Fic: "Forced Perspective" (Mac/Danny) PG-13 (for psych_30)
Fandom: CSI: NY
Title: Forced Perspective
Rating: PG-13 for boykissing and dirty words
Summary: Differing viewpoints on the same events often lead to conflict.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Property of Jerry Bruckheimer, Alliance Atlantis, CBS, etc.
Prompt: #10-- Approach-Avoidance for psych_30
Pairing: Mac Taylor/Danny Messer
A/N: Finally got something done! But not without the fixing, poking and ass kicking of stellaluna_. I couldn't do this without her.
Feedback always welcome.
"Mac? Mac! I know you're in there. Dammit Mac! Open the fuckin’ door! Please? Come on Mac…" Danny's voice springs from anger to pleading and back again as he pounds loudly on Mac’s apartment door.
Mac has to restrain himself from yanking the door open in order to stop Danny's incessant pounding-although by this point, he’s probably gained the attention of half the building. He opens the door quickly, causing Danny's hand to swing forward momentarily as he tries to pound empty air. He storms angrily into the apartment, not waiting for any sort of invitation from Mac, and immediately starts spewing all sorts of things, some completely unintelligible as he paces around, gravitating steadily toward the kitchen by habit. He lets him rant for another minute or so, but then comes to the conclusion that this needs to stop and they need to get to the real reason why he’s creating a disturbance.
"What in the hell makes you think you can just barge in and act like this?" Mac spits angrily at Danny, who is pacing like a barely contained tiger in Mac's kitchen. He watches him move back and forth, sorely tempted to shove him in a chair just to make him stop-- except that would just piss Danny off even more and send him spiraling out of control even more, negating any progress he could have made.
However, he doesn’t have to do anything, because Danny abruptly stops and slams his hands down on the kitchen counter, looking at him with anger and frustration burning in his eyes.
"What do I think? What am I doing? Oh real rich, Mac. You should be the one fucking thinking about actions!" he starts moving again, gesturing angrily and muttering as he stalks around. His constant motion would make Mac dizzy just watching if it wasn’t making him so annoyed.
"Oh wait," he starts sarcastically. "You didn't. Again. And why am I pissed off? Because I fucking love you, you stupid asshole. And apparently, I gotta do everything in my goddamn power and maybe more to make sure you don't end up on Hammerback's fucking slab."
Mac’s shocked at what he just heard-they don’t say things like that to each other. It just doesn’t happen. Plus, he doesn’t know how to define what he feels, but he never knew that Danny thought of the situation in terms like that. He doesn’t want to try to figure it out, be forced to think in those terms anytime soon, much less right now. Especially not with an angry Danny lashing out at him in any way he can. His only option at the moment is to pretend that he didn’t hear it and hope that Danny doesn’t remember, or at least pretends he doesn’t, which has occurred on more than one occasion.
Mac has had just about enough of Danny’s ranting and isn’t going to stand by and let Danny yell at him and carry on like this. "Dammit Danny, I'm perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation that might arise as part of this job. We know this going into every scene and every day that it's not a low risk occupation."
"Yeah, there's reasonable risk Mac, and dammit, that wasn't!" He stops abruptly in front of Mac, leaning well into his personal space, anger and frustration radiating off him in waves.
Mac stands his ground, staring right back at him, barely able to rein in the tremors of anger in his hands. "Without any action, they would have died. I couldn't just stand there and let it happen."
"Yeah, and if I had pulled that stunt, you would have had me by the balls. You'd throw me on some fucking desk, saying I'm a risk in the field or some shit like that. You're the fucking boss, nobody can pull that shit on you." Danny's finger pokes him in the chest, pressing hard enough that his fingertip turns white from the pressure.
"I would not let actions like that cloud my judgment in placing any of my staff on assignments." He always tries to lead his team fairly, to be an even handed boss as much as possible.
"Oh don't even fucking go there Mac. You already did. After the whole Minhas thing? Don't even try for a second to tell me that you didn't act different. Didn't keep looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds like a little kid, some rookie. Bull. Shit." He shoves him in the chest after each word, getting so close to Mac that he can feel Danny's breath curling in steaming hot tendrils against his cheek.
