FanFic: AU university story Ch3
Omg the silly boys are back!!
"Revenge is a Dish Best Served Gay." Chapter 3.
Arthur couldn’t answer his mobile.
“You have to face her sometime you know.” Merlin told him as they got ready for bed.
“I know that.” He snapped.
“Anyway, I thought you wanted to see her furious. Need I remind you that this was your idea.”
“You really need to stop talking Merlin, or I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
“I’m beginning to think I’m in an abusive relationship here, Arthur.” Merlin teased.
Arthur threw him a look full of painful promises and Merlin wisely up his trap.
“She’ll be in the cafeteria tomorrow morning.” Arthur said. “We’ll see her then.”
“Oh I can’t wait for that.” Merlin muttered. “Do you think she’ll murder me there or in some deserted dark alley?”
Arthur snorted as he got into his bed. “Be a man for once would you? Sophie is even skinnier than you are. You might be able to take her.” He said with a grin as he propped himself up on his elbow.
Merlin glared at him as he mirrored Arthur’s position in his own bed.
“Seriously, Arthur,” He said. “She is one scary woman. How did you ever snog her without screaming and running in the other direction?”
Arthur laughed at this. “Well, you’d run away because breasts terrify you.”
“No,” Merlin said chuckling. “I’d run away because so much botox has been absorbed into her lips that I’d be afraid I’d be sucked in too.”
Arthur looked slightly perturbed. “Sophie gets botox injections?”
‘Well, obviously.” Merlin said. “Her nose is also fake and don’t even try to tell me her breasts are real.”
Arthur was plain disgusted now. “You don’t have anything like that done, do you?”
“What fake boobs?”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Fake anything, you moron.”
“Nope.” Merlin said. “I’m all real and all for you, baby.” He said with a wink.
“Oh my God, shut up.” Arthur said as he chucked a pillow in Merlin’s direction.
Merlin laughed as he caught the projectile. “I know you love the dirty talk.” He said, whiffing the pillow back at Arthur.
“You’re such a man whore, Emrys.” Arthur grinned before hurtling the pink encased weapon back again.
“You have a thing for pillow fights, don’t you?” Merlin said after he shoved Arthur’s pillow under his head.
“Do not. Now give that back.” Arthur demanded.
“You’ll just throw it at me again.” Merlin said. “So I think I’ll just keep it over here. Besides,” he added, snuggling deeper into it’s softness. “It’s nicer than mine. Squishier.”
“As a potential English minor I must point out that squishier is not a word.”
“It is so!” Merlin argued.
“Is not!”
“Is so!”
“Is not!”
“Fine, I’ll prove it to you.” Merlin said grabbing his laptop from under his bed. He brought up Firefox and went on dictionary.com and typed ‘Squishier’ into the search bar. “Ha! You see! There it is.”
Arthur groaned as he pushed himself out of bed to look at the computer screen. “Son of bitch.” Arthur muttered. “I hate you, you know that?”
Merlin grinned smugly. “Nah, you adore me.” He said shutting his laptop and shoving it back under his bed.
“Is that so?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms and staring down at his friend.
“Oh yes, it’s scientifically proven.” Merlin said, lying back, arms cushioned under his head.
Arthur snorted as he eyed his pillow with a pathetic look on his face.
“Oh for God’s sake.” Merlin said, throwing it at him. “I can’t even look at you when you do that.”
Arthur smiled at him. “Cheers, Merlin.” He said before he shut off the lights and crawled back into bed.
A few minutes passed in silence before,
“We should have pet names for each other.” Arthur said suddenly.
“What? Are you serious?” Merlin asked, sleepily.
“’Course I am.” Arthur said. “Everyone has pet names in relationships.”
“What kind of mentally deficient people have you dated?”
“Shut up.” Arthur muttered. “Really though…we should.”
Merlin sighed. “Fine…” He snickered. “How about squishy sex muffin?”
“If you call me that ever again I can assure you that the results will be painful and messy.” Arthur threaten and Merlin laughed.
“Okay, okay.” Merlin said between fits. “Squishy sex muffin is out. What about….Sugardick?”
