(FIC) Team Building (1/2)
So, it’s been weird having Ripcord back… Mostly because he is now a giant snot monster, but also just… we all learned how to work as a team, and it took some time, but it happened, and now everything’s got to shift just a little.
Also, not gonna lie, there’s the giant snot monster thing. Makes it kind of hard to really trust a guy. But of course if I say that, then I’m the jerk. And I guess we owe him or something, I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t want to give the guy a chance, and we can use all the additional manpower we can get, I’m sure, but…
Well, giant snot monster. Giant Cobra-controlled snot monster.
Giant Cobra-controlled snot monster that throws off the group dynamic.
Giant Cobra-controlled snot monster that throws off the group dynamic and also, does Roadblock have to be so nice to him?
Yeah. Now I really am being a jerk.
I can’t help it! It’s not even a trust issue, and I know, okay, I know he’s just a way friendlier, touchy-feelier guy than me, and besides, Ripcord’s probably as straight as they come anyway, I know all of that and it just doesn’t matter, because before, I was the guy who got all that attention. Duke’s the de facto leader, him and Scarlett bicker about chain of command stuff, Scarlett and Snake Eyes have their weird chemistry thing, Snake Eyes interacts with the rest of us in a businesslike ninja way, I mock, and then Roadblock and me are Roadblock and me. I don’t even mean the boyfriend thing, I mean… Team’s a team, but him and me were closer to being on a level with each other, which meant it was, I don’t know, more comfortable, doing a lot of our interacting with each other. Nobody but Scarlett really knew how to get along much with Snakes, and her and Duke just totally outrank us.
I mean, not that we’re all that formal about any of that stuff now, but starting out the barriers weren’t so relaxed, and even after we all got used to being stuck with each other, it just seemed like… like me and Roadblock usually fell in with each other.
Now that we got Ripcord back, there’s three of us in a tier together where it used to be just Roadblock and me, and aside from all the problems he’s had to get over, Ripcord’s an outgoing guy, and Roadblock’s just a big teddy bear with a minigun, so it stands to reason they’d get along and all, but…
I’m not outgoing. People think I am ‘cause I’m loud, and most people figure if you’re loud you must be outgoing, but I’m not at all. I don’t know how to just do ‘friendly’. I’m snarky and annoying and I embrace that about myself, or at least I always used to. I get along great in a small group of people who can deal with the fact that I’m… well, me. It’s not like I can’t make friends, it’s just that I’m not friendly, but again, it’s a distinction not everyone can make.
I’m not great at inserting myself into conversations. Starting, sure. Interrupting, yeah, fine, if I don’t actually care about what I’m derailing. But just joining in, when I only really know one of the people participating? Can’t do it.
Which leaves me standing around awkwardly while Roadblock and Ripcord bond, and I wish I could say I wasn’t jealous, but I am. It’s stupid, but it’s true. He’s trying to make up for lost time so they can be as buddy-buddy as everybody else and so that Ripcord feels comfortable and like a part of the team, and I’m sitting on the sidelines-fully aware of how big a jerk it makes me-thinking ‘that should be me he’s touching, that should be me getting joked around with’.
Plus, even adding one person to the team really cuts down on the time I get alone with the big guy, and that alone time was already next to zip. Now that they’re all best friends, it’s like I can’t get him alone for a second! I suggest Roadblock come help me ‘forage for supplies’, and Ripcord invites himself along, because it’s not like I can say ‘sneak off into the woods to make out’, I can’t even let the tone of my voice imply anything, so… So, like, maybe I should be trying to get to the point where all three of us are friends, but instead I just feel like I’m fighting a losing battle here keeping my secret relationship both a secret and a relationship.
I’m pretty sure everyone thinks I’m just touchy about the whole giant snot monster part, though. I mean, because A, Duke and Scarlett don’t know about Roadblock and me and everyone knows I’m a paranoid little bastard. And ‘cause Roadblock doesn’t even see it as anything to be jealous over… I mean, he isn’t doing anything wrong, I’m in the wrong, I just can’t help it. Besides, being on the run, we all get tired and pissed off sometimes, and I probably get worse than anybody. I don’t think I come across as jealous. I hope I don’t. It’d be hard to explain to the team, for starters. And I really don’t want him thinking it’s a trust thing at all, ‘cause it isn’t. I don’t need to feel like more of a jerk than I already do.
We’re camped out for the night. I passed on firewood duty- picking up sticks hardly takes my expertise, anybody can do that. But there’s a creek through the woods-maybe the same one we passed before-and so I’m lying on a rock watching Roadblock try to fish.
The others are nearby, and the woods here are too thin to provide much cover. Still, it’s as close to alone as we’ve been for the past three days. Scarlett’s gone towards the nearest town-or, whatever backwater hamlet passes for a town out here-but Duke and Ripcord are up at the Coyote, piling up sticks and taking turns keeping an eye on the campfire, and I can see them from here, too. I can hear them, but it’s indistinct, I can’t make the words out.
“So are you planning on catching any of those fish, or are you just amusing them?” I ask.
“Ha ha. It takes time. Now shush before you scare ‘em all off.”
“Hey…”
“If you want to eat, you’ll shush.”
“Well excuse me. I haven’t been able to really talk to you for three days because of everybody else, now I can’t talk to you because of the fish?”
He sits up and turns to look at me. “Okay, I’m listening.”
Well, crap. Now I don’t know what to say. I’d kiss him, but if either Duke or Ripcord looked down here, they’d see us, and there are some things you really can’t pass off as anything else.
“I just… miss… stuff.”
Oh, yeah. Great job. Real stunning stuff there. Shoulda been a poet.
“Yeah. Look, eventually… You know?”
“Right. Eventually. Anyway, that’s all I-You’re my guy. So. That’s…”
He smiles. “I’m your guy?”
“You know you’re my guy.”
“I’m your guy.”
“Just fish.” I am now blushing. I need to stop being a teenage girl around him, I really do.
“Why don’t you do something useful with your time?” He teases.
“I would, but you can see right through the trees, I think we’d get caught.”
He coughs. “Maybe you should gather food. Somewhere else. Where I won’t be tempted to grab you.”
“You’re tempted to grab me?” I grin, sliding up next to him. Oh, this is a dangerous game. He wants to grab me, I want to kiss him, we both probably want a heck of a lot more than that. I know I do. It scares me how much I want… just everything. I want it all, and I want it bad, and now is so not the time for any of it.
“Nicky…”
“I’ll go, I’ll go. Think I saw some ramp back that way… Probably even be good with fish, if you ever catch some.”
“I might, if you weren’t scaring ‘em.”
I head off to forage, because seriously, another second of easy, uninterrupted back and forth and I’d be kissing him.