Fic: "Altered States" (Mac/Danny) PG-13 (for psych_30)
Fandom: CSI: NY
Title: Altered States
Author: gin200168
Rating: PG-13 for boykissing
Summary: Unexpected events bring out a side of Mac that Danny never even imagined.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Property of Jerry Bruckheimer, Alliance Atlantis, CBS, etc.
Pairing: Mac Taylor/Danny Messer
Prompt: 4.) Ego/Id for psych_30
Word Count: 8,196
A/N: It's finally here! It's nearly twice the size of everything I've ever written, and more than I anticipated it'd ever be, to be honest. It just kept growing and growing.... Much love to stellaluna_ for convincing me that it wasn't a complete waste of time at first, and then for sticking through and doing all the usual fixes on a much larger scale. And keeping me on track.
Feedback always welcome.
Danny scans the room, looking for their perp. He honestly isn't too keen on being the bait for a serial killer, but anything to take him off the streets, he guesses. Flack's voice crackles tinnily in his ear as they report perimeter checks, and he can feel Mac's eyes on him as he sits in the far corner of the bar, drink in hand, trying to blend in. Danny weaves through the crowd around the periphery of the dance floor, when he finally spots their target. More voices crackle excitedly in his ear, and Danny starts to move toward him.
When he had gone to Mac to get the approval form signed so that he could temporarily work with another squad to assist in a high-profile takedown, Mac's eyes had turned cold and at first he adamantly refused to sign the papers. Danny felt his presence was necessary, and knew he had the skill-- he couldn't understand why Mac would so adamantly refuse. There would be plenty of backup around, plenty of eyes to watch for the perp to drug his drink before they moved in, and he knew the drill-- drink very little of your drink regardless of how long you're there. People are human, and even the best might miss some sort of contamination, best not to run the risk of ingesting a large amount of it.
After a prolonged argument, Mac had reluctantly agreed-- with the stipulation that he be involved if any of his people were going to be. Danny wasn't sure exactly what possessed him to do so, but all he could do was just go along with it.
Before Danny can get close enough to trap the suspect, he takes off. Mac ends up taking him down in the alley behind the club, quicker than any of the younger guys to get there. After handing the perp off to Flack and the others for booking, they stand around waiting for the all-clear to head out. He watches Mac dodge a full exam from the medics twice as he stands and talks to Flack, despite a couple large scrapes on his arms. The second time he caves in to just getting some bandages and water to clean up with, but still won't let them check him out thoroughly.
Mac keeps flashing impatient looks over toward the command center, obviously more than ready to go home. If his mood continues, Danny's not going to be looking forward to the long ride back to the lab. He's already uncomfortable with how he's dressed and all the crap they put in his hair-- he doesn't need a pissed off Mac to make it any worse. Once they all are dismissed, Mac flashes him a look that demands instant compliance and jerks his head towards the car before he storms off. Danny bids farewell to a slightly confused Flack and quickly follows.
Danny climbs into the passenger seat of the sedan and sits quietly, staring out the window and occasionally watching Mac out of the corner of his eye like he always seems to when he's not trying to curb the habit. He starts paying attention much more carefully when it seems that Mac isn't calming down at all as they head back toward the lab. Instead, he seems to be getting more and more tense as time goes on, shifting in his seat, and generally acting unusual for Mac. Danny passes it off as stress from the takedown, telling himself he's just reading into something that's not there.
"Hey Mac, you all right?" he asks cautiously, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Yes, Danny, I'm fine." Mac answers tersely, so Danny lets the matter drop. Best not to piss him off, and he doesn't have any real, tangible reason not to take him at his word.
The silence stretches and twists awkwardly as the car ride continues, and as soon as they get to the lab he practically bounds out of the car and as far away from Mac as possible, straight to the locker rooms to change. He doesn't like all the crap they put in his hair, or any of the clothes they picked for him to wear, and wants to be rid of it as fast as possible.
When he gets out of the shower, he decides to go up to Mac's office to check on him one last time. Something about Mac's behavior on the way back kept bothering him in the back of his mind as he showered, and he just can't let it rest until he sees for himself. He's probably overreacting anyway, seeing things that aren't there. He'll just pop in, check on Mac, and leave, no big deal.
When he gets to Mac's office, he notices that Mac hasn't changed from the club, still all in black and dressed casually in a nice, heavy t-shirt and tight jeans. Danny has to admit it looks pretty damn good on him, but he's resigned himself to the fact that all he'll get to do is look at him from a distance, so he might as well enjoy the view while he can. Mac stands in front of the window, shifts his weight back and forth as he looks out. Danny knocks on the door as he lets himself in, settling down on the couch.
"Hey Mac, how ya doin'? Not hurting from that takedown, yeah?" He watches as Mac turns to him, eyes wide.
"I'm just fine, Danny," he purrs as he slowly advances on Danny, looking at him with an expression that he's never seen before on Mac.
Danny freezes in shock. He's got to be imagining things-- Mac Taylor does not purr. As Mac moves towards him, he notices that Mac's hands are shaking. Shaking? They've never shaken before.... His face seems flushed and he's breathing rapidly. Something knells in the back of his mind as very wrong, and Danny starts to panic and tries desperately not to show it.
"Are you sure you're all right? You don't seem ok. Maybe you wanna sit down or something?" Danny asks quickly, moving to get up off the couch. Mac stops right in front of him, staring down at Danny, looking at him as if he can see straight though him.
"Just fine Danny, just fine..." Mac trails off, still staring down at him with that strange expression. Danny gets a good look up close at Mac's face, and notices his pupils are blown so wide that they're practically black, and his eyes are glazed over, unfocused. He doesn't remember Mac sustaining a blow to the head in the scuffle, just the scrapes and probably a few bruises. He starts to check over what he can see of Mac to make sure there are no other visible injuries that everyone might have missed. When he looks down, he finds that Mac's got one hand shoved into his pants, dangerously close to a very prominent bulge, and the other pushing up on the hem of his thick black t-shirt to reveal well-toned abs.
"Do you like this, Danny? I saw how you were looking at the others in that club-- it wasn't just a cover job for you. You wanted some of them, and they all wanted you. All you have to do is just ask, you can have what you want..." he stalks slowly toward Danny, hand moving in slow strokes inside his jeans. Danny can't help but be sucked into the seduction momentarily, watching Mac's other hand move in hypnotizingly slow circles on his bare stomach, black cotton rising and falling and letting tantalizing bits of pale flesh peek out.
Danny blinks and shakes himself out of the little spell of shock he was floating in. That did *not* just come out of Mac's mouth. No way. He's got to be hallucinating all of this-- Mac wouldn't think those things, much less say or do them. It's just not Mac.
It takes a minute, but Danny puts two and two together-- Mac's been drugged like the others, and that means that the perp they picked up isn't working alone. It has to be the bartender, because Mac would know how to protect his drink-- nobody else would have been able to slip something in.
Suddenly Mac blinks owlishly, as if he actually is seeing Danny in front of him for the first time.
"Danny?" Mac says tentatively, brow furrowed in confusion. He slowly steps back, one hand dropping the hem of the shirt as he pulls the other one out of his pants. He looks down at his hands, clearly embarrassed and unsure about his behavior.
Danny jumps up, moving over to Mac and carefully places a guiding hand on his back, encouraging him toward the couch.
"Mac? Are you with me here? Come sit down a second, I think they drugged you too. You stay here while I go to get the Doc, all right?"
Mac sits down, staring straight forward, placing his hands on his knees and sitting stock still, staring off into space. "I don't need a doctor. I'm all right. It's just a couple scrapes from taking him down. Nothing worth the attention."
"Please Mac, just humor me and let the Doc look at ya. I promise I'll bring back Hawkes or Sid, someone you know," Danny pleads. Danny's sitting next to him, trying to get Mac to look at him, even though Mac keeps avoiding his gaze.
Suddenly Mac's hand lands on Danny's thigh and swiftly moves toward his crotch. The vacant look in his eyes is back, and Danny's pretty sure that Mac's not in conscious control of his actions. As much as his traitorous cock is taking interest that Mac's hand is rubbing slowly over it, he tries desperately to control himself. He's fantasized many times about Mac doing something like this, but even so, he refuses to take advantage of Mac when he's obviously not himself-- even if part of him wishes he could.
He jumps up quickly, and Mac clearly seems to be hurt by his refusal.
"You stay here. I'll be right back, ok?" Danny says as he tries to move towards the door.
Mac stalks over and pins Danny against the wall just before he can get there, hands slamming hard along the sides of his head. Danny flinches from the impact, worried that Mac's mood has swung wildly again, this time into anger. Lord knows the man probably knows a hundred ways to kill someone with his bare hands alone, and Danny really doesn't want to be a living practice dummy.
He tries to slowly maneuver his way out from underneath the cage of Mac's arms, but doesn't get anywhere as Mac pins him bodily against the wall. He rubs roughly and frantically against Danny, practically humping his thigh. As he opens his mouth to protest, Mac swoops in and kisses him roughly, seemingly determined to jump him whether or not Danny approves. He tries to resist, gently trying to push Mac away and keep his mouth closed, not giving Mac any room to work. Mac is determined, however, and ungracefully tries to force Danny to open his mouth again. Mac nips at Danny's lower lip hard, and as he hisses in pain, Mac forces his tongue into his open mouth.
