Translation of Rock & Read 040 TSUKASA
Finally I found the time to translate the last R&R interview of the members of D'espairsRay.
This time it's TSUKASA. It's from 2012/02/29.
Have fun! Comments are very much appreciated. Don't hold back on feedback, no matter if positive or negative.
Rock & Read Vol.040
The treasure of life.
After their break-up last year in June, the members of D’espairsRay have sequentially been featured in Rock & Read. Being the last in row, now it’s time for drummer TSUKASA.
At the moment he is active in the band named THE MICRO HEAD 4N’S together with his ally ZERO.
Of course, we asked him to tell us what happened during the time starting from the break-up of Despa until the start of TMH4N’S.
As a Mania (fan of Despa) you may already know, but having at a time aspired to become an Enka singer, what kind of activities might he have chosen during that time?
As is typical for him, there is a healing effect to this nonchalant interview.
Even if were not in the same band, somehow the 4 of us are still together. We’re connected by something invisible. That’s the same for all of you as well.
Q: It’s been a while now since D’espairsRay has come to an end. Do you from time to time think back to those times or about the meaning this band is holding for you during your present daily life?
T: I do. To put it shortly, I think of the times I spent with D’espairsRay as my „treasure of life“.
Q: Amazing. All of a sudden you’ve come to a conclusion.
T: I really do think that way. Apart from things concerning music, I’ve learned so much from the other band members, and I would be glad if something of myself had made an impact on the other band members as well. I have been taught quite many things for life by everyone, and there’s also a lot I have learned from our fans. I don’t have the feeling that we were just doing music at all.
Q: So if supposedly it weren’t for those about 10 years, your life would probably be very different?
T: Yes. If it weren’t for that time, I think I would have lived a life full of regrets. To say the truth, I came to Tokyo to prevent that from happening. I came here in order to not let the things I was holding dear come to an end half-finished.
Q: Resulting from that, what do you think was the most important thing you learned out of it?
T: Creating one thing together with a great number of people. Furthermore I think a kind of feeling of working together I do not want to miss anymore has become part of me. While we were all together creating this invisible thing called music, I have always thought it amazing. It was a kind of sensation I had never experienced until then. And I think that between the fans a kind of very strong bond has developed, too. That is the one thing I can say most confidently. My impression that D’espairsRay’s fans would be following us wherever we were going is really strong. There are so many of them who even after our break-up have kept following us. I am very thankful for that.
Q: What do you think is causing the fans to do this?
T: What might that be? I myself have experienced searching for CDs of my favourite bands to buy, but I never really got into those bands deeply. ...Ah, no, I probably did (laugh). I guess it’s just that I never really felt like I had. I really got into X-JAPAN. Thinking about how our fans felt the same kind of adoration for us that I felt back then, it really is a big honour.
Q: Being aware of this fact, your disbanding must have been a really hard decision. To be honest, wasn’t it kind of a set back?
T: It somehow was. While I myself wasn’t really able to grasp this new reality, in any case I strongly felt very sorry towards our fans. But truth be told, we were in a situation of not being able to continue, so had we chosen to continue anyways it would have turned out to be nothing than a burden for HIZUMI’s throat. We strongly felt like it couldn’t be helped. It surely was a bitter choice. Also concerning the fans, we were wondering “what will happen to everyone if we were to disappear?”
Q: More important than what would happen to yourself, you were putting them first?
T: Of course after the decision of disbanding had manifested inside me, my head was full of thoughts about myself and about what would happen afterwards. But to tell the truth, for some time the spirit to be in another band after the disbanding was non-existent. I didn’t feel like thinking “well then, next band!” Or rather, I wasn’t able to think that way.
Q: For example, before he could tell them himself, ZERO’s parents found out about the disbanding and he mentioned before how they told him, “if you’re to come home, the time is now!” Have you had similar experiences?
T: Yes. My parents gave me a call. “What will you do? Will you come back (home)?” (laugh) But at that time I had already began thinking deeper about drum business and I wasn’t considering returning home. Even though I didn’t feel like being in a band, I wanted to go on making a living by playing the drums. But to talk further about this topic would mess with the interview‘s order.
