190
(creator unknown).
OH NOES, IT'S TEH ANGST. D:
ripple. PG, harry/hermione, fully post-DH.
"it's been years." then again, he's always been a little slow about these things.
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"It's been years," he blurts out one day, out of the blue, in a tone so amazed that it almost seemed completely incongruent with his actual words. The two of you are sitting out on the porch of his house, the kids already in bed and your respective spouses occupied somewhere else for the moment. It's just the two of you, and it's like a major event; it seems like it never happens anymore.
For a moment you think he's talking about the war-- somehow it always seems to come back to that-- but he's not, you can see it. It takes you a heartbeat more to realize what he really means.
You should feel angry, you think, that it's taken him this long to see, but then again, he's always been a little slow about these things. Instead, you only feel scared, and sad, and shocked, and perhaps happy as well, because for all intents and purposes this topic should have never been brought up. It's accompanied you since you were twelve, but not him. Never him.
"Hard not to notice that, don't you think?" Your eyes involuntarily move upward, glancing at the upstairs windows behind which his (and your) children lay asleep. The deadpan intonation of your voice bothers you, because you love your life as it is, but you can't help it because now you know that he feels, and you feel, and the earth is not shattering but it feels like your heart does, just a little.
His gaze is lost somewhere far away, beyond the starry horizon. "I know. But I hadn't seen the magnitude of it." He shakes his head, still very much astonished after this small-huge epiphany. "I'm immensely happy, and I wouldn't change a thing... but sometimes I look at you and something in me just aches." He gestures with his hands, like he can't quite find the words. "It's not like a constant, overwhelming pain, it's just-- it's a twinge of sorts." He chuckles dryly, feeling silly because he can't really explain it. You chuckle as well, because regardless of that, you understand him perfectly.
He shrugs in resignation. "I've learned to handle it. But it just hit me-- it's been years..." he repeats, and you think he sounds more and more breathless every time he says those words, "...and I still feel it. It's never gone away." His disbelieving eyes finally meet hers, and in them you can see that this knowledge, for him, is truly surprising. Genuine surprise. "Isn't that amazing?"
Your smile is bittersweet, because you always have to be ahead of the curve, so you've already been through this realization process, and now you're just left with the mess of feelings that comes afterwards. "Feels like forever, doesn't it?"
"It's been forever," he concludes with certainty. He rubs his eyes under his glasses and then sighs. "What do you think it means?"
That we could've had forever and we never knew, you want to say. And you know that he's thinking the same, or he will, given a little more contemplation. Still, the words won't go past your mouth. Instead, the silence is broken by a different whisper: "It can't mean anything."
He is silent for a few minutes, pondering on the unwavering reality of your last statement. You hug yourself, waiting, both hoping and not hoping that he'd say something, anything. Finally he nods, and he wordlessly gets up from his position, moving to go back inside. As he walks by you, just under the doorframe you're leaning against, he extends his hand to gently touch your forearm-- not quite a caress, he wouldn't do that, but it feels intimate nonetheless. He gazes into your eyes and there it is, the aforementioned twinge, pulling at your heart.
Not one more word is exchanged, because there is nothing to say. Because even if the what-ifs still ripple through both of you in moments like these, it's been too long and things are out of your hands, if they ever were. This interlude changes nothing, save for the small level of comfort in the fact that it wasn't just you.
As it always happens, simply by his presence, he has made your life just a little darker, and at the same time just a little lighter.
