Adommy Fanfic: Walking on broken promises, Part 1
“Tommy, why are you leaving? What is wrong?” Of course it had to be Adam.
Tommy took a deep breath before he turned around to face him. He was fighting against tears. He didn’t want to give Adam the satisfaction of making him cry. “Do you really have to ask me that? Tell me, are you stupid and unable to see or just cruel.” He had to use all of the strength left in his body to make sure that his voice wouldn’t give away how hurt he was.
Adam looked blank at Tommy. “What have I done?” He really wasn’t aware of what he had done.
You just broke my heart in fucking pieces, you asshole!!!
That thought never left Tommys lips. Instead he became really mad. “I can’t believe you don’t get it” he yelled. “What about the promises you made? Do you ever keep something you promise? Do I have to remind you?” He stepped toward Adam, yelling even louder, trying to imitate Adams voice. “Tommy, we will talk about everything after the tour will be finished. I will take my time to work it out. That what you said. But I see it was all just fucking blablabla!” Tommy was about to explode. Adam have never seen him as mad as he was now. “Adam, you can’t do this to me anymore. I can’t take it. I am out of it!” Tommy was about to turn away.
Adam thought Tommy was overacting and he wanted him to calm down. So he did what he could the best. He started to sing while he smiled at Tommy: “Hey, slow it down. Whataya want from me...” But Tommy became even angrier about this. “Stop this shit! I am not joking, I am fucking serious, so don’t give me that, Lambert!”
He looked for a moment away from Adam, gathering himself, forcing his thoughts to calm down. He didn’t yell anymore, but he was still angry and loud. “I am really mad and I think I don’t want to see your fucking face anymore!” Tommy turned around and was about to open the door of his car to get away.
“I don’t want you to leave me like this...” Adam wanted to say more, but Tommy cut him off. “So, what do you think you could do to stop me?” He was yelling again and didn’t even bother to turn back to Adam. Adam stepped forward, grabbed his hand and spun Tommy around forcing Tommy to face him. “I can try with this.” Before he even had the possibility to think about what that could be, Adam pulled him in a kiss. He kissed him with passion and one part of Tommy wanted desperatly to give in and to get lost in that kiss. He was still in love with Adam and it would have been so easy to forget what happend just minutes ago.
But there was the other part of Tommy. That part was hurt and angry. That part wanted to protect Tommy and that part of him finally won the battle. He pushed Adam away and pointed at him with his index finger. “Don’t you dare to ever touch me again! I am done with you. I am not a fucking puppet on your string. You can’t pull and push on me just the way you want. I am so fed up with this stupid game you are playing! So, just fuck off!” Tommy turned around. Adam was standing there unable to say or even think anything. He was under shock and watched Tommy open the door. Before he get in, Tommy turned around again and yelled: “And don’t you dare to fucking call me!” He got in the car and drove away.
Tommy was angry, but most of all he was sad and hurt. He drove as fast as he could to get away from the man he loved the most. The tears were pushing in his eyes. He was holding them back and he felt like his eyes would explode once he would let the tears fall down. But not yet. He had to be at home.
As he came to his place, he was shaking all over. He just wanted to be alone and safe behind closed doors. As he finally entered his place and locked the door to keep the world outside, he just fell on his knees sobbing like he wanted to cry all the pain out of his soul.
**********
Adam was left behind, standing there, watching Tommy driving away. He didn’t understand what happened. Why was Tommy so mad? He turned around to get back to his house.
He saw Brad standing at the door. “Wow, I never saw Tommy that way!”. Adam came closer and said “I don’t get why he was so angry.” Brad let a giggle slip out of his mouth. “WHAT?!” Adam snapped at him. “Adam, he is really right, you are stupid. He wasn’t angry, he was sad. I have never seen any person on my life who was that sad. He was just trying to cover it up with this little fight with you. I could clearly see that he was about to break apart in front of you. But you, you didn’t see it.” Brad shook his head and pushed Adam inside.
