Spirit Exchange Fic! Mistletoe Can Be Deadly (If You Eat It), for arboursgreen
Holiday Wish Fulfilled for: arboursgreen
Title: Mistletoe Can Be Deadly (If You Eat It)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Finn
Warnings: N/A
Word count: ~4300
Disclaimer: This Glee fanfiction is based upon the television show of the same name. All characters and situations other than my own are sole property of Ryan Murphy Productions and 20th Century Fox Television.
Summary: The only reason Puck wants to kiss Finn, to push him up against a hard surface and feel Finn’s body beneath him, is because of the mistletoe. There’s no other explanation.
A/N: Many thanks to my lovely beta. Title from Batman Returns. To my recipient- I hope this is kind of what you had in mind!
There are three things Puck knows for certain- that his dad is a douche for walking out on them with no explanation, that Super Mario 3 is the best video game of all time, and that he is the biggest, straightest badass he knows.
So it doesn’t explain why he finds himself looking at Finn’s mouth oddly.
Whatever the explanation, he knows it’s not his fault. The fault lies with whoever hung that stupid mistletoe up in the choir room, and whoever made the dumb rule about people kissing.
Sure, maybe Puck brought the whole thing on himself. At least that’s what Rachel had said when she lectured him about equality and some other stuff Puck hadn’t listened to. Because, yeah, maybe he’d been the loudest voice insisting that Tina and Santana kiss when they walked through the door at the same time and paused underneath the mistletoe (he’d been outspoken about them not breaking tradition because Puck is a guy who totally appreciates that real life memories are much better for the spank bank than anything he might see online or in magazines). And it’s his fault that he hadn’t stepped back and just let Finn walk through the doorway first instead of trying to elbow him aside and get out of rehearsal as quickly as possible (he has places to be- like outside the 7-11 trying to get people to buy him beer and maybe convincing his hot neighbour who was just home from a semester at college that what she really needed was a Puckosaurus in her pants).
But it’s maybe Santana’s fault too, because she was the one who had spotted them in the doorway trying to shoulder the other aside to get through, and whistled and hollered enough to catch everyone’s attention. And it’s maybe Rachel’s fault for glowering at them when both Puck and Finn protest that, no, no way, they’re not doing that, and then lecturing them about equality between men and women. She says something about if it’s acceptable for two girls to kiss platonically it should be acceptable for two guys to kiss and that her two gay dads have never shied away from showing affection in front of her (which is not a visual Puck needs because he’s met her dads in that brief period of insanity when he and Rachel dated, and he doesn’t want to picture them doing anything other than giving him rightfully suspicious looks as he follows their daughter up to her bedroom) but Puck zones out after the first thirty seconds. And it’s maybe Kurt’s fault for snorting and interrupting Rachel’s speech to tell her to save her breath because Puck and Finn aren’t secure enough in their masculinity to be able to do it. Which is pretty damn close to a challenge and Puck isn’t a coward- he doesn’t back down if his manhood is called into question.
So maybe it’s kind of everyone’s fault that Puck announces, “Hey, I’m totally a badass, I can kiss a dude if I wanted, no problem,” and grabs Finn’s face in his hands, yanking his head towards him so he can plant a big smacker right on Finn’s mouth.
It’s weird, because the doorway isn’t that wide and it means their bodies are way closer than necessary considering they aren’t fighting or wrestling or sharing a bed like they’d done when they were kids. Puck’s not used to having another guy’s junk pressed against his own, but at least there’s no movement down there (he knows all about Finn’s little mailman problem because bros tell each other everything- except about knocking up their girlfriends, and also about finding their mom kind of hot because that is not cool to share ever). And then Puck realises his eyes are closed which is probably a little weird and might look like he’s enjoying the kiss or something. Which is so not the case. So he snaps them open, finding Finn’s eyes wide and a little scared looking.
Puck lets go of Finn’s head, pushing him away and turning towards the catcalls. He gives a sarcastic little bow and puts one hand against Finn’s chest, shoving him against the door jamb maybe a bit too hard, so Puck can step out into the hallway and saunter off.
Puck doesn’t think about it- he doesn’t call it a kiss in his head because kissing is something he does with hot chicks, not with a dude he’s known his whole life- for the rest of the day, because he has far more important things to think about, like pretending to do his math homework and wondering how much money he’d get if he sold one of his kidneys (he really wants a new set of wheels to go cruising in- his mom’s old Volvo, newly back from the shop and off-limits to him, is so not a chick magnet). But that night when he’s lying in bed, mentally flipping through images to jack off to, he obviously lands on the Santana and Tina kiss (which was smoking hot even though he wished they’d used a bit more tongue). Which makes him think of Finn. And he’s not going to jerk off to that image, no way, because, just to reiterate, Puck is totally straight, okay? But there’s something about the whole thing that’s bothering Puck and he’s not sure what it is.
It’s three am when, after a long night of staring at the ceiling unable to sleep and three aborted jerking off sessions (Puck has to stop every time Finn’s face pops into his head because it’s not actually a mood killer and he could totally get off despite picturing Finn but it feels weird and kind of gay to do that), it finally all adds up in his head.
It’s not a problem that he kissed Finn. No matter what any of those losers might think, Puck is completely secure in the fact that he is a badass macho dude who likes to bang chicks. He’s also secure in the fact that his kisses are too hot to handle. They make girls’ knees melt and panties drop and it’s something Puck prides himself on.
