"Envy"-Part Two

[glasssubway]

Bleh. I didn't think it was long enough to warrant two posts. Part One here


Envy
---~---
At the end of the next month Nate is a wreck. He’s twitchy, nervous, more easily startled than ever before. Before, it was as though he just had never noticed they existed; now, it is as if each person were standing with a gun pointed into his pale, ragged face.

Comments

from tai

[anonymous]

I really am speechless. You incorporated many cool things, like what you learned in Psychology and those other books, and that made it incredibly cool. But what I like most is how alike (at least in the beginning) Nate was to me. Of course, I'm not planning on murdering or going crazy yet, but am filled with envy at being second-best and seeing friends with other friends and boyfriends enrages me sometimes. It was good for me to read b/c I've been depressed lately, and this story impassioned me and I could not stop reading.
I'm not sure what you would change, unless you made the beginning a little more clear (but I do like the crypticness so I wouldn't want you to change it). Incredible.

[mujakinotsubasa]

This is the first original work I read from you, Glass, and I can honestly say that it took my breath away. Literally. I love it. I just love it. The way you described the course of emotions and the way Nate slips into insanity, losing his mind is frighteningly real. It's something everybody in their life had experienced at least once, and it's already something so human that its existence is undeniable. I feel a surge of contempt at those religious fanatics for preaching from the Bible but living their lives something despicable - namely the Mother

[mujakinotsubasa]

Actually.

In fact.

I am envying your writing skills. T__T

[sobs]

[mujakinotsubasa]

On secondthird thought, I kept thinking of Bel the whole time I read this. Must be the twin thing.

[glasssubway]

How did you end up coming back three times??? I think it actually became twins because I have friends from when I was really little that are practically family who are twins, so it's a relationship dynamic I'm really familiar with because I get to see them together, but I also get them alone, too

[selene_umi]

Wow, Glass. This is really very good. It's actually my first time reading your original, and wow. I love the complexity of the characterizations, of how you even made the reader question, "Just who is who?" And then there's the relationship, the comparison always present between siblings, more so in twins. The entire story really shows how well-done you've implemented what you've learned. I don't know if it's intended or not, but I keep on noticing the symbolism, such as the mother as a person who's a religious fanatic while Nate is the person who sees what the Catholic/Christian church completely fears & despises.

I really love it, and your style. Gods, your writing style is just superb. The way you've written the entire story, it's so well written, so perplexing and really grabbed and kept my attention for so long that I had to hold my bladder from exploding. (Really, I'm holding it right now. I even have my knees cross just to keep it for a little longer. MUST FINISH THE COMMENT!) I really love it. I'm putting it in my Memories.

[glasssubway]

*laughs* All symbolism is intentional (and there's some in there that nobody has noticed yet). And it makes me really happy that everybody seems to pick out the major themes really easily

I hope you got to pee, by the way. This was the product of, no lie, 1 1/2 years of work (I started it January of last year) and it sat in my folder for the longest time and I finally finished it. And I can't believe you think it's good enough to mem--like, what an amazing complement.

<3 For reading! I didn't think anybody would, since this is mainly a fandom journal but yaaaaay

[pishivee]

good perserverence. If you want to fix anything, make a change to the thing about the kids switching for math tests and composition, because you don't do that in kindergarten. Minor spelling errors as well. That was scary. It made me think of something I'm going to write soon. I planned it all in my head, but it's not in writing yet. So you have something to look forward to from me!

[glasssubway]

Actually, you know what though--Katherine did those things in Kindergarten.

YAAAAAY HURRY UP AND WRITE IT! But no rush; make it beautiful XD

[smily_face_girl]

I love you. You actually finished the story! Though you did surprise me with the changes you made (the abuse, etc.) But yeah, I absolutely love everything you have done to your work and now I really want to read your originals of this story again to compare. :D Now I would really like to write a fiction about you-know-what with you-know-who.xD :3

[glasssubway]

I think changes are partially because we were watching Sibyl in class so it snuck in...but it works better in the story. I'll pass you originals tomorrow in band if you want to look at them again

You and cleartempest both. She said something like that, too XD