In all the rage, you find yourself with your hands full of tea and cigarettes.

[glass_beddau]

"Why not?" and I let out a shaky little groan. "Your reasons are no worse than anyone else's," and I make a funny sort of noise, a teary laugh or a cough. No. They probably aren't not much worse, and I pick up the pieces of that all the time, I sort it out, that's what I do.

"You wanted to hurt her. And you didn't. Why not?"

"I don't l-like

Comments

[dorian_excolo]

"It's--" Dammit, it's not okay. It's gone wrong. And I can't lie to her. "I know," is what I say instead. "I know. You're not--" Constantine. Me. "I'm sorry." I am. God, I am. But... "You don't have to like it. Constantine doesn't. Not liking it doesn't stop everyone."

No. I shake my head. It's not important. "I was just curious." I stop to think. "Because I would have wanted to hurt her. And I would have done it."

[glass_beddau]

"I know. I know. You're not--" He stops, then. "I'm sorry." I didn't want that. Oh, honey, it's not that.

"You don't have to like it. Constantine doesn't. Not liking it doesn't stop everyone."

"Constantine's okay with it." I can hear the anger; I want to spit. "He promised not to, and he does it anyway." For a pretty apartment and a pretty pimp and a chance to smirk. Shake my head, and I don't want to talk about him, think about him. "I want to not do it. It's not just not liking it. Different from just not trying to be around it. I want to run to the other end of the room."

"I was just curious." I hiccup a little at that, because I want to laugh and I want to cry and it seems like a good compromise. "Because I would have wanted to hurt her. And I would have done it.""Yeah," I say quietly. I don't like that either, but I know it, I knew it-- maybe not going in, but I understand it now. Rub at my eyes with the base of my thumbs, clumsy and tired, and god, I don't want to be crying, enough with the leaking. Stupid