Learning to Speak (All My Instincts Epilogue) Part B
4.The next time there’s a conversation, it’s with their dads. Respectively. The timing is a coincidence. And they’re mortified. At least somewhat.
It’s a week after they said ‘I love you,’ a week after they didn’t have sex, and Blaine has been making sure that just in case Kurt thought he said ‘I love you’ as some kind of implied exchange for sex, that he knows he didn’t. Kurt never once had that thought. Not once. But that didn’t stop Blaine from showering Kurt with love. It was ridiculous. And wonderful.
On Monday, “I didn’t get to see you today. I miss saying ‘I love you’ in person.”
On Wednesday at the Lima Bean, “A grande non-fat mocha for the man I love,” as he placed his cup in front of him.
On Saturday afternoon watching The Sound of Music with Rachel and Finn- (three against one, fantastic), “I am sixteen going on seventeen,” Blaine sang then changing the lyrics, “and I’m in love with you,” he whispered in Kurt’s ear. And Kurt had elbowed him in the side. Hard.
And now it’s Sunday night, and Kurt’s phone rings.
“Kurt, oh god. Aarrgh,” Blaine sounds like he’s a mixture between laughing and crying.
“Blaine?”
“My dads, oh god. It’s so embarrassing.” Blaine is definitely laughing now.
“Oooh. Now I’m intrigued.”
“They just, like just, made me have the talk with them. And no. Not the abstract one we had when I was fourteen.”
“Oh god,” Kurt feels his cheeks get red. “You too, huh?”
“They did not try to talk to you about this? Please-”
“Your dads? No Blaine,” Kurt rolls his eyes, because of course not. “My dad. To me. Three days ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Blaine whines.
“It was just too much. I had to make it go away,” Kurt answers honestly. “Having my very straight, car-loving dad earnestly hand me pamphlets about boys doing things with boys that I’m not even thinking about doing yet,” Kurt pauses, “and some that I am-” he hears Blaine squeak, “Seriously.”
Blaine laughs, “And I just wanted to call you right away and replace all thoughts of them with thoughts of you. So- care to share your wise old dad’s advice?”
Kurt laughs, but gives in, sharing the embarrassment to somehow diminish it.
Kurt’s conversation in the Hummel-Hudson kitchen late last Wednesday evening, started something like this.
“Kurt?” his dad walked in and looked at him with that ‘we need to talk’ look on his face.
“Dad? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Kurt,” Burt started, sighing, “You and Blaine have been going out for a while now,” Kurt raised his eyebrows, “And so, I think it’s time we talked about,” Burt paused, “that.”
“Why?” Kurt looked at him confused, “You like him. I know you do.”
“I do. He’s a very nice kid.”
Kurt smiled despite himself.
“What I mean is that we need to talk about,” he paused again, “sex.” And he placed some pamphlets on the table in front of him.
“Oh no we don’t,” Kurt vigorously shook his head.
“Yes we do,” Burt’s tone was gentle but clear, “and I think the only person who wants to have this conversation less than you, is me. So we’re going to get through this.” Kurt looked at him, huffing and red. “I was seventeen once too, and I know what seventeen-year-olds do when the cats are out, even though they’re not supposed to.”
“So you never want us to have sex,” Kurt retorted defensively.
“I didn’t say that,” Burt laughed at him, “In fact, I went over to the community centre and picked these up for you,” he pushed the pamphlets towards Kurt and all Kurt could see in big bold letters was ‘BOYS who have sex with BOYS’ before turning away and blushing fiercely.
“So you want me to have sex?” Kurt challenged. And Burt just bit his lip before continuing.
In contrast, Blaine’s conversation had started like this.
“Blaine,” Hiram sang, accosting him that afternoon in the kitchen.
“Blaine,” Leroy followed in after him and sat down at the table.
“Dads?” Blaine looked questioningly at them.
“Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about Kurt and Blaine. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may-,” Hiram sang out loud, mockingly as Blaine’s eyes grew wide and he interrupted immediately.
“We are so not having this conversation,” Blaine was ready to walk right out.