Danny's mind jumps from frantic to blank, debating what to try next while trying to resist the living fantasy in his arms. Kissing Mac, even in a less than ideal situation, is more than he thought he ever was going to get. Mac tastes good, and feels even better against him, but he just can't go through with it as much as his libido might want to argue otherwise. As much as he may want it, it's just not right to take advantage of Mac while in a drugged state. His consent would be dubious at best, despite the fact that he's the one making the advances. Besides, Mac's never indicated any interest in men, much less him.
His resistance seems to just encourage Mac to be even more aggressive, so Danny decides to change tact just to see if the opposite would be true. Sure enough, Mac becomes less and less frantic when Danny doesn't resist him, kissing him back slowly and resting a hand on his back. Mac's kisses become much more gentle, and his body language definitely relaxes as his hand slowly strokes down Danny's side, caressing everything he can reach through the clothes. Danny continues to force himself to relax, and when Mac pulls away from him to breathe, he looks at Danny through hooded eyes, oozing sexuality. For the quickest moment Danny wishes that the situation was different, and Mac was fully cognisant of everything around him and was doing this by choice. That he could give in without guilt... He'd never be so lucky.
Suddenly Mac's eyes snap wide open and he gasps loudly and Danny figures he's a goner. A few seconds away from unconsciousness or worse. Instead, Mac backs away from him rapidly, mumbling apologies as he fumbles backward toward the couch. When his calves hit it, he sits awkwardly and practically curls upon himself in the far corner.
Danny lets out a huge breath and pushes away from the wall, still watching Mac cautiously. He makes no sudden moves, careful not to spook Mac. Mac won't look up at him, and he's torn between relief and fear that now something worse is going on. "You stay there, all right? Don't move. I'll be right back," Danny says, trying to keep his voice calm and even as possible, and almost failing. When Mac doesn't move, he slips out the door to find help.
He rushes down the corridor, searching desperately for Hawkes. If he can't find him, he'll have to go all the way down to the basement to find Sid. Sid's a good guy and all, but he'd prefer Hawkes for a lot of reasons, and is pretty sure Mac would too. Luck is on his side for once, he thinks, because Hawkes is still around and he finds him in the trace lab.
"Doc? Doc! You gotta help me, Mac's not actin' right and the bartender's in on it too and is it gonna kill him or does he need to go to the hospital--"
"Woah, woah, woah... Danny, slow down. Are you ok? What's wrong? Take a breath, slow down, and tell me what's going on," Hawkes says, watching him warily, but kindness and concern spill from his voice.
"Mac's acting weird. Really weird. He swings back and forth from craziness to momentary lucidity. We thought the suspect was working alone, but maybe he wasn't. And now they got to have drugged Mac cause he's acting completely not himself, and I don't know what to do. Ya gotta help," Danny says in a rush, pacing in front of Hawkes and practically begging for guidance.
"Ok, ok. Calm down. First off, what case are you talking about? Second, what drugs? Do you have any idea what they could have given him and how? Third, what do you mean 'acting completely not himself'?" Hawkes asks, gently trapping Danny by placing his hands on his shoulders and forcing him to stand still.
"We were working this bust with Major Case, they wanted me to be bait for their perp cause I fit his vic profile. Mac wouldn't let me go alone and insisted that he help out, which was fine with me and all. So we went to get the guy and Mac was watching from the bar, drinking something. The perp we brought in must not have been working alone, and the bartender must have slipped Mac something, he knew we were sniffing around to find the guy. I don't think he drank too much though. The four vics were all strangled and left trussed up in a bed. Sid said something about drugs in their systems, but I remember him saying that the cause of death being asphyxiation. It's in the file on Mac's desk. I can go get that." Danny turns to go retrieve the file, purposefully ignoring the third part of Hawkes question, because he's not quite sure how he's going to explain why he is worried without having to mention how Mac practically jumped him. Hawkes' hands tighten on Danny's shoulders, holding him in place.
"Ok, that'll be great, but you didn't answer the last part. How is he now? Conscious? What was he doing earlier that obviously made you so concerned?" Hawkes is obviously worried as well, but it's mixed with another look that Danny's not so sure about.
"He uh.... well, his hands were shaking and he was shifting around a lot. And he was aggressive and argumentative. And he acted like someone flips a switch and he's all normal again. His eyes looked sorta glazed over and vacant, and he hears what you're saying but doesn't always react properly. He just doesn't seem right." Danny looks down, unable to look at Hawkes even if he doesn't actually tell him the whole story.
"Danny, please," Hawkes says earnestly. "I know you're hiding something from me for whatever reason. I promise that whatever it is, it won't go past me. I need to know everything so that I can help Mac the best I can and make sure he's ok."
Danny looks at Hawkes-- he knows he can trust him at his word, and that really, any sort of embarrassment on his part should take a backseat to Mac's safety, even if it's hard to force himself to actually form the words. He swallows hard, and looks back down at the floor again, knowing he can't stare Hawkes in the eye as he recounts what actually happened.
"Uh, well. I went to drop the file off in his office and was checking on him just to make sure he was all right cause his behavior in the car was kinda worrying. When I got in there, he was facing the windows, and when he turned around he... practically jumped me. He just... stalked over, and kept saying... stuff.. like about people at the club, and doing... things. And then when I looked back again, he snapped out of it for a bit, but then went back to being aggressive and then that time got physical." Danny can feel the heat in his cheeks rise as he describes everything, digging his toe into the tile. "He seemed to calm down some if I uh... let him have his way, to a point. When he had another lucid moment, he backed away and sorta tucked himself into the corner of the couch and wouldn't look at me, and that's when I was able to come get you. Maybe it's best for me to get that file for you-- no sense in making him any more agitated with more people around. Not really sure how he'll react."
Hawkes smiles gently at him, and he feels a little better to be able to get that off his chest. He's always been a bit envious of how well Hawkes handles people-- victims, family members, witnesses, whoever-- and finds it strangely comforting when the tables are turned on himself.
"Thank you, Danny. I know that wasn't easy for you to say, but it gives me a better sense of what's going on. All I'll need is to see what the report says to confirm my suspicions."
"Is he gonna be ok? I mean, if you're right an' all...." Danny looks at Hawkes, part of him hoping desperately that Mac will be ok, and another spinning itself into a tizzy about what's going to happen if Mac remembers any bit of what happened.
"Yes, he should be ok, if he didn't get too high of a dosage. Go get me that file, please. And I'd really like to examine him myself if he can handle it. I'll be able to better assess how he is if I can see it firsthand."
"Yeah, all right, I'll go get it. How about you stay back some out of the sightline of wherever he is, and I'll signal you if it's ok to come in?"
Hawkes nods in agreement.
Danny approaches Mac's office again, cautiously opening the door and watching Mac carefully. He's still where he left him, curled up on the couch, but now his head is buried in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees.
"Hey Mac... You ok over there?" He approaches Mac slowly, like a skittish colt. So far Mac isn't moving or saying anything back. That scares Danny a bit, given the sheer unpredictability of his behavior.
"I'm fine Danny," he says to the ground, not moving or looking up at Danny. "Go away."
"Mac, you're not ok, I can tell ya that right now. Ya got me worried pretty good right now," he says, laughing nervously. "You think you can let Hawkes take a look atcha?"
"No Danny. I'm fine. Please leave me alone. And.. I'll understand if I don't see you tomorrow." Mac's shaking nervously, tension evident in his shoulders and posture.
Danny nods to Hawkes, who approaches Mac's office slowly, watching their every move.
"Tell ya what Mac-- you let Hawkes look you over, and if he can tell me you're just fine, I'll leave. Be outta your hair. I'll trust in what he has to say about it."
Hawkes comes in, still watching them both warily. Mac looks up at the intrusion and frowns. "Sheldon," he says gruffly, not doing more than raising his head enough to glare over at him for coming in against his will.
"Hello Mac, how are you feeling?" Hawkes smiles at Mac and speaks gently, and Danny's never seen him turn on the charm any better than that. Mac's expression softens slightly, and Danny's impressed. Shouldn't be, he figures. It is Hawkes after all.
"Just fine Sheldon. Why are you here? I told Danny I'm fine. No need for either of you to be here," he says, as he starts to shake again, nervous energy spilling from his usually quiet limbs.
"That's not the impression I get from Danny. He's concerned about you, and so am I, especially given where you just were. Do you remember what's happened today? I'm gong to come over there, all right?" Hawkes sits down on the couch next to Mac, moving slowly and deliberately, watching Mac's reactions intently. Mac sits up in response, and Danny goes to get the file off Mac's desk while he's distracted by Hawkes and his questions. Mac's starting to look funny again like earlier, and that really begins to worry Danny-- he feels bad enough having dragged Hawkes into this mess, and he'd feel worse if Mac lost control on him too.
Mac's pale and sweating, trembling and shifting nervously. His gaze keeps shifting from Hawkes to Danny, unsure of who to focus on until Hawkes starts talking to him again.
"I'm going to take your pulse, ok Mac?" he says as he grasps Mac's wrist. Mac keeps staring at it, and Danny worries that he might have to break them apart if Mac goes berserk again. Hawkes prompts Mac about his day, getting good coherent answers for the most part, to which he smiles in encouragement. Danny relaxes a little when Mac tells them he only had the one drink, and doesn't remember even drinking all of it. That should mean he got somewhat of a limited dose, even if he drank the whole thing. Mac breezes through basic cognitive tests and seems to be able to keep himself under control for the most part, except for a bouncing leg that he can't seem to control and grunts in frustration, pressing down and leaning his weight on it.
