i can't shake this loneliness lately.. even when I'm around other people.. I always feel alone.
I thought this angsty mind-boggling junk was supposed to be fin after those crazy teenage years.
Here is something I wrote tonight.
pouring my heart out to a mirror endless conversations with myself nobody else is left except for the occasional ghost even they don't want to listen so the therapist is still behind a mirror mindlessly listening and nodding even she doesn’t understand it all
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she tells me i’m stronger than this and even the ghost agrees they give decent advice and this has to suffice but my head is still lost in my knees
It is difficult to deal with, I used to often feel that way myself. It is good you are writing though, it helps to release tension and helps you get a grasp on what you really feel.
By the way, I re-posted your comment because I accidently had IP logging on, so I just deleted it so no one could see the IP and reposted. I didn't even look at the IP.
Well, it is difficult now, but it will be most worth it later. You have to sacrifice the present for the betterment of your future. Hopefully it will all work out. :)
Those lyrics have always brought that sort of image to mind for me, too.
There used to be so much that prompted such fantasies; abusive mother, addictions i couldn't control, a "father" who gave me the first bitter taste of sex at age nine.
I'm 22 now, and more "over" that stuff than I've ever been. So now it's just an immense feeling of failure and mediocrity. So often it all seems so pointless, and I'm still trapped in one way or another. Although there is no longer an unbearable sadness holding me down, I still can't find a solid, sure understanding of why I'm here. Although I no longer desperately want to die, it still hold some glimmer of release.
i think i'm in love with my best friend. only i'm pretty sure she has no idea at all. every time i hear that song "thin line" by jurassic 5, i think of her, and i just want to cry because i know she would never like me like that.
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even when I'm around other people.. I always feel alone.
I thought this angsty mind-boggling junk was supposed to be fin after those crazy teenage years.
Here is something I wrote tonight.
pouring my heart out to a mirror
endless conversations with myself
nobody else is left
except for the occasional ghost
even they don't want to listen
so the therapist is still behind a mirror
mindlessly listening and nodding
even she doesn’t understand it all
------------------
she tells me i’m stronger than this
and even the ghost agrees
they give decent advice
and this has to suffice
but my head is still lost in my knees
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It is difficult to deal with, I used to often feel that way myself. It is good you are writing though, it helps to release tension and helps you get a grasp on what you really feel.
By the way, I re-posted your comment because I accidently had IP logging on, so I just deleted it so no one could see the IP and reposted. I didn't even look at the IP.
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Lately I can't even bring myself to actively be involved with LJ.. somehow I feel undeserving of friends, even the internet kind.
*hugs*
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You are definitely deserving of friends. Hopefully you'll be able to get actively involved with your LJ again. I am sure your friends miss you.
*hugs*
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I haven't had chips in a while, pretty much since I started eating better. =\
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Sometimes I wonder what I've gotten myself into with this school crap :o/
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I have fantasies about driving over the bridge and veering off the side into the dam / lake. Or maybe just jumping from a bridge into a river.
There are a lot of sick fantasies like that for me lately. Maybe we'll be okay soon.
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Dreaming of the sirens
Wishing for broken glass on a highway
It could be so easy
... sorry, this whole discussion reminds me of the VC song "The Wreckage" ... yes, even during serious times I geek out for VC sometimes *hides*
Is there something that prompts these fantasies?
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There used to be so much that prompted such fantasies; abusive mother, addictions i couldn't control, a "father" who gave me the first bitter taste of sex at age nine.
I'm 22 now, and more "over" that stuff than I've ever been. So now it's just an immense feeling of failure and mediocrity. So often it all seems so pointless, and I'm still trapped in one way or another. Although there is no longer an unbearable sadness holding me down, I still can't find a solid, sure understanding of why I'm here. Although I no longer desperately want to die, it still hold some glimmer of release.
It could be so easy
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It is difficult to be in love with your best friend, because obviously you spend a lot of time with her, etc.
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