“We so are though, Blaine,” Leroy was also gentle but firm. “You and Kurt have been going out for several months now-”
“And it’s clear that you’re head over heels for each other-”
“Oh my god,” Blaine planted himself down in the kitchen chair, trapped and wanting to curl up and go to sleep. “You already talked to me when I was fourteen remember?” he tried, “If it feels like sex, it’s sex, so listen to your heart.”
“I told you he was listening,” Leroy nudged Hiram.
“Proud parent moment,” Hiram fanned himself dramatically, “but this time, my son, we’re going to have to talk about a few more details.
Blaine groaned, burying his face in his hands and waited.
Both of them, though, manage to surface from the conversations unscathed and able to retell the experience to each other, which, they both agree, is much better than talking to their parents about sex.
When Blaine catches his breath and wipes his eyes from laughing at Kurt’s rendition of Burt Hummel does sex ed, gay edition, and Kurt finishes gasping from the ‘Just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean you’re wired to move quickly,’ Anderson Berry edition, they sit quietly, relishing in the fact that despite the different styles, their parents’ message was basically the same. Make sure you’re ready, make sure it’s what you want, communicate about it, and use it as a way to feel close to another person.
“So how exactly did that end up happening to us in the same three-day period?” Blaine wonders out loud.
“I know, right?” Kurt completely agrees, “It’s like he can smell my unchaste thoughts, or something,” he huffs.
“Unchaste thoughts?” Blaine repeats.
“Oh, you know,” Kurt deflects.
“No, actually. I don’t,” Blaine pauses. “Care to share?”
“Oh my god, Blaine,” because what else is he supposed to say?
“Only if you want to,” Blaine disregards Kurt’s usual instant defense mechanism and pushes, just a bit.
Kurt huffs, “Oh my god,” but he doesn’t say no and Blaine waits, “You know already, Blaine,” he repeats, “I think about you.”
Blaine lets out a little laugh, “Well, I’m glad to hear that because I definitely would not want to hear about your unchaste thoughts that involve some other boyfriend.”
“You’re better looking than him, don’t worry.”
“So you think about me,” he tries again, “unchastely?”
“You’re not dropping this, are you?”
“I totally will if you want me to,” Blaine responds quickly.
Kurt doesn’t answer and says instead, “I’ve been thinking about what we might get to do together when we’re ready,” Kurt manages to let out, seeing what it feels like. That wasn’t so bad.
“Me too,” Blaine confides, “A lot. I think about what it’s going to feel like to be together and know that we’re not going to have to stop... and cool off,” he confesses.
Kurt gets bolder, “I really do want to see you naked, you know?”
“Kurt, oh my god,” Blaine is surprised.
“What?” Kurt is coy, “I’ve already felt what you feel like, and I want to see-”
“Kurt,” Blaine’s breath is quickening, “Before you say anything else, I want to be completely clear,” he pauses, “this is turning me on.”
Kurt laughs “Okay. I thought that was kind of the point, right?”
“Just making sure,” Blaine is still a gentleman. “I want to see you too. I know I told you that already,” Blaine is almost apologetic, “it’s true, though. I kind of love your body,” Kurt notices Blaine’s voice is lower than before.
Kurt squeaks and pushes them the rest of the way out the door, “So what’s going to happen when you get to see me?” followed quickly by, “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I just said that.”
“Don’t apologize,” Blaine groans, “Let me answer, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay. Give me a minute,” Blaine pauses and Kurt’s heart is beating much faster than five minutes earlier. He hears Blaine breathe, “First, like I said, I’m going to look at you. Because you are seriously gorgeous,” he adds, “and I’ve never really had permission to look at a guy naked before, like that, I mean.”
“Me neither,” Kurt is feeling a weird combination of lust and connection. It’s new. And amazing. “And then-” Kurt wants him to continue but doesn’t know how to ask. Blaine gets it.
“Then I’m sure I’m going to have to kiss you. A lot.”
“Mmhmm. I think of that too,” Kurt loves the image of the two of them wrapped up in each other, naked and kissing, so close.
