alone. At a party in college, I was asked to sing with someone else and we both couldn't find the same note with both hands, so we were asked to stop. I don't know whether it was because he couldn't sing, or because we couldn't match tones so kept trying to chase each other through keys. I've since managed to do karaoke (needed to be REALLY lit the first time, at a cousin's wedding singing Paradise by the Dashboard Light with my Uncle which was several kinds of wrong right there) and apparently I was pretty good. I was hanging out with someone who did lots of singing and got a little more confidence. Now I don't mind singing in the car with anyone else with me, and have done some more karaoke with former coworkers and have gotten complimented.
My junior year, my dad was contemplating moving to Wisconsin to buy a vet clinic, as he was unhappy where he was. At the same time, a freshman football star had decided he liked me and wanted to date me. He was also not willing to put up with crap from anyone about me (which I really liked). I was fine with that if we were staying, but all I knew was that we were moving soon, and I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish, so I didn't let him get close. The clinic was in the downstairs part of a large house, so we would live above the clinic, across the street from a lake. We had plans for moving, who was going where in the house, that I would go up with Dad in the truck with most of the stuff and Mom would follow with the other kids. When he went up to sign the contract, he found out that when he did, the current owner was going to build a new cut-rate clinic very close by and then put us out of business. So we didn't move. He found other jobs and we stayed. However, John took it very badly when we didn't leave, and then hated me for lying to him (but I didn't).
There was something called the JETS tests - teams from schools would compete based on test scores. I got asked to go my Junior year, and took two tests - Math and English. I got medals on both tests (actually 1st in English and 2nd in Math, but then they decided that someone else's test got misplaced and they got the first in English and I got bumped to 2nd), the first time anyone had ever gotten two medals at the same time. The team got a trophy. I was actually useful (to the teachers) because I was smart, and the other people on the team were not mean, so that was good. Somewhere I still have those medals. I didn't get asked back the next year, I don't know why.
I got my picture in the paper for doing well on a test (PSAT). I was never in the Honor Society or any of those grade-based (really, popularity contest) clubs. I took my ACT and the entire school knew how well I did before I even knew the test results were in (I got a 31 - highest score for years in that school). More nails in my social coffin. I took the SAT as well since we were thinking of moving out of state, and got pretty much the same score, so that's when I realized I was actually pretty smart.
My senior year near the end, I was sitting on my trombone case in front of my locker and some girl (I don't remember her name) whanged me with a book upside the head. I got knocked out for a bit, and just lay there gathering my thoughts. No one said or did anything while I was laying there, and multiple people walked by. Just par for the course for me. A few minutes later, one shy guy finally asked if I was okay. It must have taken a lot for him to do that.
When I got to college, I had a lot of attention from boys who didn't care that I played Trombone, was taking Calculus, and didn't have to take Rhetoric 100. It was a nice change of pace. College made up for HS and then some. I did wind up hanging out at the PLATO lab a lot - being a girl among lots of guys was nice then, mostly because they would talk to me without being mean. I was special - I would talk to THEM nicely.
I saw another HS alum a few years out of HS in a store where I was working. He was a year older than me. He apologized for how he treated me. I didn't know what to do with that at the time. So I just said okay, thanks. That's nice. I don't know what he was looking for.
My 5 year reunion was a dinner/dance thing and the HS cliques were still in full force at that one. I went ahead and showed off - I was in grad school (one of only two there), I was in great shape, and I could dance (I had been taking belly dance lessons after college). I did find out that someone last weekend remembered me or heard about me from then, for the dancing.
I wound up actually dating someone from my class for a year after that - he was one of the other 'invisible' guys who just endured HS, the same way I did, but he had less hooks to be teased about. He wound up finding someone else before he was done with me - the only time I've been cheated on.
My 10 year reunion I blew off because I was getting married around that time, and have never bothered to go to any of the others
I'm glad I bothered this time.
It was very low-key - some people in town for homecoming met up at a music festival downtown. This was the second attempt at a 30 year reunion. I didn't go to the first attempt because I wasn't sure anyone there would want to see me, and it was at someone's condo clubhouse. This time I figured it's a big public area, I could come and go without anyone knowing (like they wouldn't recognize me if they weren't looking). The guy instigating it was one I always liked, he was never mean to me.
I was recognized as soon as I walked up, which was a surprise (30 years, 2 kids, and a desk job have had their impact). The first thing the guy 'hosting' said when we met up was that he was sorry for not defending me or stopping the teasing when he could have. He's very tall, and no one messed with him because of it. But he felt badly that he watched me get teased and did nothing. And another person said that she was too shy to say anything about it either. The third person got teased as well and said he thought I didn't deserve the treatment I got. Really, there were a crowd of guys that got teased, and then me. I don't remember seeing any girl get teased like I did.
