4851

[glasssubway]

Eh. I'm not fond of this. The idea was cool, but I didn't like the way it came out.

Rewrite

The rain fell heavily on Spanner’s face as he stared at the sky, through the ruined ceiling of the base. So they’ve done it, he thought hazily, smiling, They brought the Millefiore down around us. Somehow it seemed fitting that he should be here to meet this

Comments

[icedcandy]

I don't know what you're talking about because I really liked it ♥

[glasssubway]

Haha, thanks! XD

[cleartempest]

Eh? How did you want it to turn out?

I love the idea, it's reallyreally bittersweet.

[glasssubway]

IDK, when I was writing it it seemed very jerky and chaotic to me, so I was kind of kicking myself.

Bittersweet is the right effect, though :)

[dame_batsie]

I liked it a lot. The ending kind of reminded me of one of mujakinotsubasa's fics, but it was still sad and touching in your own style. I'm curious to know how you envisioned it.

[glasssubway]

Haha, I wrote it at her insistance, so I suppose that's to be expected. Um...I kind of wanted it to be longer, so I could develop the idea more and it would flow easier.

[vector_nyu]

Well, I really really liked it. Wow.