So the fact that Finn had no reaction is not cool. Not that Puck wants to give his best friend a boner or anything, but, well, at least a twitch of interest would have been polite. Puck knows for a fact that Finn used to get turned on by their geriatric middle school homeroom teacher if the top button of her blouse wasn’t done up, and Puck’s a damn sight hotter than that old biddy. There should have been at least a mild stirring in Finn’s loins, regardless of what team Finn plays for.
Puck doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night, tossing and turning about what a dick Finn is not to be affected even the tiniest bit by his kiss. In the morning he’s in a bad enough mood that that Jacob kid turns and runs away down the hallway before Puck can even glance in his direction.
He doesn’t pay attention in any of his classes, which isn’t really any different than usual except for how he’s normally thinking about how he can totally see the nipples of the chick sitting beside him. Today Puck’s thinking about Finn and that stupid not-real-kiss and how maybe he’s losing his touch if Finn, who gets turned on in the produce section of the grocery store, has zero reaction to his kisses.
He skips lunch to make out in a supply closet with one of the newer Cheerios he hasn’t banged yet. She’s making all the right noises and he’s got his hand up her skirt and is working his fingers into her spankies. Puck knows he could do her right here, with people walking past outside the door and it’s because he’s a badass ladies man. But then she looks him in the eye and says, “Is it true you kissed a guy under the mistletoe yesterday?” and Puck is right back to thinking about Finn and the kiss and how much it annoys him.
“Yeah, so?” Puck asks, defensively, pulling back from where he’d been kissing her neck. “Got a problem with that?”
Her eyes grow wide and she shakes her head.
“No,” she says, shaking her head earnestly. “I, uh, I actually think it’s kinda hot.”
She winks at him, spreads her legs a bit wider to give him better access and Puck knows that, really, he’s supposed to be getting at least one of them off in the next five minutes but all he can think about is that some random chick (whose name is...something ending in y. Or maybe a. Whatever.) finds the idea of Puck and Finn kissing hotter than Finn did. There’s something not right about that.
“I gotta go,” Puck says, accidentally snapping her spankies as he pulls his hand free. The girl winces and frowns as he straightens his clothes and then practically runs from the closet, straight to the locker room.
Finn’s in there, exactly like Puck figured he would be. Ever since Sam’s arm got better, Finn had been working out during lunches in hopes of staying on as QB, and it’s bordering on obsessive. Puck would ask Finn about it, try and figure out what the big deal is and why he’s got such a fixation on the new kid, but he has more important things on his mind.
“What the hell is your problem?”
Finn frowns, looking up. He fumbles the weights and Puck steps forward to grab the barbell and help slot it into the stand before Finn injures himself.
Finn sits up and rubs at his shoulder. “Thanks,” he says, making a face like he’s in pain.
Puck wants to ask if he’s okay, but instead he shakes his head. “Answer the question, man. What’s wrong with you?”
Finn just blinks at him blankly and gets to his feet, all awkward and gangly. “I...what?”
Puck sighs and glances around the locker room to check it’s empty.
“Yesterday,” he prompts and Finn’s mouth forms an ‘o’ as realisation hits. Then he shrugs.
“I dunno,” Finn says. “You’re the one who kissed me, remember?”
“It wasn’t a real kiss!” Puck insists. “But what’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you enjoy it?”
Finn stares at Puck for a long moment.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asks carefully and it takes Puck a moment to realise Finn seems to think this is some big coming out session and that Puck is confessing feelings for him or something lame.
“No,” Puck says emphatically, punching Finn in his sore shoulder to try and knock those thoughts out of Finn’s head. “But, dude, I don’t care how straight you are- which, for the record, I’ve doubted since we were nine or whatever- my kisses are too hot for anyone to handle. You should have at least gone half-mast.”
Finn stares at him. “Uh,” he says. “Sorry?”
“I don’t want an apology,” Puck says. Why doesn’t Finn get how frustrating and insulting this is, or how it’s like he’s questioning how much of a badass Puck really is. “I want an explanation.”
Finn bites his bottom lip. “I dunno man,” he says. “I’m not gay?”
Puck gives him an unimpressed look and Finn holds up a hand to stop him saying anything. His brow furrows even more as he tries to think of reasons Puck will accept.
“Maybe it was because I wasn’t expecting it? Or, um, oh! Maybe because there were a lot of people watching?”
Puck nods slowly. It makes sense. He knows not everyone gets off on being watched the way Puck does- that time at one of Santana’s parties where a couple of girls stumbled in and watched Puck and the chick from his history class ended up being one of the best nights of his life. One word: fourgy.
“Okay,” Puck says. “Then this is simple. I’m gonna do it again. Here. No one’s around and you know it’s going to happen. You’re gonna get a boner, I’m gonna call you a homo, and then we never talk of this again. Got it?”
“Uh-” Finn takes a step back and Puck sighs impatiently.
“What?”
“Isn’t it kinda...weird? Doing that? I mean, last time was because of the mistletoe and-”
“Got that covered, Gigantor.” Puck pulls a piece of mistletoe he’d lifted from one of the classroom doorways out of his pocket. He takes the piece of gum that Cheerio chick had been chewing out of his mouth and uses it to press the mistletoe onto a nearby locker. “Okay?”
