Adommy Fanfic: Walking on broken promises, Part 2
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Tommy was on his own. For the first time since almost a year he was really alone. First it scared him a little, but then he started to relax. The place he came to was beautiful and peaceful. The next neighbours were on the other side of the lake. It was silence all around him. He enjoyed it. He had an winter garten where he could sit and watch over the lake, so he did. Even if it was winter the sun was shining and he could also sit outside and enjoy the fresh air. He could breathe again.
He spent hours just drinking coffee and looking out of the window. He forced himself not to think about Adam. He tried to put his face in the darkest corner of his mind. But Adams face was not that easy to put away. It popped here and there out of nowhere. He saw Adam even when he was looking at the lake. He seemed to be everywhere. But it became easier to find some time where his thoughts didn’t focus on Adam. Even if it was for just a few minutes.
He didn’t call anyone in the first three or four days. He just texted Mia, that he was fine. She respected his wish to be alone and didn’t call. She knew him. Tommy was still sad. And he was even more sad than he was at home. And he cried a lot, but it was silent. He just let the tears run over his face hoping he will be soon over it.
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He could feel fingers running over his naked body. They carressed him like whispers, slowly and sweet. His body melted like ice in sunshine under those fingers. He opened his eyes and looked at those beautiful greyblue eyes. “I love you Tommy” Adam whispered on his lips, kissing him gently...
Then Tommy woke up. He could feel a slight arousal in his pants and groaned. Then he jumped out of the bed, ran over to the window, opened it and cried out in the cold morning. The words “Stop teasing me!” echoed around the lake. Tommy was panting against the cold air. Then he looked down and saw a woman standing on the waterside. She looked up to him, smiling. She reminded him of his mother. “Sorry!” Tommy blushed. “Don’t worry honey! Bad night?” Tommy sighed. “No, actually a bad life.” She smiled again. “Do you want to talk about it? I can be a good listener if you offer coffee and cookies?” Tommy laughed. She seemed to be nice and he had nothing else to do. “Ok, wait I am coming in ten.” She nodded and looked back to the lake.
Tommy washed his face and pulled some fresh clothes on. Then he went downstairs in the kitchen to make coffee. He opened the balcony to let the woman in. She was still standing on the waterside, so he stepped outside. “Hello, my name is Tommy. Sorry again if I scared you.” She turned around, a warm smile on her face. “Hi Tommy. Nice to meet you. I am Mary. My house is on the other side.” She reached out her hand and Tommy took it. “Come in, coffee is almost done.” She got in and sat down in a chair near the balcony. “I love to look over the lake. It calms me.” She said. “I know what you mean.” Tommy walked over to kitchen to get coffee and some cookies. As he came back, he sat down on the chair beside her.
“Do you want to talk about it? Who made you so angry?” She kept looking to the lake. Tommy did too. “I don’t even know where to start. I am angry, sad and hurt and lonely and everything at once.” He sighed taking a sip of coffee. “Heartsickness sucks!” Tommy was suprised about her words and couldn’t help but had to laugh. “Yes, it does. And there is no possibility to forget him!” Mary looked at Tommy. “Trouble with a man is big trouble. But you will survive, somehow. There are just small pieces of your heart which are dying forever. But your heart is big enough to survive without them. At least I hope so. You want to talk about him?”
Tommy kept his eyes on the lake. “His name is Adam. He is, he was my best friend. Maybe he still is, I don’t know. I met him about a year ago and I have been working with him since then. He is amazing in so many ways.” Mary then looked at Tommy. “You are still in love with him, arent’t you?” Tommy nodded. “Tell me, is he a cutie?” Tommy laughed. “He is beautiful. Amazing greyblue eyes, black hair, tall, slim body and a whole lot of freckles!” Tommys sighed, a smile on his face. Mary pulled him in a small hug. “So what did go wrong?” Tommy looked back to the lake, suddenly sad. “Almost everything went wrong. We were friends, I fell in love, he didn’t and he said some stupid things, I said some stupid things and then I ran away and here I am.” A tear dropped out of his eye. Mary patted him on the back. “Are you sure he doesn’t love you? Have you asked him?” Tommy closed his eyes. “To be honest, I didn’t ask him. There was no possibility. He promised me a long time ago we would talk about us when we were back home from our job, but then he avoided it. Instead he kept flirting with other guys in front of me. I think this shows clearly, that he doesn’t really care for me.” Tommy opened his eyes, looking over to the lake. “Does he know that you love him?” Tommy turned to face her. “I didn’t tell him. He just knows that he broke my heart, but I think either he doesn’t care or he didn’t get it.” He sighed and turned back to the lake. “I will get over it, somehow…”
Mary sighed and drank the last bit of coffee out of her cup. “I don’t know your Adam, but I know a lot about men. And let me tell you: they are pretty dumb sometimes. Maybe you should find a way to talk to him.” She got up. “It was nice to meet you Tommy. If you like, you can come over to my house. I am here for a few more days with my husband. Maybe for lunch, tomorrow?” Tommy looked up at her. “Yes, I would like to, thank you.” She went out and waved to him from the outside. He smiled and looked over to the lake.