Arthur couldn’t help laughing at that one. “You have a terrifying mind, you know that?”
Merlin shrugged. “It’s both a gift and a curse, Snuggle Bear.”
Arthur groaned. “I should have known you’d do this.”
“Do what, Sweet Cheeks?”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Arthur said trying not to laugh. “Those are awful. I’d rather be celibate than be called ‘Sweet Cheeks.’”
“Fine, fine, your highness. What would you recommend?”
“Wait, what did you just call me?”
“Your highness?” Merlin asked. “I’ve called you that since I met you. It's because you act like a pratly prince all the time. And, no!” Merlin added sensing the look on Arthur’s face. “I’m not going to call you that as an endearment. It’s meant as an insult.”
“Oh come, Merlin, it’s perfect! I mean really, ’Arthur and Merlin?’ Like from those legends? It’s meant to be, Warlock.”
Merlin winced. “Um…Arthur I really don’t think I want to be called ’Warlock.’
Arthur sighed. “Whatever, then. We can talk about it in the morning. I’m too tired to argue with you.”
Merlin nodded. “Okay…good night, Arthur.”
“G’night.” Came Arthur muffled voice.
Merlin lay awake for a while debating whether or not to tell Arthur the reason he didn’t want ‘Warlock’ to be his nickname….
The morning came all too quickly and before Merlin knew it Arthur was shaking him and telling him to get his skinny arse out of bed.
“Mershpul.” Was all Merlin could manage to say.
“God, you are such a crank in the morning.” Arthur said, stripping Merlin’s blankets off his bed.
“Arthur!” Merlin groaned. “Leave me alone. I don’t have a class until ten you stupid pillock.”
“Yes, but Sophie will be in the cafeteria now. I want to see if she knows yet and I want you to be there to see her reaction.”
“Ugg, fine.” Merlin said forcing himself to sit up. “But I hate you for this.” He informed Arthur as the blond man threw some clothes at him.
“Yes, yes hate me all you want in here, but once we step out those doors, you’re hopelessly in love with me.” Arthur said as Merlin stumbled into his jeans.
“Whatever you say, Sweet Cheeks.”
Arthur glared at him as he grabbed his business book. “If you even think about calling me that.” He snapped.
“Aw, don’t worry, baby.” Merlin grinned pinching Arthur’s cheek. “I’ll save that name for the bedroom.”
“I’m going to kill you.” Arthur told him as they left the bright pink interior behind.
“Now, now, Arthur, dear. We’re supposed to be in love, remember?” Merlin whispered into his ear.
“Such a bastard.” Arthur muttered, but he grabbed Merlin’s hand anyway and tugged him along, girls parting for them like the bloody red sea.
They arrived in the Student Centre which housed the cafeteria with no incidents. Sure, people did a double take when they saw them hand in hand but no one seemed to find it earth shattering.
The boys were standing in line for breakfast when the air around them went cold and evil entered the room.
“Oh shit.” Merlin said. “She’s here. My life is flashing before my eyes.”
“Calm down, Drama Queen.” Arthur hissed, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Look, I won’t let her actually hurt you, yeah? What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you get beaten up by a girl?” He smirked.
“Piss off.” Merlin snapped as Sophie caught sight of them and she and her followers made a bee line for them.
Merlin closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. But after a moment of Arthur hissing at him to open his bloody eyes, Merlin did so and saw that Sophie and her friends were only standing in line getting cereal.
“Oh…”Merlin said. “This is going better than I thought.”
“I don’t like it.” Arthur muttered. “Sophie never eats cereal. I don’t think she’s touched it since she was eight. This could be bad.”
“Let’s just pretend we don’t see them.” Merlin said as their line inched forward. “Maybe they’ll leave us alone.”
Arthur snorted. “Yeah, right.” But faced away from the girls all the same.
They were almost out of the line up when it happened.
At first Merlin thought he was imaging it, but he thought he could feel something small hitting him on the back of his head. He reached back to rub a hand through his hair when he heard the giggling and before he could say ’Oh shit, we’re fucked,’ something cold and wet was being dumped over his and Arthur’s heads.