“Then I’m going to want to touch you,” Blaine goes on, “everywhere. All the places I know you love - your earlobes, that spot on your right shoulder, your nipples,” and Kurt groans, “but especially...there,” Blaine finally says, “because I haven’t before,” he offers as if he has to explain himself. Kurt hears himself make a sound that makes his cheeks turn pink, “I love that sound, by the way,” Blaine admits, “It’s hot.”
Kurt feels himself almost completely hard in his pajama pants. The conversation is so new, and illicit, and sexual, and loving. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to slide his hand down inside his pajama bottoms, but he does, because he wants to. His breathing is loud and fast, and it seems to encourage Blaine and he continues, “I want to feel you hard in my hands,” and Blaine squeaks this time, amazed with himself, “and I just really want to make you feel good-”
“Me too,” Kurt cuts him off, panting, “I want all those things too. I want to look at you, and hold you and kiss you, and touch you. I want it to be so good. And I want to make you come,” he says it all at once, breathless.
“Oh my god,” Blaine says again, “Kurt, are you-?”
“Yes. Are you?”
“Yes definitely. Just making sure,” Blaine is panting, “I’m close.”
“Me too.”
“You must look amazing like that. Touching yourself, I mean,” and Kurt groans again, “I want to watch you like that one day too-”
And for whatever reason, that does it for Kurt. That image of Blaine, naked, watching him masturbate. He hasn’t thought of it before. It’s new and exciting and Blaine is on the phone as he moans out his name and comes across his stomach. He hears Blaine start to almost grunt and finally say his name low and throaty.
He knows they’ve just tested unchartered waters.
“Kurt?” Blaine says, still panting, “You still there?”
“I’m still here,” Kurt laughs, “Barely.”
“Yeah,” they’re both quiet for a minute, “You don’t have to go yet, do you?” Blaine asks so sweetly.
“Well, I do need to get some tissue from the washroom,” Kurt answers, “but it’s only 10:30, I can stay on for a bit.”
“Oh good,” Blaine seems relieved, “I just want to talk more,” and Blaine sounds so vulnerable, it makes his heart flip.
“Is this like cuddling in bed, you know, afterwards?” Kurt teases.
“I wish I could actually cuddle you,” Blaine is raw, “But yes, this will have to do, for today at least.”
“Okay. Let me go get cleaned up, and you too, and I’ll be back in two minutes.”
When Kurt comes back, warm and sated, and brimming with feelings, Blaine’s already back and he starts with, “Okay. So I need your opinion on my audition piece for the Warblers spring concert. I’m thinking of some MJ- Wanna Be Startin’ Something, or maybe Billy Jean. But I don’t know.”
Kurt laughs out loud and blurts “Blaine, I love you,” tone serious, and even a bit weepy, before adding, “You’d sound great on both. But what about something more transgressive, like a Madonna song. Sung by a gay Warbler. How about Vogue? Sassy Blaine could pull it off.”
“The show is for seniors, Kurt-” Kurt imagines Blaine rolling his eyes affectionately- “and I love you too.”
The next morning, Kurt drives to pick Rachel up for school, because Finn is at early basketball practice. They do this sometimes, making excuses to quickly see each other, if only for a second. Kurt’s greeted by warm, loving eyes and a navy blue blazer. Kurt hands him his medium drip with one sugar and a sprinkle of cinnamon, kisses him on the cheek, and whispers, “I’m ready,” before heading out the door to school.
5. He only considers it the last time they have a conversation because it stops being a thing. In fact, Blaine generally can’t stop talking about it. Which amuses Kurt to no end. Usually.
Nothing really changes after Kurt tells Blaine that he’s ready and Kurt just figures that it seems natural because they were both there already. Kurt just had to say it. They decide on the phone that night that now that they both want to, they should wait for the right place (Blaine’s house) at the right time (in three weeks, when Blaine’s parents are gone for the weekend and Kurt can definitely pretend he’s staying at Mercedes’ with Rachel). Then they talk about Blaine’s audition, which went perfectly, and Kurt’s math test, which went almost as well. “Well, that’s good because I think Thad and Dave are counting on you to tutor us next year too,” Blaine laughs. And that’s it.
