When I first believed in Angels, Part 6
Pairing: Adam/David
Rating: NC17, sexual encounters, adult language.
Disclaimer: I do not know these people. I have made up personailites for them. These stores are complete fiction.
He kisses me again, and then once more so tenderly I ache to hold him, my own lashes wet from his struggle. He pulls his lips slowly from mine as I open my eyes and look into his. His lips stay over mine long enough for me to whisper across them, “It’s o.k.” He looks down at me like he needs to say something, but he can’t speak of it.”
He closes his eyes as he drops his head down by my shoulder. I feel his fingers touch me as he takes the fabric of my shirt into a fist, tugging softly.
As I roll my head to rest against his I feel him tug a little harder as he lets out a pained sigh into the carpet, drawing the lines of another battle. It’s a more urgent fight this time, the one between mind and body.
I roll onto my side to face him, closing my eyes for him as I rest my head on my arm, my forehead just touching the top of his head . I wait there for him.
I feel him come up to face me, as I face him. My eyes are still closed for him. He moves toward me, his lips searching for mine. His kisses are more urgent now, this new battle being less tender a fight. I reach my hand up to his face, cupping his jaw as I kiss him with understanding. My hand runs down his shoulder then around his waist, pulling him to lie alongside me.
Our kisses are urgent but pristine as I feel his hand come to rest on my face. I open my eyes to his and see desire flash across them just before he retreats behind the safety of his eyelids, dropping his hand to my waist.
Our mouths wrestle compatibly over kiss after kiss as I pull him into me, fitting against him. I feel him squeeze at my waist and answer his need, pulling him in tight, our bodies rubbing out sparks of desire. I feel his hand race up my back, taking another fistful of my shirt as he pulls me over him, pushing up into me.
He pulls a breath from deep inside himself as his body shudders and his mind voices its last cry of defeat, his body arching a little in its victory.
I roll us back onto our sides, pulling him in tight, holding him close so nothing falls apart.
We lie against each other, surrounded by silence. My mind travels back over what we shared and I find myself hoping that I have done good by him. I want him to have a memory worth looking back on.
I feel his hands come up to my chest, gently pushing me back. My hands resting on his shoulders and tenderness in my expression I look into his uncertainty. I squeeze his shoulders a little and smile into his face. “Hey”
He drops his face into my chest and whispers, “Hey”
I ask him if I can use his shower, not because I need to, because I don’t want him to feel different.
To the top of his head I say, “Hey, do you mind if I shower real quick?”
He answers into my chest, “No,no go ahead.”
“I’ll find towels in the guest bath then?”
“Yes. Everything is there.”
I push him back and forth by the shoulders, shaking him playfully, “I’ll meet you back here then?”
His gaze is fixed on my chest, “all right”
I am sitting on the couch when he comes into the living room, the ends of his hair wet, wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. I pat a space on the couch next to me. “Come sit”
I watch him study the carpet as he makes his way over to sit next to me, eyes going to the hands on his lap as he sits down.
“Do you want to talk?”
I watch him pick at his cuticles, his throat swallowing words that do not make it past inspection. “Not really. I don’t know what to say” he pauses, “But I’m afraid if I don’t talk to you, you’ll leave.”
I look at him as I lean forward, asking for eye contact. His eyes dart to mine then resume the task of grooming his cuticles. “We don’t have to talk o.k. And I’ll leave when you want me to, all right?”
He nods his head up and down, “I, I just liked it better when we didn’t have to talk.”
“Fair enough, I can understand that. Do you want to sit here in the quiet or should I put on some music?”
“I just don’t want to think right now. Too many things are in my mind and I don’t know what to do with them.”
Remembering his habit of breaking into lyrics at any given time I attempt to connect with him by playing his game. I sing to him.
I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space
He finally smiles at me, music coming to our rescue just a little. I nudge him to sing his part.
He stares out into the room, singing the words softly, with little emotion.
And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
He looks back down, “A part of me wants to forget everything that we did. But this other part of me wants to do it again.”
I nod my head, “ I understand what you’re saying, I do. You have tough questions to ask yourself.”
“I know. And I don’t want to. I just want some of it to go away and other parts to stay.”
“Umm, you want to hide the tough parts and play with the good ones? That won’t work for long Sweetie. It just won’t, trust me. Give yourself some time. It will all work out, you’ll see.”
He reaches over and takes my hand in his, his eyes darting in and out of mine, “Stay with me tonight”
“I rub my thumb across his hand, “What are you asking for?”
He flushes bright red, studying his feet. “I’m asking you to stay with me tonight.”
I tug on his hand a little, “I got that Sweetie, but what does that mean? I can think of several ways that I could spend the night here.”
He gently pulls his hand from mine, looking out into the room “I want, I want.”
I know what he wants. I wish I could have had it my first time. Someone you can trust, someone to help you through. I let the silence linger as my mind races over my decision. I have only one more question for him and I’ll know my answer.
I hear him rush out the words, “I want to touch you.”
My body responds to the words even though my mind knows that this would be no master class performance. I ask him, “Why me?”
He hangs his head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…. I’m making you think things that aren’t true.”
“What am I thinking?”
He looks up and out into the room, “That I’ll want you to be with me all the time and it isn’t like that.”
As I get up I reach out my hand, “Come on Angel, let’s go “not talk”in the bedroom.”