Danny leans against Mac's desk as he watches them both with trepidation, worried that Mac will turn on Hawkes or do something worse like pass out and they'll have to call for an ambulance. The fewer people involved with this whole mess, the better, especially considering how dangerous Mac could unintentionally be when he's not with it. If anything happened to someone innocent, Mac would have a hard time living with himself, and so would Danny, knowing that he could have kept Mac occupied and prevented it.
However, Hawkes' calm demeanor seems to be helping for the time being, Mac instinctively feeding off of Hawkes' calm rather than Danny's barely contained nerves. Right now, every little bit helps, he thinks.
"Thank you Mac, for being so cooperative. I've got to talk to Danny for a moment outside, all right?" Hawkes says as he gets up, moving slowly. He looks over at Danny and signals toward the door, and he shoves away from the desk, watching Mac out of the corner of his eye as he follows Hawkes outside.
Danny hands Hawkes the file, who quickly scans through it, pausing at the coroner's report. Danny waits nervously for him to say something, restraining himself from bouncing up and down. Hawkes gives him back the file, nodding to himself.
"Just as I suspected, except I wasn't expecting the second drug. So far so good," Danny glares at him and he raises his hands slightly in apology. "Ok, relatively good. But if he got a light enough dose, he should be fine, barring any complications. I know you both would prefer to not involve anyone else, and I don't think we'd be able to convince him in either state to get any sort of medical attention, so one of us is going to have to watch over him for the rest of the night. Since I know what we're looking for, I can," Hawkes volunteers.
"Nah, nah. You go home. Just tell me what to look out for and what to do. I'll keep an eye on him. I...I think it's best given his... uh... earlier behavior," Danny says, looking at the ground again.
"Ok Danny, but promise me-- if he physically harms you in any way, and I mean any, Danny-- you call me or call for help. You don't need to be a victim. Or if things take a turn for the worse, you call me right away," Hawkes says sternly, forcing Danny to look at him.
"Yeah, I promise Doc. I'll call if things get out of hand. Now what do I need to keep an eye out for?" Danny says, determined to get Mac out of there and somewhere less public before he goes off on him again.
"Any significant worsening of his symptoms, high fever, seizures, disorientation... essentially how you would look over someone with a concussion, except with a few extra things to look out for. And since he's already exhibited them, don't be surprised by more sudden mood swings. As long as he doesn't harm himself or you, things should be ok. He should be fine by tomorrow morning, once the drugs had time to work out of his system. He may not remember some or all of what's gone on today later on-- that's pretty common too. I know you'll be able to take good care of him, but please be careful, all right? And call me if there's any changes or if something worries you, or if you need anything. I'll go call Flack and tell him to pick up the bartender and tie up the loose ends. Just take care of the two of you. Especially him," Hawkes says, looking at Danny.
"Ok, ok. We'll be alright Doc. Really. Don't worry about us. Thanks for everything," Danny says, determined to just get this whole night over and forgotten about. Hawkes hands the file back to him, wishes him luck, and heads back down the hall. Danny closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, steels himself for another round of trying to keep a crazy Mac under control, and pushes open the door.
Well, he sure didn't expect *this, he thinks. Mac's still on the couch, but his eyes are glazed over again and is sprawled out, legs jutting forward invitingly. He's half propped up in the corner that he was curled up in earlier, and this time his hand is buried all the way in his pants, not just skimming around the top.
He's not... Oh shit, he is, Danny thinks. His own cock twitches in response-- if he's being honest with himself, he's maybe had a fantasy or two involving Mac and his office, but definitely not like this. *Why me?* he thinks, bracing himself to deal with an apparantly ready and willing Mac, trying to figure out how on earth to get them out of yet another mess-- especially before someone decides to come by Mac's office for whatever reason.
He slowly approaches Mac again, worried any sudden movements could provoke aggression. They both could definitely do without a repeat of earlier, and Danny worries that one of these times one or both of them could get hurt. Mac notices Danny as he gets close, and his out-of-focus gaze swings toward him. Mac's hand slows down, and he grins almost evilly at Danny. Danny swallows hard-- this one's going to be an interesting situation to defuse. He remembers when he and Mac went to go defuse that bomb, and it feels like that with the twisting nerves in his gut but worse with the whole extra layer of guilt-rendering arousal. Danny thinks maybe he'd prefer a bomb again over this, cause he wouldn't have to face the bomb the next day.
Danny stops just short of Mac's outstretched legs, trying to figure out how exactly to make him stop. He's obviously not in the mood to, and if Danny has to resort to physical means, this could get messy real fast. For once, luck is with him, because Mac takes his hand out of his pants to lever himself up off the couch and heads toward him. Danny tries to appear relaxed and non-threatening as possible, and hopes for the best.
Mac walks right up to him-- he forgets how imposing Mac can look despite being the same size as him-- and grabs Danny's crotch and gives it a firm squeeze. He barely bites back a yelp of surprise, and tries to ignore the fact that it feels good. This situation is all wrong for too many reasons, even if parts of him will apparently gladly go along. He's wanted Mac for so long now that he has a hard time controlling his reactions, but he can't let Mac get too encouraged-- they need to get out of here quickly, and this is not going to help.
Mac's kissing him aggressively again, letting go only to plaster himself against Danny's front and rubbing against his leg. He's desperate, clinging to Danny and hands roaming everywhere along his back, occasionally drifting down to squeeze his ass tightly. He's disturbingly quiet, but it seems like he is more concerned with getting laid than communicating in any way beyond physical movement. Danny goes along with it for a while, giving in to temptation for a couple minutes while formulating what to do next. He figures it can't really do any more harm than what's already occurred.
As he's trying to come up with a plan-- a horny Mac all over him is really not the easiest distraction to overcome-- he realises a pattern: if Danny gives in and gives him what he wants, he becomes a bit easier to handle. It seems to tame the beast, so to speak, and he just might be able to use this to his advantage.
Danny resigns himself to essentially making out with Mac for the time being, although honestly, it's not exactly a huge burden. He can use Mac's one track mind to his advantage, but doesn't want to misstep and cause more problems. He starts to let his hands roam on Mac's back, and Mac arches into the touch like a cat. As Danny continues to caress him slowly, Mac gets less and less frantic, allowing Danny to guide him gently toward the far end of the office. Danny's thrilled by this turn of events--a pliable Mac is handleable, and it's starting to seem as if he can use this to get them out of here. It's definitely clear that Mac's unable to handle himself and is going to need Danny around to look after him and keep him out of trouble, and he'd prefer not to be on display in Mac's office in a compromising situation that really isn't what it seems.
The three of them can keep this under wraps-- he trusts Hawkes to not say anything-- but if he turns Mac loose and he jumps some random person, there could be big trouble. Rape and assault, criminal charges... The integrity of the lab, and worse, his honor, completely ruined by a bust gone wrong. If something happened and he remembers anything later, the guilt could drive him to pieces. He suspects that Mac will have a hard enough time come tomorrow morning, even knowing that it was just Hawkes and him who even knew what was going on.
When Mac finally slows down and takes to sucking on Danny's neck-- to which Danny can't help but to respond to by arching his neck slightly to give him better access-- and slowly sliding his hands into Danny's waistband, warning bells start going off in his head. He decides then that there's no time better than now to try and get them out of there, before Mac actually succeeds in getting one or both undressed enough to be called in on indecent exposure.
Danny gently nudges Mac away from him, looking him over. He still looks stoned, and aggressively horny, but his lips are kiss-swollen and his expression seems softer than earlier.
"Hey now, come on," Danny says gently. "Let's take this somewhere a bit more private, yeah? 'm not so keen on this whole fishbowl in the middle of the lab thing. Too many people around."
Mac concedes, moving away. Danny's a bit surprised that it worked so easily, but lets out a sigh of relief and reaches for Mac's trenchcoat and digs the keys out of his pocket. Danny hands the trenchcoat to Mac-- lord knows he could use the disguise for the bulge in his pants-- and Mac shrugs it on. Apparently this Mac knows how to dress as well as undress, which is good considering he wasn't so sure he would know what to do when he handed it to Mac. He doesn't have time to go find his coat, but since Mac's got keys to the truck, they can avoid public transportation while he's in this state. Lucked out this time, he thinks. He just hopes he can find somewhere to put the truck when they get to Mac's place, and that it doesn't involve too much walking-- even though Mac does seem to be able to handle himself pretty well right now and it's relatively late so they shouldn't run into too many people, he just doesn't want to tempt fate.
They get into the truck without incident, and Danny feels much better as they leave view of the lab. Part of him really knows Mac's not with it since he hasn't complained once about Danny doing the driving. Usually Mac drives-- period, end of discussion-- and when Danny has on the rare occasion, Mac's sat and scowled quietly the whole time. This time he's not scowling, but he's not really doing much of anything except staring out the window in open fascination at the flash of passing streetlights on the bridge. It disturbs Danny a bit, but for a the tiniest second, he thinks maybe he can see a little flash of a young Mac, fascinated with the world around him. It bugs him sometimes that he doesn't know anything about that younger Mac, although nobody does. Maybe someday.
