Spare Time=Glass Writes

[glasssubway]

So I can deliver, as promised. Original fic this time, Cain as I said it would be. That's the good thing about all this IB/AP testing; we're not doing much in class anymore because everybody is in and out, so I have time to do whatever I want to do. Criticism is love, though I'm sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was proffering up more

Comments

[cleartempest]

LOL, Elise is one brave woman! And before, I had always thought of Cain as a cross between Near and Belphagor, but now I know his colors! Yeah...anyways, I like it too. XD I liked all the references -- like the Waiting for Godot thing is not just random, no? I can seee the Existentialness. And Thorpe's Republican-ness, etc.. And lines like looked as though someone had just asked him to solve Schrodinger's equation on wave mechanics with an abacus were great because that actually made his expression very clear XD. Yes, and their respective deaths were so descript and I like Cain's 'creativity' and the way you wrote it.OMG Terry Simon could not have suddenly contracted sickle cell without genetic tendency for it in the first place. haha, XD why were they so funny?! And this:“I don’t know how to use the telephone,” Cain replied flatly. Haha, cute kid. XD And the characterization so far is pretty good too. I can really get a sense of Cain and Fellencoure's relationship. I don't know much about ELise yet, but um...careful about Mary Sue-

[glasssubway]

Well, originally when I thought of Cain he was very Near-like in his lack of emotion (and I guess he is like Bel, too, actually) but as I started writing him he became less like either of them and more like himself and less tolerant of people (I think it's because he has absolutely no understanding of them at all, even if he can pick up on their every thought and emotion-he doesn't know what any of it means). But it's supposed to be funny, in a gallows-humor, black-humor sort of way, so it's okay to laugh at the snarkiness of it all.
That is the problem with Elise, though; I have two ideas for how to use her but I am faced with the terrible problem of making her a more human character and keeping her away from Mary-Sue-ness (I am so terrible with female characters)
I think I may just have to type up all (or some of my notes) and send them to you and ask for your advice on some of it (though I have no idea how to do that without revealing everything to you...)

[cleartempest]

he has absolutely no understanding of them at all, even if he can pick up on their every thought and emotion-he doesn't know what any of it means OMGOMGOMG, sounds like such an interesting premise!!! 8DDD And I figured the wry sense of humor behind it all was intentional...

The Mary Sue observation is a little premature on my part, sorry, because 600 some words really wouldn't be enough to tell. Is she gonna be an extreme foil?

[glasssubway]

'Tis because he isn't human *laughs* I think I've made that obvious by this point.

Uh...she is. Basically right now she serves to illustrate that point you just quoted, but later on she'll either be instrumental in helping or destroying Cain and another character I've yet to introduce. But she does have the possibility of bieng a Sue in some form or other, so I'll be careful about that XD

[grenville]

...I see what you did there. <3

I was giggling like you whilst reading Good Omens.
Ah, I very much like Dr. Fellencoure. (Your names are very evocative, though I'm not certain of what: Fellencoure, Tiergarten...)
And all the wonderful details! (IB Psych is definitely useful for more than just the exam.) I love this style because it's full and fleshed out but still familiar and so... Glass. Very dry and subtly clever, and you get a sense of the characters' relationships--and moreover a whole world-- through a few details.
Re: Elise: Oh, I like her already. Not-all-there girl-geeks are fun.
(You prefer that your IRL name is not used here, yes?)

(There are few quibbling grammar/usage problems in here. Do you want me to point them out?)

Also, are you still liking Good Omens?

[glasssubway]

Bre was reading that over my shoulder while I was writing it last night and it made her laugh XD

I just made up Fellencoure. But Tiergarten is a place in Germany.
Re: Elise. I worry she will be Mary-Sue. Pablo and cleartempest have already pointed that out to me
(I would prefer you didn't, but I'm not going to make a fuss over it. I think I've used your RL name afew times too)

(Yeah, go ahead. It might be something I did intentionally, though. People don't actually speak perfect grammar...although Cain might)

Still love it, definitely past the point about Aziraphale and the monkeys on nitrous oxide.

[grenville]

Hm. I'm not seeing Sue from this or what you've told me. As long as you aren't self-inserting or trying to make her exemplify an ideal, then really she isn't a Sue by my definition and probably won't seem like one. Does she necessarily have to be pretty? Giving a more evocative description might banish the Sue suspicions somewhat.
What I got from her, though,is that she is very sweet, loyal, and steadfastly oblivious (in the way only very intelligent people can be), but more than competent when it gets down to the wire. That's not Sue-ish to me, but rather realistic.

"the same look a cat gives when it feels you have not been doing right by it, that intense accusing inhuman stare of a creature deeply wronged."
Did not point out earlier how much I love this description.

[glasssubway]

Trust me, it's not self-inserting; I'm not nearly anything like that. Actually, right now she's nothing but a plot device I think, and a very good way to show just how little Cain actually understands human emotions. The way I see things happening with her is that she is somewhat of Dr. Fellencoure's and Cain's caretaker, but Cain absolutely does not understand anything she thinks or feels and is naturally, more annoyed with her than he is with everyone else because he actually has to put up with her.
She doesn't necessarily have to be pretty, but I think eventually she may end up sleeping with Dr. Fellencoure so *shrugs* IDK. And you pretty much nailed my vague impressions of her character...

*laughs* I bet nobody else will ever reference that line...

guess who! : ) one hint: Sirius Black

[hellog0odbye]

I liked it... waiting for godot and Schrodinger's equation made me giggle

YAY!!!! Hiiiiiiiiiiii~<3 Did you always have one of these or did you just make one?

[glasssubway]

It seemed appropriate given the story

[puziesunited]

I am slightly interested in what becomes of that lady. She better live!

[glasssubway]

Of course she's going to live! Didn't I forshadow it!