FIC: Five Reasons... by Cuke98
Title: Five Reasons Our NCIS Team Deserves So Many Sexual Harassment Seminars (and One Reason Administration Knows Nothing About)
Author: Cuke98
Series: NCIS
Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo
Spoilers: general spoilers through season four including a couple of direct quotes from episodes.
Prompts:
#1 - The Man Who Never Was #2 - ‘Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange/Stranger than fiction - Don Juan, Lord
Five Reasons Our NCIS Team Deserves So Many Sexual Harassment Seminars…
1.
To: Tom Morrow, Director of NCIS
From: Vivian Blackadder
Date: February 12, 2003
Subject: Incident Report
Dear Sir:
First, let me state that I’m grateful to have been given this opportunity to work with the members of the Naval Criminal Investigative Services in my role as a federal agent. While I have only been serving in this capacity for two weeks, I know that I have much to learn from the superior analytical skills of Agent Gibbs.
Unfortunately, there is one matter that I must bring to your attention and that is the hostile working environment that has been created by Dr. Mallard, our lead medical investigator.
Dr. Mallard (or “Ducky” as he insists I call him) has apparently never learned to take ‘no’ for an answer. Since the day I started with NCIS he has vigorously pursued me. Each advance has become more aggressive and lewd than the last. The man has complimented my “posterior” thirty-two times in the last week alone.
Rather than being sympathetic to my plight, the other members of the team (including Agents Gibbs, DiNozzo, and Ms. Sciuto) often encourage Dr. Mallard in his pursuit. I believe they do so for their own amusement.
While I pride myself on being someone who can take care of themselves and who does not back down from a challenge, this situation is becoming rather unbearable. Also, I must point out that behavior such as this would never have been considered acceptable during my previous employment with the FBI.
Thank you for your time, and I hope that we can reach a suitable resolution to this unfortunate situation.
Sincerely,
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder
______________________________________________________________
From the desk of Tom Morrow: Follow-up
Immediate situation taken care of - Agent Blackadder has been reassigned per Agent Gibbs’ request due to sloppy fieldwork. Per JACHO protocol, I’ve asked my secretary to coordinate a mandatory Sexual Harassment Seminar as soon as time allows.
2.
From a conversation reportedly overheard in Abby’s lab:
“Got your 911, Abs. What's up?”
”Ready to have your world rocked again?”
”I'm barely over the first time.”
3.
Memo:
All employees are expected to refer each other with a decorum of respect in accordance with federal guidelines. Acceptable forms of addressing fellow employees include title, rank, or proper name.
Nicknames including (but not limited to) “Sex Machine” are considered objectionable and will not be tolerated.
Sensitivity training will be held this Wednesday at its usual location and time.
- NCIS Director Tom Morrow
4.
To: jen_shepard@ncis.org
From: sheila_kulow@ncis.org
November 29, 2005
Re: Agent DiNozzo
Jen,
As supervisor of the agency’s evidence garage, I’ve become aware of an unusual situation.
You and I have had discussion in the past about Agent DiNozzo’s disrespectful (and down right abusive) behavior towards my personnel - i.e. he accuses my staff of “interfering in an on-going investigation” when asked to properly log in his items; he insists on referring to everyone as “gremlins”, etc.
Now it seems, however, Agent DiNozzo has now done a complete 180.
Ever since the unfortunate incident in which he was falsely accused of murder - a set-up instigated by a fellow employee who was not a member of my department, I might add - Agent DiNozzo has become overly attentive to the needs and wishes of my staff. Flowers, DVDs, even backrubs - every time I turn around, he’s there!
Perhaps this all sounds rather benign, but it has caused some rather unexpected complications. The unwarranted attention has caused both Michelle Stephens and Jennifer Barrios to threaten their respective husbands with divorce proceedings if they don’t start following Agent DiNozzo’s example. I have angry spouses arguing on the phone every hour on the hour. As you can imagine, this has become a huge distraction.