Honestly, he's glad for the reprieve for the moment; constantly resisting Mac is really quite challenging, and he doesn't know how much longer he can do so while retaining his sanity or not having to resort to drastic measures. The happily stoned Mac would make an interesting thing to watch if he had the time, or if there wasn't the risk of Mac possibly flying off the handle again. The silence is almost disturbing after the last couple hours, and he barely keeps himself from saying something to Mac just to make sure he's alive and breathing. Instead he finds himself sneaking glances as much as he can and enjoying Mac's childlike openness despite the situation.
Soon Danny notices that Mac's expression has closed off again, and he wonders if he's back in a coherent phase. Part of him hopes it's for good this time, but he knows it's probably going to take Mac sleeping it off to get him back to normal.
"Hey Mac, how ya feelin?"
Mac doesn't answer, and Danny frowns. He looks closer at Mac again, watching him as carefully as he can while trying not to crash.
"Mac?" An edge of concern creeps into his voice. Great, he thinks. Catatonia. Worse or better than the prior symptoms? He just might end up having to call Hawkes, and he had really hoped that it wouldn't come to that.
"Mac. Come on. Say something, even if it's to tell me to shut up." Danny's really starting to get concerned, and is about to pull over to check on him.
"No."
Danny lets out a sigh of relief. "No what?"
"Where are we going?" Mac asks, ignoring Danny's question. He sounds almost normal, cold and detached.
"Home. Well, uh, you're going home."
Mac seems to absorb this bit of information and settles quietly, looking back out the window, tension radiating from him again.
Luck is on their side again and Danny finds a place to park close to Mac's building. They manage to get into the apartment without too much incident, although Mac keeps withdrawing into himself further and further. Mac quietly opens the door, steps in, and ignores Danny's presence in his apartment. Danny follows, watching Mac move slowly throughout the apartment. He investigates the layout on his own, noticing a bathroom right off the bedroom. That makes him feel a little better, knowing that it won't be far in case Mac gets sick.
Mac starts to shed clothing to go to bed, but stops when he realizes that Danny's still there.
"Why are you still here?" he asks, looking at Danny with barely open eyes. He's still not quite himself, but Danny's feeling better and a bit more confident about his overall condition.
"I gotta keep an eye on you cause of the drugs. Hawkes insists. It's that or the hospital, and I didn't think you'd go for that. I promise I'm not gonna be breathin' down your neck or anything. I'll be out on the couch if you need anything, all right?"
Mac nods tiredly, but doesn't move. Danny stands there, but then realizes that Mac obviously wants him to leave before he'll continue. He smiles in apology and drifts back out to the living room, finding a light blanket, toeing off his shoes, and stretching out on the couch. He might as well take a nap since he knows he won't sleep through the night, too worried about Mac and needing to get up to check on him. Danny closes his eyes and drifts off quickly, exhausted from the crazy events of the day.
It doesn't feel like he's been asleep for long when he wakes up quickly, sensing something isn't right. There's a hand in his hair, and he can feel someone standing near him. His eyes fly open and he turns to look over at whoever's there. Mac. Mac? He was asleep last time Danny checked-- apparently not anymore.
Mac's hand is moving gently through his hair, and it feels kinda good, as Mac's kneeling next to the couch naked... wait. Naked? Danny tries to sit up, looking over at Mac, trying to be respectful of his privacy and not stare. He sighs in relief when he sees Mac has boxers on, but nothing else.
*God, what now?* he moans to himself. He honestly thought they had turned the corner with this whole situation, and wonders what he did to piss whatever deity off to stick them with the events of this day. After this? No more helping out on busts. Hell no.
He sits up, and looks over Mac once again. He has to resist the urge to stare at all the bare flesh in front of him-- he's imagined it multiple times, but never thought he'd actually be able to be right there within reach of touching and tasting and doing everything he's wanted to do. However, in these circumstances, it's just not right. Mac can't knowingly consent in this state, even if his body seems to be more than willing. Danny can't honestly do anything, knowing that, no matter how tempting. And Mac's never shown any interest in Danny, or men for that matter, before. He could find himself dead the next morning if he did, not to mention how much it would hurt Mac. It just wouldn't be worth the aftermath it would cause.
Mac's hand is resting on his chest now that he's sitting up, and Mac looks relatively well. He's not trembling as much, and the look has gone from a manic aggressiveness to a softer, almost drunken look, and he's smiling goofily at Danny. He looks rather... happy, strangely enough, and Danny wishes that there was actual reason for him to be. He also seems to be moving rather slowly, which could eventually be used to Danny's advantage. Part of him feels better because a calmer Mac means less danger for him-- less risk of him going into a rage and snapping Danny's neck, which Danny's convinced he could probably easily do. It's Mac, after all. That kind of instinct is on the same level of lizard brain activity that mind has Mac's been on, and it wouldn't be that big of a jump to move from sex to kill mode in an instant.
Mac's caressing Danny's chest through his shirt, and even the rub of the buttons feels good, even though it shouldn't. This has got to stop, but he doesn't want to kick a hornet's nest by rejecting him too suddenly or directly since there's no guarantee that Mac won't turn on a dime and get aggressive and violent again.
"Hey Mac, whatcha doin' out of bed, huh? You need to sleep this off. That means staying in bed, yeah?" Danny watches him for any sudden changes, and doesn't seem to find any; he's still got this happy, lovey, stoned version that watched the streetlights out the car window earlier.
Mac's grin splits wider and his eyes are still unfocused. "Nope, no bed right now. You're out here, not back there where you need to be. Come back."
Danny blinks, hurt twising in his chest. He's always wanted to hear things like that from Mac, but always believed it to be a dead end wish. He tries not to react in any visible way to Mac's words, just trying to clear up the situation as fast as possible. Ok, he thinks. Happy, babbling Mac. Don't let it get to you, don't believe the lies. Mac doesn't know what he's saying, he's not knowingly trying to hurt you. Use it to to your advantage if need be.
"No, Mac, I sleep here on the couch. You sleep in your bed." he says slowly and clearly, as if explaining this concept to a small child.
Mac leans in and kisses him again, softer and sloppier than earlier, and climbs up onto the couch, settling himself onto Danny's lap. He reacts by habit, giving into Mac's demanding kisses and let him take what he wants. He tells himself that it lets him think while keeping Mac happy, who seems to be content at the moment to sit with Danny and touch and taste whatever he can reach.
After a bit, Danny tries to gently push Mac away when he moves down to suck on Danny's neck, trying to unbutton Danny's shirt and shove it away.
"Mac, hey, come on now. We can't do this, it's not right. You're not with me here."
"No, 's right," he says, between nips and licks to Danny's chin and neck. "'m right here, and you are too." Mac's slowing down, his movements a bit weighted and even less coordinated than earlier. He's got to get him back to his bed before he crashes on him-- sure, Mac could fit on the couch, but it'd just be best for him the next morning to reduce confusion and have him close to a bathroom if needed.
"Come on Mac, back to bed you go," he says, trying to get up and force Mac onto his feet. Mac gets up, but refuses to let go of him, grip strong considering how out of it he really is.
"You too," Mac insists, pulling Danny by his opened shirt. He sighs, deciding that cooperation will get them both far, and lets Mac drag him back toward his bedroom. Mac gets a big goofy grin on his face, and it's almost cute-- it just hurts that the circumstances aren't ideal. And that he probably wouldn't ever see such open happiness on his face, even under ideal circumstances.
Mac tries to clumsily undress Danny when they get into the room, and Danny gently redirects his hands. "No, not right now. Come on Mac, time for bed," he says, coaxing Mac backwards.
Mac frowns sleepily and clings to Danny tightly. "No. Stay." He falls back against the bed, dragging Danny with him. Mac starts to get fussy, keeping a tight grip on him and forcing them into an awkward position.
"Ok, ok, I'll stay. Let go, 'cause you're hurting my arm." Mac lets go, nodding loosely and settles into Danny's side, half-open eyes staring desperately at him. Danny shifts and runs his hand soothingly through Mac's hair.
"See? 'm right here. No worries. You just go to sleep now, all right?" Mac relaxes and nuzzles his face into Danny's neck so that all Danny can do now is lay a gentle hand on his head. He can feel Mac kiss gently against his neck as he fades away into sleep and it twinges in his heart, wishing that it could be real.
Finally, after everything that's gone on today and one failed attempt, he's gotten Mac to where he needs to be. Hopefully no more issues for the rest of the night and they both can get some rest, cause at this point, they both are really going to need it. He tries to extract himself from the grip of the slightly snoring Mac, who squirms a bit when he stands up. Danny watches, and lets out a huge breath he didn't even realize he was holding when Mac settles down and goes back to sleep.
Danny really hopes it's true this time, and he groans as he sinks back down into the couch. He needs to try to catch another nap before he has to check on Mac again. He's still worried that Mac might surprise him again, but he's optimistic that time time he's out for good. Even if he doesn't, he's pretty sure he's not going to get much sleep, today's events in a constant playback loop in his mind.
He lies there staring at the ceiling. Why me? Why does he have to get teased and tortured with something he can't have, no matter how much he wants it? He feels like he's been jerked around, although it isn't really Mac's fault and he's going to try his level best not to hold it against him. Mac probably had no idea what he was doing, or what it would mean to Danny. Namely, how much it would hurt. It was all the drugs talking anyway, spitting demons into the air without either of them in control.
Mac's possible reactions worry him too-- more than likely he'll deny everything that went on, but maybe he'll want to discuss it, and Danny really doesn't want to do that either. If Mac remembers any of it, Danny expects that he'll beat himself up about it, trying to apologize and just causing more trouble than it's all worth.
Either way, it's going to be a long night.
