With You In Your Dreams
Title: With You In Your Dreams
Author: girldevil
Pairing: Junchun, Yoosu
Genre: romance, comedy, angst
Length: one-shot
Rating: PG
Summary: Yoochun will always be in Junsu's dreams.
A/N: Please read until the end of the story? *puppy eyes*
Junsu was exhausted. He wanted to lie down and sleep but even if he did, he won't be able to relax because every minute counts. Junsu leaned back on the chair as he stared at his partner who was fast asleep on the bed. Junsu felt his heart wrenching at the sight of his frail partner and wanted nothing but for his partner to get better and go back to how their lives used to be; full of music, dance and joy. If only it was possible.
He nursed his glass of red wine because he needed it. Not that he wanted to feel tipsy or get drunk but he needed something to calm him and ease his nerves from feeling the exhaustion, stress and depression altogether for the past weeks or months. Medicine would have worked but he was tired of seeing pills lying around everyday so he opted for the red wine.
He took little sips and tried to savor the bittersweet taste but only ended up cringing after each sips. He will never get used to drinking alcohol and he would never understand how Yoochun enjoyed it. He placed the glass down on the table beside him and took another look at Yoochun. He was still fast asleep and Junsu wanted to wake him up, spend more time talking or anything that doesn’t seem like his world is dying. But he knew better not to wake Yoochun up because Yoochun needed it; he’s been getting weaker each day and time is running out.
Junsu closed his eyes to rest his weary eyes but tries not to fall asleep. He raked through his mind, going through memories that meant a lot to him and he started to reminisce. He smiled at the memory of meeting Yoochun for the first time.
“Hyung!” Changmin called out to him at the school hallway and he turned around to find Changmin running towards him.
“Get off you food monster!” Junsu whined when Changmin jumped on him and gave him a bone-cracking hug. Changmin let go and grinned at him and Junsu found it suspicious.
“What?”
“I think you will enjoy this,” Changmin replied and pulled a guy to his side and hooked his arm around on the guy’s shoulder. Junsu’s eyes widened and fought hard not to blush.
“This is Yoochun, but of course you already know that since you’ve been gawking at him for the past-”
“Changmin!”
“I’m just being honest hyung! And anyways, I brought Yoochun to you because he needs a tutor on psychology and I think you are the most suitable tutor among the rest of us. And you two can start hooking up already because I swear hyung, you’re not the only one who’s gawking at Yoochun because Yoochun hyung also kept staring at your humongous ass.”
“Changmin!” Yoochun was embarrassed.
Changmin rolled his eyes, “Seriously, it’s nothing to be embarrass of and I am doing you guys a favor and you will thank me for this so…this is my cue where I will leave you both alone…to your own awkwardness and learn how to get over it. By the way, I expect a payment in return, and as payment I meant by food.”
And Changmin skipped down the hallway and disappeared, leaving Junsu and Yoochun standing awkwardly in the middle of the swarming hallway with students.
“I need to kill Changmin, like really really need to kill him and feed his body to the sharks,” Junsu muttered but Yoochun heard it amidst the noise of the crowd. “Do you need help with that? Because I feel like committing a crime,” Yoochun quipped and Junsu grinned back at him, “then it’s a plan.”
Junsu smiled at that fond memory. He remembered how quickly they got over with being awkward at each other and how they ended up together when Junsu’s close-knit friends along with Changmin kept teasing and pushed them together. When they got together, Junsu and Yoochun never forgot about Changmin, they playfully ganged him up and played a prank and then both of them treated Changmin to his favorite restaurant for repayment after all the fun.
Junsu opened his eyes when he heard a cough. He instantly got up from the chair and went over to Yoochun, who was finally awake after a long nap and looked uncomfortable.
“Chunnie?”
Yoochun opened his eyes and smiled weakly while he removed the oxygen mask that covered his nose and mouth. “Hi.”
Junsu sadly smiled back at him, “Hello yourself. Do you want water?” he asked.
Yoochun slightly nodded his head and Junsu went to fetch a glass of water. He placed the straw into the glass and positioned it into Yoochun’s dry chapped lips.
Yoochun slowly drank from the straw with difficulty until he had enough. Junsu placed the glass on the side table where all the pills are and sat beside Yoochun on the bed and held his hand.
“How was your sleep?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun sighed painfully. “Still tired…” he mumbled weakly.
Junsu leaned closer and kissed on Yoochun’s cold but damped forehead. “Why don’t you rest some more?” he suggested.
Yoochun glanced at him before shaking his head, “I’m afraid…”
Junsu frowned before he realized what Yoochun meant. Junsu took in a deep shaky breath and held Yoochun’s hand tighter without hurting him.
“You don’t have to be afraid, I’m here with you.”