Officer David explained that in the course of their recent investigation Agent DiNozzo was notified that the evidence garage could very well be at the top of the suspect list based solely on his past behavior. She went on to hypothesize that Agent DiNozzo may be trying to eliminate any further threats from his co-workers. “In which case he will be putting in some very long hours sucking out ” - that’s a direct quote. (I believe she meant “sucking up”.)
When the situation persisted I approached his supervisor, Agent Gibbs, with my concerns. This proved to be less than helpful. In fact, his response was no response at all. (Unless you call a blank stare a response.) I suspect he may have been holding back laughter, but one can never tell with Agent Gibbs.
Help!
Sheila
From the desk of Jen Shepard: Follow-up
I have personally instructed Tony (Agent DiNozzo) to consider the Evidence Garage off-limits. Agent McGee is now assigned the task of processing all pertinent evidence in his stead.
Cynthia has scheduled the mandatory Sexual Harassment class for after the Christmas holiday.
5.
Overheard by probationary members of NCIS at an active crime scene:
“Really? You have a surround sound system, too?”
”No. I'm what you Americans call a .... screamer. Yes?”
(…and One Reason Administration Knows Nothing About)
1.
“Little boys caught diddling dead bodies in the hospital morgue don’t get to chime in.”
That’s what he’d been saying just before the attack. God. That would have made some famous last words all right.
Tony DiNozzo cupped his hands under the bathroom faucet, using them to scrub at his face as he studied himself in the bathroom mirror. As far as close calls went it’d been a pretty stupid one.
The team had been paged to meet an assault victim at Bethesda Hospital - only to be told upon entering the lobby that the female lieutenant had come in DOA. The only answers to be found from her now would have to come from their medical examiner. Gibbs had been pissed at the news, even more so than usual: barking at the on-call doctors who hadn’t bothered with the standard resuscitation efforts, arguing loudly down the hall with the hospital’s executive director, and just generally being the abrasive bastard everyone knew and loved.
Or, at least, used to know and love. He could try and fake it, but Tony knew Gibbs wasn’t the same man that he was before the amnesia.
Before losing Shannon and Kelley a second time in his mind.
Before running away to Mexico.
Before crushing any illusions that Tony may or may not have had regarding his boss.
“Stop that Philostine!”
When a middle-aged man in scrubs came running out of the morgue like a bat out of hell with Ducky nipping at his heels and his pants around his ankles, Tony gladly abandoned his questioning of the unhelpful EMTs and joined the pursuit outside into the parking lot.
Tony had to give him credit - for an old guy, Ducky stuck with them for a pretty long time, but soon the constant weaving in and around traffic had the medical examiner lagging behind. Even Tony, who ran six miles every day, was starting to become fatigued when a nice, elderly lady took pity and - by the grace of God and bad cataracts - backed her car into their suspect with a solid thunk, sending him crashing to the pavement.
“Up see daisy,” Tony grunted, addressing the cuffed suspect and hoisting him to his feet by the time Ziva and McGee came huffing around the avenging Cadillac. “I’ll warn you right now: you try that again and I will shoot you. You wouldn’t want to go to jail with lead in your ass, would you?”
Florence Nightingale, who appeared to have come away from the accident relatively unscathed, immediately whined, “Ease up on the cuffs, man!”
Tony ignored him, instead focusing on his panting co-workers. “Probie, why were you shaking the ground like a heard of elephants? Did that personal trainer of yours decide you were hopeless and give up on you?”
“You had a head start,” McGee reasoned, stepping in to grab the suspect’s other side, “that’s all.”
Snorting, DiNozzo’s attention was caught by the sight up ahead of Ducky and Gibbs trotting in their direction. “Either way, I think you should ask for your money back.”
“Seriously, man, I’m starting to lose circulation in my arms!”
That’s when Tony had turned to berate the hospital employee in exasperation, giving him a good shake by the back of the neck.
