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- 18:09 Trying to do my taxes and cursing so profusely I'm pretty sure I hear angels weeping. #
- 19:24 "Brief Jerky" are beef jerky undies: tinyurl.com/boahqa #
- 19:27 @ CephalopodLove I think I need a BACON TIARA to go with those beef jerky undies. #
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- 01:33 Dancing people? Made me trip over my own feet. And i fell on my face. It was the opposite of sexy. FML. #
- 02:31 OMG Comedy Central is playing INSOMNIAC with Dave Attel. BEST THING EVER. #
- 02:55 @ CephalopodLove Marionette "Hot in Herre" is the best ever. Good call, Doctor.
- 03:01 I'm big pimpin', spendin' cheese. I mean, um, going to bed now. # ( Read more... )
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- 17:20 @ pooptoast Google machine describes the Vassarettes as "the world's first bra band." I am also not amused. #
- 00:14 Note to self: that song ZNUH always plays is The Tone Deaf Junkies. #
- 00:21 The guest DJ played Ministry's "Just One Fix" and it pretty much made my week. And it's only Monday. #
- 01:47 Congratulations, Facebook: I just got a ( Read more... )
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- 13:54 Forgiveness isn't a virtue. It's a learning disability. #
- 01:56 Note to self: must do Long Island Mind Eraser. OMG. #
- 02:04 Why is it when people hear the jizz in my pants song, they come find me? #
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- @ pooptoast Yes, Dr. Poopenstein. Everyone knows about you and the poop. #
- PSA: Don't eat an entire jar of kosher pickles in one sitting. You'll regret it later. #
- @ pooptoast Technically, all vaginal births are - haven't you seen the videos? #
- @ pooptoast But did your 70 year-old aunt refer to it as *THE* google? On THE internets? #
- Someone needs to ( Read more... )
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- Dear Coworker, there is no need to listen to Puff Daddy this early in the morning. Kthnx. #
- Annnnd nothing says "healthy" like an office full of people with unrelenting, hacking coughs. Myself included. #
- No one believes me when I say chimps are evil. Cuz they bite genitals. www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimp.attack/index.html #
- If I ever had a child ( Read more... )
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Weird morning cravings
Cubemate: WHAT are you eating for breakfast now!?
Me: Kosher pickles, peppermint tea, and a bottomless carton of the world's spiciest pad thai.
Cubemate: You eat the WEIRDEST THINGS for breakfast.
Me: Just because I had cold spaghetti-o's out of the can one timeCutemate: Or the time you had chicken wings and pumpkin pie. Or the time you had ( Read more... ) -
Okay, FINE. FINE. Hatred abated, OKAY?
So, I had this raging hatred of koala bears. And I was just on ABC.com and there's a link "Koalas Homeless After Australian Fires."
And I'm like, GOOD. EVIL, FURRY BASTARDS. DIAF, literally ( Read more... ) -
Afraid to ask.
At 7:34 this morning, I received this text message:
"Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that bitch swallowed balls till she died."
The sender's number is not programmed in my phone.
And I'm afraid to text back and ask. -
Serious-ass hole problems.
I got to work and realized the jewelry for my nostril piercing was missing ( Read more... )