In the end.

[glass_beddau]

Did my best, it wasn't much
Couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you...
[Outside the Whitechapel]
[Past lunch, too early to drink]Stop outside; it's strange to not hurry back to work, with everything that's going on and the day being cold and damp and rather miserable besides, but there's one thing left I

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[dorian_excolo]

"Okay. I know you've gotta go. Just... Can you stay on the line for a minute?"

"Yeah... Okay." I lean against the headboard, listening to the static, and it's nice, just knowing she's there. I remember lying in bed with her, watching her sleep; it's like that. And when I realize that I probably won't be able to do it again, the little smile that had come to my face disappears.

She talking again, then, and I realize I wasn't listening. "--says he misses you. 'n he's sorry. I guess." Wait... Who does she... But I know, of course. There's no one else it could be. The idea of them talking - him talking to her - I don't like it. But I don't say anything, either. It doesn't matter anymore, does it? Or it won't matter anymore very soon. Something like that. "I... you been okay, since I saw you?""Tired," I say, because it's the truth. I slept, before, but that doesn't seem to help. Constantine would probably say it's withdrawal. Feels like I'm walking through water. "I didn't think I could get used to sleeping beside

[glass_beddau]

"Tired," and I make a small sound of sympathy, thinking of lying down with his breath in my hair and his heartbeat shivering under my hands. The sleep's clearing out of his voice, at least, the muzzy where-am-I tones of someone who's just woken up, but he sounds five miles from anything I could call rested. "I didn't think I could get used to sleeping beside someone. But I did."Feels like I forgot to breathe for a minute, bittersweet giddy feeling that leaves me lightheaded. "I'm glad it was me. I never..." Stop and think and try to figure out if it's true, and yes it is; what that says I don't know or care. Sound faintly surprised to my own ears when I speak again

[dorian_excolo]

"I'm glad it was me. I never..." Her voice is strange, then. I wish I could see her, even though I know it wouldn't get me any closer to understanding. I wish I could touch her. Somehow, I think, that would help. "I never slept with someone for so long before. Spent all that time, night after night." I'm smiling, again, and it's not entirely a happy thing. It's a smile and somehow it hurts. I don't know- "You... You're spoiling me, you know."

"It was nice." I swallow, and it sticks a little in my throat. "Thank you." It's not anything I ever imagined wanting, let alone having. And she gave it to me. With all of this, the way this is going, there's at least that. I can go, happy, because I had those things.

The line goes silent - not dead - and I sit, waiting, until she speaks again. "Tell me something?""Anything?" I ask, before I can stop myself. "Or something in particular?" I laugh. I need to go, I need to see Hughes and meet Durand and find Oscar and go. But I laugh, anyway, and my smile is only so sad when

[glass_beddau]

"It was nice." Nice again, and I hold the phone tighter; not angry that's the word he's using, only thinking it's not going to sound quite right from anyone else ever again. Like Happy Christmas, really. "Thank you," and what do you say to that? Welcome, I suppose, but I don't know if that was out loud, the word or just the thought of it.

"Anything? Or something in particular?"

"Anything," and he's laughing, I can smile properly because he's laughing, knuckle the tears out of my eyes and smile through the ache in my throat. Oh, Dorian. "How long it took you to learn to skip stones. A movie you liked. First drink you had, first time you heard about Jack the Ripper..." Little touchstones, small moments that wouldn't matter except they're his, and I could listen to that all evening and night. "Anything, honey, anything at all."

[dorian_excolo]

"Anything," she says and it's so odd that it takes me a moment to stop laughing. "How long it took you to learn to skip stones. A movie you liked. First drink you had, first time you heard about Jack the Ripper... Anything, honey, anything at all."Anything at all. There's so much, to sort through I guess, that the answer's long in coming

[glass_beddau]

"They used to take us to the movies, one Saturday a month," and I hear him shifting, swallowing and then his voice is a little clearer. "Uhm... They were older movies, I think that meant they didn't cost as much." Nod even though he can't see me, and just listen as he starts describing an old movie, some slasher-revenge thing. Remembering how he talked about sneaking out, how easy it can be if you're careful...

"At the end, he got inside her coffin with her - his wife, I mean - and replaced all his blood with embalming fluid."

That startles a grin out of me, more shocked than anything else, and there's a flicker of an idea--imagining the scene, rather than remembering. Almost ask he did what? but I heard, after all, and I'd rather listen to Dorian talk. "When I went to bed that night, I remember lying flat on my back, staring at the ceiling. Trying not to blink, trying not to breathe, imagining that big stone lid sliding over me and some woman's body cold beside me.""Lying there dead," murmur when he pauses for a moment.

[dorian_excolo]

"Yeah," she says, her voice almost too low to make out. "Yeah, honey, 's what I meant."

I take another sip of water when the line goes silent, waiting for her to go on, wondering if I'm the one who's supposed to say something. But no, after a moment she's talking again. She sounds wrong. "If they-- If there's-- anything left, if anyone finds you, after, I-- I'd visit, you know? I, I don't imagine it'd-- I'm not saying you'd know, I just-- I'd come see you."

I sit there, blinking and staring at the wall a moment. Then it sinks in. Then I know she understands. I want her here, suddenly. I want her here, so that I could see her face and ask why she's upset, I could wipe away the tears before they could make it down her cheeks, I could kiss her and- And everything would be all right. It's the worst of ideas - everything would not be all right, that's stupid - but it's hard to push away

[glass_beddau]

"Miss you," and Dorian, honey, I did not ever want to be the reason you sounded like that, I did not. "I-" Frozen quiet and I draw on the cigarette.

"I know, love." Holding my eyes open, though it's making my vision blur a little; but the street, buildings, dead ash at my feet, they all make this easier than closing my eyes and seeing his face. "I know." Come home... No, no good to start that.

"Go home, if they let you. Take an escort, but go home. I left- The money's there, I left the money there. I want you to take it."

"'kay," and I sound as if that's about as important as... well, as it is. If you like, really, and I guess that's a little ungracious. "Thank you? I mean..." That's very considerate. Not thoughtful, exactly, I mean it is but I always thought of thoughtful as being more about the leucotome... I shake my head. I should go in; it's getting late, and my cigarette is burning down. My hands are cold

[dorian_excolo]

I nod - she's not here, she can't see me - and start to relax. A small thing, but it's taken care of, she's closer to being taken care of. I roll my shoulder and the tension's still there, just a little less.

"Dorian?" she says and I realize I'm still on the phone. Shit.

"Yes?" I take another drink of water.

"I don't want to go. I'm so sorry." Don't want to go? With Sapphira? No, Glass, I'm about to say, no you have to go. "Could, could you..." But then... "I made you happy, right?"

Blink.

"You-" Swallow. "You made me happy."

I can't breathe. If I stay on the phone, if I hear her cry, if I think about this, I can't- I can't breathe and I need to go.

"Take the money. Do everything Sapphira says. Be careful. Don't-" Damn it. "I love you, Glass."

And even after I hang up, I just sit there. I just sit there until it's time to go.