Finn stares at the mistletoe. “You planned this?” he asks, then gives an uncomfortable laugh. “Are you sure you’re not gay for me or something?”
“Whatever. You’re gay for yourself,” Puck says, even though that makes absolutely no sense. And then he kisses Finn.
It’s different this time because Puck has been planning this in his head ever since he’d realised Finn was a dick who had a dick that wasn’t impressed with Puck’s skills. Not that he’d been planning to actually do this whole thing before now but there’d been a lot of theoretical thought on how to make it the best kiss ever, one that you’d have to be dead not to respond to. Puck’s never been shy about bragging about his prowess but he’s even surprising himself with this kiss. It’s maybe the hottest kiss he’s ever given anyone and he’s going to be so pissed if it’s being wasted on limp dick Finn.
Finn kisses him back this time, which Puck takes as a good sign, and Finn’s eyes are closed so Puck closes his too. There’s too much space between their bodies though, so Puck puts his hands on Finn’s chest and pushes him against the locker, stepping in to grind up against him.
Finn makes a soft surprised sound into Puck’s mouth and his hands fumble about before coming to rest on Puck’s hips. It pulls Puck even closer and he feels it, Finn’s stupid boner pressing against him. Puck feels relieved and vindicated because seriously, still the hottest, best kisser in Lima and this is proof. Puck smirks against Finn’s lips and kisses him harder and it takes him a couple of heartbeats to realise he’s enjoying this. Really enjoying it. Enjoying it enough that Finn’s boner is grinding against Puck’s and if they don’t stop right now (and fuck, stopping in the middle of things takes almost more willpower than Puck has) he’s going to come in his pants. Which is something Puck doesn’t do. Ever. Especially not with a dude.
Puck pulls away, and tries not to be amused by the way that Finn almost chases his mouth, leaning away from the lockers to keep contact with Puck. And then a door slams open and Puck jumps back, tugging his shirt down to hide the evidence of how hard he is, and hurries out of the locker room. He holes up in a bathroom stall on the far end of the school and jerks off pretending he’s not thinking about Finn’s body pressed against his.
He avoids talking to Finn or looking at Finn or being alone in a room with Finn for almost two days until the whole of Glee club are walking back to their lockers from the auditorium after rehearsal and Puck spots a massive bunch of mistletoe hanging from one of the planets in the astronomy room (it’s Uranus, which is the only planet Puck bothered to learn about). Something inside him snaps and he grabs Finn by the back of the shirt and manages to push him into the classroom without anyone noticing. He shuts the door and leans against it for a moment.
Finn raises his hands like he’s expecting Puck to punch him.
“Hey, man,” he says. “We’re cool, right?”
Puck walks towards him and Finn backs up, stumbling against the desk that’s right underneath the mistletoe.
“Shut up,” Puck says, and gives Finn enough time to look up and spot the mistletoe before Puck is kissing him again. He’s given up on pretending it’s not really kissing because it is, and he doesn’t know why he wants to do it. He’s not gay. He’s really not. He likes girls with their boobs and warm places for him to stick his dick into and sweet smelling hair, and Finn smells like dude, is completely lacking in boobage, and Puck’s not sure he’d like being the warm place that Finn stuck his dick into.
He expects Finn to protest, because this is Puck’s weird, fucked up thing where he can’t stop thinking about Finn and the stupid fucking mistletoe. But Finn kisses back and lets Puck push him down on top of the desk. They kiss desperately, Finn’s hand in Puck’s back pocket pulling him in closer and wriggling further onto the desk so that Puck is practically on top of him, grinding down because he can’t stop himself.
Finn grinds up to meet him as they make out, and Puck tries not to think about how neatly their bodies fit together for this. Instead he thinks about the hardness he’s grinding against and how close he is to jizzing in his pants like a loser. It doesn’t stop him from doing it though, when Finn’s teeth graze his lip.
He pushes himself away in time to catch Finn’s eyes go wide and his mouth drop open as he comes too. Puck’s never seen another dude come before, outside of porn. He wonders if he looks like that, ridiculous and open and really kind of hot. Then Puck realises that he’s not supposed to be thinking about his best friend like that.
Puck climbs off Finn in silence. He’s pretty sure he’s supposed to feel ashamed or weirded out or something but he doesn’t. And that’s making him freak out a little bit. He turns for the door.
“Puck?” Finn asks, and Puck looks back.
“That, uh, what we just did. Was that kinda gay?” Finn looks confused, which isn’t exactly unusual but at least this time Puck can’t blame him.
Puck makes a sceptical noise. “Dude, no way. That was totally not gay. It’s the mistletoe making us do this. It’s cool.”
Finn stares up at the mistletoe. “Oh,” he says thoughtfully, and Puck is out the door before he can say anything else.
It’s not just a lame excuse- it really is the mistletoe making this whole thing happen. There’s something about just seeing it that makes Puck want to push Finn up against a hard surface. He spends a lot of time pulling Finn into abandoned classrooms and janitor’s closets with surprising amounts of mistletoe hanging in them that Puck totally has nothing to do with. It doesn’t take long for Finn to catch on and ‘accidentally’ drop a sprig onto Puck’s tray in the cafeteria or his desk in class, knowing full well that the next chance they get they’ll be off somewhere- just in school at first, then in their bedrooms or cars or wherever they can sneak away to- getting off. It’s like Puck can’t help himself- like those dogs and that bell or whatever it was. Not that he minds. He’s spending whatever time he isn’t spending locking lips with Finn pushing aside any thoughts that make him freak out or question things too much.