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“Adam, you know that I love you, but sometimes I think you are just an idiot!” Ok, his mum didn’t even think a bit of being gentle. But that was what he came here for. So he didn’t defent himself. He just let her talk. “You will have to tell me some more about what happened on tour between you and Tommy. But I can tell you, that he is in love with you. I mean what else does it mean when he is telling you, that you broke his heart and that he has to get away from you? I think this is obvious. Tommy is in love with you, or he was until you broke him.”
Adam didn’t answer. He was putting the pieces of the whole picture together in his head. One by one. And it was kind of hurting him doing this, but it had to be done. “Adam, you will have to talk to him. He is your best friend and you know that you can’t live without fixing it.” Adam sighed. “Mum, I just don’t get why this all happened. I thought that he wouldn’t want more than a friendship. He never told me he would. I am just confused…”
Leila smiled at him. Sometimes beeing with Adam reminded her of him as a boy. In fact sometimes he was still acting like a child and for her he would always be her baby. She stroke over his face, forcing him to look at her. “Adam, what happened on the tour? What have you done, that Tommy is acting like this?” She could see that he was trembling, so she pulled him in an embrace. And there was again this feeling like she was holding a child comforting it because he hurt his knee.
Then Adam told her about the tour, just staying in her arms. He and Tommy agreed at the beginning of the tour about what they wanted to do on “Fever”. The first shows they took it slow and really family friendly. But after a while, they decided to try more. That was when the New York lick happened and after that they kissed at almost every show. They were both comfortable with this. Still friends, still no other feelings.
The tour went on and the fans went crazy about them, so they did more hot things also during his other songs. They loved the idea of bringing the spirit of “Velvet Goldmine” to the show. But then somehow things started to get out of control. Adam couldn’t even told her why exectly. The first time they kissed offstage was after the show in Providence. This show was over the edge. Crazy! Adam was high on adrenaline and on the spirit of the show. They had both drank a bit too much. When they met afterwards, there was a strange connection between them. Tommy was grinning, Adam was still just over the top. Then Tommy came closer trying to wipe away the lipstick traces still over Adams face. But as soon as he touched Adams face, there was a change in the atmosphere around them. Adam felt like the lights went brighter and the air was getting hotter. He felt a strong spell pulling him towards Tommy and he could tell by the way Tommy looked at him, that he could feel it too. Their lips started to come closer and closer, Tommy closed his eyes, Adam pulled Tommys body closer and then their lips crushed together. It was not a gentle kiss, it was hot and feveresh and Adam could feel his own trembling over Tommys trembling.
Then his mind started to work again, he pulled away and looked at Tommy in shock. “Sorry, Tommy… I don’t know what came over me.” He could feel his arousal and it was somehow embarrassing. That was offstage! He felt strange, but Tommy made it easier. He smiled at him, stroked over his cheek and gave him a peck. “Don’t worry babyboy. It was a nice kiss. Don’t overact about it. It was just a kiss, right?” They smiled at eachother and in this moment Adam was pretty sure, that was an accident that wouldn’t ever happen again.
But it happened again and again and again. Sometimes they didn’t even leave the backstage area, but they managed to keep it a secret. Nobody knew about it. And the kisses were getting hotter and turned into makeout sessions. And they never talked about it. Adam knew now that this was wrong.
He sighed looking at his mother. He didn’t tell her all. She was still his mother. He didn’t tell her how the makeout session turned into sex on Tommy birthday. He couldn’t tell her about how Tommy was screaming his name when he gave him a blowjob. This would have embarrassed them both. But he remembered it. He knew how good it felt to let his tongue slide over Tommys body, while he was writhing under his hands. He could still remember the taste of Tommys skin.