“I still don’t get it. I mean everything was fine between us. I thought we were friends, but he is acting so...so... I don’t know”. Adam sat down on the floor, his back on the front door. Fortunately no other of his guests have seen what was going on. Brad dropped on his knees in front of Adam. “Yeah it was kind of strange. I was about to ask you if you two are finally dating.” He was laughing. Adam looked up at him with a confused look on his face. “Shut up, Brad! We are not! I mean, we have had some fun on tour, but definitely no dating!” Adam didn’t even realize that he gave away that little secret he shared with Tommy.
“So, now I am interested in details.” Brad sat down next to Adam. Adam rolled his eyes. “Brad, there was nothing at all. We kissed a few times and once or twice there was a little more.” Brad smiled. “Once or twice? And what is ‘a little more’. “ Adam sighed annoyed. “What’s that to you? I don’t really want to talk about it. For me it was not a big deal at all.” Brad looked at Adam seriously: “Ok, I understand, if you don’t want to talk to me about this. But let me tell you: I could see and hear - and I think some of your neighbours would agree with me - for Tommy it was a big deal. I hope you know how to fix it or you will have to find a new bassist. And now you should go back to the other guests.” Brad got up, offering Adam his hand. “And by the way: your toyboy left as he saw you running after Tommy.” Adam took his hand. “Fuck! Tommy is ruining everything tonight!” Brad rolled his eyes: “No, it’s not Tommy, it’s you.” With this Brad went back to the party.
**********
As Tommy woke up the next day he felt like a truck had hid him in his face. He was tired. He spent hours crying. He tried to find a way out of his problems. He didn’t want to lose the friedship he and Adam have had, but he wasn’t sure if he could go back where they once were. Too much happened between them. It was so much left unspoken and he wasn’t even sure what could be said or done to fix it. He only knew, that he would need a break before he could face Adam again.
Adam!
He shook his head. He didn’t want to cry anymore. He made a decision that night while he was talking with Mia.
He called her in the mid of the night. And the first thing she asked was: “What has he done this time?” “The real problem is not what he has done. The problem is what he hasn’t done. I thought we could talk things out and he was just sitting there, kissing a random toyboy he brought home from shopping or whatever and ignored me. You know I hoped after the tour we would talk about us and find a way to deal with it, but nope.” Tommy was sobbing while he talked to her. “Babe, don’t let him pull you down like that. He isn’t worth it.” Mia tried to calm him down. “Mia, I know that I shouldn’t act that way. But I can’t help myself. He means so much to me and he is keeping hurting me over and over again. And the worst thing is, he doesn’t even understand what I am talking about. You should have seen him. He should have known better, than to try to stop me by kissing me!” Tommy wiped the tears away, before the next stream came out of his eyes.
Mia was silent waiting for Tommy to continue. But for a while she just heard him crying. “Tommy, do you want me to come over?” “No, I am ok. I mean, I’m not, but you can’t do anything. I have to find a way out of this fucking drama. I can’t believe that I still love him. He was such an asshole tonight. And the only thing I can think about is how good it would be to have his arms around me. This is ridiculous!”
“Tommy, you need time. Falling in love takes time and falling out of it takes even more. Much more. You should make vacation and go away. Find out what you really want” She could hear Tommys breath calming down on the other side of the line. “Yeah, I think I should find a place where I can sort my thoughts out. I have to let go and stop wishing he would be mine. He never was and he never will. I can’t believe that I have really wasted my lifetime on him. Waiting and hoping. And he? He made me wait and hope. I am so tired of it. I have to let go, I have to let go!” Tommy sighed. “But it’s not that easy, I am still holding on. Fuck!!”
“Hey, you will find a way to work it out. Just leave and take your time.” “Thank you Mia. I would go crazy without you. I must think about where I could go to. I will let you know where I am. But please don’t tell him where I am. I don’t know if I‘d be strong enough to send him away once he would find me.” Tommys voice was just a shadow. It hurt Mia to hear him like that. “Tommy, you can call me whenever you need to talk. I will help you through, ok? And if you will need me, I will come to you. Just take your time to cure your heart. Don’t forget that I love you. Take care of yourself.” “Love you too. I will call you. Bye!”
Tommy pushed the button to quit the call. Then he saw 10 missing calls on the display. All from Adam. “Fuck you Adam, I told you not to call me!” Tommy sighed and threw the cell phone away.