“What the hell?!” Arthur shouted as milk and Fruit Loops poured down his face.
Sophie cackled evilly as she plopped her bowl down on Merlin’s stunned head. “You’ve just been crowned Fairy King.” She spat at him.
“Jesus Christ, Sophie.” Arthur said angrily, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes. “What the hell is your problem?”
“As if you don’t know, you dickless bastard.” Sophie snapped. “How could you? How could you even think about dating this loser? I can’t have my ex parading around with some gay reject, what will people think?”
“Don’t call him that!” Arthur snapped, suddenly very furious.
“Oh please, Arthur-” Sophie started to say.
“And, maybe you should have thought of this before you shagged Valiant for three god damn months!”
“You really were quite stupid, you know.” Merlin added, coming out of his shock and finding the situation rather hilarious.
“Shut up, Fairy King!” Sophie yelled.
“Whatever you say, Queen Bitch.” Merlin said as Arthur snorted.
“Honestly, Soph. If this is the best way you could think of getting back at me, you’re even more dim than I thought.”
“Must be the botox.” Merlin said. “Seeped into your brain, it did. You poor thing.” He told her before turning to Arthur and plucking a blue fruit loop off his cheek. “Mmm.” He said popping it into his mouth. “I forgot how much I love these things.”
Arthur laughed before picking a red one out of Merlin’s hair. “Delicious.” He murmured looking right into Merlin’s eyes with a filthy smirk.
Sophie watched the entire exchange, wide eyed and mouth hanging open before she stomped her foot.
“You two are disgusting!” She then turned on her heel with a huff and stormed out of the cafeteria.
But Arthur and Merlin were too busy laughing to notice.
Once they had gotten over their hysteria and the cafeteria had calmed down, the boys took a seat next to Lance who was waiting for Gwen and Morgana to arrive.
“Well that was entertaining.” Lance told them as they sat, still dripping with milk and cereal.
Merlin grinned as he shook his head, dispelling the rest of the Fruit Loops. “I thought so.”
“Watch it!” Arthur said and the brightly coloured circles landed everywhere.
“Sorry.” Merlin said, somewhat sincerely as they all tucked into their breakfast.
“Should I even bother asking?” A voice said from above.
The three males looked up to see Morgana and Gwen peering down at them questioningly.
“Fruit Loop war.” Arthur told them as the girls sat.
“Right.” Morgana said. “I don’t want to know.”
“There was no war.” Merlin said. “It was Sophie. She and her friends dumped their Fruit Loops on us.”
‘What?!” Gwen and Morgana said aghast.
“That bitch!” Morgana said, heatedly. “Oh, just wait till I get my hands on her, I’ll-”
Merlin laughed. “It’s okay, Morgana. Arthur and I took care of her.” He told her. Morgana might like to tease and annoy them mercilessly, but she was loyal and obviously cared fiercely for the boys.
Morgana tutted. “Still, she better watch herself.”
“And you two are okay?” Gwen asked. “She wasn’t too terrible was she?”
Merlin shrugged. “She made me King of the Fairies.” He said as Arthur snorted into his orange juice.
“Oh, Merlin.” Gwen said voice full of sympathy. She remembered just as well as Merlin did all the hurtful teasing he had received over the years.
“It’s fine.” Merlin said. “Seriously. I thought it was pretty funny myself.”
Gwen gave him a watery smile before she nodded.
“Well, I better get to class.” Arthur announced as he finished his breakfast.
“Shouldn’t you change first?” Merlin asked.
“Nah, I’ll live.”
“No, you’ll stink. And I have that stupid mandatory English class with you after lunch, so I don’t want to smell curdled milk for an hour.”
“God, you’re pissy.” Arthur complained.
“I’m sanitary, thank you very much.” Merlin said.
“Pissy.” Arthur said, getting up and waving goodbye to the rest of the table.
“Sanitary!” Merlin said in a sing song voice as he followed Arthur.
“Such a girl.” Arthur said, casually slipping an arm around his shoulders. “But, fine. We’ll change. Happy?”
“Moderately.” Merlin said smugly.
There was silence between the three friends left sitting at the table before Morgana said:
“They are so married.”