Fin
2/07
Link to psych_30 prompt table
Link to all my fic
Title: Altered States
Author: gin200168
Rating: PG-13 for boykissing
Summary: Unexpected events bring out a side of Mac that Danny never even imagined.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Property of Jerry Bruckheimer, Alliance Atlantis, CBS, etc.
Pairing: Mac Taylor/Danny Messer
Prompt: 4.) Ego/Id for psych_30
Word Count: 8,196
A/N: It's finally here! It's nearly twice the size of everything I've ever written, and more than I anticipated it'd ever be, to be honest. It just kept growing and growing.... Much love to stellaluna_ for convincing me that it wasn't a complete waste of time at first, and then for sticking through and doing all the usual fixes on a much larger scale. And keeping me on track.
Feedback always welcome.
Danny scans the room, looking for their perp. He honestly isn't too keen on being the bait for a serial killer, but anything to take him off the streets, he guesses. Flack's voice crackles tinnily in his ear as they report perimeter checks, and he can feel Mac's eyes on him as he sits in the far corner of the bar, drink in hand, trying to blend in. Danny weaves through the crowd around the periphery of the dance floor, when he finally spots their target. More voices crackle excitedly in his ear, and Danny starts to move toward him.
When he had gone to Mac to get the approval form signed so that he could temporarily work with another squad to assist in a high-profile takedown, Mac's eyes had turned cold and at first he adamantly refused to sign the papers. Danny felt his presence was necessary, and knew he had the skill-- he couldn't understand why Mac would so adamantly refuse. There would be plenty of backup around, plenty of eyes to watch for the perp to drug his drink before they moved in, and he knew the drill-- drink very little of your drink regardless of how long you're there. People are human, and even the best might miss some sort of contamination, best not to run the risk of ingesting a large amount of it.
After a prolonged argument, Mac had reluctantly agreed-- with the stipulation that he be involved if any of his people were going to be. Danny wasn't sure exactly what possessed him to do so, but all he could do was just go along with it.
Before Danny can get close enough to trap the suspect, he takes off. Mac ends up taking him down in the alley behind the club, quicker than any of the younger guys to get there. After handing the perp off to Flack and the others for booking, they stand around waiting for the all-clear to head out. He watches Mac dodge a full exam from the medics twice as he stands and talks to Flack, despite a couple large scrapes on his arms. The second time he caves in to just getting some bandages and water to clean up with, but still won't let them check him out thoroughly.
Mac keeps flashing impatient looks over toward the command center, obviously more than ready to go home. If his mood continues, Danny's not going to be looking forward to the long ride back to the lab. He's already uncomfortable with how he's dressed and all the crap they put in his hair-- he doesn't need a pissed off Mac to make it any worse. Once they all are dismissed, Mac flashes him a look that demands instant compliance and jerks his head towards the car before he storms off. Danny bids farewell to a slightly confused Flack and quickly follows.
Danny climbs into the passenger seat of the sedan and sits quietly, staring out the window and occasionally watching Mac out of the corner of his eye like he always seems to when he's not trying to curb the habit. He starts paying attention much more carefully when it seems that Mac isn't calming down at all as they head back toward the lab. Instead, he seems to be getting more and more tense as time goes on, shifting in his seat, and generally acting unusual for Mac. Danny passes it off as stress from the takedown, telling himself he's just reading into something that's not there.
"Hey Mac, you all right?" he asks cautiously, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Yes, Danny, I'm fine." Mac answers tersely, so Danny lets the matter drop. Best not to piss him off, and he doesn't have any real, tangible reason not to take him at his word.
The silence stretches and twists awkwardly as the car ride continues, and as soon as they get to the lab he practically bounds out of the car and as far away from Mac as possible, straight to the locker rooms to change. He doesn't like all the crap they put in his hair, or any of the clothes they picked for him to wear, and wants to be rid of it as fast as possible.
When he gets out of the shower, he decides to go up to Mac's office to check on him one last time. Something about Mac's behavior on the way back kept bothering him in the back of his mind as he showered, and he just can't let it rest until he sees for himself. He's probably overreacting anyway, seeing things that aren't there. He'll just pop in, check on Mac, and leave, no big deal.
When he gets to Mac's office, he notices that Mac hasn't changed from the club, still all in black and dressed casually in a nice, heavy t-shirt and tight jeans. Danny has to admit it looks pretty damn good on him, but he's resigned himself to the fact that all he'll get to do is look at him from a distance, so he might as well enjoy the view while he can. Mac stands in front of the window, shifts his weight back and forth as he looks out. Danny knocks on the door as he lets himself in, settling down on the couch.
"Hey Mac, how ya doin'? Not hurting from that takedown, yeah?" He watches as Mac turns to him, eyes wide.
"I'm just fine, Danny," he purrs as he slowly advances on Danny, looking at him with an expression that he's never seen before on Mac.
Danny freezes in shock. He's got to be imagining things-- Mac Taylor does not purr. As Mac moves towards him, he notices that Mac's hands are shaking. Shaking? They've never shaken before.... His face seems flushed and he's breathing rapidly. Something knells in the back of his mind as very wrong, and Danny starts to panic and tries desperately not to show it.
"Are you sure you're all right? You don't seem ok. Maybe you wanna sit down or something?" Danny asks quickly, moving to get up off the couch. Mac stops right in front of him, staring down at Danny, looking at him as if he can see straight though him.
"Just fine Danny, just fine..." Mac trails off, still staring down at him with that strange expression. Danny gets a good look up close at Mac's face, and notices his pupils are blown so wide that they're practically black, and his eyes are glazed over, unfocused. He doesn't remember Mac sustaining a blow to the head in the scuffle, just the scrapes and probably a few bruises. He starts to check over what he can see of Mac to make sure there are no other visible injuries that everyone might have missed. When he looks down, he finds that Mac's got one hand shoved into his pants, dangerously close to a very prominent bulge, and the other pushing up on the hem of his thick black t-shirt to reveal well-toned abs.
"Do you like this, Danny? I saw how you were looking at the others in that club-- it wasn't just a cover job for you. You wanted some of them, and they all wanted you. All you have to do is just ask, you can have what you want..." he stalks slowly toward Danny, hand moving in slow strokes inside his jeans. Danny can't help but be sucked into the seduction momentarily, watching Mac's other hand move in hypnotizingly slow circles on his bare stomach, black cotton rising and falling and letting tantalizing bits of pale flesh peek out.
Danny blinks and shakes himself out of the little spell of shock he was floating in. That did *not* just come out of Mac's mouth. No way. He's got to be hallucinating all of this-- Mac wouldn't think those things, much less say or do them. It's just not Mac.
It takes a minute, but Danny puts two and two together-- Mac's been drugged like the others, and that means that the perp they picked up isn't working alone. It has to be the bartender, because Mac would know how to protect his drink-- nobody else would have been able to slip something in.
Suddenly Mac blinks owlishly, as if he actually is seeing Danny in front of him for the first time.
"Danny?" Mac says tentatively, brow furrowed in confusion. He slowly steps back, one hand dropping the hem of the shirt as he pulls the other one out of his pants. He looks down at his hands, clearly embarrassed and unsure about his behavior.
Danny jumps up, moving over to Mac and carefully places a guiding hand on his back, encouraging him toward the couch.
"Mac? Are you with me here? Come sit down a second, I think they drugged you too. You stay here while I go to get the Doc, all right?"
Mac sits down, staring straight forward, placing his hands on his knees and sitting stock still, staring off into space. "I don't need a doctor. I'm all right. It's just a couple scrapes from taking him down. Nothing worth the attention."
"Please Mac, just humor me and let the Doc look at ya. I promise I'll bring back Hawkes or Sid, someone you know," Danny pleads. Danny's sitting next to him, trying to get Mac to look at him, even though Mac keeps avoiding his gaze.
Suddenly Mac's hand lands on Danny's thigh and swiftly moves toward his crotch. The vacant look in his eyes is back, and Danny's pretty sure that Mac's not in conscious control of his actions. As much as his traitorous cock is taking interest that Mac's hand is rubbing slowly over it, he tries desperately to control himself. He's fantasized many times about Mac doing something like this, but even so, he refuses to take advantage of Mac when he's obviously not himself-- even if part of him wishes he could.
He jumps up quickly, and Mac clearly seems to be hurt by his refusal.
"You stay here. I'll be right back, ok?" Danny says as he tries to move towards the door.
Mac stalks over and pins Danny against the wall just before he can get there, hands slamming hard along the sides of his head. Danny flinches from the impact, worried that Mac's mood has swung wildly again, this time into anger. Lord knows the man probably knows a hundred ways to kill someone with his bare hands alone, and Danny really doesn't want to be a living practice dummy.
He tries to slowly maneuver his way out from underneath the cage of Mac's arms, but doesn't get anywhere as Mac pins him bodily against the wall. He rubs roughly and frantically against Danny, practically humping his thigh. As he opens his mouth to protest, Mac swoops in and kisses him roughly, seemingly determined to jump him whether or not Danny approves. He tries to resist, gently trying to push Mac away and keep his mouth closed, not giving Mac any room to work. Mac is determined, however, and ungracefully tries to force Danny to open his mouth again. Mac nips at Danny's lower lip hard, and as he hisses in pain, Mac forces his tongue into his open mouth.
