[postponing.deathscenes]
[swiped from Synful.]
[The Typical]
Your name: [Spooky]
Your age: [278.]
Your location: [yes it is]
[General Angst]
Name at least five of your favourite bands: [korn, deftones, nin, static.x, tool, coal.chamber, radiohead, smashing pumpkins. kidney theives.. the list goes on. you said at least five..]
How often to do you listen to music? [always.]
Does your mood reflect your choice of music? [often. or some of it changes my mood to fit it haha. <- & i'll keep synful's comment about it changing moods, because that fits too.]
What is your normal state of mind? [it varies. anywhere from calm/clear to wonky/distracted/lost]
Are you in school? [not at the moment]
If so, what are your marks like? [hs: high marks (or else chris would have kicked my ass). college: i did well whilst i were in.]
How about your attendance? [i skipped quite a bit in hs. i attended my classes in college.]
Name three things you can't stand in a person: [close.minded.ness, know.it.all-ism, hate]
Name one person you can't stand in general: [in general? my ex's ex.boytoy. other people make me rarrsoem, i suppose]
And one thing you hate about society: [don't get me started. really. i haven't the time or motivation right now]
[Depression, Disorders, and Suffering]
Do you suffer from depression? [i have moments, but typically i'm on the opposite side of the scale: manic]
Have you ever been diagnosed with any personality disorders or other mental disorders? If so, what? [bipolar & Multiplicity (more commonly known as DID/MPD but psh, beyond that 'not.so.fitting.anymore' dx]
Are you on any medication? [yea]
If so, does it help? [yea, it does. when i stop taking the meds for bipolar i'm pretty much a phucking mood.swinging lunatic]
Have you ever seen a psychiatrist/psychologist? [have & do]
Do you self-injure? [no]
Have you ever contemplated suicide? [yes]
Attempted suicide? [yea]
Is there anything in particular that triggers your depression/disorder? [my haunts/memories. nightmares which plague me. cameras. seeing certain people. hearing certain things. reading certain things. yes i'm vague]
Is there anything that can make you feel better? [my ghostlings & Jon, they're my safes. music & singing. My friends. haunting the cemetery or the rooftop. writing.]
What do you do when you hit an extreme low? [i'm either more quiet than usual (& writing non.stop) or i'm screaming into a microphone. or i'm sitting in the corner shaking. heh]
How long have you been depressed/had your disorder? [diagnosed bipolar when i were.. 18? 19? But i were dealing with it long before the dx. The Multi., five or so years ago. Timeframes elude me soemtimes but it's been about that long since i began to realise. i always were, just didn't realise til then.]
Have you ever had a stay in the psych ward or a private hospital? [several times, yes]
[Friends and Enemies]
Name a few people you consider close friends: [i hate doing this because i don't want to hurt people by not mentioning soemone. So i'll stick with the offline & the obvious. Jon, Chad, Gavin, Poe, Aiden. i trust all of them completely.]
How often do you see these people? [nearly every day]
How often do you fight with them? [i don't.]
Have you ever stopped talking to a friend completely? [yea. sigh]
If so, did it end the friendship or did you make up eventually? [it ended.]
Were you ever picked on as a child? By who and why? [i'll go with "childe" meaning before i hit my teen years. My brother & his friends harassed me soemtimes (more than anyone else, probably). Soem kids in school, a few of them used to call me a ghost & it sort of picked up momentum over the years. Nothing really serious outside of Christo's harassment until i hit the teen years: my brother wouldn't stand for it, oddly enough. he used to threaten any older kids who gave me a hard time & they backed off]
Did you ever pick on others? Who and why? [no.]
Is there anyone you consider an "enemy"? [enemy isn't a word i use. 'nemesis', however.. *smirk* There are very few people i truly loathe (& if i do tis because they caused harm to soemone i care about). The most notable are Shane (my ex's ex.boytoy) & that's because he threatened my baby girl when she were three months old in an attempt to piss me off. it worked. i put a gun to his head, & very nearly .. ahem. the other would be [---] for [insert reasons here].]