He couldn’t tell her that he let Tommy fuck him after the show in Amsterdam. This would have been too much information for a loving mother. They were so high in Amsterdam, not only because they smoked weed. The weed just freed their undisclosed desires. They were on fire that night. Tommy pinned him against the wall in their dressing room right after the show. He couldn’t think straight and he let Tommy get what he needed. And Tommy gave him everything. That night was about getting laid and Tommy wasn’t really gentle with him. But Adam didn’t care. And having sex with Tommy was mindblowing. Adam sighed dreaming with opened eyes. His mother smiled and he knew that she knew what happend.
He told her how strange the time after Amsterdam was. He didn’t know how to deal with Tommy. He could feel the change between them, but he decided to ignore it. And Tommy was silent. Too silent. He avoided Adam off stage and was either out with Isaac or pretended to be tired. For a few days there was a pretty strange time. Adam decided to speak to Tommy. So he caught him after a rehearsal and pulled him in his dressing room. He closed the door behind them and was standing with his back on the door. Tommy was on the other side of the room, his eyes on the floor. “Tommy, please we need to get over it.” Tommy sighed. “I don’t know how. It was so intense between us and I feel like I have used you for my needs.” Adam went over to Tommy and cupped his face in his hands, forcing him to look up in his eyes. “Tommy, don’t think like that. We were horny, I mean both of us. I wanted it as much as you did. But I won’t let it happen again. I want this friendship to work, I want to keep you.” Tommy wanted to talk to Adam about what was going on between them, but Adam wanted to wait after the tour. He promised to talk about it after christmas, when everything was over. Meanwhile they would try to forget about it and to find a way back to usual. Adam admitted to his mother that he never had the real plan to talk about the whole thing.
“You made a promise and you didn’t keep it?” As Adam nodded she said: “This is bad. This is very bad. But why?” Adam sighed. “I just hoped that everything will get better after the tour and that we will be over it. But obviously Tommy wasn’t over it.” His mum stepped away and took his hand. “And you? Are you over it?” She looked straight in his eyes. “No, I’m not.” She smiled and pulled him back in that comforting embrace. “That’s what I thought. Adam, you were playing with fire the whole tour. I saw the videos of you and Tommy and I know that look in your eyes. You should talk to him and fix this. It could be so much more, don’t you see it?” Adam was shaking in her arms. “I see it mum, but I didn’t know until yet how much I want it to be something more.” She could feel the tears he cried into her neck.
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Tommy had a nice afternoon with Mary and her husband Sam. They had a tasty lunch and then Mary left him with Sam in the living room. She wanted to clean the kitchen on her own. They sat down on the couch. Sam offered Tommy a beer.
“So Tommy how did you get here? We usually don’t have young people around here, you know.” Tommy smiled. “This is a nice place to go to when you want to be on your own. And that’s what I needed. Time and space to sort things out.” Sam looked at Tommy. “Mary told me you have problems with your man?” Tommy looked at him surprised about how casual this question came out of his mouth. “Are you really comfortable to talk with me about it?” He asked Sam. Sam laughed. “Tommy, I know I am old and I am since ages with my sweet Mary, but I still can remember how it is to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. I know heartache.” Tommy smiled at him “I ment, is it ok to talk with me about being in love with a man.” Sam had to laugh hard. “Come on Tommy! Is there a real difference? I mean if the person you love doesn’t love you back, it hurts the same way if you are straight or gay or whatever. Heartache doesn’t care about labels, does it? I can’t see a real difference.” Tommy smiled. “Yeah, you are right, there is no real difference.“
He sighed. ”I can tell you, that my only problem with that man is, that he is NOT mine.” Tommy took a sip out of the bottle. “But he could be, if you would ask him to be?” “I don’t think so. And I am trying to forget him. That’s what I am here for.” Sam looked at Tommy with a small smile on his face. “I can tell by the look on your face, this isn’t working well. I can see the love shining out of your eyes. Even now. I don’t think that you should give up like that. I mean without even trying. You might regret it one day. Finding true love isn’t easy and you should fight for it.”
Tommy thought about what Sam said on his way back to his cabin. Maybe he really hasn’t tried enough. But it was hurting too much. And the protecting part of him didn’t allow him to think about it that much. But tonight he was a little drunk and the fresh air let his thoughts fly. Has he done enough to get the man he loved? And would he be able to do more?