"Revenge is a Dish Best Served Gay." Chapter 3.
Arthur couldn’t answer his mobile.
“You have to face her sometime you know.” Merlin told him as they got ready for bed.
“I know that.” He snapped.
“Anyway, I thought you wanted to see her furious. Need I remind you that this was your idea.”
“You really need to stop talking Merlin, or I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
“I’m beginning to think I’m in an abusive relationship here, Arthur.” Merlin teased.
Arthur threw him a look full of painful promises and Merlin wisely up his trap.
“She’ll be in the cafeteria tomorrow morning.” Arthur said. “We’ll see her then.”
“Oh I can’t wait for that.” Merlin muttered. “Do you think she’ll murder me there or in some deserted dark alley?”
Arthur snorted as he got into his bed. “Be a man for once would you? Sophie is even skinnier than you are. You might be able to take her.” He said with a grin as he propped himself up on his elbow.
Merlin glared at him as he mirrored Arthur’s position in his own bed.
“Seriously, Arthur,” He said. “She is one scary woman. How did you ever snog her without screaming and running in the other direction?”
Arthur laughed at this. “Well, you’d run away because breasts terrify you.”
“No,” Merlin said chuckling. “I’d run away because so much botox has been absorbed into her lips that I’d be afraid I’d be sucked in too.”
Arthur looked slightly perturbed. “Sophie gets botox injections?”
‘Well, obviously.” Merlin said. “Her nose is also fake and don’t even try to tell me her breasts are real.”
Arthur was plain disgusted now. “You don’t have anything like that done, do you?”
“What fake boobs?”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Fake anything, you moron.”
“Nope.” Merlin said. “I’m all real and all for you, baby.” He said with a wink.
“Oh my God, shut up.” Arthur said as he chucked a pillow in Merlin’s direction.
Merlin laughed as he caught the projectile. “I know you love the dirty talk.” He said, whiffing the pillow back at Arthur.
“You’re such a man whore, Emrys.” Arthur grinned before hurtling the pink encased weapon back again.
“You have a thing for pillow fights, don’t you?” Merlin said after he shoved Arthur’s pillow under his head.
“Do not. Now give that back.” Arthur demanded.
“You’ll just throw it at me again.” Merlin said. “So I think I’ll just keep it over here. Besides,” he added, snuggling deeper into it’s softness. “It’s nicer than mine. Squishier.”
“As a potential English minor I must point out that squishier is not a word.”
“It is so!” Merlin argued.
“Is not!”
“Is so!”
“Is not!”
“Fine, I’ll prove it to you.” Merlin said grabbing his laptop from under his bed. He brought up Firefox and went on dictionary.com and typed ‘Squishier’ into the search bar. “Ha! You see! There it is.”
Arthur groaned as he pushed himself out of bed to look at the computer screen. “Son of bitch.” Arthur muttered. “I hate you, you know that?”
Merlin grinned smugly. “Nah, you adore me.” He said shutting his laptop and shoving it back under his bed.
“Is that so?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms and staring down at his friend.
“Oh yes, it’s scientifically proven.” Merlin said, lying back, arms cushioned under his head.
Arthur snorted as he eyed his pillow with a pathetic look on his face.
“Oh for God’s sake.” Merlin said, throwing it at him. “I can’t even look at you when you do that.”
Arthur smiled at him. “Cheers, Merlin.” He said before he shut off the lights and crawled back into bed.
A few minutes passed in silence before,
“We should have pet names for each other.” Arthur said suddenly.
“What? Are you serious?” Merlin asked, sleepily.
“’Course I am.” Arthur said. “Everyone has pet names in relationships.”
“What kind of mentally deficient people have you dated?”
“Shut up.” Arthur muttered. “Really though…we should.”
Merlin sighed. “Fine…” He snickered. “How about squishy sex muffin?”
“If you call me that ever again I can assure you that the results will be painful and messy.” Arthur threaten and Merlin laughed.
“Okay, okay.” Merlin said between fits. “Squishy sex muffin is out. What about….Sugardick?”
