The best storyteller part 2/2
Still dont own anything! This is the last part of this story
CHAPTER 1
Now
Sam, when he thinks about it, has been scared a lot of times in his young life. When dad or Dean gets injured on a hunt, or that he won’t make any friends when they move to a new place.
But never had Sam Winchester been as afraid, terrified, as he was right now, looking at his big brother, his hero, lying shaking and unconscious on the floor.
The glass had shattered all around Sam and milk was pouring out on the floor.
Dean was lying on the floor, blood was trickling out of his nose.
Sam was standing there, tears falling.
Everything was leaking. Everyone here was broken.
Dean’s head kept thumping lightly against the floor. It didn’t look comfortable at all but Sam was frozen. He could not move. Somewhere in the back of his mind the word “seizure” floated around but Sam couldn’t grasp it.
When he finally is able to move, it isn’t towards his brother. It’s like he can’t control his body. He takes a few stumbling steps backwards and bumps- into dad.
Sam blinks and stares up at dad but dad isn’t looking at him. He is looking at Sam’s big brother who still is trembling on the cold bathroom floor.
Just as Sam, their dad seems to be stuck, because he doesn’t move. Just stares but then Sam says a weak “Dad” and then his father is off like the papa bear he is, hurrying to rescue his cub.
Dad says Deans name
Sam cries for dad
Dean is silent
Sam has to sit down on the floor because he doesn’t understand what’s happening and dad is running around like a mad man and it’s making him dizzy. No one pays attention to the milk which is still leaking under the floorboards.
“Sam...
Sam?
SAM!!!”
Finally dad’s shouts seem to be louder than the pounding in Sam’s ears.
“We have to go to the hospital Sam, NOW, go to the car now!”
Dad has a blanket in his arms, in the blanket is Dean. Both big brother and the blood from his nose seem to have stopped moving now. That doesn’t calm Sam one bit.
He has never seen dad being so gentle with Dean. His dad kisses Dean’s forehead before he gently puts him down in the backseat. It makes Sam even more upset.
He reminds himself to tell Dean he loves him when he wakes up and to tell dad to do the same. Just so Dean knows. Just to be sure.
--
It is funny, Sam thinks.
It is when he is all by himself that he doesn’t feel whole, when he is all alone with his thoughts.
I can’t exist without you Dean.
Sam isn’t allowed in Dean’s room and dad doesn’t want him to be all alone at the motel so they leave Dean there. The nurses keep trying to reassure him that Dean will be alright by himself. “He isn’t going to wake up anytime soon, honey.”
How very reassuring
Sam remembers a time when he and Dean had sat on swings and Dean could reach down to the ground while Sam couldn’t. Sam had been grumpy and complained that he wanted to be taller.
Then Dean had looked straight at him and said with a sad smile that he should be happy because when you’re big enough to reach the ground, it’s harder to fly.
But Sam doesn’t want to fly. He wants to stay right there. He doesn’t understand why he isn’t allowed to see his own brother.
Sam thinks, and nothing is funny anymore.
When the doctor had finally come out from Dean’s room to sit and talk with Sam and dad he had explained that Dean was very sick. Meningitis. Sam had never heard the word before but from the look on dad’s face it’s not good, not at all. The doctor keeps explaining to dad that right now Dean is stable and not in any pain. They had to put him on the ventilator because he wasn’t breathing well on his own. Sam holds his dad’s hand and doesn’t want to listen anymore but the doctor just keeps talking and his words are thundering through Sam’s head, they are too loud.
-----
When they get back to the motel the first thing Sam notices is Dean.
He isn’t there but there are tracks of him everywhere. Grains of big brother.
Dean’s warmth when he sits on the sofa, his t-shirt from the day before lays on the floor by his bed and the TV is still on, showing some documentary of old cars that Dean had been watching through half closed eyes.
When Sam goes to bed that night he lays down on Dean’s bed and his tears makes the pillow all wet. It smells like Dean.
“I’m so stupid, this is all my fault. Stupid stupid stup-“
His dad interrupts his thoughts. John slowly walks over to the bed and sits down on it. Before Sam knows what’s happening he’s in his dad’s arms.
“It’s okay Sam, he’s going to be okay. You did good, you did so good.” But Sam knows that’s not true. He knows that nothing is okay because dad is crying. Sam hiccups and cries so hard he almost can’t talk.