What would someone have to do to make you end your frienship with them? [harm (or threaten harm) to my kids or Beloved; Mm.. walk away, i guess, & cease all contact. Sort of liek Mike did. i have a hard time letting go of people.]
What would someone have to do to make you consider them an enemy? [phuck with my kids & i'll phucking destroy you. otherwise, it would take a whole hell of a lot]
How do you feel about people in general? [i liek people. soemtimes.]
Do you hate a lot of people? If so, why do you think that is? [no. hate consumes too much energy & you in the process.]
[Relationships]
How many relationships have you been in? [three or four serious ones.]
Who is your worst ex? Why? [once upon a time i would have said Brad. he was certainly the most abusive. he & i are on better terms so i dunno. i guess i should still say him, given the shite he put me through.]
What is the longest relationship you've ever been in? [this one with Jon.]
Are you a virgin?[yes! alright no]
If so, is that a choice or a lack of opportunity?
If not, who did you lose it to, how old were you, and how do you feel about that now? [let's just say Jon, i were 15, it were lovely, he's lovely.]
Name one thing you hated about each ex while you were still dating:
[In no particular order:
Cody - i lieked Cody a hell of a lot. He were lovely. We just..didn't click for a 'forever' kind of long.term. & we were young.ish. i didn't really hate anything about him, even when he would yell "i hate you Spooky!" at the top of his lungs in public places, after we broke up.
Ron - i hated that he used to try to pick up my underage friends. he were phucking 40+ & trying to put the moves on Shy, who were 14 or 15 at the time. i also hated that he attempted to make me choose between he & my friends (especially Keith). &.. hell. i didn't liek a hell of a lot about our relationship, now that i think about it. If i hadn't been a phucking lunatic at the time i would have ended it sooner.
Candy - never really hated her, even after the psychotic moment with the knife. she mostly hated me. It annoyed me that she tried to make me into soem kind of..soemthing. Trophy? in front of her jock/cheerleader friends. Sort of liek "hey i'm popular & dating the freak you all make fun of, haha i'll show you all i'm special enough to do that & you'll love me anyway" (don't ask, it were ..odd). She hated the fact that i were bi & into Jon, when she found out. haha hated it a lot. kitchen knife, anyone?
Brad - phuck, he were the hardest to hate & yet at moments i probably hated him more than anyone. i were so phucking in love with him it hurt. i were slave to it. Figuratively & literally. i hated that he sold me to his friends, i hated that he had no respect for me at the end of our rel (& before that) as anything other than his property. he were abusive, manipulative, and he had mad.skills in the mindgames department. he created quite a few ghosts (& a bloody camera phobia) in me. still, i ended it with him only because he told me i had to choose, him or Jon. Nearly phucking broke me to walk out of that relationship but i weren't giving up Jon for anyone.]
How many people have dumped you? [none that i recall]
Who did you have the hardest time getting over? [Brad. i still love the tosser.]
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? [yes]
Have you ever been in love with anyone you dated? Are you still? If not, what happened? [Keith & i didn't exactly "date", as there was both the distance & our relationship went beyond those kinds of bounderies. i never could & still can't explain exactly what we had. Phuck how i adored him. The connections we had were indescribable & so phucking strong. i don't want to talk about what happened. Too painful, too complicated. Then there was Bobby, that was even stronger. Shite. Not talking about that either, not up to it tonight.]
[Family]
Name all immediate family members (this is just your nuclear family kids, no cousins and aunts): mom, dad, Chris. & now the ghostlings & Jon (we're bound so it counts)]
If you have siblings, who do you get along with best? [Chris is my only 'sibling']
Do you still live with any family members? [My Beloved & my ghostlings]
If so, which parent do you get along with best? [they're gone now but i got on well with both of them]
If not, how long ago did you move out? [Chris became my guardian when i were 12. i got the phuck out of there as soon as i were able (& he allowed it, heh). i were nearly 18 when i moved out of his place]
Are your parents married/divorced/separated? [they were married when they were living]
Have any close family members died? [my parents. my aunt.]
