#1 .p (admiration)
I'd rather watch someone I admire from a distance.
I think it's because I've visualized them as someone of greater and untouchabe--surely I have befriended some of my idols, but then it crashed and they shattered into tiny pieces I shuffled away. It depends per person, of course. Some stay with me, some don't for the most stupidest of reasons, and that's when I learned years ago that any person I admire--famous or not--is just like me. They're not the most intelligent, but they have their own kind of knowledge, of expressing themselves, of wording things. They make mistakes--honest, stupid mistakes--just like me.
I still try and talk to people I admire, more or less or a lot, but something tells me to keep a distance and just watch them shine from a distance, because I love to see that shine and I don't want it to go away, because it's something that inspires me and befriending them, somehow, makes the shine fade. Not on a personal level, but because my admiration is somehow long gone; starting to slowly evaporate and hide somewhere in the back of my mind, never to surface again. Complimenting their work constantly doesn't feel right when we're friends, because it makes me feel like a fan rather than a friend, even though I can be both. I know.
I have friends that I admire for certain qualities, but nothing similar to artists, writers, poets, people I admire on a different level. My admiration, my inspiration, it will lessen, fade, creep into a corner I cannot reach. And I wish to keep those feelings, and no matter what I do, it always ends up the same, so I always wish for people to come to me instead of me to them, because I'm a coward too conscious.