Fic: And To Wonder 2/2
Title: And To Wonder 2/2
Characters: Katie, Emily/Naomi, Effy(?)
Rating: T for swearing and etc.
Word Count: Approx. 4000
Disclaimer: This is Fan-fiction. Please look it up. If you’re too lazy - it just means that I borrowed the characters off SKINS (a TV show I have no affiliation to, and have written my own story based on the show.)
..
Fuck. It’s the girl she lost the internship to a week ago. She remembers seeing her during the group interview, instantly despising her because of how good-looking she was. She’s a touch shorter than Katie, and a bit thinner - but only in the sense that she was less voluptuous (because Katie is NOT fat). The tiny girl reminded her of a little doll - and she certainly was adorable. Unless this girl was a total tool, if she was just as good as Katie was as far as skills set - she was going to be tough competition. Inevitably, Katie was right.
When they break eye contact, it’s apparent that the other girl might recognize Katie as well. The wanker she’s with (her boyfriend maybe?) apologizes quite obnoxiously for almost crushing Katie, as the girl remains silent. The twin nods accepting the apology, barely saying a word as she tries not to look at the pair of curious green eyes. She pushes backwards slipping away from the couple.
Squeezing through the crowd of people, she feels a tingle down below - fuck, she needs to pee. She eventually squishes through the mass of people and finds a row of portable toilets. Unfortunately there’s a queue of people, and Katie’s feeling extremely impatient. She considers calling it a night, when Pinkie suddenly appears again. What the fuck, did Pinkie somehow put some sort of tracking device on her? Katie notices that Pinkie isn’t alone; standing next to her is a ditzy looking alternative girl with a blonde bob, and flat tits. She reminds her of Naomi, and Katie almost laughs.
“Oh look here you are. You disappeared.” Katie doesn’t respond as the girl looks over at her friend, “Hey so this is Emily the girl I was telling you about earlier.”
The girl reaches out to shake Katie’s hand, to which Katie politely accepts the gesture.
“You’re gay, right?”
She nods, annoyed at the idea of where this conversation may be heading. She’s also irritated with the fact that A) she still has to pee, B) she doesn’t want to wait in line, and C) these girls are holding her up preventing her from relieving herself of her agony.
“I’ve been thinking about trying girls out too,” the blonde says, eyeing Katie up and down. Having never been checked out this blatantly by a girl before, it takes Katie a second for her to realize that Pinkie’s friend is eyeing her up. She almost laughs in the girls’ face but remembers to keep the guise going, as she ignores the blonde. It dawns on Katie that she still doesn’t even know Pinkie’s friend’s name. They’re probably too obliterated to even notice too. It kills Katie that she used to be this ridiculous back in the day. Thank god she’s grown out of it.
“My boyfriend says he’d be down for a threesome,” the girl says batting her eyes at the twin. Ugh, gross. She wonders how many times Emily, and Naomi heard that line before. She decides to take this girl down by a peg, and says straightly (ha), “I have a girlfriend you know.”
“Oh I didn’t know that,” Pinkie says.
Katie is a little surprised that the pink haired moron doesn’t know, but then again maybe Emily isn’t close enough with this girl to bring it up. Or if she is, why didn’t she bring it up? What the hell is going on with Emily these days, Katie ponders. They have to be hiding something, whether it happened in Goa or not. With the slice of tension she saw earlier at the house between the girls, there’s just no doubt about it that there’s something not being said between them when Katie’s around. She is going to get to the bottom of it.
There’s a pause, before Pinkie speaks up again, “Well let’s go back and dance.”
The burgundy haired twin immediately tells the girls that she can’t, because she really has to use the loo. They’re instantly disappointed, but then the blonde (who Katie decides to name Ditzy) suggests for her to cut in line.
“There’s no fucking way I’m doing that.”
“Why? Who cares?”