Q: Surely there must have been a lot of different thoughts crossing your mind in disorder. What you said just now, “even though I didn’t feel like being in a band” is a little shocking. Might it be that your thoughts about D’espairsRay were so strong, that you wanted to avoid getting involved with any particular band?
T: That’s right, I had thought to quit being in a band completely. Furthermore, I thought about becoming an enka singer, too. Just for a short while though.
Q: Certainly that must be a dream for you since many years?
T: Yes. If I were to become recognized that way, people would probably think “and with that spirit he has so long been part of D’espairsRay!?” But actually I have already had a conversation with our fans about how in a corner of my mind there is a part of me who is an enka singer. Song performances have been limited to fan club concerts or fan club trips though (laugh). The point is, basically I’d be happy if I could be satisfied with it being only a hobby. It’s just that I wrote clearly into the graduation book of elementary school “future dream: enka singer” (laugh)
Q: A revival of that dream. So it came up again as a choice you could make in life?
T: Yes. Well, even though this is ROCK AND READ, is it okay to talk about something totally unrelated to rock? I don’t quite know (laugh)
Q: Did you at any rate take any definite steps in order to become an enka singer?
T: Like locking myself into a karaoke box to practice hard? (laugh) I did that. In order to practice sincerely, I went there about 10 times. But, after casually recording one of those songs and listening to it again after having returned home… it wasn’t such a big deal (laugh) until then I frequently have been told that I was good at singing enka, but wondering if that really was true I listened to the recording again and realized I wasn’t that good after all…
Q: So you were a little disappointed.
T: Yes (laugh) I even wrote enka songs.
Q: W-what? You went that far?
T: Yes. Just like when I wrote songs for D’espairsRay, by step recording. I made around 4 to 5 songs. I also wrote the lyrics, but somehow it was no good. When it comes to enka, there are topics that immediately come to your mind, right? Sake, sakana (1), piers, and things like that (laugh) I enchased those things just the way I felt like into the songs, but after all when I listened to them at before mentioned karaoke, I thought it was no good. Furthermore, I heard that in order to make your debut as an enka singer, you have to become someone’s apprentice for at least two years as a subordinate. I feel like I’m not at the age of becoming an apprentice. As an apprentice, there are a lot of things concerning your life style that you have to do according to what you’re told, right? From your personal appearance to things you have to carry out everyday and so on. And if any renowned singer scowls at you, you can’t go on living anymore (laugh) That’s when I realized, up until now I have lived the life of a rocker (laugh) compared to people in other bands, it’s probably not that Rock ’n’ Roll though (laugh) just like that, many things were turning into a chaos inside my head… and next, I thought about becoming a support drummer, but it turned out to be different than I expected it to be. After all, I learned the joy that is being on stage at the age of 3.
Q: At the age of 3? What did you do at that time?
T: I sang “Hokkaido’s spring”(2) at a TV show (laugh) anyway, I thought working as a so-called person in the back would be quite different. After that I had a lot of conversations with other drummers about support business, and I was told that if you’re not very good at adapting it would be useless. Also concerning one’s talent, there were some things I objectively wasn’t really sure about.
Q: Maybe as you lost confidence in your own songs/singing voice you started to doubt a lot of your different opportunities as well, don’t you think?
T: Probably. Somehow, because of a lot of reasons last year was kind of a depressing year. I started to think of everything in a negative way.
Q: So in the end during all those happenings THE MICRO HEAD 4N’S started?
T: Yes. It started with ZERO inviting me. “I’ll go drinking with the others, will you join us?” So I joined them and somehow a conversation about kazuya’s dreams started and it turned out to be a lot of fun.
Q: So drawn by that you joined the conversation?
T: At first it seems kazuya wanted to form a band of 4 members, with a support drummer. But since Zero really wanted to be in a band together with me, kazuya started to consider that option. Actually regardless of the grade of alcohol at that time, without knowing any further details, I really was drawn into the way of kazuya’s talking and without thinking said “I’ll do it!” Without being asked to, somehow I was absolutely sure that I had been asked to join (laugh)
Q: A wonderful misunderstanding. It’s just too weird (laugh). However, you were certain that you didn’t want to be a supporter but a band member, right?