Tommy thought back to the tour. He had to smile on the memory of Providence. That night was epical in so many ways. He kissed Adam because he was jealous. Adam kissed people in the crowd! What the fuck!? Tommy was not under control as they were backstage and he touched Adams face. He pretended he wanted to wipe the lipstick away, but to be honest he just wanted to touch Adam. And as soon as he felt Adams skin under his fingers, he was out of his mind. He just wanted to kiss him but while they kissed Adam pulled away. Adams reaction was like a cold shower but Tommy tried to be cool and told Adam that this was just a kiss. But is was so much more. That one kiss was burning for hours on his lips. He couldn’t sleep that night, he couldn’t calm down. He wanted to do it again as soon as possible. And they kissed again. A lot of times. Tommy got lost in Adam.
He was also thinking about his birthday as he came hard like never before while Adam was on his knees in front of him, Tommys cock deep in his mouth. Tommy shivered at the thought of that. So hot! And then there was Amsterdam. Adam let Tommy fuck him! It was amazing and he never felt so close to anybody as he felt while he was inside Adam. He loved every second of this. Adams body under his body and how Adam was maoning his name over and over again.
But it was over too soon. They were too drunk, too high and too horny. And afterwards there was such a tense temper between them. Tommy didn’t know what to do to change this. A few days later they talked about it. That talk was such a disappointment for Tommy. He had hoped that Adam felt the change between them too and that he wanted to find out what it was. But Adam just decided for both of them to have the talk after the tour. He promised to talk with Tommy and then he didn’t.
The last shows made Tommys heart aching. He wanted more. He had tasted what it was like to be with Adam and he was now addicted on him. He felt like an alcoholic without alcohol. As the tour was about to end he was trying to get as much as he could. That’s why he kissed Adam first in London on Fever. He just couldn’t wait. He knew they would’t see each other while Adam would stay in Paris. So he had to take some memories on his way home.
Tommy remembered how bad he felt at the last shows back in the States. The Jingle Balls without kisses and then the LA gigs. Tommy knew he had to wait after christmas to talk things out. And he waited and he hoped and his heart was aching. After christmas Tommy waited for a call from Adam. But as Adam called him he just invited him to his New Year’s Eve Party. And it was clear that they wouldn’t talk that evening. And Tommy kept waiting. Adam avoided him the next days. And then there was this house-warming party when Adam found his new home. And then Tommys world just crushed down. On that party he saw Adam with this other guy. He didn’t even remember his name. But he could remember how it felt seeing Adam kissing that guy in front of him. And then Adam saw him and gave him that smirk. And even if Tommy had seen Adam kissing random guys during the tour, this one was hurting more than ever. Because this was AFTER the fucking tour and things should have changed between them, shouldn’t they? That was when Tommy ran away and when his heart broke in thousand pieces.
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Adam wanted to see Tommy and talk about everything. But he didn’t have a clue where he was. Mia wouldn’t tell him. He had no choice. He had to go to Tommys mother. He just had to. He was preparing himself for the talk with her. He was afraid, he didn’t know what Tommy told her. But there was no other way for him to get to Tommy. So there he was standing in front of the house, breathing hard. Then he rang the bell.
Tommys mother opened the door and looked at him with a confused face. “Adam? What are you doing here? Come in before some paparazzi will catch you.” As soon as they were in, she looked again at him, waiting for an answer. “I must find Tommy. I have to see him.” His voice was broken. She sighed. “Adam, I can’t tell you where he is. He told me he doesn’t want to see anyone and first of all he doesn’t want to see you. He said that you broke his heart. And he was so sad. What happened Adam?” “I don’t really know what to say. I made some mistakes and I took him for granted. I was really an asshole. But I want to make it right now. Please, tell me where he is.” Adam was begging.
“Adam, I don’t know if I can allow you to get to him. Maybe you will hurt him again and I can’t be the one letting you do this. I just can’t.” Adam was exhausted and he wanted so badly to see Tommy and to fix them. He just fell on his knees in front of her, sobbing and holding her hand. “Please, I can’t let him go. I am broken without him and I think he is broken too. I am begging you, tell me where I can find my Tommy. Please!” She wiped a tear away of her eyes and pulled him up in an embrace. “Don’t hurt him again, Adam. Just don’t.” “I promise, I won’t.” “I want to believe you.” She paused, obviously fighting with herself. “He is in a cabin in the mountains. I’ll give you the adress.” Adam was relieved. “Thank you so much. I won’t hurt him. I want to make it right. I promise! Thank you!”