Arthur couldn’t help laughing at that one. “You have a terrifying mind, you know that?”
Merlin shrugged. “It’s both a gift and a curse, Snuggle Bear.”
Arthur groaned. “I should have known you’d do this.”
“Do what, Sweet Cheeks?”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Arthur said trying not to laugh. “Those are awful. I’d rather be celibate than be called ‘Sweet Cheeks.’”
“Fine, fine, your highness. What would you recommend?”
“Wait, what did you just call me?”
“Your highness?” Merlin asked. “I’ve called you that since I met you. It's because you act like a pratly prince all the time. And, no!” Merlin added sensing the look on Arthur’s face. “I’m not going to call you that as an endearment. It’s meant as an insult.”
“Oh come, Merlin, it’s perfect! I mean really, ’Arthur and Merlin?’ Like from those legends? It’s meant to be, Warlock.”
Merlin winced. “Um…Arthur I really don’t think I want to be called ’Warlock.’
Arthur sighed. “Whatever, then. We can talk about it in the morning. I’m too tired to argue with you.”
Merlin nodded. “Okay…good night, Arthur.”
“G’night.” Came Arthur muffled voice.
Merlin lay awake for a while debating whether or not to tell Arthur the reason he didn’t want ‘Warlock’ to be his nickname….
The morning came all too quickly and before Merlin knew it Arthur was shaking him and telling him to get his skinny arse out of bed.
“Mershpul.” Was all Merlin could manage to say.
“God, you are such a crank in the morning.” Arthur said, stripping Merlin’s blankets off his bed.
“Arthur!” Merlin groaned. “Leave me alone. I don’t have a class until ten you stupid pillock.”
“Yes, but Sophie will be in the cafeteria now. I want to see if she knows yet and I want you to be there to see her reaction.”
“Ugg, fine.” Merlin said forcing himself to sit up. “But I hate you for this.” He informed Arthur as the blond man threw some clothes at him.
“Yes, yes hate me all you want in here, but once we step out those doors, you’re hopelessly in love with me.” Arthur said as Merlin stumbled into his jeans.
“Whatever you say, Sweet Cheeks.”
Arthur glared at him as he grabbed his business book. “If you even think about calling me that.” He snapped.
“Aw, don’t worry, baby.” Merlin grinned pinching Arthur’s cheek. “I’ll save that name for the bedroom.”
“I’m going to kill you.” Arthur told him as they left the bright pink interior behind.
“Now, now, Arthur, dear. We’re supposed to be in love, remember?” Merlin whispered into his ear.
“Such a bastard.” Arthur muttered, but he grabbed Merlin’s hand anyway and tugged him along, girls parting for them like the bloody red sea.
They arrived in the Student Centre which housed the cafeteria with no incidents. Sure, people did a double take when they saw them hand in hand but no one seemed to find it earth shattering.
The boys were standing in line for breakfast when the air around them went cold and evil entered the room.
“Oh shit.” Merlin said. “She’s here. My life is flashing before my eyes.”
“Calm down, Drama Queen.” Arthur hissed, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Look, I won’t let her actually hurt you, yeah? What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you get beaten up by a girl?” He smirked.
“Piss off.” Merlin snapped as Sophie caught sight of them and she and her followers made a bee line for them.
Merlin closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. But after a moment of Arthur hissing at him to open his bloody eyes, Merlin did so and saw that Sophie and her friends were only standing in line getting cereal.
“Oh…”Merlin said. “This is going better than I thought.”
“I don’t like it.” Arthur muttered. “Sophie never eats cereal. I don’t think she’s touched it since she was eight. This could be bad.”
“Let’s just pretend we don’t see them.” Merlin said as their line inched forward. “Maybe they’ll leave us alone.”
Arthur snorted. “Yeah, right.” But faced away from the girls all the same.
They were almost out of the line up when it happened.
At first Merlin thought he was imaging it, but he thought he could feel something small hitting him on the back of his head. He reached back to rub a hand through his hair when he heard the giggling and before he could say ’Oh shit, we’re fucked,’ something cold and wet was being dumped over his and Arthur’s heads.
“What the hell?!” Arthur shouted as milk and Fruit Loops poured down his face.