"I didn't--" Mac starts, interrupted this time by force and not words.
Danny shoves him, palms digging into his chest, forcing him backwards as the edges of the counter dig hard, uncomfortable lines into his back.
"No Mac, don't even start. You had no right to treat me like you did. You acted like I was some rookie, some stupid kid. It took you months to even let me back out on cases on my own, and I fucking *bled* for that. Worked my ass off for every little bit. You didn't have my back then, and how do I even know you have it now?" His eyes are sparkling with anger, but his voice is clearly tinged with other things than just uncontrolled rage.
Mac’s voice rises in anger, trying to head off this conversation before it dips entirely too far into dangerous territory. "Danny, that's not even the issue at hand--"
"You know what? Right as fucking always, aren't you. It's not. The issue 'at hand' now is you going off and acting like none of us got yours, like some rogue fucking superhero. You're. Not. Invincible. If you get shot, you're gonna bleed red like the rest of us. And believe it or fucking not, Mac, we do got your back. Me, Don, Stella. Even Sheldon. It's one of us or all of us, don't you get it?" Danny grinds out the words, panting from his rage. When he looks into Danny's eyes, however, he sees that lurking behind the angry veneer is a heaping dose of fear and anguish. This isn't just Danny spouting off in a temper fit. There's something more to this that wasn’t showing through in the beginning, and it’s making him nervous with the sudden change.
He tries to say something to diffuse the situation, but doesn't get the chance. "I.."
"Don't you get it Mac?" Danny's hands tighten in his shirt and he shakes him. "If you die, a part of us dies with you." The unspoken implication that pretty much all of Danny himself would die with him echoes heavy in the room. "Same as anyone else on the team. And none of us need to put our necks out for stupid reasons without the other ones there to keep it from getting out of hand. Nobody needs to play the hero."
Mac can't stand to look at him while he bleeds hurt so obviously, and Danny seems to take it the wrong way. He grabs Mac's face roughly, squeezing the flesh tight through his fingers, the bulges turning pale from the pressure. He looks Mac straight in the eyes, and it obviously escapes his notice that Mac's been relatively pliable and not fighting back as he holds him as tightly as if he was struggling like a madman.
"Promise me that you won't pull this shit again. Promise." Mac tries everything he can to not look into Danny’s eyes, staying silent. Danny’s so much an open book at the best of times, and right now, it’s all bleeding out for the world to see, and it hurts far too much to be pulled in again. Danny laughs bitterly, obviously hurt by Mac’s resistance, interpreting it wrong yet again. "You can't, can you. No fuckin’ way in hell you can even put forth the effort to say the words. Guess I know where I fuckin’ stand, now don’t I? Then again, 's not like you'd keep 'em anyways."
The implication that he would not be a man of his word is Mac’s breaking point-the one wound that cut down to the bone from Danny’s lashing out. He grabs Danny and spins them around in one smooth move, pinning him against the counter this time.
"Never. Ever. Say. That I am not a man of my word,” he grinds out low and angrily. “It's not that I couldn't 'make an effort'. I still wouldn't have done anything differently."
Danny squirms uncomfortably under his weight as Mac leans into him. They may be pretty evenly matched, but adrenaline, anger and superior technique have him nearly powerless to move, and Mac knows he has the advantage at the moment and runs with it.
"Do you for one second think that I would deliberately put any of you in danger? Why do you think I didn't call for backup?"
Danny struggles against him, trying to push him away and regain the advantage. "You didn't cause I was there with you! You don't trust me, even after all this time. Even after we've been fucking."
Mac forces himself closer, every inch pinned against him, one hand on the counter and the other holding his face still so he can force Danny to look at him. "No, Danny. Not because I didn't trust you. Never because I don't trust you. Because I don't trust me. And no way in hell was I going to purposefully put you in harm's way."
Danny stops struggling and looks directly at him as Mac lets go of his face, mouth gaping open, no sound coming out while the rest of his body stays frozen. Mac can’t stand to look into his eyes after what he just revealed, and steps away slightly, retreating before Danny processes it all and starts in on his next diatribe. He snaps out of his shock and grabs Mac before he can get far. Mac inwardly cringes when he can’t get away.