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Chapter 3
Tommy was on his own. For the first time since almost a year he was really alone. First it scared him a little, but then he started to relax. The place he came to was beautiful and peaceful. The next neighbours were on the other side of the lake. It was silence all around him. He enjoyed it. He had an winter garten where he could sit and watch over the lake, so he did. Even if it was winter the sun was shining and he could also sit outside and enjoy the fresh air. He could breathe again.
He spent hours just drinking coffee and looking out of the window. He forced himself not to think about Adam. He tried to put his face in the darkest corner of his mind. But Adams face was not that easy to put away. It popped here and there out of nowhere. He saw Adam even when he was looking at the lake. He seemed to be everywhere. But it became easier to find some time where his thoughts didn’t focus on Adam. Even if it was for just a few minutes.
He didn’t call anyone in the first three or four days. He just texted Mia, that he was fine. She respected his wish to be alone and didn’t call. She knew him. Tommy was still sad. And he was even more sad than he was at home. And he cried a lot, but it was silent. He just let the tears run over his face hoping he will be soon over it.
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He could feel fingers running over his naked body. They carressed him like whispers, slowly and sweet. His body melted like ice in sunshine under those fingers. He opened his eyes and looked at those beautiful greyblue eyes. “I love you Tommy” Adam whispered on his lips, kissing him gently...
Then Tommy woke up. He could feel a slight arousal in his pants and groaned. Then he jumped out of the bed, ran over to the window, opened it and cried out in the cold morning. The words “Stop teasing me!” echoed around the lake. Tommy was panting against the cold air. Then he looked down and saw a woman standing on the waterside. She looked up to him, smiling. She reminded him of his mother. “Sorry!” Tommy blushed. “Don’t worry honey! Bad night?” Tommy sighed. “No, actually a bad life.” She smiled again. “Do you want to talk about it? I can be a good listener if you offer coffee and cookies?” Tommy laughed. She seemed to be nice and he had nothing else to do. “Ok, wait I am coming in ten.” She nodded and looked back to the lake.
Tommy washed his face and pulled some fresh clothes on. Then he went downstairs in the kitchen to make coffee. He opened the balcony to let the woman in. She was still standing on the waterside, so he stepped outside. “Hello, my name is Tommy. Sorry again if I scared you.” She turned around, a warm smile on her face. “Hi Tommy. Nice to meet you. I am Mary. My house is on the other side.” She reached out her hand and Tommy took it. “Come in, coffee is almost done.” She got in and sat down in a chair near the balcony. “I love to look over the lake. It calms me.” She said. “I know what you mean.” Tommy walked over to kitchen to get coffee and some cookies. As he came back, he sat down on the chair beside her.
“Do you want to talk about it? Who made you so angry?” She kept looking to the lake. Tommy did too. “I don’t even know where to start. I am angry, sad and hurt and lonely and everything at once.” He sighed taking a sip of coffee. “Heartsickness sucks!” Tommy was suprised about her words and couldn’t help but had to laugh. “Yes, it does. And there is no possibility to forget him!” Mary looked at Tommy. “Trouble with a man is big trouble. But you will survive, somehow. There are just small pieces of your heart which are dying forever. But your heart is big enough to survive without them. At least I hope so. You want to talk about him?”
Tommy kept his eyes on the lake. “His name is Adam. He is, he was my best friend. Maybe he still is, I don’t know. I met him about a year ago and I have been working with him since then. He is amazing in so many ways.” Mary then looked at Tommy. “You are still in love with him, arent’t you?” Tommy nodded. “Tell me, is he a cutie?” Tommy laughed. “He is beautiful. Amazing greyblue eyes, black hair, tall, slim body and a whole lot of freckles!” Tommys sighed, a smile on his face. Mary pulled him in a small hug. “So what did go wrong?” Tommy looked back to the lake, suddenly sad. “Almost everything went wrong. We were friends, I fell in love, he didn’t and he said some stupid things, I said some stupid things and then I ran away and here I am.” A tear dropped out of his eye. Mary patted him on the back. “Are you sure he doesn’t love you? Have you asked him?” Tommy closed his eyes. “To be honest, I didn’t ask him. There was no possibility. He promised me a long time ago we would talk about us when we were back home from our job, but then he avoided it. Instead he kept flirting with other guys in front of me. I think this shows clearly, that he doesn’t really care for me.” Tommy opened his eyes, looking over to the lake. “Does he know that you love him?” Tommy turned to face her. “I didn’t tell him. He just knows that he broke my heart, but I think either he doesn’t care or he didn’t get it.” He sighed and turned back to the lake. “I will get over it, somehow…”
Mary sighed and drank the last bit of coffee out of her cup. “I don’t know your Adam, but I know a lot about men. And let me tell you: they are pretty dumb sometimes. Maybe you should find a way to talk to him.” She got up. “It was nice to meet you Tommy. If you like, you can come over to my house. I am here for a few more days with my husband. Maybe for lunch, tomorrow?” Tommy looked up at her. “Yes, I would like to, thank you.” She went out and waved to him from the outside. He smiled and looked over to the lake.