Yoochun’s eyes became wet and Junsu didn’t want to cry, “Aw please don’t cry love.” Junsu wiped Yoochun’s moist eyes with his thumb and smiled at him, “Until now you’re still a crybaby and will always be a crybaby,” Junsu teased him.
Yoochun softly chuckled, “Yeah,” he agreed and started coughing again.
“Are you okay?” Junsu asked worriedly when his partner kept having a coughing fit.
Yoochun patted Junsu’s hand that is on top of his with his free hand, “Nothing new. Where’re the others?” he asked.
Junsu smiled sadly at him, Yoochun’s memory has been deteriorating lately just as the doctor informed them before when they found out that Yoochun was sick. Like really sick.
“What do you mean?” Junsu asked the doctor. They went to the hospital few days ago to have Yoochun a whole body check up when he kept having stomach pains and they thought it could be inflammation or other stomach problems but didn’t expect the results when the doctor called them to come back.
“Mr. Park has inflammation in his stomach, which is no problem and just have to take medications and change his diet for that. But we have a more pressing matter here. We managed to find out in his blood test that there are cancer cells and found a tumor in his left lung, which means he has lung cancer. Usually we do second tests like biopsies to find out whether it is operable or not but with the evidence showed in your results, the mass was too dark that it had already taken up most of your left lung and… it is starting to spread to your right lung.”
Yoochun was speechless. Junsu was also speechless.
“What about chemotherapy or other possible medicine?” Junsu gathered his strength to ask and was afraid of the possible answer since the expression of the doctor didn’t look too hopeful.
“I’m afraid not. Chemotherapy can buy you some more time but…I’m sorry.”
At least their doctor was honest and didn’t bother to sugarcoat everything.
“But…Yoochun, how come you never noticed if you were having a hard time breathing?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean there were days that it was hard breathing but I always thought it was my asthma…” the doctor nodded his head, agreeing that sometimes patients tend to think it was something else connected to their usual sickness.
“How long?” Yoochun asked boldly. Junsu gaped at him, “Yoochun…”
“How long do I have left?” Yoochun repeated and they waited for the doctor’s reply.
“Less than a year.”
And their doctor filled them in with information that they needed to know and what to be prepared for when Yoochun reaches the final stage.
“Junsu?”
Junsu blinked at Yoochun and remembered where he was.
“Do you remember that we are not in Korea?” Junsu asked and watched Yoochun crease his eyebrows together in confusion.
“We’re not?”
Junsu shook his head, “It was your idea, not mine. You decided months ago to be selfish and not to let them ever find out so you made a plan that we’re going abroad for a year because you want to do your master degree.”
“Oh.”
Junsu raised his brows at him, “Oh? Is that all you can say? Honestly Yoochun, as much as you are hurting and dying and I am also hurting here, you don’t realize that you are also hurting them by not telling them. They’re also your best friends not only mine. They deserve to know and I don’t want them to blame me that-” Junsu shuddered when angry tears formed in his eyes, “I don’t want them to blame me when you are gone and never gave them the chance to see you or talk to you or spend more time with you. They deserve to spend their time with you because it is thanks to them that I am with you for so many years now through thick and thin and if it was not for Changmin, Jaejoong hyung and Yunho hyung, I won’t be here with you at all.”
Yoochun looked away with shame plastered on his face and he blinked away the tears.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t…I…”
Junsu wiped his tears with the back of his hand and shook his head, “Yoochun it’s okay. I understand you but…I’m just frustrated and I miss them.”
Silence built between them. Junsu just kept holding Yoochun’s hand while Yoochun looked out at the window, watching the sun go down. And when the sun disappeared from his sight, he turned to Junsu with remorse.
“I’ve been really selfish huh?”
Junsu didn’t need to say anything because he knew that Yoochun already knew that.
Yoochun had another coughing fit and Junsu insisted that he put his oxygen mask back on. Yoochun shook his head, saying he will put it back on when he feels like it.
“Junsu…can you call them and tell them if they could come here? Uh…we’re in…Hawaii right?”
“Are you sure?” Junsu did a double take when Yoochun was able to remember where they are.
“I miss them,” Yoochun said sadly, “and I know Jaejoong will never be able to forgive me if I don’t let them in now.”
Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin arrived in two days and Junsu had picked them up with the rental car. The ride to the apartment was full of agonizing silence and Jaejoong has been giving off an enraged vibe and Yunho had tried his best to calm him but with vain. When Junsu called him two days ago and told him about Yoochun, rage does not even describe it because it was more than that. It was betrayal for Jaejoong.
“How am I supposed to act?” Changmin sounded torn apart. He was also angry but not as angry as Jaejoong.
“Act like you want to kill him and-”
“Jaejoong.” Yunho reprimanded him.