Katie sighs. She stares at the queue of people lined up against the portable toilets and contemplates the idea of budging in line. She doesn’t want to start a commotion but she really has to fucking pee right now. With no other choice other than to be patient and wait in line, she exhales slowly and decides: fuck it. She slowly marches over with the girls trailing behind her. With her heels clicking loudly she watches, as a group of bored posh twats look up from the sound, and after a beat stare daggers at her. Katie’s sure that they have a pretty good idea of what she’s up to. She watches them mouth the words, ‘Don’t you fucking think about it bitch,’ as she moves closer and closer. She stops about a few feet away from the daft prats, and waits, refusing to let these stupid tits intimidate her as she stares them down. Suddenly the door to one of the toilet opens, and with all the courage in the world Katie makes a dash for it.
It’s a mess of arms, and a lot of slapping but she manages to slip passed the girls into the toilet, locking the door behind her. The smell of urine and other human excrement should disgust her, but the thrill of the moment has her heart beating fast, as she laughs hard and triumphantly. Pulling her pants down, she sits down and is relieved to be peeing. There’s angry banging on the door, and lots of cussing and bitching but Katie doesn’t let it bother her. She got passed them and got what she wanted anyway, and really -- what are they going to do to her after she’s done? She suddenly hears more voices outside. One of the new voices sounds like Pinkie, and it appears that she’s defending her and telling the bitches to fuck off. She finishes peeing, but then almost chokes when she realizes there’s no toilet paper. She’s either going to have to pull her pants up and deal with it, or drip dry. The portable toilet starts moving, as she hears the girls threaten to push it over. Fucking great, Katie thinks as it looks like she’ll have to suck it up and ex nay on the dripping and drying. She takes one deep breath, before she yells out to Pinkie to clear the way because she’s coming out. Pinkie shouts back saying that she’ll make sure that the door’s clear, as Katie begins to hear some scuffling from outside the portable toilet.
She stands up and waits a beat. After a couple deep breaths, she slowly unlocks the door. Suddenly it’s quiet, except for the wobbling of the deep bass from the dubstep being played by the DJ. A second later Katie flings the door open with a loud BOOM and makes a run for it. She shoves pass the crowd of angry twats as she makes it to the dance floor. It was so much easier than she anticipated, as Pinkie and Ditzy keep the girls at bay. The bitches eventually shove pass the girls, making their way over to Katie, but are stopped by security who end up holding the girls back. They’re kicking and screaming, and it’s bloody hilarious! Soon, Pinkie and Ditzy join her on the dance floor as they dance to the beat of some wicked song being spun at the moment.
Adrenaline rushes through her veins, as Katie feels alive for the very first time in ages. The night is turning out to be way more than she anticipated, and she’s actually quite happy.
She dances with the girls to the beat of the heavy bass vibrating through the crowd. Masses of people surround them, as they all move together, in sync and thriving together like one big massive dance orgy. Suddenly Pinkie and Ditzy are grinding, attracting a bit of crowd. Katie rolls her eyes, as their dirty dancing kills it for her. She slides away from the girls, thinking she may have had enough for the night. Maybe it was about time she headed home anyway. She suddenly sees a pair of striking blue eyes. It’s Effy. She’s staring straight at Katie from a distance, with a slight smirk on her face. She was right. She did see the brunette from earlier - what was she doing here? She slips away unnoticed by the drunken twats as she goes over to find out.
As she approaches, the hairs on the back of her neck stiffen as she can feel that something’s not right. Katie chooses to ignore the forewarning as she smiles hesitantly, standing a foot away from the taller girl, speaking very loudly over the blaring music: “Hey, I thought I saw you earlier. What are you doing here I haven’t seen you in months?”
“Yeah,” Effy starts, “I’ve been back for a few days.”
“I see.”
“Looks like you’ve been making some interesting friends since I’ve been gone. Are you exploring the dyke side? Seeing what it’s like to be Emily?”