Until a few days later when Blaine confesses that he can’t stop thinking about ‘three weeks from now.’ And Kurt squeaks his agreement because it feels like a long time when you’re young and in love and definitely ready. So Kurt asks casually how Blaine thinks the night will go under the pretenses of planning. But they end up having phone sex. Again. When they finish Blaine laughs and says, “You totally planned that, Kurt Hummel.”
And Kurt just laughs back and says, “Moi? Never.”
Over the next three weeks there are still movie dates, and dinners with dads, singing parties with Rachel and Finn (which Kurt mocks outwardly but secretly loves), phone conversations, math help, medium drips and non-fat mochas, rides to school, and ‘I love you’s.
But there is also something else that is a bit hard to describe.
When Kurt and Blaine are in Kurt’s kitchen and Kurt has his back turned, getting out the tea bags from the cupboard, and asks Blaine how soccer practice was, he doesn’t get an answer. “Were you staring at my ass?” Kurt flirts.
And Blaine answers simply, “Yes.”
The next week when Blaine lets himself into Kurt’s room, a bit early for their brunch date, Kurt is dripping wet in nothing but a towel. “Ummmm-” is all Blaine says.
“Like my outfit?” Kurt twirls suggestively.
“Definitely. Only it should come with a warning,” Blaine pauses, “May be a turn on.”
“It better be,” Kurt laughs before prancing into the bathroom to get dressed.
...
It’s a warm spring evening when the day finally arrives. After the weeks of shameless flirting and teasing, and ‘I can’t wait’s’, and ‘I love you’s’, and phone sex five days before, Kurt is surprisingly serene and even a bit shy when he gets to Blaine’s that night. He takes a deep breath and is about to knock on the door when it swings open to smiling Blaine - and he’s holding out a bouquet of red and yellow roses.
“Oh my god-“ Kurt doesn’t know what to say, “What’s all this?” he smiles as he takes the flowers.
“Aren’t I allowed to get my boyfriend flowers?” Blaine asks innocently, “and I didn’t want to be too cliché so I got not only red ones for romance- because I do love you that way, but also yellow ones for friendship. Because that’s why I love you.” Blaine is blushing. So is Kurt.
“I love them, Blaine,” Kurt smiles, resisting the urge to tease his perfect, corny boyfriend. Instead he says, “And I know you randomly chose to buy them for tonight. No particular reason, right?”
“Well,” Blaine looks down.
“Well,” Kurt steps inside, grinning, cheeks still red.
“We don’t have to, you know,” Blaine says immediately, “I have a bunch of movies, we can watch, or play Scrabble, or-“
“Blaine,” Kurt looks at him.
“Kurt.”
“I want to.”
“God, me too.”
“Definitely.”
“Definitely,” Blaine agrees smiling shyly. “Sooo, with that in mind, I may have a surprise in my room.”
“You cleaned it?” Kurt teases, “Blaine, that’s so sweet. You know just how to make me comfortable,” Kurt takes his hand as they walk up the stairs.
“Ha ha,” Blaine rolls his eyes as they approach his bedroom door, “Wait. Okay. Close your eyes,” and he covers Kurt’s eyes with his hands, and opens the door to the room. When he lifts his hands, Kurt is standing amidst a dozen or so white tea candles strewn across the room, and a small circular table set for fine dining, with two chairs and a plate of fruit and cheese in the middle. There are mangoes and brie and cherries, and an empty vase by the window waiting for his flowers.
“Blaine,” Kurt’s getting weepy, “I can’t believe,” he pauses again, “You are just the most ridiculous, romantic boyfriend. And I thought I was the silly romantic,” Kurt breathes out.
“Well,” Blaine is bouncing on his toes, pleased with himself, “You showed me that I’m actually pretty good at romance-“ Blaine smiled.
“That’s the understatement of the century,” Kurt puts the flowers down on the table and wraps his arms around Blaine’s neck, kissing him slowly, lingering, connected. “Ummm,” Kurt starts, arms still around Blaine’s neck, “Is it okay if we leave the mangoes and brie for, ummm, after?” Blaine’s eyes go wide, “because I feel like we’ve waited long enough already.” Some of his boldness from the past few weeks re-surfaces, safe and warm with Blaine in his arms. And what’s there to be worried about? It’s Blaine. And him. It is exactly how he wants it to be.
