This poem is your best that I've read so far- I love every single bit of it. I can just imagine you and your peach tree! What delightful metaphors too. Keep up the brilliant work my dear- you have so much to give and share..
This is well written little poem Giovanna- but I would like to see you using more of your own language- this would give it more power. We tend to become "poetical" when we write poetry. But the power is in YOUR own language. Let me try recasting a stanza from your poem to illustrate what I mean:
Clouds, birds, leaves float overhead As my mind pondered to years ahead Where shall life take me, what shall I see All this beauty and wonder given by Thee
Here is my/your possible version
Clouds, birds, leaves float overhead As I thought on years ahead Where will life take me, what will I see All this beauty and wonder surrounding this tree
You probably think I have damaged your poem in the process !!!???@#$???
No I don't think you've damaged my poem at all just put a different slant on the meaning. So much life does come from a tree and so many thing revolve around it. Bees, birds, flowers, children, oxygen, fruit - it is LIFE!! :), and LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, bur we must learn to enjoy it.
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This poem is your best that I've read so far- I love every single bit of it. I can just imagine you and your peach tree! What delightful metaphors too. Keep up the brilliant work my dear- you have so much to give and share..
Love Nancy
Reply
Clouds, birds, leaves float overhead
As my mind pondered to years ahead
Where shall life take me, what shall I see
All this beauty and wonder given by Thee
Here is my/your possible version
Clouds, birds, leaves float overhead
As I thought on years ahead
Where will life take me, what will I see
All this beauty and wonder surrounding this tree
You probably think I have damaged your poem in the process !!!???@#$???
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Reply
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