Drabblefic #4: Remus/Tonks, "Motivational Speeches"
Author's Note: For mrstater, who wanted Remus/Tonks and underwear. I also had the option of including Teddy - he's around somewhere. ;) Only 797 words this time, and rated PG-13. Never tried anything like this before...
Motivational Speeches
“Are you awake?”
“Mmn. Yes. Goodbye.”
“Are you awake, Remus?”
“Mmn? Sleepygoodcuddlebunny…”
“ARE YOU AWAKE, REMUS?!”
“Wassat? What the-? Ow! D-D-Dora? What’s going on?”
“Yes. D-D-Dora. Your wife. You remember her. And me.”
“Oh God, what’s wrong? What time is it? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Relatively speaking. Stop blinking at me like that, you look like an owl with hair all over its face.”
“I can’t see. Probably as a result of the severe concussion from hitting my head on the headboard. Are you sure you’re alright? Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“I expect it’s something o’clock and put your legs back in the blankets, you don’t need to get up. I’m fine.”
“Is that relatively fine, or just fine?”
“Oh, so you’ve noticed then?”
“Well, I’ve noticed you’re standing in front of the mirror with very little on, and our bed is very empty without you.”
“You mean it’s a lot lighter.”
“No, I mean it’s a lot colder. Dora… please. Tell me. Don’t you feel well?”
“Why, don’t I look it? I’m hardly going to look great, am I, being this big and all?”
“Is that what this is about? Because-”
“Underwear.”
“I’m sorry- what’s under where?”
“This is underwear! This bloody bra! It’s my favourite, and it’s the lilac one, and I can’t get it on any more! Look - I can’t even hook the thing together because they keep growing!”
“I solemnly swear not to complain too much.”
“Stop grinning, Remus. This isn’t funny.”
“Trust me, it’s a smile of pleasure at the view.”
“Oh yes, the view! Full of incredibly mountainous regions, isn’t it? Have you seen what happens when I turn sideways? I’m like a bloody Hippogriff!”
“Dora. It is... 5.36am. I didn’t get in from Potterwatch till gone two. You may have to spell this out in incredibly small words for me, with accompanying gestures of clarification. Much as I relish the opportunity to stare at my half naked wife - don’t cross your arms like that, I’m trying to concentrate - I’d like to know what’s brought all this on? You said your day had been fine, that you’d had Molly over for tea and-- Aha.”
“There’s nothing to aha over.”
“You saw Molly and Fleur. Aha.”
“Stop it with the bloody aha-ing. And the special aha tone.”
“I can’t believe you’d be so insecure.”
“Oh no, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing.”
“In addition to nothing?”
“Nothing. Apart from, ‘Tonks, you ‘ave ze beegness incrediblè'.”
“You know that Fleur occasionally says things that aren’t necessarily prime examples of the delicate art of tact.”
“She’s a bitchy cow, is the phrase you’re skirting round. What she really meant was look at me in all my skinny, beautiful blonde glory, you great fat lump.”
“You are beautiful, Dora.”
“But I was doing so well, Remus! I hardly showed at all for ages, and now, suddenly, I’ve blown up like a sodding balloon! And I’ve felt so well, and I’ve barely been sick, and now I’m going to get heartburn and constipation and backache and ankle swelling and stretch marks-”
“Not all tonight, surely?”
“-and varicose veins. Thank Merlin, at least I haven’t had any mood swings.”
“Perhaps-Merlin-could-try-a-bit-harder-with-that-one.”
“What did you say, Lupin?”
“I said, no, my love, you haven’t even had one. Why don’t you come back to bed and we can talk this over?”
“Oh, Remus… Look at me.”
“I am looking at you, Dora. It’s my greatest pleasure in life.”
“Yes, but-”
“It’s what I do. I look at you, and I marvel at you, and at the fact that you’re my wife. Even more so, now you’re carrying our child. There will never be a day I don’t want to look at you.”
“But Molly said-”
“What did Molly say?”
“That some men don’t find their wives attractive when they’re pregnant and- Remus, stop laughing!”
“Dora, if you don’t come back to bed, right this second, I will come and get you. And if I put my back out in doing so, I will be unable to demonstrate that I am not some men, as I would have thought you may have noticed by now. But if you do end up like the world’s fattest Hippogriff, then, do you know what? You’ll still be the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when you sniff in that unladylike fashion.”
“I am not sniffing. And I really hate it when you talk like some motivational speaker for the not very bright.”
“I like to practice for Umbridge. Now come here.”
“I love it when you’re masterful- Ooh.”
“Mmn.”
“You’re really not some men, are you?”