It’s not like he has to think about it too much though. Something that maybe Puck should add to his list of things he knows with absolute certainty is that nothing lasts, at least not for him, and especially not relationships of any variety. This thing with Finn will come to a natural end if not soon then by the end of the month once the holiday decorations disappear and the sight of some ugly, apparently poisonous berries (which probably means Puck’s brain is subconsciously trying to tell him that this relationship is toxic or some shit like that, or at least that’s what the shrink he’d been made to talk to in Juvie would probably say) doesn’t make Puck want to bang Finn like a screen door in a hurricane.
So he goes with it. What’s the point in fighting with himself?- it’s fun and Finn’s a surprisingly good kisser and he’s getting his rocks off. Plus he doesn’t have to turn on the charm to get what he wants and there are no mind games like he’s had to deal with too many times before when he’s gone after the wrong chicks.
It lasts through Hanukkah where his mom side-eyes him when she finds a few sprigs of mistletoe hanging in his room, and through Christmas where Finn’s new home is practically dripping with the stuff (for maybe the first time, Puck is grateful for Kurt’s flair for decorating) and up to New Year which they spend watching movies lying on Puck’s bed and sharing a bottle of some disgusting mint flavour liqueur Puck had swiped from downstairs a few weeks back.
They’re halfway through their Die Hard marathon, arguing about whether Alan Rickman is the best bad guy or not (he is, and that’s another thing Puck should add to his list of certainties) when Finn glances over at the dried up sprig of mistletoe stuck to Puck’s bedpost.
“The holidays are almost over,” Finn remarks, and Puck takes a swig of the gross liqueur and winces.
“Yeah,” he agrees.
“Mom and Kurt are taking the decorations down in a few days,” Finn adds. “All of them. Including the mistletoe.”
Puck sets the bottle down and turns to Finn. “And?”
Finn frowns. “I guess I was wondering what was going to happen after all the mistletoe’s gone. Does this, uh...do we stop?”
Puck looks away and shrugs. He’d been expecting this, of course. Preparing himself for the moment and he has his ‘I don’t give a fuck’ look ready. He looks up, about to shoot the look at Finn, but Finn’s holding something out.
“I bought it the other day,” Finn says, a little sheepishly, and Puck takes it, trying not to grin.
It’s a cheap plastic mistletoe sprig, identical to the one Puck had bought last week and tucked into the back of his nightstand drawer. Just in case.
Puck stares at the plastic sprig for a long moment, then up at Finn, who looks embarrassed.
Puck hands it back. “We don’t need that anymore,” he says, and Finn looks disappointed, but not surprised.
Finn nods, and puts the sprig back into his pocket, hunching his shoulders as he reaches for the remote to hit play on the third movie. Puck watches Finn for a long moment as he settles back against the pillows.
It’d be easy. He could shrug and settle down next to Finn and watch the movie and things would be weird for awhile but then they’d be bros, just like before. Bros who didn’t get to second base with each other. They could forget about this, pretend it was a passing phase.
Puck has a way out, if he wants it.
He doesn’t take it. He doesn’t know why, and maybe it is the mistletoe’s fault, or all of the people who’d challenged him enough to kiss Finn in the first place. Maybe it’s Finn’s fault for acting like he wants this as much as Puck does. Or maybe it’s Puck’s fault for having a list of things he knows for certain, because something else Puck knows is that rules are meant to be broken.
Whatever. It doesn’t really matter.
Puck leans over Finn, pressing his chest against Finn’s as he picks the dried up mistletoe off his bedpost and flicks it in the general direction of the trash. Finn stares at him in surprise but Puck doesn’t move.
“We don’t need that either,” Puck says, and grazes his jaw against Finn’s before sliding his tongue over Finn’s lips and into his mouth.
“What’re you doing?” Finn asks when Puck pulls back and Puck rolls his eyes.
“Dude, sometimes you are not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, you know?” Puck asks. “I’m doing...what we do.”
“Really?” Finn asks, looking kind of scared and kind of hopeful and kind of happy all at the same time which is pretty impressive since Puck’s pretty sure he can only have one kind of emotion at any one time (mostly horny or angry at the world).
Puck hesitates and takes a deep breath. It’s not like he’s making some big commitment and maybe this whole thing will fizzle out and end up meaning nothing at all. He doesn’t really want to be gay because, well, he still loves boobs and stuff and he’s not sure he’d want to do this with some other guy. But Finn isn’t just some guy- he’s his best friend and bro and the only person he really trusts and a dozen other things. And really, it’s not like they need to label whatever this is.
Puck looks at Finn and wants to kiss him. And it’s nothing to do with the mistletoe or anything else- it’s just what he wants to do. And he’s pretty sure Finn wants that too.
Puck pushes up Finn’s shirt and unbuttons his jeans, pushing the zipper down as he slides his hands in. He doesn’t take his eyes off Finn’s face because if he does maybe he’ll freak out and stop and fuck this whole thing up. Finn is watching Puck’s hand with his lips slightly parted in surprise but his head snaps up so he’s staring back at Puck as Puck’s fingers brush against Finn’s dick for the very first time.
“Really,” Puck says firmly, and smiles.