Danny forces Mac to look at him again, but his touch is much gentler this time. "That was still really fucking stupid, Mac, putting yourself in danger like that. That's what I’m here for, dammit. Don and Stella and everyone else. You don’t have to do it all alone. And I don't need to be saved, or treated like glass or some shit like that," he says firmly, but lacking a good amount of the anger he exuded only a few moments before.
Mac tries to move back away from Danny again now that the argument has deescalated. Danny’s physical proximity is too distracting, and he tries to move away so that he can think about what to do next. Danny doesn’t let him, abbreviating his movement and pulling Mac back against him. Danny’s hands start roaming all over his upper body, carefully inspecting every inch and he flinches when Danny’s hands trace firmly over his scar, but he doesn’t let up. They move up to run up and down Mac's arms, pressing and stroking, acting like he’s carefully inspecting him for any flaws or injuries, trying to reassure himself that Mac really is there in front of him and unharmed.
Danny leans in and kisses him, starting out slow but quickly growing in urgency. He can taste the desperation, and strokes Danny’s back soothingly. Danny just tries to pull them closer together, and Mac responds in kind, hands going directly to Danny's hips and then one drifts back to rubbing circles on his lower back. Danny begins to calm down, relaxing more and more into Mac, hands moving idly and nibbling much more gently on Danny’s lip in the way that always makes him purr.
He never can understand why when it comes to Danny that one minute it can as easy as breathing and the next they’re at each other’s throats. How volatile they can be. It’s never been like this before-not with Abernathy, not with Claire, not with Stella-no one. It’s different between them, indefinably so.
They have to part to breathe and as they pause, Danny leans his forehead against his their breath mingling just as intimately as their lips just were. "Just don't do it again. Please, Mac. Just don't," he pleads. Mac can’t bring himself to respond, knowing that he can’t bring himself to give Danny the empty promise that it would be.
Fin
10/06
Link back to the table of stories with psych_30 prompts
Link to all of my stories
x-posted to : csi_ny_fic, csi_slash, mac_danny_slash and psych_30
Title: Forced Perspective
Rating: PG-13 for boykissing and dirty words
Summary: Differing viewpoints on the same events often lead to conflict.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Property of Jerry Bruckheimer, Alliance Atlantis, CBS, etc.
Prompt: #10-- Approach-Avoidance for psych_30
Pairing: Mac Taylor/Danny Messer
A/N: Finally got something done! But not without the fixing, poking and ass kicking of stellaluna_. I couldn't do this without her.
Feedback always welcome.
"Mac? Mac! I know you're in there. Dammit Mac! Open the fuckin’ door! Please? Come on Mac…" Danny's voice springs from anger to pleading and back again as he pounds loudly on Mac’s apartment door.
Mac has to restrain himself from yanking the door open in order to stop Danny's incessant pounding-although by this point, he’s probably gained the attention of half the building. He opens the door quickly, causing Danny's hand to swing forward momentarily as he tries to pound empty air. He storms angrily into the apartment, not waiting for any sort of invitation from Mac, and immediately starts spewing all sorts of things, some completely unintelligible as he paces around, gravitating steadily toward the kitchen by habit. He lets him rant for another minute or so, but then comes to the conclusion that this needs to stop and they need to get to the real reason why he’s creating a disturbance.
"What in the hell makes you think you can just barge in and act like this?" Mac spits angrily at Danny, who is pacing like a barely contained tiger in Mac's kitchen. He watches him move back and forth, sorely tempted to shove him in a chair just to make him stop-- except that would just piss Danny off even more and send him spiraling out of control even more, negating any progress he could have made.
However, he doesn’t have to do anything, because Danny abruptly stops and slams his hands down on the kitchen counter, looking at him with anger and frustration burning in his eyes.
"What do I think? What am I doing? Oh real rich, Mac. You should be the one fucking thinking about actions!" he starts moving again, gesturing angrily and muttering as he stalks around. His constant motion would make Mac dizzy just watching if it wasn’t making him so annoyed.