“Dad dad, I didn’t, I screwed up and Dean is so sick and it’s all my fault. I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t fix him and now I made his pillow all wet and he needs to wake up so I can tell him I love him.
They sat like that for the next hour. Dad was slowly rocking both of them and trying to calm Sam down and reassure him that Dean will be home before he knows it and he does know that both of them love him very much but yes they will make sure they tell him, just in case. Eventually Sam falls asleep with his head on John’s shoulder.
The hospital calls in the middle of the night. They tell dad that unfortunately Dean has slipped into a coma. Sam had never seen his dad so mad. “HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SLIP INTO A COMA?! Huh? It’s not like you could tell a person “Oh watch out for the coma there sir! No be careful it’s right there…oh nope there he went, he just slipped right into it didn’t he?” John spits sarcastically. Sam watches his dad breathing hard, listening to the doctor on the phone who is trying to explain that for now, Dean is fairly stable, and they will call if anything happens. John raises his hand to throw the phone to the floor but Sam is out of the bed and clinging to his dad’s arm before he even knows what he is doing. “Dad..DAD! He’s okay. It’s Dean we’re talking about here, so he will be okay you know that.” He doesn’t understand where these words are coming from, does he even believe in them himself? His dad stares at him for a while before he nods and pulls Sam close again.
--
For most people the place you call home has four walls and a roof.
But Sam isn’t most people. For him the place you call home is built of strong safe arms and a beating heart.
He hadn’t really felt like home anywhere else than with his big brother. So now when it was only him and dad, with Dean still at the hospital, Sam felt so very brokenly lonely. Even though his dad was right there - being more there than in a long time, Sam only sees the darkness around him, the piece that is missing. He almost feels like an orphan.
Today they were both going to visit Dean. He had woken up. John had been there a couple of times while Dean was still in the coma but Sam couldn’t do it. He hated himself for it but just- Dean in a coma - just no.
But now, he couldn’t wait. He had never been away from his brother this long before and he really doesn’t like it. In the car on the way there his dad tries to talk to Sam, prepare him. He says that Dean is still on the ventilator, says that Dean will be very weak, like a kitten he says, but Sam isn’t listening. It isn’t that he doesn’t care - of course not - it’s just that the thought of seeing Dean again makes everything else distant. Even though his dad is talking about Dean, the thought of actually seeing his big brother, see that he is still there, drowns out every single one of their dad’s words.
When they arrive at the hospital dad takes Sam’s hand in his. His hand feels so small in John’s - tiny. You can’t leave me Dean, I am still so little, I still need you bro. The tears can’t be stopped. Sam isn’t sure that he wants to stop them anyway, he doesn’t care. He quickens his steps, he just wants to get to his safety.
When he sees Dean, for the first time in days, for the first time since he found him lying broken on the floor, Sam thinks that maybe he should have listened to his dad in the car. He thought he was prepared. He stands in the doorway for a couple of seconds, squeezing dad’s hand but eventually the longing takes over the fear and he is beside his brother in an instant.
“Dean” he whispers and that’s the only thing he gets out before his breath gets all caught up. He is crying almost hysterically now. Dean doesn’t look like that, that isn’t his larger-than-life big brother, his hero. It scares Sam how fragile Dean looks, like a baby bird, or a kitten. Dean is pale, eyes at half mast, he looks at Sam and maybe it is just wishful thinking but to Sam it looks like his brother tries to smile around the tube in his throat. He is lying under a thin blanket and Sam wants to run back to the motel to get their heavy duvet and throw it over Dean. Then climb up on the bed and then they can lay there under the duvet, just the two of them, not needing the rest of the world. It isn’t fair. He doesn’t want all the nurses and doctors to see his brother like this. Not because he is embarrassed, it’s just so very unfair. Sam wants them to see the protective, joking, smart, badass, Dean Winchester. Maybe even the flirting one. He wants them to see his hero.
But it’s okay Sam thinks, because to him, Dean will never be anything less. Dean keeps looking at him. Sam keeps a firm grip on his brother’s hand and doesn’t let go. Dad sits in the background and -doesn’t say anything.
--
John knows Sam needs this. In fact both of the boys do. Dean can’t really show it that well but he knows his eldest and he knows having Sammy there makes him more relaxed. Takes strength from him.
John gets his suspicion confirmed just as they are about to leave. Sam squeezes Dean’s hand as a goodbye (because he doesn’t actually want to say goodbye) and then snaps his eyes up at John when Dean weakly squeezes back.