“Little boys caught diddling dead bodies in the hospital morgue don’t get to chime in.”
At the same time he said it he’d caught a flash of blonde hair and the glint of sunlight on metal as a furious woman propelled herself at them and past an off-guard Ziva, arms outstretched. The scalpel she’d been brandishing sliced expertly through the suspect’s carotid artery before any of the agents could push him out of the way. Tony barely noticed the sticky-warm feel of blood splatter on his face and neck as he and McGee eased the shocked victim to the ground and apply pressure to his neck wound.
“You son of a bitch!” the attacker screeched as Ziva also wrestled her to the earth, slamming the woman’s clenched fist into the gravel until the deadly instrument clattered away to a safe distance. The other woman ignored what was happening to her, her venom focused so completely on the man they’d later learn was her co-worker and husband. In fact, she was still shouting a profanity filled tirade even after she’d been hauled away and the medics had wisked her victim off to emergency surgery.
Not that Tony really blamed her. He’d be pretty pissed if he learned the person he’d been sleeping with preferred to get his rocks off screwing corpses.
He scrubbed at his face harder, a dreadful feeling of déjà vu forcing him to continue long after the caked blood was gone and the skin left raw from the abuse. The horror in McGee’s face when he’d looked at him in the parking lot let him know that the younger man had been thinking the same thing as well.
It was all too much like what had happened before...
But then it had been Kate’s blood on his face, not a perfect stranger’s.
In the parking lot, DiNozzo had thought maybe Gibbs had been thinking the same thing, especially when he noted the very uncharacteristic way his boss had stood frozen to the ground. To anyone else, it appeared as though the man who could take charge of any situation was suddenly at a loss for what to do, simply staring at his second in command.
As Gibbs’ former lover, Tony saw much more than that; he saw what he’d been hoping to see for the past several months, ever since the man had returned from his “vacation” in Mexico.
Understanding.
The pieces of memory finally clicked into place.
Tony had shifted uncomfortably, feeling the scrutiny and accusation of his boss’s gaze as if he were a frog being dissected in a high school Biology class.
And Gibbs was wielding the knife.
It figured that the sight of blood splattered across his skin would end up being an emotional trigger; Gibbs always was horniest when Tony had a close to call. (Which, as it turned out, was pretty frequently.)
But in a hospital parking lot full of spectators including their own team members?
Talk about bad timing.
He’d done the only thing he could, given the circumstances: turned tail and ran. But it didn’t take a genius to figure out it was only a matter of time before -
The bathroom door flew open, slamming into the tile wall with little regard. Tony didn’t have to glance in the mirror to realize who’d entered.
Speak of the devil.
Tony would just have to get him to see reason, that’s all. He hadn’t mentioned their affair because Gibbs had left for Mexico before he could. And when he came back… well, there might have been more opportunities, but there were also more obstacles.
The ghosts of Shannon and Kelley. Franks. Jenny. Fornell and his daughter. Jeanne. Mann.
It was complicated.
Of course, if Tony was honest with himself, the real reason he hadn’t spoken up was because he was afraid. Afraid that Tony would take the chance and the new (and certainly not improved) Leroy Jethro Gibbs would laugh in his face from disbelief.
Only, as it turned out, Gibbs wasn’t laughing. He was, however, using his weight to check Tony against the wall, pushing one leg between his subordinate’s and kissing him with a fierce longing that hadn’t been shared in seven excruciating months.
Yup, Tony thought as he melted into the contact, he’d been an idiot.
“Hey,” Gibbs suddenly broke off, pulling back to study the other man with a frown. “DiNozzo?”
Tony waited, not sure what was being asked of him.
When the head-slap was delivered it fell on his temple instead of its customary location on the back of the skull.
“Next time I forget something this important, staple a post-it note to my forehead if you have to.”
Flashing his white teeth, Tony smiled. “Gladly, boss.”
It was two months later before their next sexual harassment seminar.