Tommy thought the whole night about where he could go. He needed to be alone, on his own. No fans, no other people and first of all: NO ADAM!!! He started to pack without even knowing where he would go to. But then in the early morning he had an idea. One of his uncles had a house somewhere in the north. It was a cabin straight by a waterside in the mountains. He called his mum and after a few other calls he was on his way to the airport.
**********
Adam was standing in front of the house where Mia was living. He was searching for her name to ring the bell. Before he could ring, she came out of the house. “Adam, what are you doing here?” She was really surprised. “Where is he?” Adam was not in the mood for smalltalk. He was angry and he wanted to talk with Tommy. He wanted to tell him how stupid his behavior was. He didn’t understand why he shouldn’t call him and why the fuck he didn’t call him back. He went to Tommys house and as he found out that he was gone, he headed to Mia. He thought he would meet him here.
“I don’t know where he is and even if I knew I wouldn’t tell you.” Mia snapped at him and wanted to walk past him. Adam grabbed her arm to stop her. “I really need to know where he is. I want to talk to him and find out what the problem is.” Mia looked at Adam with an angry mien. “Tommy was right, you really don’t get it. But never mind! He doesn’t want to see you. Leave him alone!”
“I can’t. I need to fix our friendship. I don’t want to lose it.” Mia couldn’t believe what she heard. “Adam, I can’t imagine that there is something you can fix.” She sighed. “But I am not the person to tell you why. Tommy is on his way to a vacation from you and from all this bullshit. I won’t tell you where he is going to be. But if you hurry up, you can catch him on the airport. His plane takes off in about two hours.” Adam was about to turn around, while he thanked her. She stopped him grabbing his arm. “Adam, I will kill you, when you hurt him again. I promise, I will.” She let him go and Adam ran to his car.
“What the fuck! I didn’t hurt him. He ist overacting. And what does it mean, he needs vacation from ME.” He was getting more and more confused.
45 minutes later he was running through the airport trying to find Tommy. It was not that easy, because he didn’t know where he wanted to fly to. But he had luck on his side as he looked over to the coffeeshop. There was Tommy with a huge cup of coffee, of course! Adam walked over to him.
“Tommy!” Tommys face froze as he saw Adam. “Tommy, what’s wrong?” Adam came closer to Tommy and now he could see that Tommys eyes were red and he had bags under his eyes. “Adam, I thought I made it clear: I don’t want to see or talk to you right now. Please accept it and just let me go.” “No way Tommy! Please tell me what is bothering you? I don’t want you to leave being mad at me.” Adam was in despair. “Adam, I am tired and I just want to go away from you. I need a timeout to reflect about everything. I don’t even know if or when I will come back. I don’t know anything.” Tommys voice was sad. “Tommy, I don’t understand you. Why do you want to go away? What have I done?” Adam was confused and didn’t know how to react.
“Adam, please, just go.” “No, Tommy, tell me what can I do, to stop you. I don’t want to lose this friendship.” Tommys laugh was bitter. “Adam, you are so blind. You have lost our friendship the moment you broke my heart. And now I need my time to recover from this and right now I don’t know if I can make it.” Tommy could feel the tears coming back. He wanted to go away, it was to late to take back what he even said. “Tommy, what do you mean? I never ment to hurt you. You know, I love you, don’t you?” Tommy was laughing once again this sad and bitter laugh. “No Adam, you don’t love me. You never did. I was just a distraction on tour. I guess that’s rock’n’roll. But I, I made the mistake and ….” Tommy stopped before he said what was about to slip out of his mouth.
I made the mistake and really fell in love with you.
”I thought there was more and now it’s kind of hard to be around you.”
It’s killing me how you treat me.
“And if you ever were a friend of mine, don’t keep me hanging on and waiting for something that won’t ever come. Just let me go. I will try to find a way to deal with this. I think I just need time. Just let me go.” Tommy turned around and walked to the gates. He didn’t stop and didn’t answer as Adam shouted his name. He just had to get away.
Adam watched him leaving. He felt his own heart breaking.
What have I done?
Chapter 2