I'm quite surprised. Pleasantly, although now I'm thinking of all the crap I went through. We were all just stupid kids. I wound up spending a lot of time by myself, and I'm okay with that. I'm at peace with it now (and have been for years). But this was a nice cap on that.
Some history:
When I moved to Yorkville, in the middle of 3rd grade, I had come from a Catholic school (St. Gregory in Chicago, back when it had a grade school). I had been pretty well-liked. We went from the top floor of a two-flat to a whole house. I had a new daddy. I thought life was good.
When I got to Yorkville grade school, I had braces (at 8, yes. the first time - I had braces twice). I was behind in several areas - no cursive, etc., although I caught up very quickly. I had no filters either (which is something that came out when talking to the guy who had been the instigator for the meet-up). I wasn't interested in the usual girl things - I wanted to play "kill the carrier" and got myself a marble collection to play with the boys. I liked to climb trees. So, quickly, I was the opposite of popular.
One teacher in 4th grade would have me give the spelling test on Fridays, because I always aced them the first time on Tuesdays.
In middle school, I played Trombone. It was the only instrument I could get since it was my Uncle's when he went to West Point and we couldn't afford a new one. In music class, I wanted to sing the low parts, which put me with boys sometimes. I liked comic books - when we took family vacations (7 of us in a station wagon), I would get horror comic books to read in the back so I could lay down and sleep when I got carsick. I wouldn't share any of this with anyone at school. I was quite lonely. But I was the person chosen to help take care of the science class pets (tarantula, iguana, rodents). I got to be in the classroom by myself with just the critters and took care of them, so that was cool.
I got my last name changed during this time too. I wanted to start using my dad's name on my school papers, but one teacher objected. So we went to court and got adopted.
That same teacher also called me out for not knowing what 'elbow grease' was. And for not reading in class like I was supposed to. I would be just doodling or something after finishing the passage (I read very quickly). She would make me read it again. BORING. One time I told her I had already read it, and I could ace the quiz if she gave it to me right then. She didn't believe me, so she gave me the quiz and then I aced it. She never bothered me about it again, or gave me extra stuff to do while everyone else was reading.
Several boys would nickname me Doggy. They even went so far as to make up a whole song about me using a popular tune (Lady from Styx), and sung it to me in music class when the teacher was out, until I cried. I still remember the words. ("Doggy, when you're with me, I'm dying, touch me and I disintegrate!"). I no longer remember who the boys were who did this. After this, I just tried to be invisible.
In junior high, I tried to avoid notice. But, I wore hand-me downs from my dad's adult cousins that were out of style (bell-bottoms, anyone?). I wore clothes that my mom had made, or had added to. I played Trombone. I was in AP classes. I got braces again in 8th grade, including having to wear a nightbrace (the kind that wrapped back around your head and stuck out of your mouth) 24 hours a day for a few months. There was another girl with the same first and last names as me, so that stood out. I had to ride a bus and the bus stop was where I would stand by myself just existing. I started riding my bike to school so I wouldn't have to take the bus. I was quite athletic looking - long and lean (this, I miss most).
We had an opportunity to take mini-classes on various topics. I took the class on Bass fishing. I was the only girl. When time came to vote on who would get a participation prize, I was stunned to find that I got it by almost unanimous (anonymous) vote.
When we had the spring field trip for 8th grade at a state park, I took fishing stuff and went fishing. A few other boys did too. I went fishing by myself the whole day. I caught a lot of panfish and brought them home on the bus. Everyone was so tired on the bus home that I don't remember anyone really talking to me. It was a good day for me.
In HS, I tried to avoid notice, but also wanted to do something where I could be out of the house. I was in french club. I was still in band. I ran cross-country in the fall (of course, another sport with mostly boys, but at least these were not the mean ones). I was in girls basketball in the winter, and track in the spring. I wasn't very good at basketball, but I tried.
My freshman year, a senior showed interest in me, but it didn't last. He got too much crap from everyone else for paying attention to me. We did go to homecoming, my first dance date.
At some point, someone left notes in my locker about being a secret admirer, with the name of a girl in band as someone who was a 'go-between'. I found those letters recently when I had to go through what came out of our attic after the raccoons got evicted. I still don't know if any of that was real, or just more teasing.
I ran cross country the first two years, and met someone from Sycamore at a meet. We sorta dated - he wasn't exposed to the crap I got in HS so he liked me for me. He did take me to a prom, and I wore a dress my mom made. Unfortunately, he moved away to Hoffman Estates and we broke up.
In Junior year, I got asked to a dance by someone who had just moved into the area, and then he called it off a few days before. I don't know why, he said he was sick, but I suspect he got crap for asking me. He had a name that was prone for teasing (Pat Ferry). I never wound up really dating anyone at my high school after that - no one wanted to (or at least, showed any interest).