T: Yes. After all that way I can be active in the front. According to what kazuya said, the members would compose the songs together. That seemed very interesting to me. As member of D’espairsRay, arranging songs on the basis of that same song’s composer’s ideals was always a lot of fun, but I’m also interested in completely different ways of composing songs. Though to be honest, I’ve still not gotten used to this new way of doing it. It seems like I’m still too attached to my own method of composing until now and to the ideas I have in mind. But it is fun. Or so to say, I am acquiring a lot of different enjoyments.
Q: The atmosphere between the members of THE MICRO HEAD 4N’S and of D’espairsRay is probably quite different.
T: Yes. Somehow it’s a quite intellectual atmosphere, with TMH4N’S.
Q: Doesn’t that imply that there wasn’t anything intellectual about D’espairsRay? (laugh)
T: No, no (laugh) But to give an example, the humour of D’espairsRay was too low (laugh) well, that’s okay the way it was, but I really feel a kind of cultural difference.
Q: I think that probably kazuya and the others must have suffered a bigger culture shock than you (laugh) putting that aside, concerning music and atmosphere the colour of the bands are quite different, but frankly, are you completely merging into the atmosphere of TMH4N’S and enjoying yourself?
T: Well, I think I am the most flexible of D’espairsRay (laugh) I’m also listening to a lot of different music. There’s almost nobody who also listens to Enka after all (laugh)
Q: That may be true…
T: Actually, I don’t care for the genre, I’m just listening to whatever I like. I have no reluctance listening to whichever music there is. I also like cheerful kind of songs. Regardless of that, until now I have always played on dark stages. Hence I am still a little worried how it will be to stand on a stage illuminated by bright lights from now on. Worried if I’ll be able to play drums with a cheerful smile (laugh) but somehow it’s turning out to become a kind of unexpected interview now (laugh)
Q: That is all caused by yourself (laugh) I’ve asked that before, but apparently there are a lot of feelings of things left undone accompanying the thought of D’espairsRay.
T: Yes. We weren’t even able to play a break-up live.
Q: But had you been able to play one, you actually wouldn’t have had a reason to break up in the first place.
T: That’s right. Even if we wanted to, we weren’t able to do it. We really wanted an opportunity to show our gratitude towards our fans. But one day we want to give a break-up live.
Q: Making promises even though you didn’t know what would happen and making the fans wait for you would have been irresponsible. In order to not continue in that state and eventually come to an end, you chose to disband so you can one day reunite again. Actually the same topic came up during the last interview with HIZUMI, too.
T: My thoughts concerning this topic are the same. If HIZUMI’s throat heals… well, what would happen then? Karyu is now a member of Angelo after all. Well, if a situation came up in which we would be able to reunite, there would still be the problem that we would have to arrange a lot of things. But if HIZUMI’s throat really would heal, I would really want to start again, I have no doubts at all about that. Still a comeback itself is not sure at all now, so there’s that plus the feeling that it’s not really possible to even consider it at this moment. Somehow I would feel bad for the members of my present band.
Q: In short, you don’t want people to think that you’re a member of TMH4N’S only to bridge the time spam until the comeback of D’espairsRay. Is that what you mean?
T: Of course I’m in no way thinking of it as bridging the time spam. After all I deeply respect every band member. Ricky with his unique high tone voice, kazuya with his expertise in song composition and leadership qualities, SHUN. with his expert hands on at the least 7-string guitars and ZERO with his strength in the field of design and movies. I’m really looking forward to what kind of music we will perform with those high quality band members.
Q: With this background what will you do about your enka singer dream?
T: (laugh) I’ve already given up on being a professional enka singer. I’m fine with it being just a hobby. When I watch Hikawa Kiyoshi perform in TV shows, my mind will be on it again immediately though (laugh) Just like it was until now, if it will stay a kind of special skill from now on too I will be happy. Well, now I am saying that I gave up on being an enka singer or a support drummer, but if the topic should come up again, my opinion will probably be different regarding the circumstances I will be in. At the present I want to concentrate only on TMH4N’S, it has first priority. The other band members told me that it would be okay to do anything beside it if I wanted though.
Q: You are probably not used to doing several different things at the same time.