“We’re here,” Junsu pulled the car into the parking lot and killed the engine before looking at Jaejoong from the rear mirror.
“Fuck. How am I supposed to face him? That bastard.”
Junsu understood Jaejoong because Jaejoong and Yoochun were more than best friends. They are soul mates and Junsu was never jealous of what they had because he understood their way of understanding one another as if they were twins who were separated at birth.
Changmin was first to get out of the car and Yunho followed suit. Junsu turned around in the driver’s seat to look directly at Jaejoong.
“Hyung, this is still Yoochun. He may look frail but never doubt that he is still in there. I am sure he spent the last two days sulking and eating his guilt away from keeping you guys away. Let your anger out at him if you need to because he will feel better if you did that.”
And Jaejoong did let out his anger once he got into Yoochun’s room while Yunho and Changmin stayed outside of the room with Junsu, trying to fight back tears.
“You fucking heartless bastard!” They could hear Jaejoong while Yoochun stayed silent, allowing Jaejoong his strings of curses and anger.
It took a while before Jaejoong was done being angry when Yoochun spoke for the first time since they arrived.
“I’m sorry…hyung.”
And Jaejoong broke into tears and clung to Yoochun for a long time.
Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin spent their days with Yoochun like everything was back to normal. They would take Yoochun out for a breather on his wheelchair and any one of them would take turns in pushing Yoochun around. Junsu felt better, knowing that he has them around to help him. And when Yoochun’s too weak to go out, they would stay in his room all day just to talk, listen to music, have a movie marathon and sometimes they would spend nights on Yoochun’s floor with layers of comforters to keep them comfortable.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month and Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin still stayed amidst their busy lives back in Korea. Their friend was more important than their careers at the moment and Yoochun was grateful for their presence and he was glad that Junsu talked sense into him. Or else he would end up regretting that he didn’t live to the fullest.
It was a week ago when Yoochun started to have more frequent coughing fits that sent them worrying all over him. They knew what was happening but Yoochun didn’t want them to keep on worrying because it was making him feel uneasy. He started sleeping longer than usual and felt more worn out and he would wake up in the middle of the night to find Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin sleeping again on his floor and Junsu by the chair with his head on the side of his bed while holding his hand.
Yoochun gently shook Junsu awake with his hand and Junsu awoke with worry and alert.
“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Junsu wiped the sleep away from his eyes and leaned closer to Yoochun with concern in his voice.
Yoochun shook his head and pulled the oxygen mask off and took a deep breath.
“I just…miss you,” Yoochun smiled at him when he spoke with difficulty. His voice started to sound rough and hoarse and breathing became more difficult for him for the past weeks and he needed to gasp for air sometimes. He was forced to wear his oxygen mask at all times but today he felt the need to take it out for a while.
“I’m always here Chunnie,” Junsu smiled back at him and brushed Yoochun’s bang away from his forehead.
Yoochun gazed at the man before him with loving eyes, he was glad that he was able to meet a great person like Junsu and it hurt him when he couldn’t see Junsu smiling as always. For his sake, Junsu smiled often as he could but Yoochun knew that Junsu was trying so hard for him even though he was hurting inside. He was glad that he has Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin to stick around here with them as it made Junsu feel much better. He was grateful for their unconditional friendship and love and nothing could replace them.
“Junsu…”
“Yeah?”
“Love you always,” Yoochun said. It’s been a while since he told Junsu that and Junsu bit on his lower lips to stop from crying.
“I know…I love you too Chunnie,” Junsu inhaled.
Yoochun lifted his hand to wipe Junsu’s tears this time. “Don’t cry love, it doesn’t suit you,” Yoochun tried to joke but Junsu sobbed. Junsu found it too hard to handle as he couldn’t hold back the tears but he has already accepted a month ago.
“I know Chunnie, but I will try,” Junsu took deep breathes and resorted to hiccupping.
“Your hiccups still sound like dolphin-ish, I swear you must be a dolphin in your past life,” Yoochun chuckled softly.
“So mean, you still have energy to make fun of me,” Junsu sniffed as he wiped the remaining tears from his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
“Of course, we all live to tease you,” Yoochun smiled fondly at Junsu.
Junsu nodded sadly at him, “Yeah you do,” he said.
Yoochun started coughing again and Junsu put the oxygen mask back on.
“So tired and sleepy…” Yoochun mumbled.
“Go to sleep if you must Yoochun,” Junsu held his hand close to his chest, because in his heart he had a feeling. “Yoochun…I love you always, you know that right?”
“Yeah…and thank you for loving me all the time, I will always be with you in your dreams,” Yoochun smiled behind the oxygen mask.
