Comments | girlsetsfire_: the hows and what ifs

girlsetsfire_

the hows and what ifs

Mar 13, 2004 13:27

how am i supposed to survive the next few months, living with someone who just doesn't want me anymore? how am i supposed to give him the time and space he needs to stop "resenting" me for hurting him in the first place? how am i supposed to breathe, move, live, knowing that only one-third of him still loves me? how am i supposed to handle sleeping ( Read more... )

Comments 14

kristenlee March 13 2004, 10:54:11 UTC

spin_doctor March 13 2004, 11:33:51 UTC

dude... i thought you guys were working things out?
it hurts when you have to face reality that a relationship will not be fixed or that its slowly ending. youve always said that you two were friends above all else, but maybe you need to take time apart so you can move on and learn to live without each other.

but how do you do that when you live in the same space? i dont have any answers, but i empathize with your pain, confusion and distress.

you can always vent here, if thats any sort of consolation. :/

girlsetsfire_ March 13 2004, 12:29:58 UTC

i thought we were working things out, too. last weekend he was ready to fix things. now, he doesn't know how he feels. he is afraid that something like this will happen again. he resents me for putting him through so much. and if i could take back the way i've treated him over the past few months, i would. i've made a lot of mistakes. we've had a lot of ups and downs. but that can be found in any relationship. i used to think that getting through the worst times proved we were meant to be together, because we could get through ANYTHING. and i still feel that way. but he obviously does not think it's worth it anymore. and i guess i can't really blame him.

he doesn't need me anymore. and so begins the long and painful process of realizing i don't need him, either. but that is going to be fucking impossible when we share a room, we share a life. everything that is mine is his, and vice versa. how do i even begin to detach myself from that?

princesskris216 March 13 2004, 12:10:01 UTC

oh, jess. i'm going through similar feelings ... suffocating in tears and drowning in sadness. and that's after only 8 months. you are in my thoughts and you always have someone to call, even at 3am. i love you!

girlsetsfire_ March 13 2004, 12:31:49 UTC

i just can't stop hating myself. i was so selfish, and look where it's gotten me. i have no right to be sad or upset or crying. this was my choice. i can't really hold it against him that he thought being with me was what he wanted, and then changed his mind. it happens. i just don't know what the next step is. i used to look at him and feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. now, i can't even look at him because i just disgust myself.

miss_fitzz March 13 2004, 13:32:35 UTC

hon you have no reason to hate yourself! everyone has the right to be selfish, even if it turns out being a "mistake." he is obviously just trying to hurt you, which is simply immature on his part. just dont let this ruin your last few weeks as a college kid, ok?

girlsetsfire_ March 13 2004, 21:11:53 UTC

i know. i had a right to be selfish, and i guess now it's his turn. it's just so freaking hard. he doesn't know what he wants, and therefore i don't know what i'm supposed to do in order to give him his "time" and hopefully work things out quickly and not-so-painfully.

sigh. i just never thought it could hurt this badly.

haveaball March 13 2004, 20:09:37 UTC

everything will work out for you because you are a good and wonderful person. things like this have worked out for me in the past when i WASN'T as great a person as you by a long shot.

keep your hope alive, i know you can.

<3

girlsetsfire_ March 13 2004, 21:12:45 UTC

thank you sweetheart. i KNOW that he and i belong together. i am trying to be strong and just get through this rough spot so we can spend eternity together. i want to have hope. but i can't help that part of me that is scared to death he will turn his back and walk away from me for good.

haveaball March 13 2004, 21:23:07 UTC

i completely understand. i went through this last year. it's so fuckin cliched but true that you don't appreciate exactly what you have until the threat of it being gone forever is right there in your face.

you KNOW you guys will be together. i don't know what you believe but i believe that what will happen WILL happen and it's really out of our hands in the long run. i know that isn't very comforting when you're right in the middle of it all, but even if you can't have hope i will have it for you. you're seriously one of the nicest people i (haven't!) met, and you WILL be happy. so i'll carry the burden of hope for you since it's too much for you. it's the least i can do for you being SUCH a doll all the freakin time.

girlsetsfire_ March 13 2004, 21:32:00 UTC

you are so amazing. i hope that he too is faced with realizing the cliche like i did. but it also frightens me a little that he does have another girl who he is interested in. i know she could never compare to three years together. but it's constantly in the back of my head: is she prettier than me? funnier than me? less dramatic? smarter? uggghhhh. i hate it.

after a day filled with tears, at least tonight was normal. watching movies with he & timmy, just acting like we always have. which, in a sense, almost makes it harder.. eesshhh. i need to stop thinking and just wait. but i'm so damn impatient.

you have no idea how comforting it is to have an impartial but supportive friend (viewer? reader? haha) like yourself. especially one who gives great advice.

Thread 5

smirn0ff March 14 2004, 17:46:40 UTC

i'm a little behind on your readings jess, but what happened with you and doug?

girlsetsfire_ March 15 2004, 13:07:39 UTC

about four months ago i decided i needed a break. we were to the point where we couldn't do anything without each other, and it was suffocating and scary. i needed to know i could be ok being on my own. things between us remained better than good, even though now i see how hard it must've been for him. i ended up having feelings for someone else. so i made some mistakes. and i can't take them back. but they've brought me to where i am today; made me realize all that i would be giving up ( ... )