I went out for the school plays every year, and worked sets/props/tech for all of them with one guy who graduated a few years before, and another guy in my class. In Junior year, apparently my audition was killer (I had to use a southern accent and flirt and the people watching were rolling with laughter), but someone with a natural southern accent got the part. Everyone else in the play knew her lines better than she did. I did get a bit part my senior year, as the butt of a joke in the play (the sequel to cheaper by the dozen, don't remember the name, I was the plumber's wife who actually did all the work so I was in baggy clothes with a toolbox, while my 'husband' was in seersucker with a hat).
I remember sitting at a desk for some event collecting money, and singing along with the music (I think I was trying for harmony). Some girl came up and told me to stop because my singing was horrible. So I thought (until pretty recently) that I couldn't sing well, and just would sing in the car when I was alone. At a party in college, I was asked to sing with someone else and we both couldn't find the same note with both hands, so we were asked to stop. I don't know whether it was because he couldn't sing, or because we couldn't match tones so kept trying to chase each other through keys. I've since managed to do karaoke (needed to be REALLY lit the first time, at a cousin's wedding singing Paradise by the Dashboard Light with my Uncle which was several kinds of wrong right there) and apparently I was pretty good. I was hanging out with someone who did lots of singing and got a little more confidence. Now I don't mind singing in the car with anyone else with me, and have done some more karaoke with former coworkers and have gotten complimented.
My junior year, my dad was contemplating moving to Wisconsin to buy a vet clinic, as he was unhappy where he was. At the same time, a freshman football star had decided he liked me and wanted to date me. He was also not willing to put up with crap from anyone about me (which I really liked). I was fine with that if we were staying, but all I knew was that we were moving soon, and I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish, so I didn't let him get close. The clinic was in the downstairs part of a large house, so we would live above the clinic, across the street from a lake. We had plans for moving, who was going where in the house, that I would go up with Dad in the truck with most of the stuff and Mom would follow with the other kids. When he went up to sign the contract, he found out that when he did, the current owner was going to build a new cut-rate clinic very close by and then put us out of business. So we didn't move. He found other jobs and we stayed. However, John took it very badly when we didn't leave, and then hated me for lying to him (but I didn't).
There was something called the JETS tests - teams from schools would compete based on test scores. I got asked to go my Junior year, and took two tests - Math and English. I got medals on both tests (actually 1st in English and 2nd in Math, but then they decided that someone else's test got misplaced and they got the first in English and I got bumped to 2nd), the first time anyone had ever gotten two medals at the same time. The team got a trophy. I was actually useful (to the teachers) because I was smart, and the other people on the team were not mean, so that was good. Somewhere I still have those medals. I didn't get asked back the next year, I don't know why.
I got my picture in the paper for doing well on a test (PSAT). I was never in the Honor Society or any of those grade-based (really, popularity contest) clubs. I took my ACT and the entire school knew how well I did before I even knew the test results were in (I got a 31 - highest score for years in that school). More nails in my social coffin. I took the SAT as well since we were thinking of moving out of state, and got pretty much the same score, so that's when I realized I was actually pretty smart.
My senior year near the end, I was sitting on my trombone case in front of my locker and some girl (I don't remember her name) whanged me with a book upside the head. I got knocked out for a bit, and just lay there gathering my thoughts. No one said or did anything while I was laying there, and multiple people walked by. Just par for the course for me. A few minutes later, one shy guy finally asked if I was okay. It must have taken a lot for him to do that.
When I got to college, I had a lot of attention from boys who didn't care that I played Trombone, was taking Calculus, and didn't have to take Rhetoric 100. It was a nice change of pace. College made up for HS and then some. I did wind up hanging out at the PLATO lab a lot - being a girl among lots of guys was nice then, mostly because they would talk to me without being mean. I was special - I would talk to THEM nicely.
I saw another HS alum a few years out of HS in a store where I was working. He was a year older than me. He apologized for how he treated me. I didn't know what to do with that at the time. So I just said okay, thanks. That's nice. I don't know what he was looking for.
My 5 year reunion was a dinner/dance thing and the HS cliques were still in full force at that one. I went ahead and showed off - I was in grad school (one of only two there), I was in great shape, and I could dance (I had been taking belly dance lessons after college). I did find out that someone last weekend remembered me or heard about me from then, for the dancing.
I wound up actually dating someone from my class for a year after that - he was one of the other 'invisible' guys who just endured HS, the same way I did, but he had less hooks to be teased about. He wound up finding someone else before he was done with me - the only time I've been cheated on.
My 10 year reunion I blew off because I was getting married around that time, and have never bothered to go to any of the others
I'm glad I bothered this time.