"From this day forward" - Brokeback fic
Brokeback fic, ca. 1,200 words, movie canon, Rating G. Warnings: Mild angst, After!Jack timeline.
All the usual disclaimers apply: They're not mine but belong to Proulx, Ossana, McMurtry and Focus Features. I make no profit.
From this day forward
Alma Junior del Mar looked stunningly beautiful on her big day. Saying as much was no mere conventional phrase, but the simple truth.
Standing next to her on the steps of the Riverton Methodist Church, Ennis knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had done the right thing - right, not only for her, but for himself.
The job he had to quit, the discomfort of his borrowed suit, the unease he felt at having to socialize politely with Alma and Monroe, the strain of having to attend the wedding reception with all those folks he didn’t know - everyone looking with curiosity at the father of the bride - it all seemed insignificant in this instant when his eyes met Junior’s. No matter what, however much he was sweating now, he knew he would have been a goddamn sorry fool to have missed this.
He looked Junior over with approving eyes, a small smile of pride and affection crinkling the corners of his weatherworn eyes.
She was a lovely bride. Her long hair had been piled high in an elaborately sculpted tower of loose curls, fastened under a white bow with a small veil. She wore too much make-up for his taste, but it looked good on her, and he figured it probably was the way things were done now. The dress had a voluminous skirt that he worried he might accidentally step on - the two Almas, senior and junior, had sewn it together, a labor of many hours’ love.
But the main thing, Ennis thought, was that his daughter glowed with happiness.
There wasn’t a single sour note in her look of sweet and perfect harmony. She was a young woman with her whole adult life ahead of her, very much in love, about to take her daddy’s arm to walk up the aisle….. because her daddy was actually here on her big day. Yes, he had made the right decision.
The organ music inside swelled in intensity, and the doors before them swung open.
Junior took his arm, and smiled at him, happily, gratefully, a little nervous tension leaking into her voice. “You ready, daddy?”
“Guess it’s really me should be askin’ that”, he grumbled. “But I think I kin see anyhow that you’re OK with this.”
She smiled, a quick flash of teeth and eyes. The immediate and easy connection between them warmed his heart.
He nodded once, decisively.
“Let’s go, darlin’.”
She drew a deep breath, and turned to face the aisle, looking ahead, eyes locking onto the spot up there where Kurt was waiting for her. Her look changed. The smile, the eyes, the posture; for a moment all became transformed and suffused with something more, something nameless and indescribable, despite the strong impression it made. Ennis didn’t know what it was called, but he recognized it all right. He’d seen it once before.
His heart dropped like a stone, and a disorienting sense of painful déjà vu nearly brought him to his knees. Stunned, he very barely managed to start walking. His mouth had gone dry like sand. He felt like vomiting.
It took immense willpower to keep going, slowly and surely, Junior remaining happily oblivious to his distress. Deliberate, stately paces. He didn’t want to spoil her big day, not now, not now - no way. He had to stand this.
Somehow he managed to stay on his feet and to keep moving steadily forward, although every wedding guest noticed how very moved the father of the bride was on this happy occasion - his face pale and closed, jaw firmly clenched, and eyes dark with inscrutable emotion.
Ennis felt like he’d been suckerpunched. This fine day somehow unexpectedly was getting all mixed up with one of the very worst of his life. Oh yes, he knew where he’d seen that look before - that radiant look of dreams coming true, and wishes fulfilled, and more joy ‘n love ‘n happiness than one single human body and soul could hold without overflowing.
It was a strange coincidence and irony of fate, as little time as his girls had spent with him ever since the divorce, that Junior was there last time he saw that look. He'd never asked her if she remembered, but she was there all right….. and now she had the exact same light in her eyes, the same intense joy in her step, the same glow of love, the same weightless air of delight, the same certainty of happiness that Jack Twist once had, getting out of his car at Ennis’s place in Riverton to finally start that sweet life with the man he loved.
Helpless grief and guilt were flooding back to him, the haunting memories of those desperate, powerless minutes when he found nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing to somehow work that miracle that Jack had believed in.
His face tense and drawn, Ennis left Junior at Kurt’s side and distractedly went to take his place. He watched the young couple standing solemnly before the altar, saw the look they gave each other, two about to become one.
His heart clenched.
He scowled at Kurt. The young man seemed a nice enough fellah as far as Ennis could tell, solid for his age and obviously smitten with Junior. But so much could happen in a long life, in a marriage of many days and nights.
Kurt had it in his power to quench the bright light of Junior’s happiness.
And this time, there was nothing Ennis could do about it. This time he’d have to watch from the sidelines, wishing for the best, hoping this here husband of Junior’s was not ever going to crush her joy the way he’d shot down Jack’s.
It probably was just as well he held no power here, Ennis thought bleakly. His was no example to follow - he had extinguished that look of radiance in another human being. Likely he deserved nothing more than to be a powerless spectator now. Perhaps it was for the best.
He sighed, once more seeing Jack’s happiness fall apart, seeing those hurt and incredulous eyes, the way he’d already replayed that moment a thousand painful times in his mind.
Kurt had better watch out - if he ever aimed to break Junior’s heart like that, her daddy would have a thing or two to say. Ennis wasn’t ever going to just watch it happen without a word, not again, not on his fucking life. He would at least speak up. Do something.
But apart from that…
He bent his head, listening to his daughter’s marriage vows, sending up a silent small prayer, humbly asking for her love and happiness to be honored, preserved and protected. That was all he could do, and he owed as much to her. He owed it to himself.
He owed it to Jack.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife”.
He closed his eyes. Whatever was, whatever might later be - at least his daughter was allowed to have that.