“And thank you for loving me too as well.” Junsu slightly lowered the oxygen mask to Yoochun’s chin and leaned down and gave a lingering kiss on his lips. Yoochun smiled in appreciation before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
And since that night, Yoochun was in coma and has never woken up. The doctor came over to the house to check up on him and when he came out of the room, he faced four solemn faces.
“He’s trying to fight despite being in coma,” was all he could tell them before he left.
Jaejoong cried in Yunho’s arm and Changmin and Junsu leaned against each other for comfort. They knew what they had to do. They all went inside Yoochun’s room and stared at his pale and frail body on the bed. He was still breathing but it felt like he was hardly there.
“Yoochunnie...it’s me Jaejoong hyung,” Jaejoong held Yoochun’s hand. “You can hear me right? I love you my soul mate, you will always be my soul mate and I swear if you find another soul mate up there, I’m going to go after you and hunt you okay?”
Jaejoong let out a shaky breath. He leaned down to kiss Yoochun on the forehead as he remembered how he looked like when he first met Yoochun.
“Goodbye Yoochun,” Jaejoong whispered softly and pulled back with tears streaming down his face, “I’ll never forget you soul mate, thank you for being a part of me.”
Jaejoong stepped away from the bed and left the room because he couldn’t handle being in the room any longer.
Yunho stepped forward and kissed on Yoochun’s forehead. “Yoochun, you did well. You made us all proud and you really are a fighter. But we’ll understand when you want to stop fighting because we all know it can be tiring. A fighter has to rest too you know so rest if you must. And when we meet again, we can fight again like we used to and you better be ready when I come okay? Promise me that Yoochun…and I love you bro. Thank you for being part of my life too,” Yunho sniffed and patted Yoochun’s hand one last time before joining Jaejoong outside.
Junsu’s lips have been quivering while he listened to their goodbyes and now it was Changmin’s turn. Junsu gazed out at the window and saw the sun was sparkling as it started to set.
“Hyung…” Changmin kneeled beside the bed, grasping on Yoochun’s hand. “You are so mean…you promised me you will make a cake for me years ago and you haven’t yet to make me one. I have been looking forward to that and now…you have to make one when you get there and send it to me in my dream okay? But hyung…how am I going to make fun of Junsu all by myself now? You are my partner in crime and I don’t think umma and appa will be as fun as you when we make fun of Junsu…because you know that they will always be busy doing something by themselves.” Changmin chuckled to himself while he also sniffed at the same time.
“Hyung, thank you for being a part of me all those years I’ve known you…and I know you will always be around to watch over us. I love you hyung…don’t ever forget that.”
Changmin leaned his forehead on Yoochun’s hand for a while before he got up and leaned to kiss on Yoochun’s forehead and then left the room, leaving Junsu alone with Yoochun.
Junsu slowly walked to Yoochun’s side and sat down on the bed, gathering Yoochun’s limp hand into both of his hand. He opened his mouth and started to sing one of Yoochun’s favorite songs ‘Kiss Shitamama, Sayonara’ and when he ended the song, he could no longer hold back the sobs he’s been holding in.
He cried. He let it out. He let out all of his anguish cries, angers, desperations and longings and how he wished they had more time to spent together.
“But no matter how many times I’ve wished and hoped, I know that I have to let you go. Don’t let us hold you back anymore Chunnie. Go if you must. Go to where you will be at peace. Go to your dad and tell him I said hi. Chunnie…Yoochun…” Junsu let his tears flow down freely because he promised himself that this would be the last time he will cry for him. “I’m letting you go now…you don’t have to fight anymore. Be at ease now my love and I will always dream of you…and thank you for-”
“JUNSU!! WAKE UP YOU RETARD!!!!”
Junsu fell off the bed and blinked furiously.
“Jae hyung?” he asked, feeling puzzled as he looked around.
“Get your big butt up and get dressed! We’re already late for rehearsal! Yoochun oh my god! Damnit I still have to wake him up! Don’t you dare fall back to sleep Junsu or else!” Jaejoong stormed out of his room and disappeared from the hallway.
Junsu frowned. The dream felt to real.
“YOOCHUN! I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T GET UP, THERE WILL BE PRICE TO PAY! GET UUUUPPPP!!!!”
It was just a fucking dream.
“YOOCHUUNNNNNIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Junsu’s dolphin-like scream instantly woke Yoochun up and he fell backwards to the bed when Junsu ran into his room and jumped on him and gave him a bone-crushing hug.
“GET OFF ME YOU HUMONGOUS DUCKBUTT!”
But Junsu only showered Yoochun with kisses and Jaejoong had to haul Junsu off.
_______________________________________________
I was listening to Hanson's 'With You In Your Dreams' when I thought of my grandmother so I decided to write this in loving memory of my grandmother, who passed away not so long ago. I bet she is dancing and singing now with my grandfather up there ^.^
And who cried? =P
Thank you for reading!
zkye~
Author: girldevil
Pairing: Junchun, Yoosu
Genre: romance, comedy, angst
Length: one-shot
Rating: PG
Summary: Yoochun will always be in Junsu's dreams.