“No, I just don’t care. I’ll have to tell you a million times.”
“Mmn- Remus.”
“…Dora?”
“You know you said cuddlebunny again, don’t you?”
Motivational Speeches
“Are you awake?”
“Mmn. Yes. Goodbye.”
“Are you awake, Remus?”
“Mmn? Sleepygoodcuddlebunny…”
“ARE YOU AWAKE, REMUS?!”
“Wassat? What the-? Ow! D-D-Dora? What’s going on?”
“Yes. D-D-Dora. Your wife. You remember her. And me.”
“Oh God, what’s wrong? What time is it? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Relatively speaking. Stop blinking at me like that, you look like an owl with hair all over its face.”
“I can’t see. Probably as a result of the severe concussion from hitting my head on the headboard. Are you sure you’re alright? Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“I expect it’s something o’clock and put your legs back in the blankets, you don’t need to get up. I’m fine.”
“Is that relatively fine, or just fine?”
“Oh, so you’ve noticed then?”
“Well, I’ve noticed you’re standing in front of the mirror with very little on, and our bed is very empty without you.”
“You mean it’s a lot lighter.”
“No, I mean it’s a lot colder. Dora… please. Tell me. Don’t you feel well?”
“Why, don’t I look it? I’m hardly going to look great, am I, being this big and all?”
“Is that what this is about? Because-”
“Underwear.”
“I’m sorry- what’s under where?”
“This is underwear! This bloody bra! It’s my favourite, and it’s the lilac one, and I can’t get it on any more! Look - I can’t even hook the thing together because they keep growing!”
“I solemnly swear not to complain too much.”
“Stop grinning, Remus. This isn’t funny.”
“Trust me, it’s a smile of pleasure at the view.”
“Oh yes, the view! Full of incredibly mountainous regions, isn’t it? Have you seen what happens when I turn sideways? I’m like a bloody Hippogriff!”
“Dora. It is... 5.36am. I didn’t get in from Potterwatch till gone two. You may have to spell this out in incredibly small words for me, with accompanying gestures of clarification. Much as I relish the opportunity to stare at my half naked wife - don’t cross your arms like that, I’m trying to concentrate - I’d like to know what’s brought all this on? You said your day had been fine, that you’d had Molly over for tea and-- Aha.”
“There’s nothing to aha over.”
“You saw Molly and Fleur. Aha.”
“Stop it with the bloody aha-ing. And the special aha tone.”
“I can’t believe you’d be so insecure.”
“Oh no, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing.”
“In addition to nothing?”
“Nothing. Apart from, ‘Tonks, you ‘ave ze beegness incrediblè'.”
“You know that Fleur occasionally says things that aren’t necessarily prime examples of the delicate art of tact.”
“She’s a bitchy cow, is the phrase you’re skirting round. What she really meant was look at me in all my skinny, beautiful blonde glory, you great fat lump.”
“You are beautiful, Dora.”
“But I was doing so well, Remus! I hardly showed at all for ages, and now, suddenly, I’ve blown up like a sodding balloon! And I’ve felt so well, and I’ve barely been sick, and now I’m going to get heartburn and constipation and backache and ankle swelling and stretch marks-”
“Not all tonight, surely?”
“-and varicose veins. Thank Merlin, at least I haven’t had any mood swings.”
“Perhaps-Merlin-could-try-a-bit-harder-with-that-one.”
“What did you say, Lupin?”
“I said, no, my love, you haven’t even had one. Why don’t you come back to bed and we can talk this over?”
“Oh, Remus… Look at me.”
“I am looking at you, Dora. It’s my greatest pleasure in life.”
“Yes, but-”
“It’s what I do. I look at you, and I marvel at you, and at the fact that you’re my wife. Even more so, now you’re carrying our child. There will never be a day I don’t want to look at you.”
“But Molly said-”
“What did Molly say?”
“That some men don’t find their wives attractive when they’re pregnant and- Remus, stop laughing!”
“Dora, if you don’t come back to bed, right this second, I will come and get you. And if I put my back out in doing so, I will be unable to demonstrate that I am not some men, as I would have thought you may have noticed by now. But if you do end up like the world’s fattest Hippogriff, then, do you know what? You’ll still be the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when you sniff in that unladylike fashion.”
“I am not sniffing. And I really hate it when you talk like some motivational speaker for the not very bright.”
“I like to practice for Umbridge. Now come here.”
“I love it when you’re masterful- Ooh.”
“Mmn.”
“You’re really not some men, are you?”
“No, I just don’t care. I’ll have to tell you a million times.”
“Mmn- Remus.”
“…Dora?”
“You know you said cuddlebunny again, don’t you?”