John walks closer to Dean and puts a hand on his child’s head, lightly stroking his soft hair. “Dean, can you hear me kiddo?” and god help him if he almost doesn’t get the words out. The last one cracks and wobbles. Dean slowly turns his head towards his father’s voice, it takes forever, but eventually John’s eyes lock with his son’s slightly dazed ones.
--
Dean knows they are there, but he also knows they are about to leave, leaving him alone in the hospital again. A tear trickles down his cheek. A tear of fear, but also confusion. He is in the hospital but he can’t figure out why, can’t even tell if he is hurting or not. He can’t seem to get his thoughts together and all the confusion and uncertainty is freaking him out. Sammy is crying and that too, makes him totally horrified, because he doesn’t understand why.
--
When that one tear escapes Dean’s eye, John loses it. He had tried to stand strong. For Dean. For Sam. But he is only human, and a father, and he can’t take it much more, seeing his Dean, his baby boy, so weak and defenseless. His legs seem to agree and he sinks to his knees next to his son’s bed. He grips Dean’s hand in both of his and prays a silent prayer that his voice will hold.
“Dean, you will get through this, you hear me? Sam and I, we…uhm, we have to go now because visiting hours are over but we will be back before you know it, ok son?” John didn’t wait for the answer he knew wouldn’t come so he just continued. “I love you Dean, I know I don’t say it enough or show it very often but I need you to know.” A sob interrupted him but Sam took over right away. “I have something for you Dean, you probably think it’s dumb, because it probably is, but I thought that maybe you would like to have something here with you while we are gone.” Sam sloppily wiped under his eyes, which really didn’t help much since his whole face was wet. He grabbed something from the pocket of his hoodie. John tried to get a look at it but couldn’t see what it was. “I was going to wait until your birthday but…” Sam trailed of before he held the item up right in front of Dean’s face so he could see what it was.
It was a leather band and there was a golden pendant hanging on it. Sam gently turned Dean’s hand so that his palm was turned upwards before he put the necklace there and gently closed Dean’s hand. “I wanted to protect you Dean, like you always have done with me, and this is supposed to protect you so there you go.” Sam stroked away another tear from Dean’s cheek with a gentle thumb and then hugged his brother, as carefully as he could. “I love you big brother.” Dean blinks slowly and Sam knows it’s Dean’s way of telling him “I love you too.” Dean turns his eyes to his father and blinks at him too, weakly squeezing his hand and John’s smile lit up the whole rooms.
--
Dean tires very easily so his family is barely out of his room before his eyelids, without his permission damnit, closed shut. The last thing his clouded mind registers before he drifts all the way to sleep is that something is in his hand and he remembers Sammy showing him a necklace and then putting it there. He tries to grip it a little tighter and falls asleep feeling content. Feeling loved.
--
John and Sam usually fight a lot. A lot. It is often just about dumb stuff they don’t agree on but they can’t seem to stop. This puts Dean in a difficult situation and Sam realizes this, knows Dean hates it, hates seeing the instability in his family that he loves so much.
So when Sam and dad manage to get through these days without ever snapping or shouting at each other, Sam feels proud of the both of them. Dean will be so happy.
Except Dean doesn’t have the chance to see it.
Dean doesn’t wake up again.
Sudden high fever they say. Another seizure. Complications. They tell them how sorry for their loss they are and it just sounds so freaking stupid Sam wants to put them all in the trunk of dad’s truck, drive deep into a forest and feed them to the nearest monster.
You lose your car keys, one sock, an important note, or even your wallet. But you don’t fucking lose a brother. Or a son.
When the doctors finally leave, dad puts his arms around Sam and Sam screams and kicks because he doesn’t know what else to do and he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Dad slowly makes his way down to the floor, bringing Sam down with him and then they sit there, clinging to each other like they are afraid that if they don’t the other one will disappear. They need to know that they still have each other. Sam doesn’t understand. How can a person just stop being there?
He can feel dad shake behind him and he also feels his shirt getting all wet where his dad has his head on his shoulder. “I´m sorry daddy..’m sor- sorry”. His dad squeezes him tighter. John’s voice is thick with emotion but he gets the words out, because he needs Sam to hear this.
ldquo;Don’t you say that son! Don’t you ever say that Sam.” He hiccups and cries and he knows that he get snot all over Sam’s shirt but he doesn’t care. “This is not you fault.”