A/N: Please read until the end of the story? *puppy eyes*
Junsu was exhausted. He wanted to lie down and sleep but even if he did, he won't be able to relax because every minute counts. Junsu leaned back on the chair as he stared at his partner who was fast asleep on the bed. Junsu felt his heart wrenching at the sight of his frail partner and wanted nothing but for his partner to get better and go back to how their lives used to be; full of music, dance and joy. If only it was possible.
He nursed his glass of red wine because he needed it. Not that he wanted to feel tipsy or get drunk but he needed something to calm him and ease his nerves from feeling the exhaustion, stress and depression altogether for the past weeks or months. Medicine would have worked but he was tired of seeing pills lying around everyday so he opted for the red wine.
He took little sips and tried to savor the bittersweet taste but only ended up cringing after each sips. He will never get used to drinking alcohol and he would never understand how Yoochun enjoyed it. He placed the glass down on the table beside him and took another look at Yoochun. He was still fast asleep and Junsu wanted to wake him up, spend more time talking or anything that doesn’t seem like his world is dying. But he knew better not to wake Yoochun up because Yoochun needed it; he’s been getting weaker each day and time is running out.
Junsu closed his eyes to rest his weary eyes but tries not to fall asleep. He raked through his mind, going through memories that meant a lot to him and he started to reminisce. He smiled at the memory of meeting Yoochun for the first time.
“Hyung!” Changmin called out to him at the school hallway and he turned around to find Changmin running towards him.
“Get off you food monster!” Junsu whined when Changmin jumped on him and gave him a bone-cracking hug. Changmin let go and grinned at him and Junsu found it suspicious.
“What?”
“I think you will enjoy this,” Changmin replied and pulled a guy to his side and hooked his arm around on the guy’s shoulder. Junsu’s eyes widened and fought hard not to blush.
“This is Yoochun, but of course you already know that since you’ve been gawking at him for the past-”
“Changmin!”
“I’m just being honest hyung! And anyways, I brought Yoochun to you because he needs a tutor on psychology and I think you are the most suitable tutor among the rest of us. And you two can start hooking up already because I swear hyung, you’re not the only one who’s gawking at Yoochun because Yoochun hyung also kept staring at your humongous ass.”
“Changmin!” Yoochun was embarrassed.
Changmin rolled his eyes, “Seriously, it’s nothing to be embarrass of and I am doing you guys a favor and you will thank me for this so…this is my cue where I will leave you both alone…to your own awkwardness and learn how to get over it. By the way, I expect a payment in return, and as payment I meant by food.”
And Changmin skipped down the hallway and disappeared, leaving Junsu and Yoochun standing awkwardly in the middle of the swarming hallway with students.
“I need to kill Changmin, like really really need to kill him and feed his body to the sharks,” Junsu muttered but Yoochun heard it amidst the noise of the crowd. “Do you need help with that? Because I feel like committing a crime,” Yoochun quipped and Junsu grinned back at him, “then it’s a plan.”
Junsu smiled at that fond memory. He remembered how quickly they got over with being awkward at each other and how they ended up together when Junsu’s close-knit friends along with Changmin kept teasing and pushed them together. When they got together, Junsu and Yoochun never forgot about Changmin, they playfully ganged him up and played a prank and then both of them treated Changmin to his favorite restaurant for repayment after all the fun.
Junsu opened his eyes when he heard a cough. He instantly got up from the chair and went over to Yoochun, who was finally awake after a long nap and looked uncomfortable.
“Chunnie?”
Yoochun opened his eyes and smiled weakly while he removed the oxygen mask that covered his nose and mouth. “Hi.”
Junsu sadly smiled back at him, “Hello yourself. Do you want water?” he asked.
Yoochun slightly nodded his head and Junsu went to fetch a glass of water. He placed the straw into the glass and positioned it into Yoochun’s dry chapped lips.
Yoochun slowly drank from the straw with difficulty until he had enough. Junsu placed the glass on the side table where all the pills are and sat beside Yoochun on the bed and held his hand.
“How was your sleep?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun sighed painfully. “Still tired…” he mumbled weakly.
Junsu leaned closer and kissed on Yoochun’s cold but damped forehead. “Why don’t you rest some more?” he suggested.
Yoochun glanced at him before shaking his head, “I’m afraid…”
Junsu frowned before he realized what Yoochun meant. Junsu took in a deep shaky breath and held Yoochun’s hand tighter without hurting him.
“You don’t have to be afraid, I’m here with you.”