Danny's mind jumps from frantic to blank, debating what to try next while trying to resist the living fantasy in his arms. Kissing Mac, even in a less than ideal situation, is more than he thought he ever was going to get. Mac tastes good, and feels even better against him, but he just can't go through with it as much as his libido might want to argue otherwise. As much as he may want it, it's just not right to take advantage of Mac while in a drugged state. His consent would be dubious at best, despite the fact that he's the one making the advances. Besides, Mac's never indicated any interest in men, much less him.
His resistance seems to just encourage Mac to be even more aggressive, so Danny decides to change tact just to see if the opposite would be true. Sure enough, Mac becomes less and less frantic when Danny doesn't resist him, kissing him back slowly and resting a hand on his back. Mac's kisses become much more gentle, and his body language definitely relaxes as his hand slowly strokes down Danny's side, caressing everything he can reach through the clothes. Danny continues to force himself to relax, and when Mac pulls away from him to breathe, he looks at Danny through hooded eyes, oozing sexuality. For the quickest moment Danny wishes that the situation was different, and Mac was fully cognisant of everything around him and was doing this by choice. That he could give in without guilt... He'd never be so lucky.
Suddenly Mac's eyes snap wide open and he gasps loudly and Danny figures he's a goner. A few seconds away from unconsciousness or worse. Instead, Mac backs away from him rapidly, mumbling apologies as he fumbles backward toward the couch. When his calves hit it, he sits awkwardly and practically curls upon himself in the far corner.
Danny lets out a huge breath and pushes away from the wall, still watching Mac cautiously. He makes no sudden moves, careful not to spook Mac. Mac won't look up at him, and he's torn between relief and fear that now something worse is going on. "You stay there, all right? Don't move. I'll be right back," Danny says, trying to keep his voice calm and even as possible, and almost failing. When Mac doesn't move, he slips out the door to find help.
He rushes down the corridor, searching desperately for Hawkes. If he can't find him, he'll have to go all the way down to the basement to find Sid. Sid's a good guy and all, but he'd prefer Hawkes for a lot of reasons, and is pretty sure Mac would too. Luck is on his side for once, he thinks, because Hawkes is still around and he finds him in the trace lab.
"Doc? Doc! You gotta help me, Mac's not actin' right and the bartender's in on it too and is it gonna kill him or does he need to go to the hospital--"
"Woah, woah, woah... Danny, slow down. Are you ok? What's wrong? Take a breath, slow down, and tell me what's going on," Hawkes says, watching him warily, but kindness and concern spill from his voice.
"Mac's acting weird. Really weird. He swings back and forth from craziness to momentary lucidity. We thought the suspect was working alone, but maybe he wasn't. And now they got to have drugged Mac cause he's acting completely not himself, and I don't know what to do. Ya gotta help," Danny says in a rush, pacing in front of Hawkes and practically begging for guidance.
"Ok, ok. Calm down. First off, what case are you talking about? Second, what drugs? Do you have any idea what they could have given him and how? Third, what do you mean 'acting completely not himself'?" Hawkes asks, gently trapping Danny by placing his hands on his shoulders and forcing him to stand still.
"We were working this bust with Major Case, they wanted me to be bait for their perp cause I fit his vic profile. Mac wouldn't let me go alone and insisted that he help out, which was fine with me and all. So we went to get the guy and Mac was watching from the bar, drinking something. The perp we brought in must not have been working alone, and the bartender must have slipped Mac something, he knew we were sniffing around to find the guy. I don't think he drank too much though. The four vics were all strangled and left trussed up in a bed. Sid said something about drugs in their systems, but I remember him saying that the cause of death being asphyxiation. It's in the file on Mac's desk. I can go get that." Danny turns to go retrieve the file, purposefully ignoring the third part of Hawkes question, because he's not quite sure how he's going to explain why he is worried without having to mention how Mac practically jumped him. Hawkes' hands tighten on Danny's shoulders, holding him in place.
"Ok, that'll be great, but you didn't answer the last part. How is he now? Conscious? What was he doing earlier that obviously made you so concerned?" Hawkes is obviously worried as well, but it's mixed with another look that Danny's not so sure about.
"He uh.... well, his hands were shaking and he was shifting around a lot. And he was aggressive and argumentative. And he acted like someone flips a switch and he's all normal again. His eyes looked sorta glazed over and vacant, and he hears what you're saying but doesn't always react properly. He just doesn't seem right." Danny looks down, unable to look at Hawkes even if he doesn't actually tell him the whole story.
"Danny, please," Hawkes says earnestly. "I know you're hiding something from me for whatever reason. I promise that whatever it is, it won't go past me. I need to know everything so that I can help Mac the best I can and make sure he's ok."
Danny looks at Hawkes-- he knows he can trust him at his word, and that really, any sort of embarrassment on his part should take a backseat to Mac's safety, even if it's hard to force himself to actually form the words. He swallows hard, and looks back down at the floor again, knowing he can't stare Hawkes in the eye as he recounts what actually happened.
"Uh, well. I went to drop the file off in his office and was checking on him just to make sure he was all right cause his behavior in the car was kinda worrying. When I got in there, he was facing the windows, and when he turned around he... practically jumped me. He just... stalked over, and kept saying... stuff.. like about people at the club, and doing... things. And then when I looked back again, he snapped out of it for a bit, but then went back to being aggressive and then that time got physical." Danny can feel the heat in his cheeks rise as he describes everything, digging his toe into the tile. "He seemed to calm down some if I uh... let him have his way, to a point. When he had another lucid moment, he backed away and sorta tucked himself into the corner of the couch and wouldn't look at me, and that's when I was able to come get you. Maybe it's best for me to get that file for you-- no sense in making him any more agitated with more people around. Not really sure how he'll react."
Hawkes smiles gently at him, and he feels a little better to be able to get that off his chest. He's always been a bit envious of how well Hawkes handles people-- victims, family members, witnesses, whoever-- and finds it strangely comforting when the tables are turned on himself.
"Thank you, Danny. I know that wasn't easy for you to say, but it gives me a better sense of what's going on. All I'll need is to see what the report says to confirm my suspicions."
"Is he gonna be ok? I mean, if you're right an' all...." Danny looks at Hawkes, part of him hoping desperately that Mac will be ok, and another spinning itself into a tizzy about what's going to happen if Mac remembers any bit of what happened.
"Yes, he should be ok, if he didn't get too high of a dosage. Go get me that file, please. And I'd really like to examine him myself if he can handle it. I'll be able to better assess how he is if I can see it firsthand."
"Yeah, all right, I'll go get it. How about you stay back some out of the sightline of wherever he is, and I'll signal you if it's ok to come in?"
Hawkes nods in agreement.
Danny approaches Mac's office again, cautiously opening the door and watching Mac carefully. He's still where he left him, curled up on the couch, but now his head is buried in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees.
"Hey Mac... You ok over there?" He approaches Mac slowly, like a skittish colt. So far Mac isn't moving or saying anything back. That scares Danny a bit, given the sheer unpredictability of his behavior.
"I'm fine Danny," he says to the ground, not moving or looking up at Danny. "Go away."
"Mac, you're not ok, I can tell ya that right now. Ya got me worried pretty good right now," he says, laughing nervously. "You think you can let Hawkes take a look atcha?"
"No Danny. I'm fine. Please leave me alone. And.. I'll understand if I don't see you tomorrow." Mac's shaking nervously, tension evident in his shoulders and posture.
Danny nods to Hawkes, who approaches Mac's office slowly, watching their every move.
"Tell ya what Mac-- you let Hawkes look you over, and if he can tell me you're just fine, I'll leave. Be outta your hair. I'll trust in what he has to say about it."
Hawkes comes in, still watching them both warily. Mac looks up at the intrusion and frowns. "Sheldon," he says gruffly, not doing more than raising his head enough to glare over at him for coming in against his will.
"Hello Mac, how are you feeling?" Hawkes smiles at Mac and speaks gently, and Danny's never seen him turn on the charm any better than that. Mac's expression softens slightly, and Danny's impressed. Shouldn't be, he figures. It is Hawkes after all.
"Just fine Sheldon. Why are you here? I told Danny I'm fine. No need for either of you to be here," he says, as he starts to shake again, nervous energy spilling from his usually quiet limbs.
"That's not the impression I get from Danny. He's concerned about you, and so am I, especially given where you just were. Do you remember what's happened today? I'm gong to come over there, all right?" Hawkes sits down on the couch next to Mac, moving slowly and deliberately, watching Mac's reactions intently. Mac sits up in response, and Danny goes to get the file off Mac's desk while he's distracted by Hawkes and his questions. Mac's starting to look funny again like earlier, and that really begins to worry Danny-- he feels bad enough having dragged Hawkes into this mess, and he'd feel worse if Mac lost control on him too.
Mac's pale and sweating, trembling and shifting nervously. His gaze keeps shifting from Hawkes to Danny, unsure of who to focus on until Hawkes starts talking to him again.
"I'm going to take your pulse, ok Mac?" he says as he grasps Mac's wrist. Mac keeps staring at it, and Danny worries that he might have to break them apart if Mac goes berserk again. Hawkes prompts Mac about his day, getting good coherent answers for the most part, to which he smiles in encouragement. Danny relaxes a little when Mac tells them he only had the one drink, and doesn't remember even drinking all of it. That should mean he got somewhat of a limited dose, even if he drank the whole thing. Mac breezes through basic cognitive tests and seems to be able to keep himself under control for the most part, except for a bouncing leg that he can't seem to control and grunts in frustration, pressing down and leaning his weight on it.