How well do you get on with your family? [chris & i get along far better than we used to]
Have you ever been kicked out? [yes]
Have you ever run away? [yes]
If so, did you return? How long were you gone and where did you go? [yea. usually i weren't gone longer than overnight. didn't really have any place else to go, til i met jon when i were 15. i would spend the nights in the cemetery]
Are there any family members you no longer speak to? Your choice or theirs?
If you could change one thing about your father, you'd change: [he would still be alive. heh]
If you could change one thing about your mother, you'd change: [see above]
If you could change one thing about your sibling, you'd change: [our phucked history together.]
Are you happy with your home life? Why or why not? [yea. my ghostlings & Jon are my safes & my reasons]
[Money]
Do you have a job? [yes]
If so, where and (if you don't mind sharing) how much do you make? [a childcare center.]
If so, do you like your job? Why or why not? [yea, i love kids. they don't judge you, they don't expect stupid shite from you, their innocent & safe]
If you have no job, why not?
How is your personal financial situation? [lovely. how's yours?]
Can you afford the things you want? [i don't really want anything]
Can you afford the things you need? [yea]
Do you pay rent? [yea]
Have you ever had to rely on welfare or food banks? [no]
What would you do if you were handed $2500? [i don't know. give it to jon & tell him to do soemthing with it, probably]
What is one material thing you would like right now but don't have? [*shrug* nothing really]
[Self-Injury (where applicable)]
Once again, do you self-injure? [no. i have a few times in the past but not often. my inner Static has been known to do it though]
How do you hurt yourself (cutting, burning, bruising, etc.)? [Static cuts.]
When did you start? [i did it a couple times when i were 14 or 15 but Chris caught me & threatened to beat the phuck out of me so i stopped. Static's done it since his..hrm. Creation? i don't know, ever since i've realised his presence]
Have you ever made an effort to stop? [Chris scared me into it. heh. As for Static, tis what he does. i'm not going to get into it because his reasons are his own]
Have you ever received medical attention due to self-injury? [after two different suicide attempts, yea]
[Sex (where applicable)]
Who did you lose your virginity to? [Let's say Jon]
Do you regret it now? [no]
Have you ever role-played? [yea]
Have you ever tried BDSM? [tis part of my lifestyle]
Are you more submissive or dominant? [slave.boi]
Have you ever been pressured to do something you didn't want to? [we'll say yes]
Have you ever been forced to? [yea]
Have you ever used sex as a tool to get your way? [i'm sure i would be lying if i said no. mostly to get brad to..not do certain things, when we were together.]
Have you ever used someone for sex? [no]
Have you ever had a one-night stand? [yes]
Describe your worst sexual experience (don't spare the details!): [that will go to the grave with me.]
[General Pain and Suffering]
What is the most pain you have ever been in? [it were emotional, i'll leave it at that]
What was your last trip to the hospital for? [my son's stitches. As for me going for myself: i..don't remember?]
What hurts more, physical or emotional pain? [emotional]
Who has had a negative influence on your life? [don't want to talk about it]
Have you ever been emotionally abused? [yes]
Physically abused? [yes]
Sexually abused? [yes]
Have you ever been in a physical fight? What was the outcome? [yea.]
What is your weapon of choice? [music. ha.]
Have you ever been near death? [yea i guess]
Are you doing anything to try to make things better in your life? [yea. i stopped drinking six or so years ago because ..well i did it. i stopped the drugs when my daughter were born. i've been in therapy forever & i found balance/communication with those within, which helped me keep my mind together. i'm working on staying sane & stable for my kids, they've given me so phucking much reason to stay here, to live as more than just a ghost. Everything i do, i do for them. i still struggle and fight the haunts/daemons, but i refuse to back down from them anymore.]
[Angsty Surveys]
What is your favourite type of survey? [one that doesn't bore me to death. <- i'll keep syn's answer]
Have you been completely honest on this survey? [yea, if vague/avoidant in places]
Do you feel better, now that you've complained about every potentially angsty situation? [*laugh* sure]
What are you going to do now? [harass jon.]
^v^