(Untitled)

[girlrunaway]

Life Savers, Lemondrops

You make the world so much sweeter
Sweet, sweet with your expansive eyes
and sweet with your smile, your smile
Your lips are pouting and ruby and
waiting for mine and
y o u  t a s t e  s u g a r c o a t e d

You make the world so much sweeter,
but mother always told me that
I eat too much sugar
I refuse to eat anything but sweets

Comments

[kungfublue]

You wrote that???
It's so good! Really. You're so good at that stuff. I love how it ends...ugh, you make everything make sense. I'm jealous! :) But in a good way.

[girlrunaway]

Thanks! :D Haha, writing is pretty much how I make sense of everything.
Aww, thank you, I'm so excited!
So do you think I should change the second stanza, or just keep it?

Squee ♥

[kungfublue]

:D You're welcome!
Keep it!!! I love this part:
I want to eat until I am full
but the candy always runs out
before bedtime

That's GREAT, lol.

[girlrunaway]

I will keep it. :)
Aw, that's the part I was worried about! I'm glad you pointed it out. ♥
The whole poem evolved from the lines:
You make the world so much sweeter,
but mother always told me that
I eat too much sugar

Have you written anything lately? I should join your writing LJ again! ♥

[rhiahnnon]

I love it ♥

you're going to kick me but could you please e-mail me your address again..I keep losing it and I would love to write you a letter..czarina_akasha@hotmail.com [temporary address]

that's such a lovely photo of her *sighs

love you xx

[girlrunaway]

Thank you. :)

It's fine! Here:

Brittany Murray
78 Mt. Hope Road
Claysville, PA 15323
USA

It is. Sigh indeed.

I love you too. :) ♥

[rhiahnnon]

thank you so much!

I don't see you around often enough - I ache for you xxx ♥

keep writing - I love to read anything that you have to say *hugs*

[girlrunaway]

Aw I'm sorry. Are you on MSN?

*hugs* ♥

[wtf_mk]

I love love love this!!! It's got so much great imagery but it's so damn CUTE. My favorite lines are:

Your lips are pouting and ruby and
waiting for mine and
y o u t a s t e s u g a r c o a t e d

I love adjectives describing lips, especially ruby... and I love the spaced out letters. It gives poems something extra. I wish more were written like this.

♥

[girlrunaway]

*beams* Thank you! I really like the rhythm those lines have. The spacing, I think, gives it more of a daydreamy, spacey feel, sort of gives the feeling of being... seduced?

Aw, thank you. I appreciate everything you said so much! ♥

[jolfolfille]

Weee four thousand comments! :D I really like this too! I want to write poems like this. I try, but they always come out sounding stupid. -_- I love this part:
"You make the world so much sweeter,
but mother always told me that
I eat too much sugar"

It sounds like a song - it's got a cool rhythm to it. It sort of makes "mother" and "sugar" rhyme somehow. I don't know. But I love it. :D

And the end is super awesome. I really, REALLY like this poem. <3

[girlrunaway]

I bet they don't sound stupid at all. Thank you, I'm so glad you like it! Encouragement like this is exactly what I need to start writing again like I've been wanting to. When/if I start writing again, well... I'm decent with words but not always grammar, as much. Would you mind helping me sometimes? My friend who used to help me... I don't know, we hardly talk anymore.

[jolfolfille]

I love helping people with grammar. :D