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*points up* typed this up without any preamble last saturday at 4 am, after my brother's birthday party was over. i have no idea where it came from. and i swear that in my head it had a point; somehow when i wrote it, it got scattered all over the place.
inspired, BTW, by winterwaltz's intermission. go read it now, because it's so great and i'm absolutely not worthy ;)
note to my readers @ ff.net: guys, i love you all, but i'm gonna need a bit more than an "awww" if you plan to review. to be honest, you have no say in whether or not i write more-- i'll continue writing with or without you. BUT! you do get to help me write better stuff, so please be as detailed as you can be when you review. thank you very much.
in other news, after much blood, sweat and tears i finally finished my chase/cam video. well, previous to tuesday i had-- now i take it back because i HAVE to add in some of the new scenes. i'm not going to upload it anywhere yet, though, because if we get more nice scenes of the pair in the new eps., i might be tempted to edit them in, as well =3
speaking of which... eeeee, new house episodes!! *runs around in circles like wilson on speed* xDDDD OMG NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! CHASE BOWLING AND LOOKING HOT AT IT (lol, chase/cam fans, raise your hands those of you who flashbacked to "take the ducklings bowling" xD). HOUSE/WILSON (both types. if you know me, you know what i mean). EXOTIC TROPICAL DISEASE. TYPICAL FARFECTHED HOUSE SCHEME JUST TO MESS WITH PEOPLE. EEBUL!CTB. CHASE/CAM TENSION (yesss, they still have it! i wonder if it makes me weird that i'm happy about this). KUTNER SAVES THE DAY. THIS EPISODE WAS SO MUCH LOVE ♥♥ i might as well just make a whole post about it because there is much flailage to be done. wait for it soon, probably during the weekend.
now i leave you with a little eye-candy meme that i snagged from cyad:
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list your top 10 sexiest famous men. then collect & post one picture of each guy on your list. put it in your journal and tag 3 people to do the same!
heh, i get 11 hot men because i'm special like that! ;)
oh, those lovely eyes and that delightful smirk... and he's robin hood, how can anyone not love him?
MOST GORGEOUS MAN TO WEAR PINSTRIPES, EVER-- eat your heart out, derek. and do you know how HARD it is to get a good quality tino pic nowadays? *sigh*
only spain's most elegible bachelor ^.^ i love his hair. among other things.
not only is he good-looking, he's also a freakin' GENIUS. can't get any better than that.
people look at me funny at malls because i stop to stare intently at every hugo boss poster. so not fair.
i've only ever seen him in how to deal, and as far as i know it wasn't even a good movie (lol, i always seem to only catch the last half hour) but i honestly don't care, i just watch it to ogle him. go ahead, call me shallow.
ZOMG BOONE I MISS YOU. flashbacks are not enough.
you say he's bald, i say it's not his head i'm looking at. JE T'AIME, MON AMOUR. ♥♥
hottest man to wear a labcoat since... ah, ever. *scoffs* george clooney WISHES he looked this good.
MY TEDDY! *glomps* i've been in love with this man since he did little women and to this day, he's never disappointed me. gosh... has it really been 14 years? gah O_o
i first saw ryan on shirley holmes... i think... maybe goosebumps? or young hercules? i don't know, but i can tell you that since that very day i've been convinced that he's the most gorgeous man on the planet. so here you go.
*blink, blink* did you notice a pattern here? 'cause i think i did... how interesting...
others who sadly didn't make the countdown (if only because i have no time to be editing 30 or so more graphics >.<) but deserve a special mention:
johnny depp (well, of course. what were you expecting?), xabi alonso (midfielder for liverpool FC), jonathan togo (yay ryan wolfe!), harry lloyd (awwww, will scarlett... he's such a cutie), james marsden (of x-men fame... lol, he always gets those "sweet boyfriend who gets dumped anyway" roles, doesn't he? it's a running joke between me and my roommates), harrison ford (my dearest han solo! and indiana jones-- w00t, new movie coming soon!), diego luna (hottest mexican actor ever), eddie cahill (det. don flack in csi NY), and i'm sure i'm forgetting a bunch of others... *sigh* oh well.
NOT TAGGING ANYBODY, BUT POSTING PICS OF HOT MEN IN YOUR JOURNALS IS ALWAYS VERY HIGHLY ENCOURAGED.
i will be back later today to change my layout. that post will be short, i swear.