-
Prompter #32
3. Puck/Finn: "Dude, that was totally not gay. The mistletoe made us do it..."
Title: Mistletoe Can Be Deadly (If You Eat It)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Finn
Warnings: N/A
Word count: ~4300
Disclaimer: This Glee fanfiction is based upon the television show of the same name. All characters and situations other than my own are sole property of Ryan Murphy Productions and 20th Century Fox Television.
Summary: The only reason Puck wants to kiss Finn, to push him up against a hard surface and feel Finn’s body beneath him, is because of the mistletoe. There’s no other explanation.
A/N: Many thanks to my lovely beta. Title from Batman Returns. To my recipient- I hope this is kind of what you had in mind!
There are three things Puck knows for certain- that his dad is a douche for walking out on them with no explanation, that Super Mario 3 is the best video game of all time, and that he is the biggest, straightest badass he knows.
So it doesn’t explain why he finds himself looking at Finn’s mouth oddly.
Whatever the explanation, he knows it’s not his fault. The fault lies with whoever hung that stupid mistletoe up in the choir room, and whoever made the dumb rule about people kissing.
Sure, maybe Puck brought the whole thing on himself. At least that’s what Rachel had said when she lectured him about equality and some other stuff Puck hadn’t listened to. Because, yeah, maybe he’d been the loudest voice insisting that Tina and Santana kiss when they walked through the door at the same time and paused underneath the mistletoe (he’d been outspoken about them not breaking tradition because Puck is a guy who totally appreciates that real life memories are much better for the spank bank than anything he might see online or in magazines). And it’s his fault that he hadn’t stepped back and just let Finn walk through the doorway first instead of trying to elbow him aside and get out of rehearsal as quickly as possible (he has places to be- like outside the 7-11 trying to get people to buy him beer and maybe convincing his hot neighbour who was just home from a semester at college that what she really needed was a Puckosaurus in her pants).
But it’s maybe Santana’s fault too, because she was the one who had spotted them in the doorway trying to shoulder the other aside to get through, and whistled and hollered enough to catch everyone’s attention. And it’s maybe Rachel’s fault for glowering at them when both Puck and Finn protest that, no, no way, they’re not doing that, and then lecturing them about equality between men and women. She says something about if it’s acceptable for two girls to kiss platonically it should be acceptable for two guys to kiss and that her two gay dads have never shied away from showing affection in front of her (which is not a visual Puck needs because he’s met her dads in that brief period of insanity when he and Rachel dated, and he doesn’t want to picture them doing anything other than giving him rightfully suspicious looks as he follows their daughter up to her bedroom) but Puck zones out after the first thirty seconds. And it’s maybe Kurt’s fault for snorting and interrupting Rachel’s speech to tell her to save her breath because Puck and Finn aren’t secure enough in their masculinity to be able to do it. Which is pretty damn close to a challenge and Puck isn’t a coward- he doesn’t back down if his manhood is called into question.
So maybe it’s kind of everyone’s fault that Puck announces, “Hey, I’m totally a badass, I can kiss a dude if I wanted, no problem,” and grabs Finn’s face in his hands, yanking his head towards him so he can plant a big smacker right on Finn’s mouth.
It’s weird, because the doorway isn’t that wide and it means their bodies are way closer than necessary considering they aren’t fighting or wrestling or sharing a bed like they’d done when they were kids. Puck’s not used to having another guy’s junk pressed against his own, but at least there’s no movement down there (he knows all about Finn’s little mailman problem because bros tell each other everything- except about knocking up their girlfriends, and also about finding their mom kind of hot because that is not cool to share ever). And then Puck realises his eyes are closed which is probably a little weird and might look like he’s enjoying the kiss or something. Which is so not the case. So he snaps them open, finding Finn’s eyes wide and a little scared looking.
Puck lets go of Finn’s head, pushing him away and turning towards the catcalls. He gives a sarcastic little bow and puts one hand against Finn’s chest, shoving him against the door jamb maybe a bit too hard, so Puck can step out into the hallway and saunter off.
Puck doesn’t think about it- he doesn’t call it a kiss in his head because kissing is something he does with hot chicks, not with a dude he’s known his whole life- for the rest of the day, because he has far more important things to think about, like pretending to do his math homework and wondering how much money he’d get if he sold one of his kidneys (he really wants a new set of wheels to go cruising in- his mom’s old Volvo, newly back from the shop and off-limits to him, is so not a chick magnet). But that night when he’s lying in bed, mentally flipping through images to jack off to, he obviously lands on the Santana and Tina kiss (which was smoking hot even though he wished they’d used a bit more tongue). Which makes him think of Finn. And he’s not going to jerk off to that image, no way, because, just to reiterate, Puck is totally straight, okay? But there’s something about the whole thing that’s bothering Puck and he’s not sure what it is.
It’s three am when, after a long night of staring at the ceiling unable to sleep and three aborted jerking off sessions (Puck has to stop every time Finn’s face pops into his head because it’s not actually a mood killer and he could totally get off despite picturing Finn but it feels weird and kind of gay to do that), it finally all adds up in his head.
It’s not a problem that he kissed Finn. No matter what any of those losers might think, Puck is completely secure in the fact that he is a badass macho dude who likes to bang chicks. He’s also secure in the fact that his kisses are too hot to handle. They make girls’ knees melt and panties drop and it’s something Puck prides himself on.
