Fifth Prompt Post

[gammods]

Welcome to the Glee Angst Meme again! You know how these things work. You can come here and prompt your most angsty prompts, and write stories filling those angsty prompts to let our characters suffer

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Bipolar Blaine feels uncomfortable with glee prompt

[anonymous]

Will really wants to try a bunch of really different themes for his students this year to bring out their creativity. After a few weird themes he is all excited about one weeks, "Crazy". He is grinning and talking about how they should sing about what really makes them crazy, what makes them lose control

Re: Bipolar Blaine feels uncomfortable with glee prompt

[anonymous]

Oh man. I need this in my life. I really hope someone writes this.

Re: Bipolar Blaine feels uncomfortable with glee prompt

[joyful]

I'm not familiar with this song, and I don't think I could write this fic without getting really preachy or having Blaine explode at everyone (or triggering myself), but I hope somebody fills it.

Re: Bipolar Blaine feels uncomfortable with glee prompt

[joyful]

I lied. Once I listened to the song I recognized it, lol.

I don't think I'm gonna fill this prompt, but I may write a little ficlet of bipolar!Blaine flipping out on somebody for excessive use of the word "crazy."
Because I've done that myself. If I write it (and it would be tiny) do you want me to link it here?

Re: Bipolar Blaine feels uncomfortable with glee prompt

[anonymous]

I kind of want to do this, but I'm also kind of hesitant that I'll be able to write it properly. If I do manage to get it right in my head, would you mind if I used this cover instead?

by Staind

[FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thoughts

[anonymous]

A/N: Not exactly what you asked for, but definitely inspired by this prompt

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[joyful]

OH GOD.

Anon, you have taken my life and brain and put it out for everyone to see.

This is beautiful, painful, amazing, and so, so, so well-written. Also, triggery as hell.

Thank you so much for writing this. It's amazing.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[anonymous]

This is my life too.

Thank you so much. I've tried to write what manic feels like, and I never feel like I get it quite right.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[joyful]

I have the same problem. The best way I can figure it is that depression and anxiety are both easier to describe because they have averages and norms. I can explain a "normal" anxiety attack, or a "normal" depressive episode. But I can't explain mania because there's not such thing as a "normal manic day." Every manic episode is different, and there's no predicting it. One time I might be up at 3AM cleaning the whole house and eating nothing but carrots, another I might be in the car driving from New York to Boston at midnight on a Wednesday because it "seemed like a good idea at the time." There is no average or normative when you're caught in the middle of mania.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[anonymous]

I'm lucky. I only do hypomanic and mixed-state. I can't imagine what it would be like to crash into depression from a full-blown high.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[joyful]

I have hypomania in the summer, when I am often awake for days at a time, and I make really bad decisions because I can't see the logic in things. But I also have major depressive episodes that last between 3 weeks to six months at a time.

Granted, I'm unmedicated now, because the side effects weren't worth it. (Massive weight gain of a hundred pounds, tardive dyskinesia, formication, aphasia. And the Topamax-induced "super-stupid" is one of the worst)
Also, when I was on meds (Lamictal, Topamax and Trazedone at the same time for about 3 or 4 years) I couldn't see it when I was cycling. I didn't know how to calm myself. Now that I've been med-free for over a year, I'm a lot better at spotting when I'm in a shift, and regaining control.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[anonymous]

Writing brings me down and quilting brings me up. (Not dramatically, but enough to help me back to the center when I'm veering off course.)

You're better off learning to manage your symptoms with minimal drugs, but lithium saved my life once. (I also gained 5 pounds a month, every single month, until I stopped taking it.) I think of drugs as a parachute--something for emergency use only.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[joyful]

I have a similar feeling about drugs. They're really good in short-term instances to help stabilize you and get you on a good, flat plane, but they shouldn't be used for long-term. I also had problems with misdiagnoses and was put on some strong psychotropes that were not in any way helpful.

showers help me come down from mania, and bubble baths help me come up from depression. Knitting, embroidery and origami help with anxiety, and give me something to focus on when I'm flitting around in mania. Writing gets me the fuck out of bed during depression, even if all I write is "I want to die I want to die I want to die" for three hours.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[anonymous]

This is so well-written, and how you speak about the drugs is very legitimate. I especially like the part where he imagines his mother cleaning off brains on the wall.
I can't wait for Blaine to sing Pink Floyd to the club. I have a sore spot for mental illness because of my dives into schizophrenia, so the club getting some perspective on "crazy"... I am just interested in how you'll write it :) (and being Glee, this reminds me of n2n musical so much it's not funny... that drug song from there, You Don't Know or My Psychopharmacologist and I or something, the listing off the drugs and side effects and "use may be fatal" and "patient stable" when she doesn't feel anything at the end. Drugged is drugged is drugged is a good way of putting it. nice work)
I Am The Walrus sounds like something any member of the club would sing. I bet it would sting if Kurt sang something kind of sensitive about craziness. But that's just my angst shoulder angel talking...

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[anonymous]

If I do write the actual prompt, it will be from Will's POV. Emma will try to talk some sense into him, in that hestitant way she has when she thinks someone is wrong but is trying to avoid confrontation. Tina will have some perspective on "crazy" (social anxiety disorder???).

But I doubt I'll write it. I hope someone else will.

Re: [FILL]—In Which Blaine Isn’t Quite So Top Forty—Triggers: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thought

[joyful]

I don't think I can write Blaine singing the song, but I have a scene in my head of Blaine sitting through a week of people unintentionally making fun of him--Except Kurt, who would totally sing Patsy Cline's "Crazy" in such a beautiful way--and then just lose it. "You don't know what crazy is! You've never had to be physically restrained at three in the morning because nobody can convince you that jumping off the roof isn't the best idea in the world. You've never slept for 16 hours at a time for three weeks because there is no possible good reason to get out of bed, and nobody fucking wants you around anyway. You've never tried to scratch off your own fucking skin because the meds they've put you on after your third misdiagnosis has you convinced that a million ants are crawling over you. Spend one fucking week in my head and THEN tell me you know what crazy is."

I do, actually, like the idea of Puck and Finn singing "Come Together," though. I've kinda wanted them to sing it, for, like, forever.