T: Ah, that’s correct. I’m blood type B after all (laugh) I’ve been told before regarding composing that I tend to concentrate too much in one single song. It’s difficult for me to make my mind work on two different things at the same time. Because I’m not good at keeping order on my desk. I have always been careful about that until now.
Q: Well I myself have that problem, too. Furthermore, you never know if you’ll be asked to play as a support drummer some day. I think it’s enough to think about that topic only if it comes up again.
T: Yes. I want to stay open minded towards those kinds of situations.
Q: Other than enka, another special ability of yours is painting, right?
T: Yes. Since long ago I would like to have a one-man exhibition. But if I was asked if I really had the talent to do an exhibition, I’m not sure if I do. Somehow this way, it seems like all my dreams are unreachable. I have a lot of dreams. Enka, painting, and also I want to be a dubbing actor. In the role of people from countryside (laugh). The role of a city boy would not fit. Even though I’m trying to blend it out completely, I’m still told that I talk in dialect (laugh)
Q: It may sound like a rude question, but supposing D’espairsRay had not existed, would you have pursuit becoming an enka singer, painter or dubbing actor?
T: I don’t really know. In interviews there often comes up the question “if you weren’t in a band, what would you be doing by now”, right? I mostly answered, “I guess I’d probably be a painter”, but to be honest I can’t imagine myself doing that kind of work. But there are a lot of things I want to do. To say it correctly, there are a lot of things I want to try out. In any case, since I can be in this band together with ZERO it feels kind of save and strong heartedly. We’re playing together with our seniors, so there’s a lot I can learn out of it. Concerning music and concerning life, I think it would be great if it would make me grow.
Q: So is something like “launching a one-person business” or “returning home in glory” part of your aspirations?
T: Let me think. Putting aside talent, what I can picture best for myself are lives, being drummer of a rock band. At the same time that is what I want to be doing most right now. And I think I can say about Tokyo that it is a place for the heart to grow wide. Somehow I can really enjoy myself. When I had just moved to Tokyo there were a lot of things surprising me and some scary points to this place, but by now I have come to feel very secure here.
Q: Actually with the spreading of the Internet it’s become quite easy to be active as a band even if the band members are far apart, so it’s not as necessary as it was in the past to be based in Tokyo anymore. Speaking in extremes, it would be enough to just come together for giving concerts.
T: Certainly. But then the consciousness would be different. At least in my case it would totally be. I guess there actually are a lot of people being active as a band while living in the countryside, but living in Tokyo itself is motivating me. Therefore it’s hard to think of leaving Tokyo. But one day I’d like to become a sightseeing ambassador for my hometown (laugh) you see, there’s a lot I would like to become.
Q: You surely have a lot of ambition. Aren’t you really planning to become prefectural governor?
T: Nah, I’m not good at talking and studying (laugh)
Q: (laugh) at last, if there’s something you’d want to tell the fans of D’espairsRay…
T: Somehow, I cannot frankly ask you to wait for our comeback, since I do not know what will happen in the future and after all it’s a band that doesn’t exist anymore… emotionally I think the members are all still trying to draw a clear line which is really difficult. Actually there’s nothing encouraging I can say, but what I’d like you to do most is to support every member on his way. Furthermore, I am proud of everything we did until now, everything we created until now, and I think memories are living on. I feel gratefulness more severely than I did even when our band was still normally active and I feel a kind of heavy pressure I am thankful for. In any case, the members of D’espairsRay, which you loved, are still alive giving their very best. Emotionally, I really hope we can move forward together from now on, too. Because really, even though we’re not in the same band anymore, the 4 of us are in a certain way still together. I have seen it this way already for a long time, but there’s something mysterious about the relationship between the 4 of us. Not that we are extremely close, but of course I don’t mean to say we were not close. Neither are we regularly spending time together 24/7. It’s a strange kind of relationship. We’re a group of guys who cannot say awkward stuff easily (laugh) but the 4 of us are connected by something invisible. That’s the same for all of you as well.
Q: We are also looking forward to the broadening of your activities.
T: Thank you. To express my feelings simply, while enjoying the yet unknown band TMH4N’S to its fullest, I want to eagerly improve my own abilities, the drums being first on my list.