"Oh wait," he starts sarcastically. "You didn't. Again. And why am I pissed off? Because I fucking love you, you stupid asshole. And apparently, I gotta do everything in my goddamn power and maybe more to make sure you don't end up on Hammerback's fucking slab."
Mac’s shocked at what he just heard-they don’t say things like that to each other. It just doesn’t happen. Plus, he doesn’t know how to define what he feels, but he never knew that Danny thought of the situation in terms like that. He doesn’t want to try to figure it out, be forced to think in those terms anytime soon, much less right now. Especially not with an angry Danny lashing out at him in any way he can. His only option at the moment is to pretend that he didn’t hear it and hope that Danny doesn’t remember, or at least pretends he doesn’t, which has occurred on more than one occasion.
Mac has had just about enough of Danny’s ranting and isn’t going to stand by and let Danny yell at him and carry on like this. "Dammit Danny, I'm perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation that might arise as part of this job. We know this going into every scene and every day that it's not a low risk occupation."
"Yeah, there's reasonable risk Mac, and dammit, that wasn't!" He stops abruptly in front of Mac, leaning well into his personal space, anger and frustration radiating off him in waves.
Mac stands his ground, staring right back at him, barely able to rein in the tremors of anger in his hands. "Without any action, they would have died. I couldn't just stand there and let it happen."
"Yeah, and if I had pulled that stunt, you would have had me by the balls. You'd throw me on some fucking desk, saying I'm a risk in the field or some shit like that. You're the fucking boss, nobody can pull that shit on you." Danny's finger pokes him in the chest, pressing hard enough that his fingertip turns white from the pressure.
"I would not let actions like that cloud my judgment in placing any of my staff on assignments." He always tries to lead his team fairly, to be an even handed boss as much as possible.
"Oh don't even fucking go there Mac. You already did. After the whole Minhas thing? Don't even try for a second to tell me that you didn't act different. Didn't keep looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds like a little kid, some rookie. Bull. Shit." He shoves him in the chest after each word, getting so close to Mac that he can feel Danny's breath curling in steaming hot tendrils against his cheek.
"I didn't--" Mac starts, interrupted this time by force and not words.
Danny shoves him, palms digging into his chest, forcing him backwards as the edges of the counter dig hard, uncomfortable lines into his back.
"No Mac, don't even start. You had no right to treat me like you did. You acted like I was some rookie, some stupid kid. It took you months to even let me back out on cases on my own, and I fucking *bled* for that. Worked my ass off for every little bit. You didn't have my back then, and how do I even know you have it now?" His eyes are sparkling with anger, but his voice is clearly tinged with other things than just uncontrolled rage.
Mac’s voice rises in anger, trying to head off this conversation before it dips entirely too far into dangerous territory. "Danny, that's not even the issue at hand--"
"You know what? Right as fucking always, aren't you. It's not. The issue 'at hand' now is you going off and acting like none of us got yours, like some rogue fucking superhero. You're. Not. Invincible. If you get shot, you're gonna bleed red like the rest of us. And believe it or fucking not, Mac, we do got your back. Me, Don, Stella. Even Sheldon. It's one of us or all of us, don't you get it?" Danny grinds out the words, panting from his rage. When he looks into Danny's eyes, however, he sees that lurking behind the angry veneer is a heaping dose of fear and anguish. This isn't just Danny spouting off in a temper fit. There's something more to this that wasn’t showing through in the beginning, and it’s making him nervous with the sudden change.
He tries to say something to diffuse the situation, but doesn't get the chance. "I.."
"Don't you get it Mac?" Danny's hands tighten in his shirt and he shakes him. "If you die, a part of us dies with you." The unspoken implication that pretty much all of Danny himself would die with him echoes heavy in the room. "Same as anyone else on the team. And none of us need to put our necks out for stupid reasons without the other ones there to keep it from getting out of hand. Nobody needs to play the hero."
Mac can't stand to look at him while he bleeds hurt so obviously, and Danny seems to take it the wrong way. He grabs Mac's face roughly, squeezing the flesh tight through his fingers, the bulges turning pale from the pressure. He looks Mac straight in the eyes, and it obviously escapes his notice that Mac's been relatively pliable and not fighting back as he holds him as tightly as if he was struggling like a madman.