So the fact that Finn had no reaction is not cool. Not that Puck wants to give his best friend a boner or anything, but, well, at least a twitch of interest would have been polite. Puck knows for a fact that Finn used to get turned on by their geriatric middle school homeroom teacher if the top button of her blouse wasn’t done up, and Puck’s a damn sight hotter than that old biddy. There should have been at least a mild stirring in Finn’s loins, regardless of what team Finn plays for.
Puck doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night, tossing and turning about what a dick Finn is not to be affected even the tiniest bit by his kiss. In the morning he’s in a bad enough mood that that Jacob kid turns and runs away down the hallway before Puck can even glance in his direction.
He doesn’t pay attention in any of his classes, which isn’t really any different than usual except for how he’s normally thinking about how he can totally see the nipples of the chick sitting beside him. Today Puck’s thinking about Finn and that stupid not-real-kiss and how maybe he’s losing his touch if Finn, who gets turned on in the produce section of the grocery store, has zero reaction to his kisses.
He skips lunch to make out in a supply closet with one of the newer Cheerios he hasn’t banged yet. She’s making all the right noises and he’s got his hand up her skirt and is working his fingers into her spankies. Puck knows he could do her right here, with people walking past outside the door and it’s because he’s a badass ladies man. But then she looks him in the eye and says, “Is it true you kissed a guy under the mistletoe yesterday?” and Puck is right back to thinking about Finn and the kiss and how much it annoys him.
“Yeah, so?” Puck asks, defensively, pulling back from where he’d been kissing her neck. “Got a problem with that?”
Her eyes grow wide and she shakes her head.
“No,” she says, shaking her head earnestly. “I, uh, I actually think it’s kinda hot.”
She winks at him, spreads her legs a bit wider to give him better access and Puck knows that, really, he’s supposed to be getting at least one of them off in the next five minutes but all he can think about is that some random chick (whose name is...something ending in y. Or maybe a. Whatever.) finds the idea of Puck and Finn kissing hotter than Finn did. There’s something not right about that.
“I gotta go,” Puck says, accidentally snapping her spankies as he pulls his hand free. The girl winces and frowns as he straightens his clothes and then practically runs from the closet, straight to the locker room.
Finn’s in there, exactly like Puck figured he would be. Ever since Sam’s arm got better, Finn had been working out during lunches in hopes of staying on as QB, and it’s bordering on obsessive. Puck would ask Finn about it, try and figure out what the big deal is and why he’s got such a fixation on the new kid, but he has more important things on his mind.
“What the hell is your problem?”
Finn frowns, looking up. He fumbles the weights and Puck steps forward to grab the barbell and help slot it into the stand before Finn injures himself.
Finn sits up and rubs at his shoulder. “Thanks,” he says, making a face like he’s in pain.
Puck wants to ask if he’s okay, but instead he shakes his head. “Answer the question, man. What’s wrong with you?”
Finn just blinks at him blankly and gets to his feet, all awkward and gangly. “I...what?”
Puck sighs and glances around the locker room to check it’s empty.
“Yesterday,” he prompts and Finn’s mouth forms an ‘o’ as realisation hits. Then he shrugs.
“I dunno,” Finn says. “You’re the one who kissed me, remember?”
“It wasn’t a real kiss!” Puck insists. “But what’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you enjoy it?”
Finn stares at Puck for a long moment.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asks carefully and it takes Puck a moment to realise Finn seems to think this is some big coming out session and that Puck is confessing feelings for him or something lame.
“No,” Puck says emphatically, punching Finn in his sore shoulder to try and knock those thoughts out of Finn’s head. “But, dude, I don’t care how straight you are- which, for the record, I’ve doubted since we were nine or whatever- my kisses are too hot for anyone to handle. You should have at least gone half-mast.”
Finn stares at him. “Uh,” he says. “Sorry?”
“I don’t want an apology,” Puck says. Why doesn’t Finn get how frustrating and insulting this is, or how it’s like he’s questioning how much of a badass Puck really is. “I want an explanation.”
Finn bites his bottom lip. “I dunno man,” he says. “I’m not gay?”
Puck gives him an unimpressed look and Finn holds up a hand to stop him saying anything. His brow furrows even more as he tries to think of reasons Puck will accept.
“Maybe it was because I wasn’t expecting it? Or, um, oh! Maybe because there were a lot of people watching?”
Puck nods slowly. It makes sense. He knows not everyone gets off on being watched the way Puck does- that time at one of Santana’s parties where a couple of girls stumbled in and watched Puck and the chick from his history class ended up being one of the best nights of his life. One word: fourgy.
“Okay,” Puck says. “Then this is simple. I’m gonna do it again. Here. No one’s around and you know it’s going to happen. You’re gonna get a boner, I’m gonna call you a homo, and then we never talk of this again. Got it?”
“Uh-” Finn takes a step back and Puck sighs impatiently.
“What?”
“Isn’t it kinda...weird? Doing that? I mean, last time was because of the mistletoe and-”
“Got that covered, Gigantor.” Puck pulls a piece of mistletoe he’d lifted from one of the classroom doorways out of his pocket. He takes the piece of gum that Cheerio chick had been chewing out of his mouth and uses it to press the mistletoe onto a nearby locker. “Okay?”
Finn stares at the mistletoe. “You planned this?” he asks, then gives an uncomfortable laugh. “Are you sure you’re not gay for me or something?”