(1) accompaniment for sake
(2) a song title, Hokkaido no haru
This time it's TSUKASA. It's from 2012/02/29.
Have fun! Comments are very much appreciated. Don't hold back on feedback, no matter if positive or negative.
Rock & Read Vol.040
The treasure of life.
After their break-up last year in June, the members of D’espairsRay have sequentially been featured in Rock & Read. Being the last in row, now it’s time for drummer TSUKASA.
At the moment he is active in the band named THE MICRO HEAD 4N’S together with his ally ZERO.
Of course, we asked him to tell us what happened during the time starting from the break-up of Despa until the start of TMH4N’S.
As a Mania (fan of Despa) you may already know, but having at a time aspired to become an Enka singer, what kind of activities might he have chosen during that time?
As is typical for him, there is a healing effect to this nonchalant interview.
Even if were not in the same band, somehow the 4 of us are still together. We’re connected by something invisible. That’s the same for all of you as well.
Q: It’s been a while now since D’espairsRay has come to an end. Do you from time to time think back to those times or about the meaning this band is holding for you during your present daily life?
T: I do. To put it shortly, I think of the times I spent with D’espairsRay as my „treasure of life“.
Q: Amazing. All of a sudden you’ve come to a conclusion.
T: I really do think that way. Apart from things concerning music, I’ve learned so much from the other band members, and I would be glad if something of myself had made an impact on the other band members as well. I have been taught quite many things for life by everyone, and there’s also a lot I have learned from our fans. I don’t have the feeling that we were just doing music at all.
Q: So if supposedly it weren’t for those about 10 years, your life would probably be very different?
T: Yes. If it weren’t for that time, I think I would have lived a life full of regrets. To say the truth, I came to Tokyo to prevent that from happening. I came here in order to not let the things I was holding dear come to an end half-finished.
Q: Resulting from that, what do you think was the most important thing you learned out of it?
T: Creating one thing together with a great number of people. Furthermore I think a kind of feeling of working together I do not want to miss anymore has become part of me. While we were all together creating this invisible thing called music, I have always thought it amazing. It was a kind of sensation I had never experienced until then. And I think that between the fans a kind of very strong bond has developed, too. That is the one thing I can say most confidently. My impression that D’espairsRay’s fans would be following us wherever we were going is really strong. There are so many of them who even after our break-up have kept following us. I am very thankful for that.
Q: What do you think is causing the fans to do this?
T: What might that be? I myself have experienced searching for CDs of my favourite bands to buy, but I never really got into those bands deeply. ...Ah, no, I probably did (laugh). I guess it’s just that I never really felt like I had. I really got into X-JAPAN. Thinking about how our fans felt the same kind of adoration for us that I felt back then, it really is a big honour.
Q: Being aware of this fact, your disbanding must have been a really hard decision. To be honest, wasn’t it kind of a set back?
T: It somehow was. While I myself wasn’t really able to grasp this new reality, in any case I strongly felt very sorry towards our fans. But truth be told, we were in a situation of not being able to continue, so had we chosen to continue anyways it would have turned out to be nothing than a burden for HIZUMI’s throat. We strongly felt like it couldn’t be helped. It surely was a bitter choice. Also concerning the fans, we were wondering “what will happen to everyone if we were to disappear?”
Q: More important than what would happen to yourself, you were putting them first?
T: Of course after the decision of disbanding had manifested inside me, my head was full of thoughts about myself and about what would happen afterwards. But to tell the truth, for some time the spirit to be in another band after the disbanding was non-existent. I didn’t feel like thinking “well then, next band!” Or rather, I wasn’t able to think that way.
Q: For example, before he could tell them himself, ZERO’s parents found out about the disbanding and he mentioned before how they told him, “if you’re to come home, the time is now!” Have you had similar experiences?
T: Yes. My parents gave me a call. “What will you do? Will you come back (home)?” (laugh) But at that time I had already began thinking deeper about drum business and I wasn’t considering returning home. Even though I didn’t feel like being in a band, I wanted to go on making a living by playing the drums. But to talk further about this topic would mess with the interview‘s order.