Sophie cackled evilly as she plopped her bowl down on Merlin’s stunned head. “You’ve just been crowned Fairy King.” She spat at him.
“Jesus Christ, Sophie.” Arthur said angrily, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes. “What the hell is your problem?”
“As if you don’t know, you dickless bastard.” Sophie snapped. “How could you? How could you even think about dating this loser? I can’t have my ex parading around with some gay reject, what will people think?”
“Don’t call him that!” Arthur snapped, suddenly very furious.
“Oh please, Arthur-” Sophie started to say.
“And, maybe you should have thought of this before you shagged Valiant for three god damn months!”
“You really were quite stupid, you know.” Merlin added, coming out of his shock and finding the situation rather hilarious.
“Shut up, Fairy King!” Sophie yelled.
“Whatever you say, Queen Bitch.” Merlin said as Arthur snorted.
“Honestly, Soph. If this is the best way you could think of getting back at me, you’re even more dim than I thought.”
“Must be the botox.” Merlin said. “Seeped into your brain, it did. You poor thing.” He told her before turning to Arthur and plucking a blue fruit loop off his cheek. “Mmm.” He said popping it into his mouth. “I forgot how much I love these things.”
Arthur laughed before picking a red one out of Merlin’s hair. “Delicious.” He murmured looking right into Merlin’s eyes with a filthy smirk.
Sophie watched the entire exchange, wide eyed and mouth hanging open before she stomped her foot.
“You two are disgusting!” She then turned on her heel with a huff and stormed out of the cafeteria.
But Arthur and Merlin were too busy laughing to notice.
Once they had gotten over their hysteria and the cafeteria had calmed down, the boys took a seat next to Lance who was waiting for Gwen and Morgana to arrive.
“Well that was entertaining.” Lance told them as they sat, still dripping with milk and cereal.
Merlin grinned as he shook his head, dispelling the rest of the Fruit Loops. “I thought so.”
“Watch it!” Arthur said and the brightly coloured circles landed everywhere.
“Sorry.” Merlin said, somewhat sincerely as they all tucked into their breakfast.
“Should I even bother asking?” A voice said from above.
The three males looked up to see Morgana and Gwen peering down at them questioningly.
“Fruit Loop war.” Arthur told them as the girls sat.
“Right.” Morgana said. “I don’t want to know.”
“There was no war.” Merlin said. “It was Sophie. She and her friends dumped their Fruit Loops on us.”
‘What?!” Gwen and Morgana said aghast.
“That bitch!” Morgana said, heatedly. “Oh, just wait till I get my hands on her, I’ll-”
Merlin laughed. “It’s okay, Morgana. Arthur and I took care of her.” He told her. Morgana might like to tease and annoy them mercilessly, but she was loyal and obviously cared fiercely for the boys.
Morgana tutted. “Still, she better watch herself.”
“And you two are okay?” Gwen asked. “She wasn’t too terrible was she?”
Merlin shrugged. “She made me King of the Fairies.” He said as Arthur snorted into his orange juice.
“Oh, Merlin.” Gwen said voice full of sympathy. She remembered just as well as Merlin did all the hurtful teasing he had received over the years.
“It’s fine.” Merlin said. “Seriously. I thought it was pretty funny myself.”
Gwen gave him a watery smile before she nodded.
“Well, I better get to class.” Arthur announced as he finished his breakfast.
“Shouldn’t you change first?” Merlin asked.
“Nah, I’ll live.”
“No, you’ll stink. And I have that stupid mandatory English class with you after lunch, so I don’t want to smell curdled milk for an hour.”
“God, you’re pissy.” Arthur complained.
“I’m sanitary, thank you very much.” Merlin said.
“Pissy.” Arthur said, getting up and waving goodbye to the rest of the table.
“Sanitary!” Merlin said in a sing song voice as he followed Arthur.
“Such a girl.” Arthur said, casually slipping an arm around his shoulders. “But, fine. We’ll change. Happy?”
“Moderately.” Merlin said smugly.
There was silence between the three friends left sitting at the table before Morgana said:
“They are so married.”