If it was meant to be a joke, Effy fails at getting it through for her delivery was more like a subtle jab than a simple teasing from an old friend. She tries not to glare at the brunette but her smile drops anyway, “Ha ha very funny.” She really isn’t sure where all this subtle hostility came from but she wasn’t going to bite back just yet. “Sorry to disappoint but no. I don’t actually know them. They think I’m Emily.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell them otherwise.”
Katie opens her mouth, but is stuck at what to say. She’s puzzled by Effy’s sudden cold behavior, and is not sure where it’s coming from. It is the first time she’s seen the girl in half a year, and who knows what she gone through that has her acting very unkind. It’s ignorant, but she finds herself contemplating if Effy’s attitude may be part of her mental problems. Like its still taking Effy some time to adjust back to normal. She’s suddenly struck with guilt, as she feels terrible that she wasn’t there for Effy immediately after Freddie’s death and when it was later confirmed as murder. She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Effy: first you’re living in your own personal hell, trying to adjust to a mental illness, and then suddenly your boyfriend is murdered and taken from you. It was something at this point Katie could never relate to, however it wasn’t entirely her fault, or anyone else's, for that matter, because Effy was the one to leave, right?
The brunette gives Katie one final look, before abruptly turning around to leave.
What the fuck?
“Hey wait, a sec. Do you want just talk for a bit, I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
Effy turns around, with an annoyed expression etched across her face, “What’s there to talk about?”
“Things are different,” Katie starts tentatively, “Aren’t they? Like it doesn’t mean so much anymore because, it all kind of ends the same.” It’s not like she’s morbidly thinking about death. No, that’s not it at all. In fact, its like Katie doesn’t mind it - which is not any indication that she wants to off herself. Honestly. It’s more like, yeah, she gets it now. This is life, and she’s not afraid anymore. “We grow up living these dreams, or cry when we fuck them all up but at the end of the day we all go out the same way we came-”
“Shut up Katie.”
Taken back by Effy’s sudden retort, Katie stares at the brunette, dumbfounded.
She goes to ask her what’s up, but Effy cuts right in again, “The point is not to waste time just dwelling over the fact that it’s all for nothing. Seriously if that’s all you got from Freddie’s death, then I’m embarrassed that we’re still friends.”
The statement burns her. She expected Effy of all people to understand where she’s coming from. It was the first time she actually felt it was right to open up about this damn matter that had been eating away at her since Freddie died. For Effy to just shut her down and reject her - it stings.
“That hurts.”
If her blue eyes could get any colder, they did. “Tough. That’s life.”
Effy clears her throat as she takes a step forward her voice loud enough for the shorter girl to hear over the music, “Let me give you something to think about while you worry about death... When you’re dying on your deathbed, what’s the last thing that’ll be on your mind? That this was all for nothing? That you waited this long, and you’re finally done? No. The last thing that’s on your mind is what you’ve done until this moment. And how much you love your friends and family. That’s what all this is about, even if it really doesn’t matter and we die anyway. Life is about living, and learning. It’s about relationships, and people. It’s about appreciating the chance to be and enjoying what this existence has to give us. At least that’s what I’ve learned. So if you want to go on brooding over how it’s all pointless, and what’s the point - be my guest, but I’m not going to be there to hold your hand while you do it.”
Katie stands there letting Effy’s words sink in. A dark haired boy comes by, asking Effy what’s going on. It takes a moment for Katie to recognize him - it’s Tony, Effy’s older brother. He touches her shoulder, as Effy says it’s nothing looking directly at Katie. Her eyes slam shut as she turns away, gutted as she stalks off away from the duo. She only makes it a few feet before she realizes she’s walking towards someone she really doesn’t need to see right now - the raven-haired girl. She tries to escape but then the girl calls out her name.
“Katie, right?”
The twin freezes in her spot - of course she knows her name! This night just couldn’t get any better, she thinks turning around to give the girl a nod. This girl has about five seconds to say something because Katie’s moments away from losing it and strangling the first person she sees - and boy is her patience running on empty.