Q: Surely there must have been a lot of different thoughts crossing your mind in disorder. What you said just now, “even though I didn’t feel like being in a band” is a little shocking. Might it be that your thoughts about D’espairsRay were so strong, that you wanted to avoid getting involved with any particular band?
T: That’s right, I had thought to quit being in a band completely. Furthermore, I thought about becoming an enka singer, too. Just for a short while though.
Q: Certainly that must be a dream for you since many years?
T: Yes. If I were to become recognized that way, people would probably think “and with that spirit he has so long been part of D’espairsRay!?” But actually I have already had a conversation with our fans about how in a corner of my mind there is a part of me who is an enka singer. Song performances have been limited to fan club concerts or fan club trips though (laugh). The point is, basically I’d be happy if I could be satisfied with it being only a hobby. It’s just that I wrote clearly into the graduation book of elementary school “future dream: enka singer” (laugh)
Q: A revival of that dream. So it came up again as a choice you could make in life?
T: Yes. Well, even though this is ROCK AND READ, is it okay to talk about something totally unrelated to rock? I don’t quite know (laugh)
Q: Did you at any rate take any definite steps in order to become an enka singer?
T: Like locking myself into a karaoke box to practice hard? (laugh) I did that. In order to practice sincerely, I went there about 10 times. But, after casually recording one of those songs and listening to it again after having returned home… it wasn’t such a big deal (laugh) until then I frequently have been told that I was good at singing enka, but wondering if that really was true I listened to the recording again and realized I wasn’t that good after all…
Q: So you were a little disappointed.
T: Yes (laugh) I even wrote enka songs.
Q: W-what? You went that far?
T: Yes. Just like when I wrote songs for D’espairsRay, by step recording. I made around 4 to 5 songs. I also wrote the lyrics, but somehow it was no good. When it comes to enka, there are topics that immediately come to your mind, right? Sake, sakana (1), piers, and things like that (laugh) I enchased those things just the way I felt like into the songs, but after all when I listened to them at before mentioned karaoke, I thought it was no good. Furthermore, I heard that in order to make your debut as an enka singer, you have to become someone’s apprentice for at least two years as a subordinate. I feel like I’m not at the age of becoming an apprentice. As an apprentice, there are a lot of things concerning your life style that you have to do according to what you’re told, right? From your personal appearance to things you have to carry out everyday and so on. And if any renowned singer scowls at you, you can’t go on living anymore (laugh) That’s when I realized, up until now I have lived the life of a rocker (laugh) compared to people in other bands, it’s probably not that Rock ’n’ Roll though (laugh) just like that, many things were turning into a chaos inside my head… and next, I thought about becoming a support drummer, but it turned out to be different than I expected it to be. After all, I learned the joy that is being on stage at the age of 3.
Q: At the age of 3? What did you do at that time?
T: I sang “Hokkaido’s spring”(2) at a TV show (laugh) anyway, I thought working as a so-called person in the back would be quite different. After that I had a lot of conversations with other drummers about support business, and I was told that if you’re not very good at adapting it would be useless. Also concerning one’s talent, there were some things I objectively wasn’t really sure about.
Q: Maybe as you lost confidence in your own songs/singing voice you started to doubt a lot of your different opportunities as well, don’t you think?
T: Probably. Somehow, because of a lot of reasons last year was kind of a depressing year. I started to think of everything in a negative way.
Q: So in the end during all those happenings THE MICRO HEAD 4N’S started?
T: Yes. It started with ZERO inviting me. “I’ll go drinking with the others, will you join us?” So I joined them and somehow a conversation about kazuya’s dreams started and it turned out to be a lot of fun.
Q: So drawn by that you joined the conversation?
T: At first it seems kazuya wanted to form a band of 4 members, with a support drummer. But since Zero really wanted to be in a band together with me, kazuya started to consider that option. Actually regardless of the grade of alcohol at that time, without knowing any further details, I really was drawn into the way of kazuya’s talking and without thinking said “I’ll do it!” Without being asked to, somehow I was absolutely sure that I had been asked to join (laugh)
Q: A wonderful misunderstanding. It’s just too weird (laugh). However, you were certain that you didn’t want to be a supporter but a band member, right?