“Okay,” Blaine looks down shaking his head but smiling, “just let me put these in the vase,” Kurt laughs and sits down on the bed, while Blaine carefully cuts and arranges the roses. Kurt watches him move gracefully, opening the flower wrapping, cutting the stems, placing them in the vase. He’s beautiful, Kurt thinks as he stares, and also, He has an amazing ass. He laughs at himself.
“What?” Blaine comes and sits beside him on the bed.
“Nothing, nothing,” Kurt blushes but Blaine just gives him a ‘yeah, right,’ look, “Oh fine. I was thinking that you have a nice ass.” Blaine laughs out loud. He looks at Kurt, eyes wide, as he moves to straddle him on his knees, Kurt sitting between his legs as he reaches up to wrap his arms around his back.
“Really?” Blaine asks genuinely, “I’ve always kind of thought it was a bit like a bubble butt.” Now Kurt laughs and nods.
“That’s why I love it,” he answers and tentatively lowers his hands so they’re resting on it. Kurt blushes and Blaine takes a deep breath, pushing them both down so he’s lying on top of Kurt, Kurt’s hands still on his ass.
“You can,” Blaine encourages, “I want you to,” and Blaine kisses him. They know this part, deepening kisses, swollen lips, red marks. They pull their shirts off quickly, now a well-practiced move that is best done as quickly as possible. The familiar feeling of being turned on, his body reacting, his jeans feeling slightly uncomfortable. Kurt knows this place, knows how to get lost in Blaine kissing down his chest, sucking a mark below his collar bone-he doesn’t mind-eyes closed. He’s melting as Blaine focuses on the spot behind his ear, Blaine’s hands on his stomach, firm and soft. But then Blaine’s left hand isn’t on his stomach anymore. His hand is on his jeans, between his legs, and he cups him- still gentle but his touch is firm. Blaine is confident. Kurt’s eyes pop open and his breath hitches. Blaine looks down at him, smiling so warmly, still moving his hand between his legs. “You feel good, Kurt. So good. Does it feel good? I want it to-“ Blaine asks.
“Mmmm,” Kurt squeaks, “Good.” Blaine smiles, encouraged, “But you know, the jeans are getting a little uncomfortable to be honest,” Kurt’s breath hitches again as Blaine applies more pressure, “Having my boyfriend’s hand on my dick seems to have that effect,” he jokes to lighten the mood. Because if he doesn’t, he feels like he might cry. In a good way. Blaine cracks, burying his face on Kurt’s chest then kisses him slowly, moving his hand to his button.
“I think I have a solution,” Blaine flirts. “Can I?”
“Mmmm,” Kurt hums, “But you first, though.” And in two minutes, they’re kissing deeply, arms wrapped around each other, a boyfriend bundle with only two pairs of black boxer briefs between them. “Oh my god,” Kurt laughs when he sees that they have on the same briefs, “if anyone else could possibly find out, I would have to ensure that no one thinks we coordinated that - way too gay cliché,” he rolls his eyes grabbing Blaine.
“Well, nobody else could possibly know,” Blaine whispers on top of him, eyes suddenly serious again, “because this is just between me and you,” and he resumes kissing him again. Kurt thinks his emotions are threatening to drown him, and he wants to let himself fall.
Kurt flips them over, wants to be on top, to kiss down Blaine’s body, to look. He bites his neck, his chest, Blaine’s hands on his back, but they move quickly to his ass and Blaine tugs playfully at the black cotton material, pulling it away. Kurt gets up on his elbows and gives Blaine a look. “You first,” he says again.
Blaine nods, “Okay.” He scoots off the bed and turns around, back facing Kurt as he quickly pulls off his boxer briefs.
“I knew you had a nice ass,” Kurt teases, trying to keep his heart from jumping straight out of his chest. Blaine turns around with a shy smile, and moves quickly back to the bed, tugging at Kurt’s briefs, and Kurt quickly kicks them off.