--
John doesn’t know how long they sit there. Time seems to stand still. Or maybe speed up. He doesn’t really know. All that exist is him and Sam and their grief. But not Dean.
Later the doctor comes back, asks them if they would like to see Dean. John looks down at Sam who can barely stand up he is shaking so bad and Sam looks up to John. They look at each other but they don’t speak. It’s like they are reading each other’s fragile minds, look into each other’s broken souls.
John finally turns his gaze back to the doctor and just nods.
Sam thought he wouldn’t be able to look. Didn’t think he would be able to see Dean so still because that was so far from how Dean was. Dean didn’t do still.
He thought he wouldn’t be able to take Deans hand because it wouldn’t squeeze back and be cold.
But he thought wrong. He can’t stop looking at him. Can’t stop touching him. First he just holds Dean’s hand and puts his other hand over Deans heart, but then he starts stroking his arm like Dean would do to him to calm him down after a nightmare. Finally Sam reaches up and gently massages Dean’s ear lobes.
--
When Sam takes Dean’s ears in his hands John just stares. He knows what Sam is doing. When Dean was just a baby that is exactly what Mary would do to sooth him. John had later told Dean this, even done it himself once, but he had no idea Sam knew.
--
Once when Sam was six and Dean was eight Sam had woken up from a dream. It wasn’t exactly a nightmare, but it was about his mom. Dean had stroked his arm like he always did but then he moved his hands up to Sam’s ears.
Sam startled and flinched away “Dude” he said still crying “what are you doing?” Dean just continued rubbing his ear lobe and that’s when Sam saw that Dean was crying too. “That’s what mom would do.” Dean rasped. Sam didn’t understand. “What?” he whispered.
“When I was a baby she would do this to calm me down, don’t know why but apparently it worked every time.” Dean didn’t often talk about mom, Sam knew he didn’t want to so he had stopped asking about her but of course Dean would talk about her just to comfort Sam. Just like he would do anything for him.
--
Dean doesn’t look as pale as Sam had feared. The nurses had lit candles and the warm light made Dean look healthy. He looked so peaceful.
Sam looks at dad who can’t seem to stop either, but that’s okay, they are entitled.
--
John strokes Dean’s hair over and over again. He hasn’t done that in a long, long time, doesn’t even remember when the last time was. He kisses Dean’s forehead and maybe his grip gets a little to desperate, a little too tight on his boy’s hair but John knows that Dean can’t feel any pain. And that breaks him apart just a little bit more. He´s sobbing with his forehead pressed against Dean’s and somehow he feels closer to his boy then in a long time. He wonders if he will ever get over this guilt.
“Sweetie” Sam startles at the voice behind him even though it is very gentle. He turns around to find a nurse standing there. Before he has time to yell at her to go away she holds something up to him.
“He had this in his hand, thought you might want it” she says carefully and Sam snatches it out of her hand. “No, I don’t want it. It belongs to someone else.” Sam shakily walks closer to Dean and snakes the necklace over his brothers head and fiddles with it until it lays perfectly straight on his brother’s chest. “There you go big brother” he whispers “you’re safe now.”
THREE MONTHS LATER
Things weren’t back to normal yet, not by a long shot. It’s still too quiet in the car. No off key singing, no teasing of a little brother. No one flirts with the waitress at their table. No one teaches the little brother everything he knows about girls and cars and guns. . A little brother who now is an only child. No Dean.
They had been staying in the same town for a couple of weeks before they moved on. John and Sam took a lot of strength from each other but they both felt the ever-present lack of Dean that always seemed to want to make itself known.
They were now staying at Bobby’s. Dad and Bobby are downstairs, talking and drinking whisky while Sam is upstairs looking at Bobby’s books. A bright green book captures his attention and he takes it out to get a better look at it. Sam smiles sadly when he sees what it is. It is a children’s book called “The dog and the duck”. Dean had read it to him a bunch of times when they stayed with Uncle Bobby.
Dean was the best storyteller. He would use different voices for every character and got so involved in the story that it was more like watching a movie than listening to someone read. Sam smiles fondly at the thought of Dean and takes the book with him to bed.
For the rest of his life Sam would tell every friend, teacher, girlfriend and stranger the true story about the hero Dean Winchester.
END
This is my first fanfic so I would love to hear what you think about it! Thanks for reading