Danny leans against Mac's desk as he watches them both with trepidation, worried that Mac will turn on Hawkes or do something worse like pass out and they'll have to call for an ambulance. The fewer people involved with this whole mess, the better, especially considering how dangerous Mac could unintentionally be when he's not with it. If anything happened to someone innocent, Mac would have a hard time living with himself, and so would Danny, knowing that he could have kept Mac occupied and prevented it.
However, Hawkes' calm demeanor seems to be helping for the time being, Mac instinctively feeding off of Hawkes' calm rather than Danny's barely contained nerves. Right now, every little bit helps, he thinks.
"Thank you Mac, for being so cooperative. I've got to talk to Danny for a moment outside, all right?" Hawkes says as he gets up, moving slowly. He looks over at Danny and signals toward the door, and he shoves away from the desk, watching Mac out of the corner of his eye as he follows Hawkes outside.
Danny hands Hawkes the file, who quickly scans through it, pausing at the coroner's report. Danny waits nervously for him to say something, restraining himself from bouncing up and down. Hawkes gives him back the file, nodding to himself.
"Just as I suspected, except I wasn't expecting the second drug. So far so good," Danny glares at him and he raises his hands slightly in apology. "Ok, relatively good. But if he got a light enough dose, he should be fine, barring any complications. I know you both would prefer to not involve anyone else, and I don't think we'd be able to convince him in either state to get any sort of medical attention, so one of us is going to have to watch over him for the rest of the night. Since I know what we're looking for, I can," Hawkes volunteers.
"Nah, nah. You go home. Just tell me what to look out for and what to do. I'll keep an eye on him. I...I think it's best given his... uh... earlier behavior," Danny says, looking at the ground again.
"Ok Danny, but promise me-- if he physically harms you in any way, and I mean any, Danny-- you call me or call for help. You don't need to be a victim. Or if things take a turn for the worse, you call me right away," Hawkes says sternly, forcing Danny to look at him.
"Yeah, I promise Doc. I'll call if things get out of hand. Now what do I need to keep an eye out for?" Danny says, determined to get Mac out of there and somewhere less public before he goes off on him again.
"Any significant worsening of his symptoms, high fever, seizures, disorientation... essentially how you would look over someone with a concussion, except with a few extra things to look out for. And since he's already exhibited them, don't be surprised by more sudden mood swings. As long as he doesn't harm himself or you, things should be ok. He should be fine by tomorrow morning, once the drugs had time to work out of his system. He may not remember some or all of what's gone on today later on-- that's pretty common too. I know you'll be able to take good care of him, but please be careful, all right? And call me if there's any changes or if something worries you, or if you need anything. I'll go call Flack and tell him to pick up the bartender and tie up the loose ends. Just take care of the two of you. Especially him," Hawkes says, looking at Danny.
"Ok, ok. We'll be alright Doc. Really. Don't worry about us. Thanks for everything," Danny says, determined to just get this whole night over and forgotten about. Hawkes hands the file back to him, wishes him luck, and heads back down the hall. Danny closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, steels himself for another round of trying to keep a crazy Mac under control, and pushes open the door.
Well, he sure didn't expect *this, he thinks. Mac's still on the couch, but his eyes are glazed over again and is sprawled out, legs jutting forward invitingly. He's half propped up in the corner that he was curled up in earlier, and this time his hand is buried all the way in his pants, not just skimming around the top.
He's not... Oh shit, he is, Danny thinks. His own cock twitches in response-- if he's being honest with himself, he's maybe had a fantasy or two involving Mac and his office, but definitely not like this. *Why me?* he thinks, bracing himself to deal with an apparantly ready and willing Mac, trying to figure out how on earth to get them out of yet another mess-- especially before someone decides to come by Mac's office for whatever reason.
He slowly approaches Mac again, worried any sudden movements could provoke aggression. They both could definitely do without a repeat of earlier, and Danny worries that one of these times one or both of them could get hurt. Mac notices Danny as he gets close, and his out-of-focus gaze swings toward him. Mac's hand slows down, and he grins almost evilly at Danny. Danny swallows hard-- this one's going to be an interesting situation to defuse. He remembers when he and Mac went to go defuse that bomb, and it feels like that with the twisting nerves in his gut but worse with the whole extra layer of guilt-rendering arousal. Danny thinks maybe he'd prefer a bomb again over this, cause he wouldn't have to face the bomb the next day.
Danny stops just short of Mac's outstretched legs, trying to figure out how exactly to make him stop. He's obviously not in the mood to, and if Danny has to resort to physical means, this could get messy real fast. For once, luck is with him, because Mac takes his hand out of his pants to lever himself up off the couch and heads toward him. Danny tries to appear relaxed and non-threatening as possible, and hopes for the best.
Mac walks right up to him-- he forgets how imposing Mac can look despite being the same size as him-- and grabs Danny's crotch and gives it a firm squeeze. He barely bites back a yelp of surprise, and tries to ignore the fact that it feels good. This situation is all wrong for too many reasons, even if parts of him will apparently gladly go along. He's wanted Mac for so long now that he has a hard time controlling his reactions, but he can't let Mac get too encouraged-- they need to get out of here quickly, and this is not going to help.
Mac's kissing him aggressively again, letting go only to plaster himself against Danny's front and rubbing against his leg. He's desperate, clinging to Danny and hands roaming everywhere along his back, occasionally drifting down to squeeze his ass tightly. He's disturbingly quiet, but it seems like he is more concerned with getting laid than communicating in any way beyond physical movement. Danny goes along with it for a while, giving in to temptation for a couple minutes while formulating what to do next. He figures it can't really do any more harm than what's already occurred.
As he's trying to come up with a plan-- a horny Mac all over him is really not the easiest distraction to overcome-- he realises a pattern: if Danny gives in and gives him what he wants, he becomes a bit easier to handle. It seems to tame the beast, so to speak, and he just might be able to use this to his advantage.
Danny resigns himself to essentially making out with Mac for the time being, although honestly, it's not exactly a huge burden. He can use Mac's one track mind to his advantage, but doesn't want to misstep and cause more problems. He starts to let his hands roam on Mac's back, and Mac arches into the touch like a cat. As Danny continues to caress him slowly, Mac gets less and less frantic, allowing Danny to guide him gently toward the far end of the office. Danny's thrilled by this turn of events--a pliable Mac is handleable, and it's starting to seem as if he can use this to get them out of here. It's definitely clear that Mac's unable to handle himself and is going to need Danny around to look after him and keep him out of trouble, and he'd prefer not to be on display in Mac's office in a compromising situation that really isn't what it seems.
The three of them can keep this under wraps-- he trusts Hawkes to not say anything-- but if he turns Mac loose and he jumps some random person, there could be big trouble. Rape and assault, criminal charges... The integrity of the lab, and worse, his honor, completely ruined by a bust gone wrong. If something happened and he remembers anything later, the guilt could drive him to pieces. He suspects that Mac will have a hard enough time come tomorrow morning, even knowing that it was just Hawkes and him who even knew what was going on.
When Mac finally slows down and takes to sucking on Danny's neck-- to which Danny can't help but to respond to by arching his neck slightly to give him better access-- and slowly sliding his hands into Danny's waistband, warning bells start going off in his head. He decides then that there's no time better than now to try and get them out of there, before Mac actually succeeds in getting one or both undressed enough to be called in on indecent exposure.
Danny gently nudges Mac away from him, looking him over. He still looks stoned, and aggressively horny, but his lips are kiss-swollen and his expression seems softer than earlier.
"Hey now, come on," Danny says gently. "Let's take this somewhere a bit more private, yeah? 'm not so keen on this whole fishbowl in the middle of the lab thing. Too many people around."
Mac concedes, moving away. Danny's a bit surprised that it worked so easily, but lets out a sigh of relief and reaches for Mac's trenchcoat and digs the keys out of his pocket. Danny hands the trenchcoat to Mac-- lord knows he could use the disguise for the bulge in his pants-- and Mac shrugs it on. Apparently this Mac knows how to dress as well as undress, which is good considering he wasn't so sure he would know what to do when he handed it to Mac. He doesn't have time to go find his coat, but since Mac's got keys to the truck, they can avoid public transportation while he's in this state. Lucked out this time, he thinks. He just hopes he can find somewhere to put the truck when they get to Mac's place, and that it doesn't involve too much walking-- even though Mac does seem to be able to handle himself pretty well right now and it's relatively late so they shouldn't run into too many people, he just doesn't want to tempt fate.
They get into the truck without incident, and Danny feels much better as they leave view of the lab. Part of him really knows Mac's not with it since he hasn't complained once about Danny doing the driving. Usually Mac drives-- period, end of discussion-- and when Danny has on the rare occasion, Mac's sat and scowled quietly the whole time. This time he's not scowling, but he's not really doing much of anything except staring out the window in open fascination at the flash of passing streetlights on the bridge. It disturbs Danny a bit, but for a the tiniest second, he thinks maybe he can see a little flash of a young Mac, fascinated with the world around him. It bugs him sometimes that he doesn't know anything about that younger Mac, although nobody does. Maybe someday.
Honestly, he's glad for the reprieve for the moment; constantly resisting Mac is really quite challenging, and he doesn't know how much longer he can do so while retaining his sanity or not having to resort to drastic measures. The happily stoned Mac would make an interesting thing to watch if he had the time, or if there wasn't the risk of Mac possibly flying off the handle again. The silence is almost disturbing after the last couple hours, and he barely keeps himself from saying something to Mac just to make sure he's alive and breathing. Instead he finds himself sneaking glances as much as he can and enjoying Mac's childlike openness despite the situation.