“I knew I remembered your name. How are you?” Her smile is sweet and genuine, friendly enough that Katie’s annoyance gets reluctantly taken down by a notch.
“I’m fine,” she says slowly, and carefully.
“Not sure if you remember me, but we met last week, at that group interview. I wanted to say sorry for beating you to the job. You seemed pretty nice, and just as deserving,” she laughs a bit nervously.
The girl’s shyness was refreshing, and disarming; once again she unwillingly finds herself calming down. She shrugs, saying point blankly, “That’s life.” She stares at the girl. Fuck. “I’m sorry but I totally forgot your name.”
The girl laughs. “It’s Anna. Do you want to dance?”
The question came out of nowhere as Katie gawks at the girl with a deer in headlights look. Anna catches her look and adds nervously, “My mate has gone to the loo, so I’m kind of dancing by myself. Most of the time I don’t give a fuck about dancing alone, but I figured here you are, and hey, you’re someone I know? So, why not?”
Oh-kay… Katie thinks, nodding, “Sure, why not.”
They start to dance.
It’s fun, and Katie is strangely relaxed in Anna’s presence. She smiles as she wonders if she’s found a new friend? The music gets louder, and the crowd gets busier. Katie’s cheeks suddenly feel hot as she’s pressing up against the tiny girl unintentionally. It’s weird dancing with someone shorter then her, she thinks.
The music gets dirty, full of messy techno drumming, and heavy bass lines. As she turns around for the sake of changing positions she gets shoved forward and finds herself crashing into Anna.
She apologizes immediately, backing up as Anna giggles. Suddenly the smaller girl places her hands on Katie’s hips.
Hello - what’s this?
Katie glances down and stares for a minute at the tiny hands resting on her waist. She’s never really danced this close to a girl before - it’s completely unknown territory. She stops dancing to see Anna smiling up at her mischievously.
She wonders what the tinier girl is up to, but it doesn’t take long before Anna let’s her intentions be known.
Oh, shit.
She’s frozen in place as she lets Anna kiss her. It’s soft, and wet, and she tastes a bit like cherry lip-gloss with a mix of lager. It isn’t awful, like she always anticipated kissing a girl would be, which is why she gives in, moving her lips, as she kisses her back. It’s the first time that she’s ever kissed a girl, really - excluding Emily when they were five - and she wouldn’t dare count her mother. It doesn’t last very long as they break apart in time to hear a roar from the crowd of boys that had apparently gathered around to watch. Katie flips them off as she steps back, feeling a bit spaced out, and out of breath as she looks down at Anna. The raven-haired maiden’s normally pale white cheeks are flushed red. She’s beautiful Katie thinks, as Anna looks at her expectantly for a reaction.
Katie clears her throat, “Well, that was very gay.”
Anna’s face drops, and Katie almost feels guilty for her remark. “I don’t - are you not gay then?”
Katie chuckles a bit before responding quietly, “No. I’m not.”
“That’s funny, I thought you were.”
Katie steps back another step. She looks around and sees Effy and Tony still in the same spot from earlier with matching smirks on their faces. Effy in particular lifts an eyebrow at her. They obviously saw the whole thing. Brilliant.
She sighs, turning back to the tiny girl, “Look, you’re sweet. I gotta go though. I’ll see you around?”
Anna looks disappointed, as she crosses her arms, hugging herself as she forces a smile, “Yeah, sure.”
Katie gives her one last smile. She then turns around heading out of the dock, walking right by Effy and Tony.
“I’ve always wondered how similar you and your sister were,” Effy says behind her.
Katie pauses a moment, pursing her lips as she turns around with one arm across her torso, her hand gripping her other elbow. “My number’s still the same.” She waits, and after no response goes to turn away, when Effy says very slowly behind her, “I’m still, really messed up Katie.”
