(no subject)
hi im josh! im new to my journey of self betterment. i grew up in the church and its true what they say... not matter now far you fall you can still go back.. thats where im at now. and heres a little bit about my life recently...
i just recently ended a pretty serious relationship. and it sucks. i didnt realize all the pain i caused him.. yes him.. im gay.... anyways... i really really hurt him and i was oblivious to all of it. he was so good to me but i continued to under mind him... belittle him... disrespect him. and i honestly dont know why. i did have very strong feelings for him. i loved him. at least i think i did. i dont know if i truly understand the concept of love. thats a whole separate entry though. lol.
the point is.. tonight after talking with him i realized all the things i did to him that were bad. all the things i shouldnt have done. and there is no way i can fix what happened between us but i can stop it from happening again. i know it will take him along time to forgive me and i will be here waiting when/if he does. its time to make a change in my life for the better. time to get back to my roots. time to believe in something again.
its sickens me the person ive become. and i dont want to be a negative person anymore. and this journal is going to be my place to talk about what im going to do to fix my life. and trust me i will fix it.
im tired of going out drinking, partying, and wasting my life away. every once in a while thats ok but i dont want to be that person thats out till 3 am every night trying to fill a hole in their life.
i want new friends. positive and kind people. people who are trying to make a difference in this world.
this is the beginning of my journey. if you have any tips or pointers please feel free to let me know.
i guess i just want new friends. people i can talk to about things like this that wont judge me or think of me differently. /ramble :)
also if theres anyone from houston who knows of a good GLBT friendly church i would love to check one out. i cant go back to my old church .. i just wouldnt feel comfortable.
i just recently ended a pretty serious relationship. and it sucks. i didnt realize all the pain i caused him.. yes him.. im gay.... anyways... i really really hurt him and i was oblivious to all of it. he was so good to me but i continued to under mind him... belittle him... disrespect him. and i honestly dont know why. i did have very strong feelings for him. i loved him. at least i think i did. i dont know if i truly understand the concept of love. thats a whole separate entry though. lol.
the point is.. tonight after talking with him i realized all the things i did to him that were bad. all the things i shouldnt have done. and there is no way i can fix what happened between us but i can stop it from happening again. i know it will take him along time to forgive me and i will be here waiting when/if he does. its time to make a change in my life for the better. time to get back to my roots. time to believe in something again.
its sickens me the person ive become. and i dont want to be a negative person anymore. and this journal is going to be my place to talk about what im going to do to fix my life. and trust me i will fix it.
im tired of going out drinking, partying, and wasting my life away. every once in a while thats ok but i dont want to be that person thats out till 3 am every night trying to fill a hole in their life.
i want new friends. positive and kind people. people who are trying to make a difference in this world.
this is the beginning of my journey. if you have any tips or pointers please feel free to let me know.
i guess i just want new friends. people i can talk to about things like this that wont judge me or think of me differently. /ramble :)
also if theres anyone from houston who knows of a good GLBT friendly church i would love to check one out. i cant go back to my old church .. i just wouldnt feel comfortable.