Soon Danny notices that Mac's expression has closed off again, and he wonders if he's back in a coherent phase. Part of him hopes it's for good this time, but he knows it's probably going to take Mac sleeping it off to get him back to normal.
"Hey Mac, how ya feelin?"
Mac doesn't answer, and Danny frowns. He looks closer at Mac again, watching him as carefully as he can while trying not to crash.
"Mac?" An edge of concern creeps into his voice. Great, he thinks. Catatonia. Worse or better than the prior symptoms? He just might end up having to call Hawkes, and he had really hoped that it wouldn't come to that.
"Mac. Come on. Say something, even if it's to tell me to shut up." Danny's really starting to get concerned, and is about to pull over to check on him.
"No."
Danny lets out a sigh of relief. "No what?"
"Where are we going?" Mac asks, ignoring Danny's question. He sounds almost normal, cold and detached.
"Home. Well, uh, you're going home."
Mac seems to absorb this bit of information and settles quietly, looking back out the window, tension radiating from him again.
Luck is on their side again and Danny finds a place to park close to Mac's building. They manage to get into the apartment without too much incident, although Mac keeps withdrawing into himself further and further. Mac quietly opens the door, steps in, and ignores Danny's presence in his apartment. Danny follows, watching Mac move slowly throughout the apartment. He investigates the layout on his own, noticing a bathroom right off the bedroom. That makes him feel a little better, knowing that it won't be far in case Mac gets sick.
Mac starts to shed clothing to go to bed, but stops when he realizes that Danny's still there.
"Why are you still here?" he asks, looking at Danny with barely open eyes. He's still not quite himself, but Danny's feeling better and a bit more confident about his overall condition.
"I gotta keep an eye on you cause of the drugs. Hawkes insists. It's that or the hospital, and I didn't think you'd go for that. I promise I'm not gonna be breathin' down your neck or anything. I'll be out on the couch if you need anything, all right?"
Mac nods tiredly, but doesn't move. Danny stands there, but then realizes that Mac obviously wants him to leave before he'll continue. He smiles in apology and drifts back out to the living room, finding a light blanket, toeing off his shoes, and stretching out on the couch. He might as well take a nap since he knows he won't sleep through the night, too worried about Mac and needing to get up to check on him. Danny closes his eyes and drifts off quickly, exhausted from the crazy events of the day.
It doesn't feel like he's been asleep for long when he wakes up quickly, sensing something isn't right. There's a hand in his hair, and he can feel someone standing near him. His eyes fly open and he turns to look over at whoever's there. Mac. Mac? He was asleep last time Danny checked-- apparently not anymore.
Mac's hand is moving gently through his hair, and it feels kinda good, as Mac's kneeling next to the couch naked... wait. Naked? Danny tries to sit up, looking over at Mac, trying to be respectful of his privacy and not stare. He sighs in relief when he sees Mac has boxers on, but nothing else.
*God, what now?* he moans to himself. He honestly thought they had turned the corner with this whole situation, and wonders what he did to piss whatever deity off to stick them with the events of this day. After this? No more helping out on busts. Hell no.
He sits up, and looks over Mac once again. He has to resist the urge to stare at all the bare flesh in front of him-- he's imagined it multiple times, but never thought he'd actually be able to be right there within reach of touching and tasting and doing everything he's wanted to do. However, in these circumstances, it's just not right. Mac can't knowingly consent in this state, even if his body seems to be more than willing. Danny can't honestly do anything, knowing that, no matter how tempting. And Mac's never shown any interest in Danny, or men for that matter, before. He could find himself dead the next morning if he did, not to mention how much it would hurt Mac. It just wouldn't be worth the aftermath it would cause.
Mac's hand is resting on his chest now that he's sitting up, and Mac looks relatively well. He's not trembling as much, and the look has gone from a manic aggressiveness to a softer, almost drunken look, and he's smiling goofily at Danny. He looks rather... happy, strangely enough, and Danny wishes that there was actual reason for him to be. He also seems to be moving rather slowly, which could eventually be used to Danny's advantage. Part of him feels better because a calmer Mac means less danger for him-- less risk of him going into a rage and snapping Danny's neck, which Danny's convinced he could probably easily do. It's Mac, after all. That kind of instinct is on the same level of lizard brain activity that mind has Mac's been on, and it wouldn't be that big of a jump to move from sex to kill mode in an instant.
Mac's caressing Danny's chest through his shirt, and even the rub of the buttons feels good, even though it shouldn't. This has got to stop, but he doesn't want to kick a hornet's nest by rejecting him too suddenly or directly since there's no guarantee that Mac won't turn on a dime and get aggressive and violent again.
"Hey Mac, whatcha doin' out of bed, huh? You need to sleep this off. That means staying in bed, yeah?" Danny watches him for any sudden changes, and doesn't seem to find any; he's still got this happy, lovey, stoned version that watched the streetlights out the car window earlier.
Mac's grin splits wider and his eyes are still unfocused. "Nope, no bed right now. You're out here, not back there where you need to be. Come back."
Danny blinks, hurt twising in his chest. He's always wanted to hear things like that from Mac, but always believed it to be a dead end wish. He tries not to react in any visible way to Mac's words, just trying to clear up the situation as fast as possible. Ok, he thinks. Happy, babbling Mac. Don't let it get to you, don't believe the lies. Mac doesn't know what he's saying, he's not knowingly trying to hurt you. Use it to to your advantage if need be.
"No, Mac, I sleep here on the couch. You sleep in your bed." he says slowly and clearly, as if explaining this concept to a small child.
Mac leans in and kisses him again, softer and sloppier than earlier, and climbs up onto the couch, settling himself onto Danny's lap. He reacts by habit, giving into Mac's demanding kisses and let him take what he wants. He tells himself that it lets him think while keeping Mac happy, who seems to be content at the moment to sit with Danny and touch and taste whatever he can reach.
After a bit, Danny tries to gently push Mac away when he moves down to suck on Danny's neck, trying to unbutton Danny's shirt and shove it away.
"Mac, hey, come on now. We can't do this, it's not right. You're not with me here."
"No, 's right," he says, between nips and licks to Danny's chin and neck. "'m right here, and you are too." Mac's slowing down, his movements a bit weighted and even less coordinated than earlier. He's got to get him back to his bed before he crashes on him-- sure, Mac could fit on the couch, but it'd just be best for him the next morning to reduce confusion and have him close to a bathroom if needed.
"Come on Mac, back to bed you go," he says, trying to get up and force Mac onto his feet. Mac gets up, but refuses to let go of him, grip strong considering how out of it he really is.
"You too," Mac insists, pulling Danny by his opened shirt. He sighs, deciding that cooperation will get them both far, and lets Mac drag him back toward his bedroom. Mac gets a big goofy grin on his face, and it's almost cute-- it just hurts that the circumstances aren't ideal. And that he probably wouldn't ever see such open happiness on his face, even under ideal circumstances.
Mac tries to clumsily undress Danny when they get into the room, and Danny gently redirects his hands. "No, not right now. Come on Mac, time for bed," he says, coaxing Mac backwards.
Mac frowns sleepily and clings to Danny tightly. "No. Stay." He falls back against the bed, dragging Danny with him. Mac starts to get fussy, keeping a tight grip on him and forcing them into an awkward position.
"Ok, ok, I'll stay. Let go, 'cause you're hurting my arm." Mac lets go, nodding loosely and settles into Danny's side, half-open eyes staring desperately at him. Danny shifts and runs his hand soothingly through Mac's hair.
"See? 'm right here. No worries. You just go to sleep now, all right?" Mac relaxes and nuzzles his face into Danny's neck so that all Danny can do now is lay a gentle hand on his head. He can feel Mac kiss gently against his neck as he fades away into sleep and it twinges in his heart, wishing that it could be real.
Finally, after everything that's gone on today and one failed attempt, he's gotten Mac to where he needs to be. Hopefully no more issues for the rest of the night and they both can get some rest, cause at this point, they both are really going to need it. He tries to extract himself from the grip of the slightly snoring Mac, who squirms a bit when he stands up. Danny watches, and lets out a huge breath he didn't even realize he was holding when Mac settles down and goes back to sleep.
Danny really hopes it's true this time, and he groans as he sinks back down into the couch. He needs to try to catch another nap before he has to check on Mac again. He's still worried that Mac might surprise him again, but he's optimistic that time time he's out for good. Even if he doesn't, he's pretty sure he's not going to get much sleep, today's events in a constant playback loop in his mind.
He lies there staring at the ceiling. Why me? Why does he have to get teased and tortured with something he can't have, no matter how much he wants it? He feels like he's been jerked around, although it isn't really Mac's fault and he's going to try his level best not to hold it against him. Mac probably had no idea what he was doing, or what it would mean to Danny. Namely, how much it would hurt. It was all the drugs talking anyway, spitting demons into the air without either of them in control.
Mac's possible reactions worry him too-- more than likely he'll deny everything that went on, but maybe he'll want to discuss it, and Danny really doesn't want to do that either. If Mac remembers any of it, Danny expects that he'll beat himself up about it, trying to apologize and just causing more trouble than it's all worth.
Either way, it's going to be a long night.
Fin
2/07
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