Yoochun’s eyes became wet and Junsu didn’t want to cry, “Aw please don’t cry love.” Junsu wiped Yoochun’s moist eyes with his thumb and smiled at him, “Until now you’re still a crybaby and will always be a crybaby,” Junsu teased him.
Yoochun softly chuckled, “Yeah,” he agreed and started coughing again.
“Are you okay?” Junsu asked worriedly when his partner kept having a coughing fit.
Yoochun patted Junsu’s hand that is on top of his with his free hand, “Nothing new. Where’re the others?” he asked.
Junsu smiled sadly at him, Yoochun’s memory has been deteriorating lately just as the doctor informed them before when they found out that Yoochun was sick. Like really sick.
“What do you mean?” Junsu asked the doctor. They went to the hospital few days ago to have Yoochun a whole body check up when he kept having stomach pains and they thought it could be inflammation or other stomach problems but didn’t expect the results when the doctor called them to come back.
“Mr. Park has inflammation in his stomach, which is no problem and just have to take medications and change his diet for that. But we have a more pressing matter here. We managed to find out in his blood test that there are cancer cells and found a tumor in his left lung, which means he has lung cancer. Usually we do second tests like biopsies to find out whether it is operable or not but with the evidence showed in your results, the mass was too dark that it had already taken up most of your left lung and… it is starting to spread to your right lung.”
Yoochun was speechless. Junsu was also speechless.
“What about chemotherapy or other possible medicine?” Junsu gathered his strength to ask and was afraid of the possible answer since the expression of the doctor didn’t look too hopeful.
“I’m afraid not. Chemotherapy can buy you some more time but…I’m sorry.”
At least their doctor was honest and didn’t bother to sugarcoat everything.
“But…Yoochun, how come you never noticed if you were having a hard time breathing?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean there were days that it was hard breathing but I always thought it was my asthma…” the doctor nodded his head, agreeing that sometimes patients tend to think it was something else connected to their usual sickness.
“How long?” Yoochun asked boldly. Junsu gaped at him, “Yoochun…”
“How long do I have left?” Yoochun repeated and they waited for the doctor’s reply.
“Less than a year.”
And their doctor filled them in with information that they needed to know and what to be prepared for when Yoochun reaches the final stage.
“Junsu?”
Junsu blinked at Yoochun and remembered where he was.
“Do you remember that we are not in Korea?” Junsu asked and watched Yoochun crease his eyebrows together in confusion.
“We’re not?”
Junsu shook his head, “It was your idea, not mine. You decided months ago to be selfish and not to let them ever find out so you made a plan that we’re going abroad for a year because you want to do your master degree.”
“Oh.”
Junsu raised his brows at him, “Oh? Is that all you can say? Honestly Yoochun, as much as you are hurting and dying and I am also hurting here, you don’t realize that you are also hurting them by not telling them. They’re also your best friends not only mine. They deserve to know and I don’t want them to blame me that-” Junsu shuddered when angry tears formed in his eyes, “I don’t want them to blame me when you are gone and never gave them the chance to see you or talk to you or spend more time with you. They deserve to spend their time with you because it is thanks to them that I am with you for so many years now through thick and thin and if it was not for Changmin, Jaejoong hyung and Yunho hyung, I won’t be here with you at all.”
Yoochun looked away with shame plastered on his face and he blinked away the tears.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t…I…”
Junsu wiped his tears with the back of his hand and shook his head, “Yoochun it’s okay. I understand you but…I’m just frustrated and I miss them.”
Silence built between them. Junsu just kept holding Yoochun’s hand while Yoochun looked out at the window, watching the sun go down. And when the sun disappeared from his sight, he turned to Junsu with remorse.
“I’ve been really selfish huh?”
Junsu didn’t need to say anything because he knew that Yoochun already knew that.
Yoochun had another coughing fit and Junsu insisted that he put his oxygen mask back on. Yoochun shook his head, saying he will put it back on when he feels like it.
“Junsu…can you call them and tell them if they could come here? Uh…we’re in…Hawaii right?”
“Are you sure?” Junsu did a double take when Yoochun was able to remember where they are.
“I miss them,” Yoochun said sadly, “and I know Jaejoong will never be able to forgive me if I don’t let them in now.”
Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin arrived in two days and Junsu had picked them up with the rental car. The ride to the apartment was full of agonizing silence and Jaejoong has been giving off an enraged vibe and Yunho had tried his best to calm him but with vain. When Junsu called him two days ago and told him about Yoochun, rage does not even describe it because it was more than that. It was betrayal for Jaejoong.
“How am I supposed to act?” Changmin sounded torn apart. He was also angry but not as angry as Jaejoong.
“Act like you want to kill him and-”
“Jaejoong.” Yunho reprimanded him.
“We’re here,” Junsu pulled the car into the parking lot and killed the engine before looking at Jaejoong from the rear mirror.