T: Yes. After all that way I can be active in the front. According to what kazuya said, the members would compose the songs together. That seemed very interesting to me. As member of D’espairsRay, arranging songs on the basis of that same song’s composer’s ideals was always a lot of fun, but I’m also interested in completely different ways of composing songs. Though to be honest, I’ve still not gotten used to this new way of doing it. It seems like I’m still too attached to my own method of composing until now and to the ideas I have in mind. But it is fun. Or so to say, I am acquiring a lot of different enjoyments.
Q: The atmosphere between the members of THE MICRO HEAD 4N’S and of D’espairsRay is probably quite different.
T: Yes. Somehow it’s a quite intellectual atmosphere, with TMH4N’S.
Q: Doesn’t that imply that there wasn’t anything intellectual about D’espairsRay? (laugh)
T: No, no (laugh) But to give an example, the humour of D’espairsRay was too low (laugh) well, that’s okay the way it was, but I really feel a kind of cultural difference.
Q: I think that probably kazuya and the others must have suffered a bigger culture shock than you (laugh) putting that aside, concerning music and atmosphere the colour of the bands are quite different, but frankly, are you completely merging into the atmosphere of TMH4N’S and enjoying yourself?
T: Well, I think I am the most flexible of D’espairsRay (laugh) I’m also listening to a lot of different music. There’s almost nobody who also listens to Enka after all (laugh)
Q: That may be true…
T: Actually, I don’t care for the genre, I’m just listening to whatever I like. I have no reluctance listening to whichever music there is. I also like cheerful kind of songs. Regardless of that, until now I have always played on dark stages. Hence I am still a little worried how it will be to stand on a stage illuminated by bright lights from now on. Worried if I’ll be able to play drums with a cheerful smile (laugh) but somehow it’s turning out to become a kind of unexpected interview now (laugh)
Q: That is all caused by yourself (laugh) I’ve asked that before, but apparently there are a lot of feelings of things left undone accompanying the thought of D’espairsRay.
T: Yes. We weren’t even able to play a break-up live.
Q: But had you been able to play one, you actually wouldn’t have had a reason to break up in the first place.
T: That’s right. Even if we wanted to, we weren’t able to do it. We really wanted an opportunity to show our gratitude towards our fans. But one day we want to give a break-up live.
Q: Making promises even though you didn’t know what would happen and making the fans wait for you would have been irresponsible. In order to not continue in that state and eventually come to an end, you chose to disband so you can one day reunite again. Actually the same topic came up during the last interview with HIZUMI, too.
T: My thoughts concerning this topic are the same. If HIZUMI’s throat heals… well, what would happen then? Karyu is now a member of Angelo after all. Well, if a situation came up in which we would be able to reunite, there would still be the problem that we would have to arrange a lot of things. But if HIZUMI’s throat really would heal, I would really want to start again, I have no doubts at all about that. Still a comeback itself is not sure at all now, so there’s that plus the feeling that it’s not really possible to even consider it at this moment. Somehow I would feel bad for the members of my present band.
Q: In short, you don’t want people to think that you’re a member of TMH4N’S only to bridge the time spam until the comeback of D’espairsRay. Is that what you mean?
T: Of course I’m in no way thinking of it as bridging the time spam. After all I deeply respect every band member. Ricky with his unique high tone voice, kazuya with his expertise in song composition and leadership qualities, SHUN. with his expert hands on at the least 7-string guitars and ZERO with his strength in the field of design and movies. I’m really looking forward to what kind of music we will perform with those high quality band members.
Q: With this background what will you do about your enka singer dream?
T: (laugh) I’ve already given up on being a professional enka singer. I’m fine with it being just a hobby. When I watch Hikawa Kiyoshi perform in TV shows, my mind will be on it again immediately though (laugh) Just like it was until now, if it will stay a kind of special skill from now on too I will be happy. Well, now I am saying that I gave up on being an enka singer or a support drummer, but if the topic should come up again, my opinion will probably be different regarding the circumstances I will be in. At the present I want to concentrate only on TMH4N’S, it has first priority. The other band members told me that it would be okay to do anything beside it if I wanted though.
Q: You are probably not used to doing several different things at the same time.