"Promise me that you won't pull this shit again. Promise." Mac tries everything he can to not look into Danny’s eyes, staying silent. Danny’s so much an open book at the best of times, and right now, it’s all bleeding out for the world to see, and it hurts far too much to be pulled in again. Danny laughs bitterly, obviously hurt by Mac’s resistance, interpreting it wrong yet again. "You can't, can you. No fuckin’ way in hell you can even put forth the effort to say the words. Guess I know where I fuckin’ stand, now don’t I? Then again, 's not like you'd keep 'em anyways."
The implication that he would not be a man of his word is Mac’s breaking point-the one wound that cut down to the bone from Danny’s lashing out. He grabs Danny and spins them around in one smooth move, pinning him against the counter this time.
"Never. Ever. Say. That I am not a man of my word,” he grinds out low and angrily. “It's not that I couldn't 'make an effort'. I still wouldn't have done anything differently."
Danny squirms uncomfortably under his weight as Mac leans into him. They may be pretty evenly matched, but adrenaline, anger and superior technique have him nearly powerless to move, and Mac knows he has the advantage at the moment and runs with it.
"Do you for one second think that I would deliberately put any of you in danger? Why do you think I didn't call for backup?"
Danny struggles against him, trying to push him away and regain the advantage. "You didn't cause I was there with you! You don't trust me, even after all this time. Even after we've been fucking."
Mac forces himself closer, every inch pinned against him, one hand on the counter and the other holding his face still so he can force Danny to look at him. "No, Danny. Not because I didn't trust you. Never because I don't trust you. Because I don't trust me. And no way in hell was I going to purposefully put you in harm's way."
Danny stops struggling and looks directly at him as Mac lets go of his face, mouth gaping open, no sound coming out while the rest of his body stays frozen. Mac can’t stand to look into his eyes after what he just revealed, and steps away slightly, retreating before Danny processes it all and starts in on his next diatribe. He snaps out of his shock and grabs Mac before he can get far. Mac inwardly cringes when he can’t get away.
Danny forces Mac to look at him again, but his touch is much gentler this time. "That was still really fucking stupid, Mac, putting yourself in danger like that. That's what I’m here for, dammit. Don and Stella and everyone else. You don’t have to do it all alone. And I don't need to be saved, or treated like glass or some shit like that," he says firmly, but lacking a good amount of the anger he exuded only a few moments before.
Mac tries to move back away from Danny again now that the argument has deescalated. Danny’s physical proximity is too distracting, and he tries to move away so that he can think about what to do next. Danny doesn’t let him, abbreviating his movement and pulling Mac back against him. Danny’s hands start roaming all over his upper body, carefully inspecting every inch and he flinches when Danny’s hands trace firmly over his scar, but he doesn’t let up. They move up to run up and down Mac's arms, pressing and stroking, acting like he’s carefully inspecting him for any flaws or injuries, trying to reassure himself that Mac really is there in front of him and unharmed.
Danny leans in and kisses him, starting out slow but quickly growing in urgency. He can taste the desperation, and strokes Danny’s back soothingly. Danny just tries to pull them closer together, and Mac responds in kind, hands going directly to Danny's hips and then one drifts back to rubbing circles on his lower back. Danny begins to calm down, relaxing more and more into Mac, hands moving idly and nibbling much more gently on Danny’s lip in the way that always makes him purr.
He never can understand why when it comes to Danny that one minute it can as easy as breathing and the next they’re at each other’s throats. How volatile they can be. It’s never been like this before-not with Abernathy, not with Claire, not with Stella-no one. It’s different between them, indefinably so.
They have to part to breathe and as they pause, Danny leans his forehead against his their breath mingling just as intimately as their lips just were. "Just don't do it again. Please, Mac. Just don't," he pleads. Mac can’t bring himself to respond, knowing that he can’t bring himself to give Danny the empty promise that it would be.
Fin
10/06
Link back to the table of stories with psych_30 prompts
Link to all of my stories
x-posted to : csi_ny_fic, csi_slash, mac_danny_slash and psych_30