“Fuck. How am I supposed to face him? That bastard.”
Junsu understood Jaejoong because Jaejoong and Yoochun were more than best friends. They are soul mates and Junsu was never jealous of what they had because he understood their way of understanding one another as if they were twins who were separated at birth.
Changmin was first to get out of the car and Yunho followed suit. Junsu turned around in the driver’s seat to look directly at Jaejoong.
“Hyung, this is still Yoochun. He may look frail but never doubt that he is still in there. I am sure he spent the last two days sulking and eating his guilt away from keeping you guys away. Let your anger out at him if you need to because he will feel better if you did that.”
And Jaejoong did let out his anger once he got into Yoochun’s room while Yunho and Changmin stayed outside of the room with Junsu, trying to fight back tears.
“You fucking heartless bastard!” They could hear Jaejoong while Yoochun stayed silent, allowing Jaejoong his strings of curses and anger.
It took a while before Jaejoong was done being angry when Yoochun spoke for the first time since they arrived.
“I’m sorry…hyung.”
And Jaejoong broke into tears and clung to Yoochun for a long time.
Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin spent their days with Yoochun like everything was back to normal. They would take Yoochun out for a breather on his wheelchair and any one of them would take turns in pushing Yoochun around. Junsu felt better, knowing that he has them around to help him. And when Yoochun’s too weak to go out, they would stay in his room all day just to talk, listen to music, have a movie marathon and sometimes they would spend nights on Yoochun’s floor with layers of comforters to keep them comfortable.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month and Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin still stayed amidst their busy lives back in Korea. Their friend was more important than their careers at the moment and Yoochun was grateful for their presence and he was glad that Junsu talked sense into him. Or else he would end up regretting that he didn’t live to the fullest.
It was a week ago when Yoochun started to have more frequent coughing fits that sent them worrying all over him. They knew what was happening but Yoochun didn’t want them to keep on worrying because it was making him feel uneasy. He started sleeping longer than usual and felt more worn out and he would wake up in the middle of the night to find Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin sleeping again on his floor and Junsu by the chair with his head on the side of his bed while holding his hand.
Yoochun gently shook Junsu awake with his hand and Junsu awoke with worry and alert.
“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Junsu wiped the sleep away from his eyes and leaned closer to Yoochun with concern in his voice.
Yoochun shook his head and pulled the oxygen mask off and took a deep breath.
“I just…miss you,” Yoochun smiled at him when he spoke with difficulty. His voice started to sound rough and hoarse and breathing became more difficult for him for the past weeks and he needed to gasp for air sometimes. He was forced to wear his oxygen mask at all times but today he felt the need to take it out for a while.
“I’m always here Chunnie,” Junsu smiled back at him and brushed Yoochun’s bang away from his forehead.
Yoochun gazed at the man before him with loving eyes, he was glad that he was able to meet a great person like Junsu and it hurt him when he couldn’t see Junsu smiling as always. For his sake, Junsu smiled often as he could but Yoochun knew that Junsu was trying so hard for him even though he was hurting inside. He was glad that he has Yunho, Jaejoong and Changmin to stick around here with them as it made Junsu feel much better. He was grateful for their unconditional friendship and love and nothing could replace them.
“Junsu…”
“Yeah?”
“Love you always,” Yoochun said. It’s been a while since he told Junsu that and Junsu bit on his lower lips to stop from crying.
“I know…I love you too Chunnie,” Junsu inhaled.
Yoochun lifted his hand to wipe Junsu’s tears this time. “Don’t cry love, it doesn’t suit you,” Yoochun tried to joke but Junsu sobbed. Junsu found it too hard to handle as he couldn’t hold back the tears but he has already accepted a month ago.
“I know Chunnie, but I will try,” Junsu took deep breathes and resorted to hiccupping.
“Your hiccups still sound like dolphin-ish, I swear you must be a dolphin in your past life,” Yoochun chuckled softly.
“So mean, you still have energy to make fun of me,” Junsu sniffed as he wiped the remaining tears from his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
“Of course, we all live to tease you,” Yoochun smiled fondly at Junsu.
Junsu nodded sadly at him, “Yeah you do,” he said.
Yoochun started coughing again and Junsu put the oxygen mask back on.
“So tired and sleepy…” Yoochun mumbled.
“Go to sleep if you must Yoochun,” Junsu held his hand close to his chest, because in his heart he had a feeling. “Yoochun…I love you always, you know that right?”
“Yeah…and thank you for loving me all the time, I will always be with you in your dreams,” Yoochun smiled behind the oxygen mask.
“And thank you for loving me too as well.” Junsu slightly lowered the oxygen mask to Yoochun’s chin and leaned down and gave a lingering kiss on his lips. Yoochun smiled in appreciation before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
And since that night, Yoochun was in coma and has never woken up. The doctor came over to the house to check up on him and when he came out of the room, he faced four solemn faces.