“Whatever. You’re gay for yourself,” Puck says, even though that makes absolutely no sense. And then he kisses Finn.
It’s different this time because Puck has been planning this in his head ever since he’d realised Finn was a dick who had a dick that wasn’t impressed with Puck’s skills. Not that he’d been planning to actually do this whole thing before now but there’d been a lot of theoretical thought on how to make it the best kiss ever, one that you’d have to be dead not to respond to. Puck’s never been shy about bragging about his prowess but he’s even surprising himself with this kiss. It’s maybe the hottest kiss he’s ever given anyone and he’s going to be so pissed if it’s being wasted on limp dick Finn.
Finn kisses him back this time, which Puck takes as a good sign, and Finn’s eyes are closed so Puck closes his too. There’s too much space between their bodies though, so Puck puts his hands on Finn’s chest and pushes him against the locker, stepping in to grind up against him.
Finn makes a soft surprised sound into Puck’s mouth and his hands fumble about before coming to rest on Puck’s hips. It pulls Puck even closer and he feels it, Finn’s stupid boner pressing against him. Puck feels relieved and vindicated because seriously, still the hottest, best kisser in Lima and this is proof. Puck smirks against Finn’s lips and kisses him harder and it takes him a couple of heartbeats to realise he’s enjoying this. Really enjoying it. Enjoying it enough that Finn’s boner is grinding against Puck’s and if they don’t stop right now (and fuck, stopping in the middle of things takes almost more willpower than Puck has) he’s going to come in his pants. Which is something Puck doesn’t do. Ever. Especially not with a dude.
Puck pulls away, and tries not to be amused by the way that Finn almost chases his mouth, leaning away from the lockers to keep contact with Puck. And then a door slams open and Puck jumps back, tugging his shirt down to hide the evidence of how hard he is, and hurries out of the locker room. He holes up in a bathroom stall on the far end of the school and jerks off pretending he’s not thinking about Finn’s body pressed against his.
He avoids talking to Finn or looking at Finn or being alone in a room with Finn for almost two days until the whole of Glee club are walking back to their lockers from the auditorium after rehearsal and Puck spots a massive bunch of mistletoe hanging from one of the planets in the astronomy room (it’s Uranus, which is the only planet Puck bothered to learn about). Something inside him snaps and he grabs Finn by the back of the shirt and manages to push him into the classroom without anyone noticing. He shuts the door and leans against it for a moment.
Finn raises his hands like he’s expecting Puck to punch him.
“Hey, man,” he says. “We’re cool, right?”
Puck walks towards him and Finn backs up, stumbling against the desk that’s right underneath the mistletoe.
“Shut up,” Puck says, and gives Finn enough time to look up and spot the mistletoe before Puck is kissing him again. He’s given up on pretending it’s not really kissing because it is, and he doesn’t know why he wants to do it. He’s not gay. He’s really not. He likes girls with their boobs and warm places for him to stick his dick into and sweet smelling hair, and Finn smells like dude, is completely lacking in boobage, and Puck’s not sure he’d like being the warm place that Finn stuck his dick into.
He expects Finn to protest, because this is Puck’s weird, fucked up thing where he can’t stop thinking about Finn and the stupid fucking mistletoe. But Finn kisses back and lets Puck push him down on top of the desk. They kiss desperately, Finn’s hand in Puck’s back pocket pulling him in closer and wriggling further onto the desk so that Puck is practically on top of him, grinding down because he can’t stop himself.
Finn grinds up to meet him as they make out, and Puck tries not to think about how neatly their bodies fit together for this. Instead he thinks about the hardness he’s grinding against and how close he is to jizzing in his pants like a loser. It doesn’t stop him from doing it though, when Finn’s teeth graze his lip.
He pushes himself away in time to catch Finn’s eyes go wide and his mouth drop open as he comes too. Puck’s never seen another dude come before, outside of porn. He wonders if he looks like that, ridiculous and open and really kind of hot. Then Puck realises that he’s not supposed to be thinking about his best friend like that.
Puck climbs off Finn in silence. He’s pretty sure he’s supposed to feel ashamed or weirded out or something but he doesn’t. And that’s making him freak out a little bit. He turns for the door.
“Puck?” Finn asks, and Puck looks back.
“That, uh, what we just did. Was that kinda gay?” Finn looks confused, which isn’t exactly unusual but at least this time Puck can’t blame him.
Puck makes a sceptical noise. “Dude, no way. That was totally not gay. It’s the mistletoe making us do this. It’s cool.”
Finn stares up at the mistletoe. “Oh,” he says thoughtfully, and Puck is out the door before he can say anything else.
It’s not just a lame excuse- it really is the mistletoe making this whole thing happen. There’s something about just seeing it that makes Puck want to push Finn up against a hard surface. He spends a lot of time pulling Finn into abandoned classrooms and janitor’s closets with surprising amounts of mistletoe hanging in them that Puck totally has nothing to do with. It doesn’t take long for Finn to catch on and ‘accidentally’ drop a sprig onto Puck’s tray in the cafeteria or his desk in class, knowing full well that the next chance they get they’ll be off somewhere- just in school at first, then in their bedrooms or cars or wherever they can sneak away to- getting off. It’s like Puck can’t help himself- like those dogs and that bell or whatever it was. Not that he minds. He’s spending whatever time he isn’t spending locking lips with Finn pushing aside any thoughts that make him freak out or question things too much.