T: Ah, that’s correct. I’m blood type B after all (laugh) I’ve been told before regarding composing that I tend to concentrate too much in one single song. It’s difficult for me to make my mind work on two different things at the same time. Because I’m not good at keeping order on my desk. I have always been careful about that until now.
Q: Well I myself have that problem, too. Furthermore, you never know if you’ll be asked to play as a support drummer some day. I think it’s enough to think about that topic only if it comes up again.
T: Yes. I want to stay open minded towards those kinds of situations.
Q: Other than enka, another special ability of yours is painting, right?
T: Yes. Since long ago I would like to have a one-man exhibition. But if I was asked if I really had the talent to do an exhibition, I’m not sure if I do. Somehow this way, it seems like all my dreams are unreachable. I have a lot of dreams. Enka, painting, and also I want to be a dubbing actor. In the role of people from countryside (laugh). The role of a city boy would not fit. Even though I’m trying to blend it out completely, I’m still told that I talk in dialect (laugh)
Q: It may sound like a rude question, but supposing D’espairsRay had not existed, would you have pursuit becoming an enka singer, painter or dubbing actor?
T: I don’t really know. In interviews there often comes up the question “if you weren’t in a band, what would you be doing by now”, right? I mostly answered, “I guess I’d probably be a painter”, but to be honest I can’t imagine myself doing that kind of work. But there are a lot of things I want to do. To say it correctly, there are a lot of things I want to try out. In any case, since I can be in this band together with ZERO it feels kind of save and strong heartedly. We’re playing together with our seniors, so there’s a lot I can learn out of it. Concerning music and concerning life, I think it would be great if it would make me grow.
Q: So is something like “launching a one-person business” or “returning home in glory” part of your aspirations?
T: Let me think. Putting aside talent, what I can picture best for myself are lives, being drummer of a rock band. At the same time that is what I want to be doing most right now. And I think I can say about Tokyo that it is a place for the heart to grow wide. Somehow I can really enjoy myself. When I had just moved to Tokyo there were a lot of things surprising me and some scary points to this place, but by now I have come to feel very secure here.
Q: Actually with the spreading of the Internet it’s become quite easy to be active as a band even if the band members are far apart, so it’s not as necessary as it was in the past to be based in Tokyo anymore. Speaking in extremes, it would be enough to just come together for giving concerts.
T: Certainly. But then the consciousness would be different. At least in my case it would totally be. I guess there actually are a lot of people being active as a band while living in the countryside, but living in Tokyo itself is motivating me. Therefore it’s hard to think of leaving Tokyo. But one day I’d like to become a sightseeing ambassador for my hometown (laugh) you see, there’s a lot I would like to become.
Q: You surely have a lot of ambition. Aren’t you really planning to become prefectural governor?
T: Nah, I’m not good at talking and studying (laugh)
Q: (laugh) at last, if there’s something you’d want to tell the fans of D’espairsRay…
T: Somehow, I cannot frankly ask you to wait for our comeback, since I do not know what will happen in the future and after all it’s a band that doesn’t exist anymore… emotionally I think the members are all still trying to draw a clear line which is really difficult. Actually there’s nothing encouraging I can say, but what I’d like you to do most is to support every member on his way. Furthermore, I am proud of everything we did until now, everything we created until now, and I think memories are living on. I feel gratefulness more severely than I did even when our band was still normally active and I feel a kind of heavy pressure I am thankful for. In any case, the members of D’espairsRay, which you loved, are still alive giving their very best. Emotionally, I really hope we can move forward together from now on, too. Because really, even though we’re not in the same band anymore, the 4 of us are in a certain way still together. I have seen it this way already for a long time, but there’s something mysterious about the relationship between the 4 of us. Not that we are extremely close, but of course I don’t mean to say we were not close. Neither are we regularly spending time together 24/7. It’s a strange kind of relationship. We’re a group of guys who cannot say awkward stuff easily (laugh) but the 4 of us are connected by something invisible. That’s the same for all of you as well.
Q: We are also looking forward to the broadening of your activities.
T: Thank you. To express my feelings simply, while enjoying the yet unknown band TMH4N’S to its fullest, I want to eagerly improve my own abilities, the drums being first on my list.
(1) accompaniment for sake
(2) a song title, Hokkaido no haru