“He’s trying to fight despite being in coma,” was all he could tell them before he left.
Jaejoong cried in Yunho’s arm and Changmin and Junsu leaned against each other for comfort. They knew what they had to do. They all went inside Yoochun’s room and stared at his pale and frail body on the bed. He was still breathing but it felt like he was hardly there.
“Yoochunnie...it’s me Jaejoong hyung,” Jaejoong held Yoochun’s hand. “You can hear me right? I love you my soul mate, you will always be my soul mate and I swear if you find another soul mate up there, I’m going to go after you and hunt you okay?”
Jaejoong let out a shaky breath. He leaned down to kiss Yoochun on the forehead as he remembered how he looked like when he first met Yoochun.
“Goodbye Yoochun,” Jaejoong whispered softly and pulled back with tears streaming down his face, “I’ll never forget you soul mate, thank you for being a part of me.”
Jaejoong stepped away from the bed and left the room because he couldn’t handle being in the room any longer.
Yunho stepped forward and kissed on Yoochun’s forehead. “Yoochun, you did well. You made us all proud and you really are a fighter. But we’ll understand when you want to stop fighting because we all know it can be tiring. A fighter has to rest too you know so rest if you must. And when we meet again, we can fight again like we used to and you better be ready when I come okay? Promise me that Yoochun…and I love you bro. Thank you for being part of my life too,” Yunho sniffed and patted Yoochun’s hand one last time before joining Jaejoong outside.
Junsu’s lips have been quivering while he listened to their goodbyes and now it was Changmin’s turn. Junsu gazed out at the window and saw the sun was sparkling as it started to set.
“Hyung…” Changmin kneeled beside the bed, grasping on Yoochun’s hand. “You are so mean…you promised me you will make a cake for me years ago and you haven’t yet to make me one. I have been looking forward to that and now…you have to make one when you get there and send it to me in my dream okay? But hyung…how am I going to make fun of Junsu all by myself now? You are my partner in crime and I don’t think umma and appa will be as fun as you when we make fun of Junsu…because you know that they will always be busy doing something by themselves.” Changmin chuckled to himself while he also sniffed at the same time.
“Hyung, thank you for being a part of me all those years I’ve known you…and I know you will always be around to watch over us. I love you hyung…don’t ever forget that.”
Changmin leaned his forehead on Yoochun’s hand for a while before he got up and leaned to kiss on Yoochun’s forehead and then left the room, leaving Junsu alone with Yoochun.
Junsu slowly walked to Yoochun’s side and sat down on the bed, gathering Yoochun’s limp hand into both of his hand. He opened his mouth and started to sing one of Yoochun’s favorite songs ‘Kiss Shitamama, Sayonara’ and when he ended the song, he could no longer hold back the sobs he’s been holding in.
He cried. He let it out. He let out all of his anguish cries, angers, desperations and longings and how he wished they had more time to spent together.
“But no matter how many times I’ve wished and hoped, I know that I have to let you go. Don’t let us hold you back anymore Chunnie. Go if you must. Go to where you will be at peace. Go to your dad and tell him I said hi. Chunnie…Yoochun…” Junsu let his tears flow down freely because he promised himself that this would be the last time he will cry for him. “I’m letting you go now…you don’t have to fight anymore. Be at ease now my love and I will always dream of you…and thank you for-”
“JUNSU!! WAKE UP YOU RETARD!!!!”
Junsu fell off the bed and blinked furiously.
“Jae hyung?” he asked, feeling puzzled as he looked around.
“Get your big butt up and get dressed! We’re already late for rehearsal! Yoochun oh my god! Damnit I still have to wake him up! Don’t you dare fall back to sleep Junsu or else!” Jaejoong stormed out of his room and disappeared from the hallway.
Junsu frowned. The dream felt to real.
“YOOCHUN! I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T GET UP, THERE WILL BE PRICE TO PAY! GET UUUUPPPP!!!!”
It was just a fucking dream.
“YOOCHUUNNNNNIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Junsu’s dolphin-like scream instantly woke Yoochun up and he fell backwards to the bed when Junsu ran into his room and jumped on him and gave him a bone-crushing hug.
“GET OFF ME YOU HUMONGOUS DUCKBUTT!”
But Junsu only showered Yoochun with kisses and Jaejoong had to haul Junsu off.
_______________________________________________
I was listening to Hanson's 'With You In Your Dreams' when I thought of my grandmother so I decided to write this in loving memory of my grandmother, who passed away not so long ago. I bet she is dancing and singing now with my grandfather up there ^.^
And who cried? =P
Thank you for reading!
zkye~