Once Upon (that one time long ago...)
So last night was ...interesting to say the least. I'm confused and hurt and angry and very much volatile.
Jake is confusing the hell out of me. He said one of the saddest sentences in the english language to me, the one that spells out both a feeling of guilt and a raging across the universe. "I'd date you if you were a girl." And despite all that he says, the things that come across are just as contradictory, holding my hand under the covers and throwing his arm around me to get me to cuddle closer. If this is what Hannah felt, I can see why she went nuts, except that I can't lie to myself and say that he's given me reason to hope, only that I refuse to let go. And thats not his fault.
But Hannah. Hannah. She can't do what she's going to do- any law of rational thinking or even just emotions themselves should tell her not to. Mitch is one of Faye's oldest friends, even with the crushes removed from the equation they're too close to consider this, you call yourself her best friend, and he's called them soul mates, and doing this would be setting fire to all that you've tried to do in the past months since summer. And Faye will act as if she isn't hurt because she knows she has to, logically she should, but I'm not under any such obligation. I may stop talking to you over this.
And Mitch... what the fuck there. He says he's questioning his sexuality because of me, but he has had an amazing thing after Faye forever, and I don't want to date him, I just want to fix him. But I can't... won't... don't know if I can if he starts dating Hannah. I don't want to be after him, I don't know if I am, but... *sigh/flail/curl up*
That's all for now, folks.