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“Adam, you know that I love you, but sometimes I think you are just an idiot!” Ok, his mum didn’t even think a bit of being gentle. But that was what he came here for. So he didn’t defent himself. He just let her talk. “You will have to tell me some more about what happened on tour between you and Tommy. But I can tell you, that he is in love with you. I mean what else does it mean when he is telling you, that you broke his heart and that he has to get away from you? I think this is obvious. Tommy is in love with you, or he was until you broke him.”
Adam didn’t answer. He was putting the pieces of the whole picture together in his head. One by one. And it was kind of hurting him doing this, but it had to be done. “Adam, you will have to talk to him. He is your best friend and you know that you can’t live without fixing it.” Adam sighed. “Mum, I just don’t get why this all happened. I thought that he wouldn’t want more than a friendship. He never told me he would. I am just confused…”
Leila smiled at him. Sometimes beeing with Adam reminded her of him as a boy. In fact sometimes he was still acting like a child and for her he would always be her baby. She stroke over his face, forcing him to look at her. “Adam, what happened on the tour? What have you done, that Tommy is acting like this?” She could see that he was trembling, so she pulled him in an embrace. And there was again this feeling like she was holding a child comforting it because he hurt his knee.
Then Adam told her about the tour, just staying in her arms. He and Tommy agreed at the beginning of the tour about what they wanted to do on “Fever”. The first shows they took it slow and really family friendly. But after a while, they decided to try more. That was when the New York lick happened and after that they kissed at almost every show. They were both comfortable with this. Still friends, still no other feelings.
The tour went on and the fans went crazy about them, so they did more hot things also during his other songs. They loved the idea of bringing the spirit of “Velvet Goldmine” to the show. But then somehow things started to get out of control. Adam couldn’t even told her why exectly. The first time they kissed offstage was after the show in Providence. This show was over the edge. Crazy! Adam was high on adrenaline and on the spirit of the show. They had both drank a bit too much. When they met afterwards, there was a strange connection between them. Tommy was grinning, Adam was still just over the top. Then Tommy came closer trying to wipe away the lipstick traces still over Adams face. But as soon as he touched Adams face, there was a change in the atmosphere around them. Adam felt like the lights went brighter and the air was getting hotter. He felt a strong spell pulling him towards Tommy and he could tell by the way Tommy looked at him, that he could feel it too. Their lips started to come closer and closer, Tommy closed his eyes, Adam pulled Tommys body closer and then their lips crushed together. It was not a gentle kiss, it was hot and feveresh and Adam could feel his own trembling over Tommys trembling.
Then his mind started to work again, he pulled away and looked at Tommy in shock. “Sorry, Tommy… I don’t know what came over me.” He could feel his arousal and it was somehow embarrassing. That was offstage! He felt strange, but Tommy made it easier. He smiled at him, stroked over his cheek and gave him a peck. “Don’t worry babyboy. It was a nice kiss. Don’t overact about it. It was just a kiss, right?” They smiled at eachother and in this moment Adam was pretty sure, that was an accident that wouldn’t ever happen again.
But it happened again and again and again. Sometimes they didn’t even leave the backstage area, but they managed to keep it a secret. Nobody knew about it. And the kisses were getting hotter and turned into makeout sessions. And they never talked about it. Adam knew now that this was wrong.
He sighed looking at his mother. He didn’t tell her all. She was still his mother. He didn’t tell her how the makeout session turned into sex on Tommy birthday. He couldn’t tell her about how Tommy was screaming his name when he gave him a blowjob. This would have embarrassed them both. But he remembered it. He knew how good it felt to let his tongue slide over Tommys body, while he was writhing under his hands. He could still remember the taste of Tommys skin.