Rating: NC17, sexual encounters, adult language.
Disclaimer: I do not know these people. I have made up personailites for them. These stores are complete fiction.
He kisses me again, and then once more so tenderly I ache to hold him, my own lashes wet from his struggle. He pulls his lips slowly from mine as I open my eyes and look into his. His lips stay over mine long enough for me to whisper across them, “It’s o.k.” He looks down at me like he needs to say something, but he can’t speak of it.”
He closes his eyes as he drops his head down by my shoulder. I feel his fingers touch me as he takes the fabric of my shirt into a fist, tugging softly.
As I roll my head to rest against his I feel him tug a little harder as he lets out a pained sigh into the carpet, drawing the lines of another battle. It’s a more urgent fight this time, the one between mind and body.
I roll onto my side to face him, closing my eyes for him as I rest my head on my arm, my forehead just touching the top of his head . I wait there for him.
I feel him come up to face me, as I face him. My eyes are still closed for him. He moves toward me, his lips searching for mine. His kisses are more urgent now, this new battle being less tender a fight. I reach my hand up to his face, cupping his jaw as I kiss him with understanding. My hand runs down his shoulder then around his waist, pulling him to lie alongside me.
Our kisses are urgent but pristine as I feel his hand come to rest on my face. I open my eyes to his and see desire flash across them just before he retreats behind the safety of his eyelids, dropping his hand to my waist.
Our mouths wrestle compatibly over kiss after kiss as I pull him into me, fitting against him. I feel him squeeze at my waist and answer his need, pulling him in tight, our bodies rubbing out sparks of desire. I feel his hand race up my back, taking another fistful of my shirt as he pulls me over him, pushing up into me.
He pulls a breath from deep inside himself as his body shudders and his mind voices its last cry of defeat, his body arching a little in its victory.
I roll us back onto our sides, pulling him in tight, holding him close so nothing falls apart.
We lie against each other, surrounded by silence. My mind travels back over what we shared and I find myself hoping that I have done good by him. I want him to have a memory worth looking back on.
I feel his hands come up to my chest, gently pushing me back. My hands resting on his shoulders and tenderness in my expression I look into his uncertainty. I squeeze his shoulders a little and smile into his face. “Hey”
He drops his face into my chest and whispers, “Hey”
I ask him if I can use his shower, not because I need to, because I don’t want him to feel different.
To the top of his head I say, “Hey, do you mind if I shower real quick?”
He answers into my chest, “No,no go ahead.”
“I’ll find towels in the guest bath then?”
“Yes. Everything is there.”
I push him back and forth by the shoulders, shaking him playfully, “I’ll meet you back here then?”
His gaze is fixed on my chest, “all right”
I am sitting on the couch when he comes into the living room, the ends of his hair wet, wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. I pat a space on the couch next to me. “Come sit”
I watch him study the carpet as he makes his way over to sit next to me, eyes going to the hands on his lap as he sits down.
“Do you want to talk?”
I watch him pick at his cuticles, his throat swallowing words that do not make it past inspection. “Not really. I don’t know what to say” he pauses, “But I’m afraid if I don’t talk to you, you’ll leave.”
I look at him as I lean forward, asking for eye contact. His eyes dart to mine then resume the task of grooming his cuticles. “We don’t have to talk o.k. And I’ll leave when you want me to, all right?”
He nods his head up and down, “I, I just liked it better when we didn’t have to talk.”
“Fair enough, I can understand that. Do you want to sit here in the quiet or should I put on some music?”
“I just don’t want to think right now. Too many things are in my mind and I don’t know what to do with them.”
Remembering his habit of breaking into lyrics at any given time I attempt to connect with him by playing his game. I sing to him.
I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space
He finally smiles at me, music coming to our rescue just a little. I nudge him to sing his part.
He stares out into the room, singing the words softly, with little emotion.
And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
He looks back down, “A part of me wants to forget everything that we did. But this other part of me wants to do it again.”
I nod my head, “ I understand what you’re saying, I do. You have tough questions to ask yourself.”
“I know. And I don’t want to. I just want some of it to go away and other parts to stay.”
“Umm, you want to hide the tough parts and play with the good ones? That won’t work for long Sweetie. It just won’t, trust me. Give yourself some time. It will all work out, you’ll see.”
He reaches over and takes my hand in his, his eyes darting in and out of mine, “Stay with me tonight”
“I rub my thumb across his hand, “What are you asking for?”
He flushes bright red, studying his feet. “I’m asking you to stay with me tonight.”
I tug on his hand a little, “I got that Sweetie, but what does that mean? I can think of several ways that I could spend the night here.”
He gently pulls his hand from mine, looking out into the room “I want, I want.”
I know what he wants. I wish I could have had it my first time. Someone you can trust, someone to help you through. I let the silence linger as my mind races over my decision. I have only one more question for him and I’ll know my answer.
I hear him rush out the words, “I want to touch you.”
My body responds to the words even though my mind knows that this would be no master class performance. I ask him, “Why me?”
He hangs his head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…. I’m making you think things that aren’t true.”
“What am I thinking?”
He looks up and out into the room, “That I’ll want you to be with me all the time and it isn’t like that.”
As I get up I reach out my hand, “Come on Angel, let’s go “not talk”in the bedroom.”