It’s not like he has to think about it too much though. Something that maybe Puck should add to his list of things he knows with absolute certainty is that nothing lasts, at least not for him, and especially not relationships of any variety. This thing with Finn will come to a natural end if not soon then by the end of the month once the holiday decorations disappear and the sight of some ugly, apparently poisonous berries (which probably means Puck’s brain is subconsciously trying to tell him that this relationship is toxic or some shit like that, or at least that’s what the shrink he’d been made to talk to in Juvie would probably say) doesn’t make Puck want to bang Finn like a screen door in a hurricane.
So he goes with it. What’s the point in fighting with himself?- it’s fun and Finn’s a surprisingly good kisser and he’s getting his rocks off. Plus he doesn’t have to turn on the charm to get what he wants and there are no mind games like he’s had to deal with too many times before when he’s gone after the wrong chicks.
It lasts through Hanukkah where his mom side-eyes him when she finds a few sprigs of mistletoe hanging in his room, and through Christmas where Finn’s new home is practically dripping with the stuff (for maybe the first time, Puck is grateful for Kurt’s flair for decorating) and up to New Year which they spend watching movies lying on Puck’s bed and sharing a bottle of some disgusting mint flavour liqueur Puck had swiped from downstairs a few weeks back.
They’re halfway through their Die Hard marathon, arguing about whether Alan Rickman is the best bad guy or not (he is, and that’s another thing Puck should add to his list of certainties) when Finn glances over at the dried up sprig of mistletoe stuck to Puck’s bedpost.
“The holidays are almost over,” Finn remarks, and Puck takes a swig of the gross liqueur and winces.
“Yeah,” he agrees.
“Mom and Kurt are taking the decorations down in a few days,” Finn adds. “All of them. Including the mistletoe.”
Puck sets the bottle down and turns to Finn. “And?”
Finn frowns. “I guess I was wondering what was going to happen after all the mistletoe’s gone. Does this, uh...do we stop?”
Puck looks away and shrugs. He’d been expecting this, of course. Preparing himself for the moment and he has his ‘I don’t give a fuck’ look ready. He looks up, about to shoot the look at Finn, but Finn’s holding something out.
“I bought it the other day,” Finn says, a little sheepishly, and Puck takes it, trying not to grin.
It’s a cheap plastic mistletoe sprig, identical to the one Puck had bought last week and tucked into the back of his nightstand drawer. Just in case.
Puck stares at the plastic sprig for a long moment, then up at Finn, who looks embarrassed.
Puck hands it back. “We don’t need that anymore,” he says, and Finn looks disappointed, but not surprised.
Finn nods, and puts the sprig back into his pocket, hunching his shoulders as he reaches for the remote to hit play on the third movie. Puck watches Finn for a long moment as he settles back against the pillows.
It’d be easy. He could shrug and settle down next to Finn and watch the movie and things would be weird for awhile but then they’d be bros, just like before. Bros who didn’t get to second base with each other. They could forget about this, pretend it was a passing phase.
Puck has a way out, if he wants it.
He doesn’t take it. He doesn’t know why, and maybe it is the mistletoe’s fault, or all of the people who’d challenged him enough to kiss Finn in the first place. Maybe it’s Finn’s fault for acting like he wants this as much as Puck does. Or maybe it’s Puck’s fault for having a list of things he knows for certain, because something else Puck knows is that rules are meant to be broken.
Whatever. It doesn’t really matter.
Puck leans over Finn, pressing his chest against Finn’s as he picks the dried up mistletoe off his bedpost and flicks it in the general direction of the trash. Finn stares at him in surprise but Puck doesn’t move.
“We don’t need that either,” Puck says, and grazes his jaw against Finn’s before sliding his tongue over Finn’s lips and into his mouth.
“What’re you doing?” Finn asks when Puck pulls back and Puck rolls his eyes.
“Dude, sometimes you are not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, you know?” Puck asks. “I’m doing...what we do.”
“Really?” Finn asks, looking kind of scared and kind of hopeful and kind of happy all at the same time which is pretty impressive since Puck’s pretty sure he can only have one kind of emotion at any one time (mostly horny or angry at the world).
Puck hesitates and takes a deep breath. It’s not like he’s making some big commitment and maybe this whole thing will fizzle out and end up meaning nothing at all. He doesn’t really want to be gay because, well, he still loves boobs and stuff and he’s not sure he’d want to do this with some other guy. But Finn isn’t just some guy- he’s his best friend and bro and the only person he really trusts and a dozen other things. And really, it’s not like they need to label whatever this is.
Puck looks at Finn and wants to kiss him. And it’s nothing to do with the mistletoe or anything else- it’s just what he wants to do. And he’s pretty sure Finn wants that too.
Puck pushes up Finn’s shirt and unbuttons his jeans, pushing the zipper down as he slides his hands in. He doesn’t take his eyes off Finn’s face because if he does maybe he’ll freak out and stop and fuck this whole thing up. Finn is watching Puck’s hand with his lips slightly parted in surprise but his head snaps up so he’s staring back at Puck as Puck’s fingers brush against Finn’s dick for the very first time.
“Really,” Puck says firmly, and smiles.
-
Prompter #32
3. Puck/Finn: "Dude, that was totally not gay. The mistletoe made us do it..."