He couldn’t tell her that he let Tommy fuck him after the show in Amsterdam. This would have been too much information for a loving mother. They were so high in Amsterdam, not only because they smoked weed. The weed just freed their undisclosed desires. They were on fire that night. Tommy pinned him against the wall in their dressing room right after the show. He couldn’t think straight and he let Tommy get what he needed. And Tommy gave him everything. That night was about getting laid and Tommy wasn’t really gentle with him. But Adam didn’t care. And having sex with Tommy was mindblowing. Adam sighed dreaming with opened eyes. His mother smiled and he knew that she knew what happend.
He told her how strange the time after Amsterdam was. He didn’t know how to deal with Tommy. He could feel the change between them, but he decided to ignore it. And Tommy was silent. Too silent. He avoided Adam off stage and was either out with Isaac or pretended to be tired. For a few days there was a pretty strange time. Adam decided to speak to Tommy. So he caught him after a rehearsal and pulled him in his dressing room. He closed the door behind them and was standing with his back on the door. Tommy was on the other side of the room, his eyes on the floor. “Tommy, please we need to get over it.” Tommy sighed. “I don’t know how. It was so intense between us and I feel like I have used you for my needs.” Adam went over to Tommy and cupped his face in his hands, forcing him to look up in his eyes. “Tommy, don’t think like that. We were horny, I mean both of us. I wanted it as much as you did. But I won’t let it happen again. I want this friendship to work, I want to keep you.” Tommy wanted to talk to Adam about what was going on between them, but Adam wanted to wait after the tour. He promised to talk about it after christmas, when everything was over. Meanwhile they would try to forget about it and to find a way back to usual. Adam admitted to his mother that he never had the real plan to talk about the whole thing.
“You made a promise and you didn’t keep it?” As Adam nodded she said: “This is bad. This is very bad. But why?” Adam sighed. “I just hoped that everything will get better after the tour and that we will be over it. But obviously Tommy wasn’t over it.” His mum stepped away and took his hand. “And you? Are you over it?” She looked straight in his eyes. “No, I’m not.” She smiled and pulled him back in that comforting embrace. “That’s what I thought. Adam, you were playing with fire the whole tour. I saw the videos of you and Tommy and I know that look in your eyes. You should talk to him and fix this. It could be so much more, don’t you see it?” Adam was shaking in her arms. “I see it mum, but I didn’t know until yet how much I want it to be something more.” She could feel the tears he cried into her neck.
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Tommy had a nice afternoon with Mary and her husband Sam. They had a tasty lunch and then Mary left him with Sam in the living room. She wanted to clean the kitchen on her own. They sat down on the couch. Sam offered Tommy a beer.
“So Tommy how did you get here? We usually don’t have young people around here, you know.” Tommy smiled. “This is a nice place to go to when you want to be on your own. And that’s what I needed. Time and space to sort things out.” Sam looked at Tommy. “Mary told me you have problems with your man?” Tommy looked at him surprised about how casual this question came out of his mouth. “Are you really comfortable to talk with me about it?” He asked Sam. Sam laughed. “Tommy, I know I am old and I am since ages with my sweet Mary, but I still can remember how it is to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. I know heartache.” Tommy smiled at him “I ment, is it ok to talk with me about being in love with a man.” Sam had to laugh hard. “Come on Tommy! Is there a real difference? I mean if the person you love doesn’t love you back, it hurts the same way if you are straight or gay or whatever. Heartache doesn’t care about labels, does it? I can’t see a real difference.” Tommy smiled. “Yeah, you are right, there is no real difference.“
He sighed. ”I can tell you, that my only problem with that man is, that he is NOT mine.” Tommy took a sip out of the bottle. “But he could be, if you would ask him to be?” “I don’t think so. And I am trying to forget him. That’s what I am here for.” Sam looked at Tommy with a small smile on his face. “I can tell by the look on your face, this isn’t working well. I can see the love shining out of your eyes. Even now. I don’t think that you should give up like that. I mean without even trying. You might regret it one day. Finding true love isn’t easy and you should fight for it.”
Tommy thought about what Sam said on his way back to his cabin. Maybe he really hasn’t tried enough. But it was hurting too much. And the protecting part of him didn’t allow him to think about it that much. But tonight he was a little drunk and the fresh air let his thoughts fly. Has he done enough to get the man he loved? And would he be able to do more?