She pivots around and their eyes lock. For a few seconds, Effy’s eyes soften as if Katie’s finally broke through her barrier, but as quickly as the moment appears, it evaporates into nothing, as the light in her eyes vanish. Tony observes the girls, but doesn’t say a thing as he slips his arm around Effy’s shoulders.
Katie doesn’t wait for a reply, and leaves.
..
The walk home is brutal but she makes it.
When she opens the door, she surprised to see Emily all curled up in the living room, still awake. There’s a look on her face.
She kicks off her heels, and it feels amazing to be walking flat on her feet again. She drops her keys off on the coffee table before sliding next to Emily on the couch who scoots over and sits up to make a bit of room.
She clears her throat, before asking quietly, “Did you have another row again?”
Her sister shrugs, as she brings her legs up, hugging her knees.
“Ems. Do you wanna talk?”
Nothing. She sighs, “You can talk to me about anything you know.”
“There’s nothing to talk about Katie,” Emily says quietly.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She sees it on her face - that Emily’s begging her to leave it.
She reaches up to flatten a few strands of hair poking out from the younger twin’s head. “You really need to dye your hair again. It looks like shit.”
She watches a smile cracks on Emily’s face, but her response is slightly solemn and a touch bitter, “Maybe I want a change.”
Of course Emily’s statement was beyond loaded, but Katie decides to let it pass. With a grunt, she pushes off the couch, gives her sister a quick kiss on the cheek before she heads to the loo.
Closing the door behind her she twists open the faucet. The water feels cool to the touch. Cupping the flowing water with both hands, she splashes her face, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated from the wetness as she washes her face clean of makeup. After, she opens a cabinet and reaches for her toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste, and begins to brush her teeth. When she’s finished she puts the toothbrush and the toothpaste away. As she closes the cabinet shut, her eyes look at her reflection in the mirror, and with the makeup all washed away she thinks how ridiculous it is that she looks like Emily right now. She reaches for a hair tie from the counter, and ties her hair up in a ponytail. With her hair no longer in her face, she stares, and compares all the differences she knows are there; like how her cheeks are rounder than Emily’s or how Emily’s lips aren’t as full as Katie’s.
Her thoughts then lead to her comparing how different they were as far as personalities, and boy were there differences.
Like how much louder she is compared to her quiet and reserved sister. Or how outspoken and confident she portrays herself as being, when deep down inside she hates being seen as weak. In truth, it’s only because she’s not as brave as Emily, in fact she’s more insecure. When it comes to love, Katie is not as full on like her sister is, she deems as an sudden image of Emily still on the couch mulling over her imperfect relationship flashes in her mind. While Emily gives out her heart and soul, Katie always withholds a small piece of herself, in fear that her heart would shatter into a million pieces should it all go down wrong. Which is why when the Sophia thing surfaced, temporarily destroying Naomi and Emily - it utterly ripped a big gaping hole in Emily’s heart. In that sense, Katie believes she is smarter than her sister - wiser even. Yet, what is it worth if you’re clever, but alone? If Katie is truly honest with herself, being safe, and cautious only makes her more foolish than Emily.
She suddenly bursts out in a quiet laugh as she randomly remembers that she just kissed a girl tonight. Then, she remembers Effy’s comment after the kiss, insinuating that Katie could be like Emily - and might be just a little bit gay.
She shakes her head, as she decides to push that thought to the very far back of her mind… She twists the faucet open again, as she takes another gulp of water.
Effy.
She feels a sharp pinching in her chest as she remembers Effy’s harsh words from earlier tonight. Thing was - Effy was right. She had been wasting her time, brooding over Freddie’s death. Instead of moping over how everyone dies in the end, Katie should’ve been living. She should’ve taken life by the horns, and take it for a wild ride while appreciating the things that being here has to offer.
After a slow exhale, she awakes from her silent reflection and notices the water is still running. Closing the tap shut she glances up at the image of herself with one last look, a small smirk spreading across her face before she turns away, closing the door behind her.
end.
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