Before Kurt has a chance to worry about being subjected to Blaine’s scrutiny, Blaine lies himself down on top of Kurt, re-forming their boyfriend bundle, and kisses him long and lingering and deep. Kurt moans into his mouth at the sensation of their bodies together, their cocks brushing each other’s, the image of them together like this. And in that moment, Kurt totally gets what it means for something to feel like sex. Because it does.
At some point in the haze, Blaine does loosen his grip, and Kurt looks, unabashedly raking his eyes up and down Blaine’s body. He’s fuzzy,, a light dusting of curly hair trailing from his chest down, thin but muscular. And stunning.“You’re beautiful,” Kurt breathes out, and Blaine’s eyes shine at him.
“Thought I saw you staring,” Blaine teases.
“I was.”
“I liked it,” and Kurt groans because who knew exhibitionist Blaine would be a turn on. He can also feel Blaine’s eyes on his body.
“God,” Blaine says rolling on to him again, “You’re just so hot,” Blaine looks guilty like he chose the wrong word, “I know that’s like so superficial,” he laughs.
“I liked it,” Kurt mimics as they start kissing again, laughter and teasing shifting to something more intense. Blaine licks his hand once and then puts it out for Kurt to copy him. Kurt does, giving his own hand to Blaine. Kurt slowly sucks each of Blaine’s fingers into his mouth, before Blaine reaches for his cock. And he reaches for Blaine. They look into each other’s eyes and their hands start to move, establishing a rhythm. It’s intense and amazing and sex.
“God,” Kurt breathes, “I think I love sex.”
Blaine laughs breaking the intensity, “I think I love you.”
“I know I love you.”
Kurt knows it’s not realistic for him to think they can come together. The pamphlets warned about not expecting that, not worrying about who goes first. And the pamphlets were right. Blaine is so worked up, panting as Kurt moves, and he comes across his own stomach, on Kurt’s hand, and Kurt’s thigh. Kurt thinks it’s amazing.
“That’s amazing,” he says as he gently lets go of Blaine as he comes down, catching his breath. And Blaine smiles up at him with so much love.
“Your turn,” Blaine doesn’t lose focus and pushes Kurt on his back, kissing his neck, his earlobe, between staring at his own hand on Kurt. And that’s what gets him - watching Blaine watching him, naked and spread out and panting. It’s so intimate. And so hot. And he comes across himself and Blaine’s hands, and a bit on Blaine’s chest. Blaine looks elated. Kurt tries to catch his breath as Blaine presses light kisses to his cheeks, his lips, his eyes.
“I love you,” Blaine says.
“Not too gross?” Kurt replies.
“Oh my god, no, Kurt” Blaine looks at him seriously, “You’re so beautiful. Everything turns me on. Everything.”
“Even that?”
“Especially that,” Blaine is effusive.
“Just making sure,” Kurt confesses, “Because I liked it too. A lot,” he smiles at him, calm, and sated, and in love. After Kurt gets them both tissues and they’re at least a little less sticky, Blaine scoots over to him, and lies with his head on Kurt’s chest, Kurt’s arm around him. Kurt trails his fingers along Blaine’s arm.
“This kind of cuddling is way better than on the phone,” Blaine sighs, closing his eyes.
Before they fall into any kind of real sleep, Kurt insists they get up and eat mango and cherries and brie on crostini. They slip on their boxer briefs and sit at the table, half-naked, unselfconscious, munching and laughing, feet touching.
“Can we go back to bed now?” Blaine asks sweetly.
“Insatiable,” Kurt huffs.
“Completely,” Blaine agrees and pulls Kurt back into his bed, under the covers. “You know,” Blaine says coyly, “I’m going to want to go down on you soon-”
“Blaine!” Kurt blushes red, even after all they’ve done.
“Just being honest,” Blaine shrugs, “maybe tonight, maybe next week, maybe next month, but soon.” And Kurt just laughs and cuddles up to him and knows he really can’t complain that Blaine just says things.
They may have sex again right now. They may not. They may have sex again in the morning. He’s pretty sure about that one. And if he wants to try something new next weekend, he can say so. He knows he can. It’s all just part of the same conversation. And he hopes it never ends.