Tommy thought back to the tour. He had to smile on the memory of Providence. That night was epical in so many ways. He kissed Adam because he was jealous. Adam kissed people in the crowd! What the fuck!? Tommy was not under control as they were backstage and he touched Adams face. He pretended he wanted to wipe the lipstick away, but to be honest he just wanted to touch Adam. And as soon as he felt Adams skin under his fingers, he was out of his mind. He just wanted to kiss him but while they kissed Adam pulled away. Adams reaction was like a cold shower but Tommy tried to be cool and told Adam that this was just a kiss. But is was so much more. That one kiss was burning for hours on his lips. He couldn’t sleep that night, he couldn’t calm down. He wanted to do it again as soon as possible. And they kissed again. A lot of times. Tommy got lost in Adam.
He was also thinking about his birthday as he came hard like never before while Adam was on his knees in front of him, Tommys cock deep in his mouth. Tommy shivered at the thought of that. So hot! And then there was Amsterdam. Adam let Tommy fuck him! It was amazing and he never felt so close to anybody as he felt while he was inside Adam. He loved every second of this. Adams body under his body and how Adam was maoning his name over and over again.
But it was over too soon. They were too drunk, too high and too horny. And afterwards there was such a tense temper between them. Tommy didn’t know what to do to change this. A few days later they talked about it. That talk was such a disappointment for Tommy. He had hoped that Adam felt the change between them too and that he wanted to find out what it was. But Adam just decided for both of them to have the talk after the tour. He promised to talk with Tommy and then he didn’t.
The last shows made Tommys heart aching. He wanted more. He had tasted what it was like to be with Adam and he was now addicted on him. He felt like an alcoholic without alcohol. As the tour was about to end he was trying to get as much as he could. That’s why he kissed Adam first in London on Fever. He just couldn’t wait. He knew they would’t see each other while Adam would stay in Paris. So he had to take some memories on his way home.
Tommy remembered how bad he felt at the last shows back in the States. The Jingle Balls without kisses and then the LA gigs. Tommy knew he had to wait after christmas to talk things out. And he waited and he hoped and his heart was aching. After christmas Tommy waited for a call from Adam. But as Adam called him he just invited him to his New Year’s Eve Party. And it was clear that they wouldn’t talk that evening. And Tommy kept waiting. Adam avoided him the next days. And then there was this house-warming party when Adam found his new home. And then Tommys world just crushed down. On that party he saw Adam with this other guy. He didn’t even remember his name. But he could remember how it felt seeing Adam kissing that guy in front of him. And then Adam saw him and gave him that smirk. And even if Tommy had seen Adam kissing random guys during the tour, this one was hurting more than ever. Because this was AFTER the fucking tour and things should have changed between them, shouldn’t they? That was when Tommy ran away and when his heart broke in thousand pieces.
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Adam wanted to see Tommy and talk about everything. But he didn’t have a clue where he was. Mia wouldn’t tell him. He had no choice. He had to go to Tommys mother. He just had to. He was preparing himself for the talk with her. He was afraid, he didn’t know what Tommy told her. But there was no other way for him to get to Tommy. So there he was standing in front of the house, breathing hard. Then he rang the bell.
Tommys mother opened the door and looked at him with a confused face. “Adam? What are you doing here? Come in before some paparazzi will catch you.” As soon as they were in, she looked again at him, waiting for an answer. “I must find Tommy. I have to see him.” His voice was broken. She sighed. “Adam, I can’t tell you where he is. He told me he doesn’t want to see anyone and first of all he doesn’t want to see you. He said that you broke his heart. And he was so sad. What happened Adam?” “I don’t really know what to say. I made some mistakes and I took him for granted. I was really an asshole. But I want to make it right now. Please, tell me where he is.” Adam was begging.
“Adam, I don’t know if I can allow you to get to him. Maybe you will hurt him again and I can’t be the one letting you do this. I just can’t.” Adam was exhausted and he wanted so badly to see Tommy and to fix them. He just fell on his knees in front of her, sobbing and holding her hand. “Please, I can’t let him go. I am broken without him and I think he is broken too. I am begging you, tell me where I can find my Tommy. Please!” She wiped a tear away of her eyes and pulled him up in an embrace. “Don’t hurt him again, Adam. Just don’t.” “I promise, I won’t.” “I want to believe you.” She paused, obviously fighting with herself. “He is in a cabin in the mountains. I’ll give you the adress.” Adam was relieved. “Thank you so much. I won’t hurt him. I want to make it right. I promise! Thank you!”
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Chapter 3